Why does the Delhi bus rapist blame his victim in prison interview?

 

“A girl is far more responsible for rape than a boy.” 

This rapist has no reason to disagree with many others, including women, who hold the same view.

He comes from a society that believes that the only way to control sexual crimes is by shaming, silencing and locking up the victims.

It’s possible that he has no idea that ‘sex without consent’ is rape. He probably views rape as a punishment for women who don’t know their place.

Do you know of any efforts to inform him otherwise?

Delhi bus rapist blames his victim in prison interview

You can’t clap with one hand – it takes two hands,” he says in the interview. “A decent girl won’t roam around at 9 o’clock at night. A girl is far more responsible for rape than a boy. Boy and girl are not equal. Housework and housekeeping is for girls, not roaming in discos and bars at night doing wrong things, wearing wrong clothes. About 20 per cent of girls are good.”

[Such  views are common: The rapists often don’t see their actions as crimes, the police said, and don’t expect the victims to report them.]

Amongst many other men and women,

The lawyers who defended the gang in court express similarly extreme views about women who venture out at night. In a previous televised interview, lawyer AP Singh said: “If my daughter or sister engaged in pre-marital activities and disgraced herself and allowed herself to lose face and character by doing such things, I would most certainly take this sort of sister or daughter to my farmhouse, and in front of my entire family, I would put petrol on her and set her alight.” [This man openly threatened his daughter and instigated others to burn alive their daughters.]

 Related Posts:

What makes Men Rape? – Do read.

The rapists often don’t see their actions as crimes, the police said, and don’t expect the victims to report them.

“… people will say we encouraged these men to follow us… even though we are innocent”

“Sometimes it seems like every single thing I do has the potential to be something ‘provocative’.”

When they don’t even understand crime, how are they ever going to begin controlling it?

Can sexual harassment be compared to Terrorism against a whole community called women?

“Such mannequins will excite men and pose a danger to women.”

“I am safe because I’m very careful in the way I behave and dress in public, on the streets.”

In Gurgaon, jobs, safety and roads after 8 pm, reserved for men?

It’s Your Fault

Dad knifes girl for speaking to lover

Rape and clothing: How it’s all dressed up – A guest post by Praveen Talwar.

“She was warned several times and was used to unethical practices like friendship with boys.”

How did we make Indian criminals believe that they have 7 khoon maaf if they can claim to be teaching Indian women a lesson in Indian values?

Home most unsafe place for women : A unique court-ordered study by Delhi Police has revealed.

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“… people will say we encouraged these men to follow us… even though we are innocent”

When young women hear victims being shamed, blamed and silenced after each news of sexual crimes against women, is it surprising that they feared they would be blamed for the Street Sexual Harassment they faced everyday?

In their suicide notes — one runs into six pages, the other is four-page long —  the girls speak of fear and shame, of disrepute, of tongues wagging simply because young men had been following and harassing them.

“Everyday a new man would come and chase us. They would pass lewd remarks and offer us phone numbers.
The people around us would stare as if we had done something wrong. You know how bad our colony is… how people will say we encouraged these men to follow us… even though we are innocent,” Madhu wrote.

What could have lead to their fear of being blamed and shamed?

Take a look at just one example of what they feared,

Related Posts:

Is stalking of girls and women illegal in India?

Would women be in some ways empowered if they saw no shame in what they could risk being called?

What did Sharad Yadav mean by, ‘Who amongst us has not followed girls?’

Reserved seats and coaches are not a special indulgence towards women, they are an indication of a serious social problem.

The fearlessness of the Indian ‘Eve teaser’ (sexual criminals)

Are we trying to threaten Indian women with rapes as punishment for modernity, independence and self reliance?

Did the posters threatening acid attacks on women wearing jeans surprise you?

Dad knifes girl for speaking to lover

“As long as the men do not understand that they CANNOT and WILL NOT get away with such behavior and criminal acts, the rape culture will not go away”

Controlling crimes against women: What works, what doesn’t work.

This is what rapists do when there is no fear of punishment.

How Victim Blaming confuses rapists, police and the society about when exactly does non-consensual-sex becomes a crime.

The rapists often don’t see their actions as crimes, the police said, and don’t expect the victims to report them.

It’s Your Fault

“She was warned several times and was used to unethical practices like friendship with boys.”

How did we make Indian criminals believe that they have 7 khoon maaf if they can claim to be teaching Indian women a lesson in Indian values?

