Tehelka: How do you associate a sexual assault with someone who you thought stood up for justice?

Here is a case that was, at first, difficult to understand – because the person accused of attempting the sexual assault was someone who had seemed to be more likely to prevent than to attempt a sexual assault. But then how much did we know the person? We only knew the publication.

Do take a look at the young sexual assault survivor’s email that describes what happened: link removed

[Note:  The email has been removed from the above link, and I have removed the link. I think sharing some quotes from the statements (if any) made by the survivor would have been the right thing to do, instead of sharing a private email which does encroach upon the assault survivors’ privacy.

The reason I shared the link was that the email did help (me) in understanding the crime, specially when the perpetrator was someone I (many others) looked upon as morally upright, and for a change it was someone who was not blaming the victim (the email conveyed that his accusations were worse) and was willing to ‘atone’.  Now I feel, irrespective of the details of a crime, no matter how difficult to believe a crime is – a survivor’s story should be taken seriously without causing them further trauma and a thorough and immediate investigation should be carried out/demanded.] 

It seems he admitted to ‘an awful misreading of the situation‘. What if the survivor had not reported? Would he have continued to ‘misread the situation’?

It also seems that it was seen as enough, by those who were supposed to take action (Shoma Chaudhury) that he was permitted to choose what he should do to “atone” for “…a bad lapse of judgment, an awful misreading of the situation.”

Why was it thought that the one who allegedly committed a crime could choose what he should do to ‘atone’?

What action do you think should have been/should be taken?

Tejpal had on Wednesday announced his decision to step down as editor of Tehelka for six months following the journalist’s complaint to Chaudhury on November 18 alleging that while on duty she was sexually assaulted by Tejpal on two occasions on November 7 and 8 at the magazine’s annual ThinkFest.

Chaudhury also came under fire on Thursday for her handling of the situation. She had told a TV channel, “There was an incident which has been dealt with internally. An unconditional apology was extended by Tarun. The journalist concerned was satisfied with the action taken.” The journalist responded by saying, “I am deeply disappointed with Tehelka’s response. The claim that I am ‘satisfied’ is false.”

In her mail to Chaudhury, which details the two separate alleged incidents as well as everything that happened before and after, the journalist said, “Both times, I returned to my room in a completely distraught condition, trembling and crying.” She said she had reported both incidents to three colleagues who were also in Goa for the festival. She said Tejpal later sent her text messages insinuating that she had “misconstrued” the “drunken banter”.

What makes such men attempt sexual assaults? Disrespect for the person they assault? A sense of their own power to get away with the crime? Or just lack of awareness that ‘only Yes means Yes’?

There was another similar report, recently – ‘The woman said she was inebriated when a co-worker took her to a room and raped her.’ Weren’t such assaults ever reported earlier?

This case affirms, once again, that the biggest and the first step in tackling sexual assaults is ensuring that potential victims have a Voice.

Sorry boss, we found our voice

The Tehelka episode is the latest in the series of examples of women speaking up against sexual harassment

This will be known as the year rapists, sexual molesters, perverts, predators and assorted other Indian creeps realized they can no longer count on that one big assumption that makes them so brazen: Indian women don’t like sharing horror stories.


Goa probes alleged sexual assault by Tehelka founder Tarun Tejpal 

Deeply disappointed with Tehelka response, says woman journalist to NDTV

Tehelka’s Tarun Tejpal molests employee, gives himself 6-month leave

Related Posts:

Tehelka: a bad lapse of judgment and awful misreading of Vishakha guidelines. 

‘The woman said she was inebriated when a co-worker took her to a room and raped her.’

All she knew was that until his arrest, he came home for dinner every night, “He was to me like any husband is to his wife,” she said.

The rapists often don’t see their actions as crimes, the police said, and don’t expect the victims to report them.

The recent investigations by Tehelka.com have shown that not just the rapists, but even the police and the society don’t seem to be aware  that forced sex is rape (and a crime).

Controlling crimes against women: What works, what doesn’t work.

So how does Delhi – NCR Police define Rape?

Yet another rape that was not about lust but about aggression, revenge and putting the victim in her place.


Rapist groom should have waited a little to satiate his lusty desires without problems which he has got into.

