The right to deny or to give consent takes the power away from Patriarchy, and gives it to the individual.

The Indian government [link] and the society [link] and hence the Indian legal system [link] seem to continue to believe that Indian men and women do not need to understand, respect, seek, give or deny Consent. This leads to some problems.

Like, is it possible for someone to respect women, if they have no idea that women are people with equal rights?

And can women be said to have equal rights, if they are not permitted to withhold or to give consent?

Can lack of respect be cured with appeals to display respect [link]?

And where does this disrespect come from?

A large part of it comes from genuinely believing that women’s consent in matters that directly concern them is not relevant [link], and though abuse, violence and disrespect are unpleasant, they are either unavoidable or even necessary to maintain the status quo. Many of us are afraid of any change.

Also, we do not seem to understand Consent as much as we understand Honor – which is why, (amongst other things) – forced sex or rape within marriage is more acceptable to many of us, than consensual sex outside marriage (which is strongly condemned as immoral). [link]

I think it is particularly difficult when not just the society, but even the law does not acknowledge women’s right to bodily autonomy.

The fact is, like anything logical – Consent is easy to understand. But Consent is empowering for those who are directly involved, the right to deny or to give consent takes the power away from Patriarchy, and gives it to the individual.

Respecting women, for most Indians does not mean respecting them as equal individuals, it often includes controlling their lives and sexuality, and as a result – women being allowed to choose their own partners is troubling for many. An extreme case was Mahendra Singh Tikait who is quoted to have said, “…Only whores can choose their partners.” [link]

What would change if Consent in sexual relationships was understood and accepted by the society and the law makers, as the most crucial factor in determining whether the act was a morally or legally a crime or not?

Here’s a video that explains Consent.

What do you think?

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The Amorous Adventures of Shakku and Megha in the Valley of Consent

Five rapists in Patna want to marry gangrape victim.

Making Marital Rape a legal offence is the fastest way to make it clear that Rape means forced sex, not lost Virginity or Honor.

Panchayat orders girl to marry her rapist because one way to make a Rape right is to make it Marital Rape.

What do you think of these doubts regarding recognition of marital rape as a crime?

“Instituting the idea of marital rape raises the specter of a man going for long periods without sex even though he’s married!”

Forcible sex with wife doesn’t amount to marital rape: Court

Here’s why a 6-year-old rape survivor was ordered to marry alleged rapist’s 8 year old son.

Where Consensual Sex is Rape, and Forced Sex a legal right.

Rapist groom should have waited a little to satiate his lusty desires without problems which he has got into.

“In my own company in a cosmopolitan city, I know women who were horrified on the First Night.”

Who will benefit from criminalising sexual assaults within marriages?

India leads in sexual violence, worst on gender equality: Study

For Victims and Survivors of Marital Rapes.

Legally, marriage doesn’t permit murders and violence, but sexual assaults on the partner are legally allowed. (even if the spouse is minor)

Three thoughts on Bhag Milkha Bhag.

Marriage Sacred in India, So Marital Rape Does Not Apply: Government

Rapist said that coming from Afghanistan meant he didn’t understand what ‘consent’ was.

These panties will change the way you look at sex.

Let’s talk about sexual consent

“It was OK for her to say ‘no’ after saying ‘yes’? Saying ‘yes’ doesn’t mean a blanket sanction to any sexual activity.”

 

“It was OK for her to say ‘no’ after saying ‘yes’? Saying ‘yes’ doesn’t mean a blanket sanction to any sexual activity.”

A Guest Post by Freebird.

I came across this other post: I Got Raped With My Consent. That Will Always Be The Most Horrible Memory Of My Life

I don’t think consensual sex which doesn’t involve any coercion should be treated as rape at any cost. So I find the statement ‘I said ‘yes’ but it was ’emotional rape” very contradictory.

But what I didn’t understand, and do find disturbing, is this:

In this story, why didn’t this girl ever realize that it was OK for her to say ‘no’after saying ‘yes’? Saying ‘yes’ doesn’t mean a blanket sanction to any sexual activity. It is perfectly right to set boundaries, or ask the other person to stop when she was getting uncomfortable. If he was hurting her and she was in pain, why isn’t it clear that she had every right to tell him to stop hurting her and not engage in things which were painful to her? And the moment this message is conveyed clearly and if he still carries on, it does becomes ‘rape’ (not an esoteric ’emotional rape’). Whether it can be proved or not is a different issue. That doesn’t change the fact that it is rape when the other person is violating your boundaries.