Allahabad girl Aarti Yadav beats harasser, sets bike on fire

Can sexual harassment be compared to Terrorism against a whole community called women?

“Such mannequins will excite men and pose a danger to women.”

“I am safe because I’m very careful in the way I behave and dress in public, on the streets.”

In Gurgaon, jobs, safety and roads after 8 pm, reserved for men?

The night I was not an easy prey.

Which city in India, do you think is the safest city for women? Do women in that city stay at home after dark?

“Sometimes it seems like every single thing I do has the potential to be something ‘provocative’.”

When they don’t even understand crime, how are they ever going to begin controlling it?

Those charged with our safety should have a true understanding of what it is to be a survivor of sexual assault — slut or otherwise.

 

 

“My dad tells me not to wear skimpy outfit when he is around”

My dad tells me not to wear skimpy outfit when he is around – Link shared by Swarup. 

According to this article, this dad, ‘has enough time to be a doting father and also gives his little girl thoughtful advices’ 

And all the comments agree.

‘which dad will not give this advice…!?’

And some assume the ‘thoughtful advices’ are meant to protect the daughter from crimes.

he is a genuine daughter loving father who wants to see her reason with the truth. Under Indian conditions and under Indian policing infrastructure, judicial system, he is giving her the wisest advise through himself.

This belief is so strong – it is almost as if there has been serious  research, and as if statistics have found that traditional clothing protects women from assaults. Why do we continue to believe and propagate such Rape Myths?

This mindset takes the focus away from the horror of the crime – it makes serious crimes a matter of shame, honor, clothing, timing, social life etc. And that make it difficult for victims to report sexual crimes.

Also consider – if a young woman has been ‘advised’ against wearing ‘skimpy’ clothes, isn’t there a risk that she might blame herself [link] if she is sexually harassed? What if the blaming and shaming silences her?

Yes, Indian conditions are frightening – but lies and myths have not protected women through the centuries. Why don’t we see that this doesn’t work?

Confidence and Awareness are more realistic tools. Equally (or more) empowering is having a Voice.

Also, the understanding that like any other crime, this crime too can only be controlled by putting the fear of the consequences in the mind of the criminal.

I wonder if instead of risking silencing with shame about clothing (or anything else) maybe a doting father would assure his support and love – no matter what.

That alone would be a step towards two of the three most powerful tools, towards Confidence and  towards having a Voice.

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“But, my only motive in life has been my daughter’s happiness which is now in your hands. I beg you, please keep her happy”

At what point should educated, 21st century women who can think liberally for themselves, take responsibility for themselves…

So what could make even the average, selfish, money-minded Indian family welcome baby girls?

Indian family values are good for Indian daughters?

Difficult daughters, easy sons?

What do you think of this mother, and this family?

“This man is openly threatening his daughter and is instigating others to burn alive their daughters.”

These lines sum up the biggest reason for male child preference and skewed gender ratio in India.

Rape and clothing: How it’s all dressed up – A guest post by Praveen Talwar.

“This is how we all do it. We find a corner in the house, where the others can’t see, and then dry them.”

“Here’s what I would tell my future/potential daughter, if I ever have one.”

A response to: Why we think women activists should change their attitude of “wear what you like”

Did the posters threatening acid attacks on women wearing jeans surprise you?

Dad knifes girl for speaking to lover

‘I felt like a raped woman being told How could you wear such clothes?’

When we don’t acknowledge (or understand) that only the criminals are to be blamed for crimes, then how do we even begin to control crimes?

Don’t we need to ask the right questions, to reach accurate conclusions, if justice is to be done?

Were the alleged suggestions about the beard or the alleged questions about the colour of the girls’ clothing relevant or unprejudiced? 

“I have people telling me I shouldn’t have gone there, in such a remote area (if there is one of the most famous schools there, a very big mall coming up, a lot of residences, how the f*** is it remote? that too at 4pm in broad daylight) Having shot there at least six times, I trusted the location more than anything.

I felt like a raped woman being told How could you wear such clothes? That’s what attracts these men to rape. Firstly, they aren’t men if they are rapists. Secondly, that’s exactly how I felt yesterday.”

 

Do read this personal account at: The beard, eight stitches and a scar, By Divesh Idnani from Pune

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In Broad Day Light @ Manesar, Sector 8 Area, Gurgaon

“As long as the men do not understand that they CANNOT and WILL NOT get away with such behavior and criminal acts, the rape culture will not go away”

A couple of thoughts shared by Anon Girl.