Groom rapes guest on wedding day

“According to the complained filed by the victim, Janak took advantage of the crowd and commotion, slipped into her room and raped her. For next two days, the girl was too terrified and traumatized to share her ordeal with anyone. However, later she told her aunt, who accompanied her to Murar police station to lodge an FIR, sub-inspector Virendra Singh Kushwaha told TOI on Friday.

The victim, Kushwaha said, happens to be a close relative of the bride, who had come specially to attend the wedding from Narsinghpur.” [Link]

Assuming the allegation is correct, do you see something wrong with the rationale in these comments?

1. Rapist groom should have waited a little to satiate his lusty desires without problems which he has got into. …

2. What a maniac , he would have got a v*gina anyhow after marriage ! Now get the dandas of Pandus !!

3. This groom would have waited for couple of nights if he just wanted to enjoy sex which he could have had with his wife. It would have been better if the victim who was raped had gone to the police immediately of at least the following morning.

4. Fool did not wait for few hours to legality enjoy .His urge landed him in jail .Enjoy honeymoon in jail .Wish ten years in jail .

5. ek din wait kar leta dulha toh aaj ye na hota (Roughly translates to: why couldn’t he have waited for one more day)

6. practise ke liye kiya hoga useless fellow (Roughly translates to: He wanted to practice, useless fellow)

I disagree with these three very common, Indian social assumptions:

1. This (and every other) sexual assault is caused by ‘lust’, ‘urge’ or an uncontrolled desire for sex.

2. Marriage is about the groom ‘getting a v*gina’.

3. So it is okay for the groom to sexually assault the bride.

What are the chances that the bride would not stay married to this man and be expected to reform him?

Related Posts:

Denying sex to spouse on first night ground for marriage annulment: Delhi high court

Forcible sex with wife doesn’t amount to marital rape: Court

Where Consensual Sex is Rape, and Forced Sex a legal right.

“Instituting the idea of marital rape raises the specter of a man going for long periods without sex even though he’s married!”

Forcible sex with wife doesn’t amount to marital rape: Court

Why is ‘forcible sex’ or ‘lack of consent’ not rape? What purpose does protecting any rapist (married to the rape victim or not) serve?

Forcible sex with wife doesn’t amount to marital rape: Court

“Defence counsel rightly argued that IPC does not recognise any such concept of martial rape. If complainant was a legally-wedded wife of accused, the sexual intercourse with her by accused would not constitute offence of rape even if it was by force or against her wishes,” the court said.

…rest of the alleged offences, including those of causing hurt, criminal intimidation and theft, for which the accused was charge-sheeted, were triable by a magistrate.

And then what does this news report mean?

Priest gets jail for forced sex with wife

AMBALA: A local court on Friday sentenced a temple priest to one-year imprisonment for having forced sex with his wife.

The police had registered a case under sections 376 A (forced intercourse with wife), 323 (causing hurt) and 506 (criminal intimidation) of the IPC against the priest on May 11, 2011, at the Ambala Cantt police station on the complaint of Gurdev Kaur.

In her complaint to the police, 36-year-old Kaur had alleged that her husband Shivpuri, 44, not only had forced sex with her but also threatened to kill her.

Police had registered a case after conducting an inquiry and on the basis of the medical report of the woman, which had confirmed “forced sexual intercourse”.

Around 14 persons, including the doctor, who had examined Kaur, were presented before the court as witnesses during the trial.

Kaur’s advocate Khushi Ram said that in cases of forced intercourse with wife, maximum punishment a court can order is of two years.

“The court sentenced Shivpuri to one year prison as no cruelty or violence was reported by the victim,” added Khushi Ram.

It also seems that hurting, being cruel or threatening to kill a spouse are seen as legal offences, but raping them is not. So it’s possible that rape is not seen as a cruel or hurtful act.

“There are some men who are more likely to be sexually aggressive than others.”

Sharing an email a young woman, a student, received from the Police Department.

Please note the part in block quotes. Why do you think we don’t read this more often?

Dear IHM,

I was reading your last few posts on rape and how the police reacted. That reminded me of an email I got from the police chief of my university in the US. Wonder how many years it would take for our police to react in a similar way.