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“Even if the sexual intercourse was forceful it was not forcible and contrary to the wishes and consent of the deceased.”

Rapist said that coming from Afghanistan meant he didn’t understand what ‘consent’ was.

‘Madam so many rapes don’t happen in Germany coz girls don’t refuse to have sex.’

Making Marital Rape a legal offence is the fastest way to make it clear that Rape means forced sex, not lost Virginity or Honor.

Forced intercourse in marriage not rape: Delhi court

Forcible sex with wife doesn’t amount to marital rape: Court

“Girls should be married at 16, so that they don’t need to go elsewhere for their sexual needs. This way rapes will not occur.”

What makes Men Rape? – Do read.

The rapists often don’t see their actions as crimes, the police said, and don’t expect the victims to report them.

A tag: But when a woman sees a hot man, nothing happens in her brain?

Triya charitram, Purushasya bhagyam, Devo Na Janati, Kuto Manushya…

Making Marital Rape a legal offence is the fastest way to make it clear that Rape means forced sex.

‘The woman said she was inebriated when a co-worker took her to a room and raped her.’

So how does Delhi – NCR Police define Rape?

How Victim Blaming confuses rapists, police and the society.

When they don’t even understand crime… 

Why does the Delhi bus rapist blame his victim in prison interview?

 

“A girl is far more responsible for rape than a boy.” 

This rapist has no reason to disagree with many others, including women, who hold the same view.

He comes from a society that believes that the only way to control sexual crimes is by shaming, silencing and locking up the victims.

It’s possible that he has no idea that ‘sex without consent’ is rape. He probably views rape as a punishment for women who don’t know their place.

Do you know of any efforts to inform him otherwise?

Delhi bus rapist blames his victim in prison interview

You can’t clap with one hand – it takes two hands,” he says in the interview. “A decent girl won’t roam around at 9 o’clock at night. A girl is far more responsible for rape than a boy. Boy and girl are not equal. Housework and housekeeping is for girls, not roaming in discos and bars at night doing wrong things, wearing wrong clothes. About 20 per cent of girls are good.”

[Such  views are common: The rapists often don’t see their actions as crimes, the police said, and don’t expect the victims to report them.]

Amongst many other men and women,

The lawyers who defended the gang in court express similarly extreme views about women who venture out at night. In a previous televised interview, lawyer AP Singh said: “If my daughter or sister engaged in pre-marital activities and disgraced herself and allowed herself to lose face and character by doing such things, I would most certainly take this sort of sister or daughter to my farmhouse, and in front of my entire family, I would put petrol on her and set her alight.” [This man openly threatened his daughter and instigated others to burn alive their daughters.]

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What makes Men Rape? – Do read.

The rapists often don’t see their actions as crimes, the police said, and don’t expect the victims to report them.

“… people will say we encouraged these men to follow us… even though we are innocent”

“Sometimes it seems like every single thing I do has the potential to be something ‘provocative’.”

When they don’t even understand crime, how are they ever going to begin controlling it?

Can sexual harassment be compared to Terrorism against a whole community called women?

“Such mannequins will excite men and pose a danger to women.”

“I am safe because I’m very careful in the way I behave and dress in public, on the streets.”

In Gurgaon, jobs, safety and roads after 8 pm, reserved for men?

It’s Your Fault

Dad knifes girl for speaking to lover

Rape and clothing: How it’s all dressed up – A guest post by Praveen Talwar.

“She was warned several times and was used to unethical practices like friendship with boys.”

How did we make Indian criminals believe that they have 7 khoon maaf if they can claim to be teaching Indian women a lesson in Indian values?

Home most unsafe place for women : A unique court-ordered study by Delhi Police has revealed.

Shameless women.

Did the man in this ad ‘instil faith’ in you? Does he come across as respectful towards women?

This witty take on the much beaten down Indian man hopes to instil faith in the women of today.’

According to Story Pick – If You Think All Indian Men Are The Same, You Haven’t Probably Met The Right Ones. So, would you count this man amongst the ‘Right ones’?

Link shared by Kavya. 

Compare this man to Milkha Singh (in the video below) assuring that his ‘No’ did not in any way indicate disrespect or ‘insult’.

What do you think?

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Ek Hindustani ladki ki Izzat.

A tag: But when a woman sees a hot man, nothing happens in her brain?

Romanticizing innocence, chastity and related taboos for women.

“There is so little conversation about a woman’s desire for sex that a lot of people simply assume it doesn’t exist.”