Hi IHM,

I recently saw this BBC documentary on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENNi8Kk0ags (India – A dangerous place to be a woman).

Of course, most of it is to show the rest of the world the culture of sexual violence that most women living in or visiting India are already all too familiar with.

What was interesting though was how the BBC subject reports a 6-month old molestation incident that she herself went through to the Delhi police. As I watch her go inside the police station with her girl friend without the cameras, I was actually afraid for her. I thought she will be either dismissed, mocked or, worst case, be molested by the police itself. Surprise, surprise…the police actually investigates the crime, encourages her to file a report and arrests the criminal. She then appears at court proceedings where a female judge affirms that he will be face severe punishment. Several reasons are given for Delhi police’s shockingly appropriate behavior that she is a foreigner, the recent public pressure on the police, etc. But I believe there is one take away from all this – despite the hurdles that any of us face when we are “eve-teased”, harassed, groped or molested….we all need to make it a point to officially register a complaint, and/or outspokenly condemn such behavior on social media and blogs (a woman actually found her attacker’s facebook account and posted for all to see about what he had done). As long as the men do not understand that they CANNOT and WILL NOT get away with such behavior and criminal acts, the rape culture will not go away. Also, the sheer number of complaints will show that we reject the victim-blaming attitude and will pressure the society into changing their norms. The Indian jails might be more populated than ever though!

I love reading the comments on your blogs – it actually has helped me to be mindful of and question all the “trivial” and “everyday” things that Indian women are expected to do – to shower or not to shower, to wash your husband’s inner wear or not, to stay quiet when someone touches, grabs, or violates your body and well being or not.

Good luck and keep going!

Related Posts:

It’s Your Fault

Study finds 98% of India rape victims knew their attacker.

“The foreign tourists that come here must inform the police of their activities”

“I will not sit back and allow the image of India’s men to be tarnished by an article that does not articulate other sides to India.”

Controlling crimes against women: What works, what doesn’t work.

This is what rapists do when there is no fear of punishment.

How Victim Blaming confuses rapists, police and the society about when exactly does non-consensual-sex becomes a crime.

The rapists often don’t see their actions as crimes, the police said, and don’t expect the victims to report them.

It’s Your Fault

Shared via email, facebook messages, phone calls and twitter by more than ten people. Please watch.

It’s your fault.

Study finds 98% of India rape victims knew their attacker.

Indian women are asked to stay at home to prevent stranger rapes that happen in public spaces to women who do not follow Indian culture? This puts women at risk from not being able to fight back 98% of sexual crimes against them – committed by some one they know, frequently inside or close to where they live or work.

Link shared by RenKiss : Study finds majority (98%) of India rape victims knew their attacker. Thanks RenKiss.

What is Stranger Rape Myth?

That most rapes happen outside victims’ homes in lonely or dark places, where women’s clothing or behavior (etc) ‘gets them raped’.

And what does this study indicate prove?

That most sexual assaults are not crimes of impulse, and that 98% rapists know who they are going to rape, and why they are likely to get away with the crime.

Sexual criminals in India know they are generally safe. Until recently they knew almost everybody would come in their support and the victim would be silenced with shaming and blaming.

Stranger rape myth puts women at greater risks because it controls women’s freedom and movement (victims are not free or empowered to leave an unsafe place) and Voices (who do they approach without fear of being blamed).

Because of the Stranger Rape Myth there is no effort to ensure that women and men understand that the law acknowledges that everybody’s bodies and lives and sexuality belong to themselves; and most people have never heard that no matter who else they have consensual sex with and no matter how attractive the rapist finds them, nobody has the right to sexually harass, molest or assault them.

Here’s a quick look at some recent sexual crimes. None of these are ‘stranger rapes’. Each rapists knew they were unlikely to be reported or punished.

If these victims took traditional advice to prevent sexual assaults,

How far could wearing sarees or staying at home after dark have protected any of these rape victims and survivors?

Which of these rapes could have been prevented if the rapists knew they would certainly be reported and punished?

1. Mentally ill woman raped by 3 over a period of time – The matter came to light when the victim’s brother came to know during health check up of his mentally ill sister that she is six-months pregnant… the victim revealed the incident only… after her brother convinced her to name the accused.[link]

Would you say this is a natural reaction of innocent men who get provoked when they find a woman attractive?

2. Minor girl set afire for resisting rape – “The girl alleged that Soni [the rapist] caught her while she was in the fields and tried to rape her. After she raised an alarm, Soni torched her and fled from the spot,” [link]

Rapists know that sexual crimes are not taken seriously.