“… The Police department is currently investigating a sexual assault… The victim reported she was sexually assaulted during a party. The suspect has not been identified. Anyone with information related to this incident should contact the Police Department.
The Police Department urges students to utilize some safety precautions as you plan and attend late-night events: limit attendance to friends and guests of friends, and identify reliable safety monitors who can alert police in the event something suspicious or criminal occurs.
Be aware that a seemingly nice, regular individual can turn into a rapist. There are some men who are more likely to be sexually aggressive than others.
Characteristics can include someone who:
* Does not listen to you, talks over you or pretends not to hear you.
* Ignores your personal space boundaries.
* Does what he wants, regardless of what you want.
* Expresses excessive anger or aggression towards women in general.
* Acts excessively jealous or possessive.
* Drinks heavily. Many perpetrators do not pre-meditate their indecent acts. They actually believe that the victim will enjoy it and won’t say no. Anger, embarrassment, resentment, and selfishness take over and the perpetrator arrives at “the point of no return.”
A woman cannot always prevent a rape. However, there are some things that can be done to help reduce the chances of being raped:
* Be forceful and firm. Do not worry about being polite!
* Trust your gut-level feelings. If you believe that you are being pressured, then you probably are. Leave the situation immediately; call out for help.
* If you observe suspicious or criminal activity, report it immediately to police by calling 911.
Everyone, both women and men, should know what to do if you know someone who has been sexually assaulted:
* Call someone you trust — no matter how late it is. You should not be alone. Consider calling a close friend or a staff member.
* Go to a safe place. Consider going to your room, a friend’s room, or anywhere you will feel safe.
* Seek medical treatment IMMEDIATELY. Dont wash up, change clothes, eat, brush your teeth, go to the bathroom or brush your hair, as you might destroy useful evidence. If you are unsure about reporting the assault to police, it makes sense to allow medical professionals to collect evidence to preserve the option of later making a police report.
* Report the incident to police, whether or not you plan to press charges. Reporting the assault does not commit you to filing charges. You can make that decision later in collaboration with the Commonwealth’s Attorney.
* Do NOT blame yourself.  Even if you believe you were naive, not cautious enough, or even foolish, it is NOT your fault.  Your behavior DID NOT cause the assault.
* Get help and support, such as counseling.  A sexual assault is an extremely traumatic incident,  and you will need help dealing with the situation.
* Take advantage of the resources available for victims of sexual assault or encourage their use.
Sources of support include the Office of the Dean of Students, the Women’s Center, Counseling and Psychological Services in Student Health, the Sexual Assault Resource Agency, and the Victim and Witness Assistance Programs. Students wishing to pursue charges through the University can do so through the Sexual Assault Board. For more information….
Please take all necessary steps to protect yourself and each other — and know that you should never hesitate to call 911.”
What do you think of this email by the Police?

The fearlessness of the Indian ‘Eve teaser’ (sexual criminals)

What do you think made each of these criminals so shameless and so bold?


“Eve-teasers in India team raise a stink in China

BEIJING: Indian officials managing a youth delegation found themselves struggling to curb rampant harassment of girls by a section of the boys during their week-long tour of China. Desperate officials were forced to separate men and women in separate buses to avoid an untoward incident…

Women members complained to both Chaudhury and the ministry in New Delhi before officials stepped in and asked some of the boys to behave…. At one stage, a section of the troublemakers were ordered to keep out of a sightseeing tour and stay in their hotel rooms.

“Some of us were feeling ashamed being seen with these boys. We were hoping officials from the Nehru Kendra and the ministry were more strict. But they seemed helpless as well,” a male member of the delegation said.” [link]

What made them seem ‘helpless’?

Now that they are back, are they planning to take some action against these ‘eve teasers’? If not, then why not?


“Girl molested, thrown out of train in Karnataka

(Link shared by Sandhya and Nithya Pari)

MADDUR: A 19-year-old girl who resisted a molestation attempt by a group of youths was kicked out of a moving train by them near Maddur on Tuesday afternoon. She survived miraculously, but suffered grievous injuries.

Kavya boarded the general compartment at Kengeri. The four youths, who are believed to have entered the coach at Ramanagaram, began teasing her.When Kavya rebuked them, one of the youths tried to molest her.
She got up from her seat and went near the door. The youths followed her and continued to misbehave. They pushed her out when she said she would inform police.” [link]
How is this crime any different from what happened in Guwahati?
What are the chances of these criminals being punished?
 TIRUVANNAMALAI: A 22-year-old polytechnic student committed suicide after her cousin and two other youth first filmed her while she was taking bath and then raped her by threatening to post the clippings on the internet. Police have arrested the three youth, all college students.” [link]
What is it about the Indian culture and society that makes sexual criminals so shameless and fearless, and the victims so ashamed of something somebody else did?