Of Love, Lust and Respect

Triya charitram, Purushasya bhagyam, Devo Na Janati, Kuto Manushya…

 

“Molestation.. ? Then what do you call whatever he did when she was living with him for 5 years ?”

Desi Girl shared this link, Preity Zinta Files Molestation Case Against Ness Wadia

The FIR seems to have angered some people, and some of the comments seem to express some very common concerns.

1. It is being assumed that someone who has been in a relationship or marriage with a woman can not molest or assault that woman.
Why is that?
I think because sexual assaults are seen as ‘dishonour’ not assaults.
And, dishonour is only possible if you refuse to marry/be in a relationship with the woman you sexually assault.
2. Also, those in relationship/marriage are seen to have permanent rights over women’s bodies.
Please note: for many Indians, marriage and relationships make rapes right.
Mainly because we have no concept of women having the right to give or withhold consent. 
How can the law make it clear that women have the right to decide whether or not they wish to participate in a sexual activity?
3. It is being assumed, without an investigation – that the woman is lying and the accused is innocent.
4. There also seems to be some concern about ‘healthy relationships’ and marriages – which it seems can only be saved if the female partner can be assaulted with impunity.
Take a look at this comment:

This not at all acceptable for anyone in Indian community it in-secure signal for healthy relationships or for marriages, every one knows that they were together for longtime and she can’t take the advantage the criminal sections which meant real rape cases. Hopefully everyone will realize difference between real and drama with this situation. [link]

Another comment seems offended that Preity Zinta doesn’t fit into their idea of who should not be molested.

grow up aunty…behave like a 40 year old lady..your drama during IPL matches are irritable…after a successful carrier actress should marry and settle down..lot of youngsters are seeing you as a role model.changing partners marrying some one else husband, breaking some ones family theses are western culture don’t bring in to our culture.. [link]
And,

Molestation.. ? Then what do you call whatever he did when she was living with him for 5 years ? This is a clear example of a women using the weak laws of this country to put anyone whom she doesnt like, behind bars under the pretext of “molestation”. How can you allow women to use the law to their advantage and fix innocent men ? [link]

And finally a comment I agree with:

“… if she was molested she should complain. It’s the attitude in India that date rape/molestation does not exist. That just because you have dated the man is then entitled to a woman’s body forever. No man owns a woman’s body. Even married women have the right to say no. No means no. In India we seem to have forgotten we are human not animals.” [link]

 

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Rapist groom should have waited a little to satiate his lusty desires without problems which he has got into.

Affairs are personal business, stalking, snooping, hacking, moral policing are unethical, illegal.

Digvijay Singh admits to relationship with TV journo Amrita Rai

He was married to Asha Singh, who died in 2013, and has four daughters and a son.[6] In April 2014, he announced that he was in a relationship with a television journalist Amrita Rai, who was to divorce her husband in order to marry him.[7] He is a Hindu.[2]
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Digvijaya_Singh_(politician)

The man is not cheating his partner/wife. He is not denying her existence. He is not stalking or snooping on the journo Amrita Rai.

I have no hesitation in accepting my relationship with Amrita Rai. She and her husband have already filed a mutual consent divorce case.
https://twitter.com/digvijaya_28/status/461411160936308736

They are getting married, and it would be perfectly fine if they were not.

Because like Kavita Krishnan tweeted,

‘Affairs are personal business, stalking, snooping, hacking, moral policing are unethical, illegal.’

Also take a look at this tweet.

Anand Pradhan’s (woman’s husband) message to all those with misogynist& patriarch mindset, sharing personal pictures

Anand Pradhan

Rough translation:

‘This is a difficult time for me. Amrita and I have been living separately for a long time. We are seeking divorce through mutual consent, this is a legal procedure and takes time. We have separated and Amrita is free to take decisions for her future and I respect her right to do so and I wish her all the best.

I understand that many friends, colleagues, students and well wishers are sad for me. But I know they are standing by my side. I am confident that I will come out of this difficult time and I hope you will respect my privacy. Maybe these are the times when  we see who our friends are. Can’t express my gratitude enough.

Those who do not respect women and see them through patriarchal mindset as child bearing machines and commodities, those who do not respect them as individuals – for them this is an opportunity to make cheap personal attacks.

This is the limit of their thinking and politics, can’t expect better from them.’

What makes some people confuse consensual relationships between two uncommitted adults with stalking or cheating, denying or lying? What is it that is found objectionable in this relationship?

The age difference in not our business.

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What do you think of this mother, and this family?

Marry Or Live With Anyone Of Your Choice