3. Around 11 minor girls in a residential school were allegedly being raped since the last two years by the watchman and a contractual teacher… The local Panchayat had complained about the incident to the local administration six months ago, but they did not take action… [link]

Knowing the victim has no voice encourages crimes,

The girl told her classmates about the incident but nothing could be done as the students were not allowed to go out and the main gate of the Sevashram was locked. [link]

The only thing that could control these crimes was fear of consequences. 

4. Doctor booked for raping woman in hospital

Mumbai doctor on run after allegedly raping 27 year old girl in clinic

If victims felt safe outside their homes, if they knew their rights and if they had voices, would these rapists be so fearless?

5. Father arrested for rape-cum-murder of minor daughter

13-year-old girl allegedly raped by father, brother, uncle in Kerala

Click here to watch the video.

Woman hangs self after being raped by own brother in Madhya Pradesh

Teenage girl who committed suicide was raped

Like this godman, all rapists are criminals who know social norms  (basically Rape Culture) favor and support them. He is another one of the 98% rapists who knew the victim.

6. Godman held for raping woman

“The foreign tourists that come here must inform the police of their activities”

“We must see what we can do to stop such incidents… The foreign tourists that come here must inform the police of their activities. That way such incidents can be kept in check,” says Uma Shankar Gupta, the state Home Minister. [Swiss gang-rape case: chaos in Madhya Pradesh Assembly]

Are we trying to say that this should be the procedure followed by all foreign tourists visiting India? And what about the safety of Indian tourists, or even local women? Should they also inform the police of their activities?

Swiss Gang Rape Victim, Husband Partially To Blame For Attack, Indian Officials Suggest

‘On Friday, a Swiss woman and her husband pitched a tent in a forest in Madhya Pradesh while on a three-month cycling excursion, according to the Associated Press. Around 9:30 p.m. a group of men attacked the couple, beat up the husband, tied him to a tree, gang raped the wife and robbed the pair, police said.

During a press conference on Sunday, police spokesperson Avnesh Kumar Budholiya suggested the tourists are partially to blame for the assault because they chose to travel that area without speaking to local police, the Independent reports.

“No one stops there,” Budholiya said. “Why did they choose that place? They were in the wrong place at the wrong time. They would have passed a police station on the way to the area they camped. They should have stopped and asked about places to sleep.”

Another official also appeared to place blame on the victim and her husband.

“The rape of the Swiss national is unfortunate but foreign travelers should inform the police about their movement so they can be provided with adequate protection,” said Umashankar Gupta, the Home Minister of Madhya Pradesh, according to The Times. “They often don’t follow the state’s rules.”

Madhya Pradesh reportedly has one of the highest rates of crimes against women in the country, a fact the Swiss tourists were unaware of, according to the Times of India’

“When wives become too possesive of her husbands and do not want the affection to be shared with their near and dear…”

Do you think this was his first slap? Do slaps happen without verbal and emotional abuse? Would you say a non abusive man who sees his wife as an equal partner, no matter how stressed or how angry, no matter how close to his own family, and how ‘provocative’ the wife, would slap his wife?

What are the chances that he is lying even about the cause of the fight, knowing an indication of a man’s love for his biological family could make him look like a good Indian Budhape ka Sahara? Many Indians would agree that a Shravan Kumar might use well intended abuse to control a Paraya Dhan who is trying to make him a Joru ka Gulaam?

Dharmesh told police that he was watching TV with Mahalakshmi when around 10.30pm, he got a call from his sister who told him about her plan to visit them on Monday for a few days. His wife objected to his sister’s visit, leading to a heated exchange between the two. During the argument, Dharmesh slapped Mahalakshmi and she collapsed on the sofa.

On seeing his wife unconscious, Dharmesh panicked and even tried to revive her through mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. He rushed her to St John’s Hospital, but it was too late. Dharmesh’s mother and couple’s 4-year-old son were at home at that time.

These comments below the news indicate he has succeeded in Victim Blaming.

1.

When wives become too possesive of her husbands and do not want the affection to be shared with their near and dear,such thing may happen in fit of anger. Wives should be more understandable to their feelings,so as not to offend their sentiments,which even pushes a Sadhu to become Saitan.

2.