Rape and clothing: How it’s all dressed up – A guest post by Praveen Talwar.

A guest post by Praveen Talwar.

Many years ago, in 1990, something changed in India. It wasn’t something that everyone noticed. It wasn’t something that a lot of people even cared about. But it was something big, something to do with how the law actually extends its protection to citizens in practice. In October 1990, the Supreme Court of India ruled in favor of one Banubi Sheikh, a woman who admitted in court that she was party to an extramarital relationship, a woman who also stuck to her guns in stating that that little fact should be treated as irrelevant to her main allegation that she was assaulted and raped by a policeman at her home.
 Like many things in law, it wasn’t the case that was important; it was the precedent. For the first time, the supreme court explicitly stated that a woman’s sex life was her own business, and no matter how many people she chose to have sex with, no matter what her moral standing was, no one had the right to rape her as and when they pleased. It was just a little reminder that women’s sex lives were really their own. It was a reminder that a lot of people found very hard to swallow back in 1990, and one that many people find hard to swallow now, in 2012.
 Talking about rape in India produces predictable responses. Women should take care. Women should learn to defend themselves. Women should carry pepper spray. Women should avoid certain areas. Women should maintain high situational awareness. Yes, rape is a crime, but a rapist is little more than an animal. Why blame an animal? If you provoke an animal, it’ll get you. Ergo, some restrictions are necessary.
 It sounds sensible, right? Well, not really. Not if you think about it.
 In this guest post, I will attempt to explain why the advice above is not as useful as it sounds. I will point out how culture ties into sexual assault, and put forward my opinions on why the current strategies for handling sexual assault are largely ineffective, and will remain so unless we take remedial steps. 
 I will finish by discussing a few possible solutions and the outlook for the future. 
 So let’s begin. 
 One of the traditional prescriptions to avoid being a victim to sex crime is to dress conservatively. It’s supposed to be obvious that attractively dressed women are more likely to get raped. It’s supposed to be so obvious that it goes unexamined. 
 Let’s examine it now. Here are three facts about rape:

   Most convicted rapists do not remember what their victims wore.
   Rape victims aren’t all single, attractive young women. They can be infants or grandmothers too. In fact, rape victims are not necessarily women, but that’s something I’m not going to get into right now.
   A United States Federal Commission on Crime of Violence Study found that only 4.4% of all reported rapes involved ‘provocative behavior’ (self-defined as a noticeable gesture towards the perpetrator, encouraging him or her to carry out the crime) on the part of the victim. In murder cases 22% involved such behavior (as simple as a glance).Clearly, there’s a lot going on in a rapist’s mind apart from, “hmm, this woman is attractive, I can’t control myself”. It is a mistake to call a rape a crime of passion. Let me repeat that. Rape is NOT a crime of passion.
 Rape can be far more accurately described as a crime of opportunity. It is not a beauty contest. While it’s not easy to conduct research on rape due to factors like under-reporting and skewed statistics, what we do know is that a rapist does not look for the most attractive women to assault. Instead, he chooses the most available woman, the woman he has the greatest access to, the woman he perceives to be the least likely to report the assault. That means girlfriends, coworkers, neighbors and even spouses. That means women in vulnerable, dependent positions. That means women close to the criminal. 
 And if all this talk of ‘choosing’ surprises you, it really shouldn’t. Research shows that most rapists premeditate their crimes. They know who they are going to assault and how. They decide this beforehand. They decide itbefore they have a chance to see how their victims are dressed on that particular day. And they do it because they are part of a culture which tolerates and encourages this behavior.
 Which brings me to my next point. Culture.
 A lot of people are surprised when I point out that sexual assault isn’t just a random act of violence. It’s not. As I’ve had occasion to say before, sexually assaulting a woman is a very specific violent act that is linked to a plethora of cultural tie-ins. For most rapists, the act isn’t about satisfying a biological need, it’s about satisfying a psychological need. It’s about power and control. And power and control are two things that, more than anything else, are culturally defined. 
 In a patriarchal society, where sexes are segregated and sexuality is repressed, women aren’t really people and sex isn’t really an activity. Both are objects. You don’t just have sex, youtake sex, you get sex. Taking sex is a way of taking power, snatching power, asserting power. From there, it’s only a short hop to rape being considered normal. 
India took that hop a long time ago. This is a country where raping your wife every night for years and years isn’t even a crime. This is a country where it’s considered mental cruelty for a woman to not have sex with her husband on her wedding night. This is a country where a woman gets gang-raped and the first thing people say is – you were probably behaving like a sl*t. This is victim-blaming, but it’s also much more than that. It’s resignation and normalization. It’s the acceptance of the idea that rape is a normal, inevitable outcome of certain situations. It’sworse than victim-blaming. And as long as we keep doing it, fat chance of getting rape numbers down.
 The whole problem with the legal attitudes to rape in India is that they are built within a patriarchal framework. Indian laws provide for harsh punishment for rape, but it has minimal deterrent effect, because in India, most rapists do not fear being caught. Many are actually surprised if they do end up getting reported. Because they live in a society where rape is considered normal in certain situations, they do not even understand the full magnitude of their actions. And the one true solution, perhaps the only solution is – openness.
 Open attitudes towards the sexes mingling with each other.
 Open attitudes towards sex itself.
 Open discussion of what’s really going on when someone decides to sexually assault a woman.
 Open education about sex and sexuality.
 Openness between men and women while talking about sex.
 That’s the key to a future where women don’t have to walk on eggshells all the time. As citizens, we owe this to ourselves. Let’s teach our kids to be open about things. Let’s teach our kids to communicate. Let’s teach our kids to robustly challenge assumptions about rape and women in general that just aren’t true.
 Putting women in conservative clothing isn’t a cure. It’s an ineffective, rather useless measure against a complex problem. By all means, dress sensibly. By all means, learn karate. By all means, carry pepper spray. But know that those aren’t solutions. 
 Let’s not go overboard with that stuff. Let’s focus on the real issue here. Wearing a salwar kameez instead of jeans is not a solution. It’s a home remedy that doesn’t work.
Women have lived in fear long enough. It’s time that changed. It’s going to take time, but let’s start to trudge that road, one step at a time.

Warm Regards,
Praveen Talwar

“She wasn’t exactly behaving like a future wife.”

So a woman (Zohal Hameed) accuses a man (Royal Challengers Bangalore player Luke Pomersbach, 27), of molesting her and of beating her fiance when he attempted to stop the assault.

What do you expect next if this happened in India?

Yes, some kind of attempt to justify the alleged molestation.

Take a look at this tweet by Sidhartha Mallya (director of the IPL franchise Royal Challengers Bangalore).

“The girl who is accusing Luke is saying he hit her ‘fiance’…what a load of fX#$%g s#$t. She was all over me last night and asked for me bbm pin, so if he was her fiance she wasn’t exactly behaving like a future wife.”

I was glad to read that “defamation notice has been sent to Sidhartha Mallya (director of the IPL franchise Royal Challengers Bangalore) for his remarks on Twitter in the molestation case involving one of his players”. I was even more glad to read that the Ms Zohal Hameed “has also reportedly lodged a complaint with the Delhi commission for women against Mr Mallya for his tweets on the incident.” [link]

For some reason Siddartha Mallya does not say he would defend the truth, he says,

“I will do everything I can do defend my player,” (Hear Sidhartha Mallya defend his tweets)

A reporter can also be heard asking Ms Zohal Hameed,

Everyone is asking the same question, what’s your background, because if there are aspersions on your character… What’s your background, what you do, where you come here…

Supposing it turns out that Zohal does not meet the reporters’/everyone’s standards of an ideal victim of sexual assault then do the allegations need to be investigated or not?

Now, contrast Siddartha Mallya’s response with Anil Kumble’s response. [link]

“Whatever reports I have seen …is from the press and the media so far have been disappointing, and.. you know …Luke so far with the IPL has been exceptional but it’s an unfortunate incident so we will certainly not play Luke henceforth… we will give full cooperation to whoever is investigating in this. I am sure internally also we will look into this matter, it’s a very serious matter and and we will certainly look into this.”

India needs to learn whether or not a woman behaves like a wife or ‘a future wife’ (or bad wife, good wife, past wife, never can be a wife etc) allegations of a sexual assault need to be taken seriously so that a strong message is sent out to potential rapists that they would not find support in form of victim blaming.

So how does Delhi – NCR Police define Rape?