Women hates women, only on FB they love a lot, but not in reality, let it be mother – daughter or mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, all are of the same type, have seen many families, once they are married, they cannot meet their friends, they are now allowed to come to house, i cannot say about possessiveness, but that is the way today’s woman are, if the husband talks to their parents, wife is suspicious to know as to what they talked, they think it has to be some topic about her only, i wish today’s women change their mindset in terms of relationships, hormone alone cannot do this, it is all in their head. Here also, i am not supporting this guy for killing her, but sometimes if u r angry, it is better to get out of the place, rather than getting into heated argument, some will not agree, but sometimes women also irritates by asking some irritating questions which can make anybody lose temper, unfortunate she got killed in the process.

3.

I made it very clear to my wife before our marriage that I adore my mother,sisters & brothers. I lost my father at young age and they were my support. I respect her brothers, sisters & Mother. I made it very clear to her about my views which she accepted. 20 years on we don’t have fight on this matter. We are respected in both our families and life goes on. We rush to each others help in times of need. I wish this lady would have understood her husband’s wish to accomodate his sister for 4 days. But slaping wife is not expected from such a highly educated person, neither the teacher who instigated her husband. Teachers tend to take everybody’s class including their husband’s too. May her soul rest in peace and strength to bear the loss of a family member.

* * *

The comments also indicate that we continue to believe that the criminals can be instigated to commit crimes by victims, specially when victims can be silenced with death, or fear of death/stigma/dishonor/shame/violence.

The comments also believe that many Indian wives do not welcome visits by relatives of Indian husbands and this is seen as wrong. (It’s not mentioned if Indian husbands welcome their wives’ parents and siblings into their homes or are they too ‘possessive of their wives’)

Why do you think would someone (in general) not want some people to visit them – should everybody (or only some people?) have a say in who visits them?

The email writer’s reply… specifically to Raghav.

Sharing this reply from the email writer in the previous post.

Hi,
I am the Letter Writer. Thank you IHM for posting my mail and thank you everyone for your responses and encouragement. When there is a problem and our own family members don’t stand by us, its heartening to see all these responses from people who don’t know each other, taking time to pen down their thoughts and suggestions.

I would like to add here that fortunately my friend’s son has not been a spectator to his parents fights all these years. They would either send him out of the room or he would be asleep most of the time. But he was witness to a recent huge fight a couple of months back where he did see his father raise his hand on his mother.

@Raghav– I would specifically want to reply to you here. First of all you must understand how difficult it is for a woman to put up her problem on a public blog expecting help by way of suggestions and encouragement. Not all details can be put up here. When there are details mentioned, its best to stick to what you know by reading. You don’t have to, don’t need to ASSUME things you don’t know or are not mentioned. Every person is short tempered at one point or the other. Every couple get angry with each other and fight–either of them CAN start a fight and instigate each other. But that does not mean they need to be judged. A fight or argument does not start by itself–someone has to start it. No relationship is complete without an argument or fight. My friend has always been the one to accept her mistake and even apologize when she has crossed the line. She only expects the same from her husband. But that has never happened. At the end of the fight, he always manages to twist it onto her and blame her for what happens. Never has he accepted that he could be wrong too, it was wrong to say this, it was wrong to be sarcastic, it was wrong to call her names….No, he feels he is the perfectionist and that she is always to blame. Won’t anyone get rattled, irritated and more angry if that happens.
One has to accept their mistakes and ensure that they don’t repeat them so that the relationship becomes stronger. You can have fights everyday too, it’s because there are 2 different individuals in a relationship, living under the same roof. They cannot agree on everything and keep smiling always. There are bound to be arguments. Otherwise we all have to keep marrying our own clones… and maybe SOME Men would love to get married to clones of their mothers.

So, please keep your assumptions if you would like to write detective stories.
And for all those who have given so many thumbs down, my friend and me would love to know what your thoughts are. I don’t understand how you can give a thumbs down to sane responses.

Agreed that most of them have suggested that she should separate from her husband immediately. But if you have different views on how she should tackle the problems or make her husband understand that she too is a person, she too has feelings, she too needs respect—please, please pen down your thoughts and help the person who has requested for it. You are not doing anyone any favours by thumbing down others responses.

Thank you all once again. Maybe my friend would not take the “D” route immediately, But you never know, it might happen some day. But for now, her husband is trying to change, the physical abuse has stopped for the last few months. He has begun realizing that she is not happy and is depressed.

I just hope that she is able to come out of this rut and be happy. She deserves it. As I live in a different city, I am unable to offer her support by being at her side.

Note–and yes WA stand for Wedding Anniversary. Sorry if that confused some of you.
Thank you all once again.

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I am a ghost. – Shail