It doesn’t look like SHO Sunil Kumar, Ghazipur sees forced sex as rape.

“Go to a pub in South Delhi. Go to Greater Kailash where there is free entry for girls. Jinhone 1,000 rupaiye mein wo karna hai wo wahan jati hain. Daru bhi peeti hai aur aap ke saath sex bhi karti hai… Jis din koi thok dega rape ho jayega. (In these places you’ll find girls who want to do ‘it’ for Rs. 1,000. They will drink and also have sex with you. The day somebody uses force, it becomes rape).”

Some in the Police seem to see getting aggressive as a normal reaction to finding a woman sexually attractive.

Ladkiya ek seemit daire main, seemit kapdon main nahi niklengi… to apne aap khichaon ho jata hai. Wo khichaon bhi aggressive kar deta hai ki kar do bas (Sub-Inspector Arjun Singh, SHO Surajpur Police Station, Greater Noida)

The police seems to see 18-20 year old gang-rapists as ‘kids’ and sharing of phone number as consent to be raped.

SHO Jagdish Prasad said: “In the recent DLF case, the girl is 27-years-old, the boys are 18 to 20-years-old. They are kids. She was dancing with these kids in the bar… I am telling you she induced them… the girl came and gave her phone number to them.”

Atleast some in Delhi Police clearly and unbelievably see rape as a normal act and reporting of rapes as a proof of malintent.

“It’s never easy for the victim. Everyone is scared of humiliation. Everyone’s wary of media and society. In reality, the ones who complain are only those who have turned rape into a business.” (Yogender Singh Tomar, Additional SHO, Sector 39, Noida)

What is he trying to say here? That consensual sex with one man is consent to be gang raped by others?

It’s very rare that a girl is forcefully picked up by 10 boys. A girl who gets into a car with boys is never innocent. If she does, she definitely has a relationship with at least one of them.

And here’s one that I could not understand –

Roop Lal of Sector 40, Gurgaon, sought to find a rationale to the occurrence of gang-rape: “Jaise hum log baithe hai, zyaada daaru pee li. Chalte peeli. B********, phekh saala, phir to aise hi hoga. Raat bhar rakh li. Uska jawab kya degi wo apne gharwalon ko, ki jo ek ghante ke liye keh kar gayi hai, aur poori night main kahan gayi thi. To maa-baap to poochenge, bhai bhi poochega. Jinka samaaj hai woh to poochte hai (Say we are sitting and had one drink too many while on the move… it’s obvious that it’ll happen. Keep her for the entire night. What will she tell her parents? She was supposed to be away for an hour and has ended up being out the entire night. Parents will question, so will her brother. Society will ask questions.”

What is he trying to say?

Is there any doubt that the Delhi-NCR Police has no understanding of sexual crimes?

Please read the article, and there is nothing really new here, but it’s horrifying, and it shows exactly why Delhi-NCR stays unsafe for women and their families – In and around Delhi, cops blame rapes on women: Tehelka investigation with NDTV.

Thanks for sharing the link Oasis Greenday.

Related Posts:

Made me think… – Celestial Rays

Why was this radio cabbie, a rapist, not afraid of being arrested?

Radio cabs are generally considered safe. The driver’s identity, address and criminal record are verified, (which is why the driver has been arrested so fast). Normally, having his identity and address in the company’s records would have worked as a serious deterrent.

Why did it not?

Why was the driver not afraid of being arrested?

Because he was sure  that the victim would not report.

“The woman initially told the cops that the driver had snatched her gold chain. “A PCR gave the cab a chase till Saket but he managed to escape. It was then that the woman told us about the alleged rape” [Link].

I have blogged about the reluctance refusal of another victim to report rape, here.

And what makes the rape victims so reluctant to report and rapists so confident that they would not be convicted? They know who would be judged and questioned.
Do read this rape analogy along with some of the comments that follow the news report. (With thanks to S who shared it in a comment in the previous post.)

If reporting all crime was like reporting rape…

Officer: A mugging, eh? Where did it take place?

Man: I was walking by 21st and Dundritch Street and a man pulled out a gun and said, “Give me all your money.”

Officer: And did you?

Man: Yes, I co-operated.

Officer: So you willingly gave the man your money without fighting back, calling for help or trying to escape?

Man: Well, yes, but I was terrified. I thought he was going to kill me!

Officer: Mmm. But you did co-operate with him. And I’ve been informed that you’re quite a philanthropist, too.

Man: I give to charity, yes.

Officer: So you like to give money away. You make a habit of giving money away.

Man: What does that have to do with this situation?

Officer: You knowingly walked down Dundritch Street in your suit when everyone knows you like to give away money, and then you didn’t fight back. It sounds like you gave money to someone, but now you’re having after-donation regret. Tell me, do you really want to ruin his life because of your mistake?

Man: This is ridiculous!

Officer: This is a rape analogy. This is what women face every single day when they try to bring their rapists to justice.

Man: Fuck the patriarchy.

Officer: Word

Related posts:

The rapists often don’t see their actions as crimes, the police said, and don’t expect the victims to report them. (When media is not objective)

A visibly shaken Shiney Ahuja gets seven years for raping his maid despite her ‘admitting’ the charges were false. (When media is not objective)

One rapist let off with a few slaps, another rapist allowed to kill for family honor.

India leads in sexual violence, worst on gender equality: Study

“A clandestine, and irresponsible, affair may prove dangerous. A city girl learnt it the hard way,” (When media is not objective)

Rape in India – Ramya


Do you think men in regressive societies where women are not respected or valued are more prone to ‘losing control’?

This was a comment on Bhagwad’s post, I have heard this before. What do you think?

“The provocative dressing sense and the profession (modelling) of these particular girls are making them as soft targets”

It doesn’t mean it is their fault!!
Yes, a woman has the right to dress however she wants. Obviously. The man’s actions are his fault, alone. Completely true.
So after she’s harassed you say it was his fault; is saying that going to stop that particular man from harassing other women in future?

Is wearing less clothing because you have the right to going to reduce your chances of being harassed by that very wrong and very perverted man? Maybe wearing a loose-fitting punjabi dress, for instance, might reduce the chances!

It’s not the woman’s fault, but she has to bear the consequences every time. Every woman knows that. Is wearing ‘provocative’ clothing just that necessary that you can risk bearing the consequences of a man’s mistakes?! To each his own, man!!

My response:

1. Do you think men in societies where women are not respected or valued are more prone to ‘losing control‘?

2. Making a man responsible for his actions would discourage him and other men from repeating the action in future.

3. Blaming the women has resulted in the society and the culprits taking  sexual crimes lightly.  The offender sees that the only person who is supposed to take any (real) measures to stop the crime is the victim. Her isolation obviously emboldens him, it’s not that he doesn’t realize his actions are wrong, but the society’s reactions assure him that his crime would not be taken seriously. [The rapists often don’t see their actions as crimes, and don’t expect the victims to report them.]

4. Sexual criminals also gain confidence when instead of dealing with them firmly, societies add more controls on women’s lives and activities.[Link] Women are asked to watch how they dress, laugh, walk, move, travel, socialize, work, dream, live, drink, eat, not watch movies, not sit in parks, not sing in public, not fall in love etc to stay safe from sexual crimes.

5. Following all these rules, sometimes having no lives worth living, have not made women safer. Fully covered women of all ages who break no such safety rules still get raped, inside their homes, at their workplaces, in broad daylight.

6. What if a woman likes to travel, earn, ride a motorbike, swim, sing, dance, dress, socialize…?  Fear  and mistaken ideas of honor  (more than safety and trauma) have made harmless activities into social crimes for women.

7. I think, not having a voice makes women more unsafe than going out after dark ‘provocatively dressed’.

And all this begins with women being asked not to dress provocatively.

So what would really help?

1. Women who look like they would not be easy victims are generally safer.

2. Sexual criminals are like all other criminals, generally cowardly bullies, if they fear being blamed, held responsible, convicted and jailed they would behave.

3. Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work! [Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work!]

How do you think did blaming the victims of sexual assaults started?

Related Posts:

The rapists often don’t see their actions as crimes, the police said, and don’t expect the victims to report them.

Provocatively Dressed

She does not invite it.

The way a woman dresses…

Said Noodle strap to the Sari

Not just a pair of jeans

So why do we wear clothes again?

No jeans for an Indian Daughter in law.

Can’t end marriage over a sari.

What women ‘choose’ to wear…

What do ‘Modest’ women have that their ‘Immodest’ sisters don’t…

Written in a hurry, please excuse any typos! Will correct once I am back.