Arvind Kejriwal and Shahrukh Khan – what do they have in common?

In a society where even film stars do not hug their wives in public (not even a Shahrukh Khan), and where socially and legally [link] permitted ways for an average Indian man to publicly show his love for his wife, include things like buying a Life Insurance Policy or (a little bolder?) – ‘taking her to London to bring back her smile’ [link] – Arvind Kejriwal tweeted a picture of his wife and him hugging, with the message – “Thank you Sunita for always being there.” 

Reminds me of how Shahrukh Khan was the first Indian star to proclaim ‘that one day doesn’t go without him thinking about his wife and he cannot imagine anytime without her.'[link]

Do you think we are witnessing a change? I think I agree with Shy, “it’s a small start, but a start nevertheless.”

Shy shared this much-shared picture with this email.

Dear IHM,

 

In the so called family oriented indian culture I hardly see an Indian politician or office bearer holding his wife like Arvind Kejriwal did with Sunita. He thanked her in his tweet. It reminded me of a picture of Barack and Michelle Obama on his 2nd term win night.

 

Seeing this pic, I immediately thought of you.

 

Hopefully, it’s time for change in India… a small start… but a start nevertheless…

 

– Shy

AK and Sunita

Related Links:

62-year-old Indian man admits to sexually touching sleeping woman on plane.

Tulika shared the link below with this message:

“Treatment of sexual assault in Western Society – 

I request you to publish this news regarding sexual assault and how actually it should be dealt in a civilized society. What actually culture and civilisation means and gives support to its member.”

What do you think would have been the first reactions if this crime had taken place in India?

Indian man admits to sexually touching sleeping woman on plane

NEW YORK:  A 62-year-old Indian man has pleaded guilty to sexually touching a woman seated next to him aboard a flight from Houston to Newark and faces two years in prison.

The accused, Devender Singh, a resident of Louisiana

…  The charge carries a maximum potential penalty of two years in prison and a USD 250,000 fine. He is scheduled to be sentenced in October.  … Singh was seated next to a woman who occupied a window seat on a United Airlines flight from Houston to Newark. While the plane was in the air, the woman fell asleep and awoke to find him kissing her face with his hand inside her shirt.

After pushing Singh off of her and telling him to get away, the woman complained to a flight crew member about the incident and asked that the police be present when the plane landed.

The federal government has exclusive jurisdiction over all sexual abuse cases that occur on aircraft in flight in the US.

 

These TOI comments reflect how sexual crimes are viewed by many Indians,

1. Many seem to consider sexual assaults a natural outcome of men finding women sexually attractive.

Airliners has to allot seats in such a way to prevent this type of incidents, urge and attraction is God’s creation between two sexes. Our elders out of evolution and experience they have advocated,wearing veil,wearing non explosive dress code as advised by elderly intelligent people,monogamy,advise giving respect to fair sex and exhibiting their private parts publicly.

Fact: A response to: Why we think women activists should change their attitude of “wear what you like” [Link]

2. Others believe it’s young men who commit such crimes because they have no control over their ‘natural instincts’.

Hahahahah such a disgusting and funny thing i read today !! :v :p 60+ yrs old person hahha Chokra jawaan re jawaan re !! [the boy is young, is young]

Fact: What makes Men Rape? [link]

3. The idea that sexual assaults are caused by a man’s inability to ‘control their instincts’  is deep rooted.

A very shameful act that too from a 62 year old. When will people learn to control their instincts? The punishment is good and he deserves it for putting India and Indians to shame.

Fact: The rapists often don’t see their actions as crimes, the police said, and don’t expect the victims to report them. [link]

Why don’t we hear any talk about the requirement for consent in any sexual activity? Maybe because we fear that’s Sex Education?

Also, media campaigns could help create awareness about how often Sexual Crimes are not crimes of ‘lust’ or ‘natural urges’ but of hate, aggression and revenge (as in ‘Teaching a lesson’ to the woman) and sometimes of simply not knowing that any sexual act without consent is a crime.

Related Posts:

Rapist said that coming from Afghanistan meant he didn’t understand what ‘consent’ was.

“I am safe because I’m very careful in the way I behave and dress in public, on the streets.”

“Sometimes it seems like every single thing I do has the potential to be something ‘provocative’.” 

Have a Good Time in India, Sister (Gounderbrownie)

She started a fight between two men?

The night I was not an easy prey.

‘“Why would this girl lie? After all she is taking the blame on herself”, said the police officer to the criminal infront of me.’What’s the best way to fight for your rights and freedoms and to prevent Talibanization of India?

Allahabad girl Aarti Yadav beats harasser, sets bike on fire

“I will not sit back and allow the image of India’s men to be tarnished by an article that does not articulate other sides to India.”

“… people will say we encouraged these men to follow us… even though we are innocent”

Why should all acts of sexual harassment be taken seriously, even when there is no grievous physical injury?

What did Sharad Yadav mean by, ‘Who amongst us has not followed girls?’

What are the chances of a woman’s in laws beating her in her native place – in presence or in absence of her parents and family?

Swarup shared a link that made me wonder – what are the chances of an Indian  woman’s in laws visiting her at her parents’ place, finding her alone, having a disagreement with her and beating her?

The woman, mother of a 3-year-old daughter and hailing from Rajahmundry, said that her husband and his family had harassed her for additional dowry. She claimed her parents gave her husband Rs 15 lakh as dowry at the time of her marriage. According to her, he had quit his job because of mounting debts in Visakhapatnam. Though her parents brought the couple to Rajamundry, he ran into debts there as well. When she objected to his bad ways, he beat her, demanded Rs 5 lakh more for clearing the debts and went away to Vizag, she said. … The judge in his order said that beating a woman in her native place in the middle of her friends and relatives by her husband’s family looked improbable and unnatural and quashed the case initiated by the Rajahmundry court.

What do you think? Is it possible for in laws (not just the husband) to beat a daughter in law at her parents’ place (in the parents’ absence/presence)?

Husbands beating their wives in their maika (a married woman’s parents’ home) is not unheard of.

This husband in Haryana beat his wife in a market in her maika, infront of her parents, for wearing jeans.

In one case, the husband (from an educated family) asked the wife to touch his feet and apologise for misplacing a bunch of keys. They were in her parents’ house, she did as she was told.  Her family did not ‘interfere in the couple’s personal matter’.

A maid of mine was beaten by her husband in her native village (in Pune, where they had moved in circumstances similar to those in the link) and when her family attempted to intervene, they were pushed away and threatened with violence too [link].

Another educated family watched their daughter being abused by her husband, in their home; but again they thought it was not a good idea to ‘interfere in a couple’s personal matter’. They believed (or tried to believe) they should support their daughter if she was ‘trying to save her marriage’ [link] This man was abusive towards the wife’s family too.

In another case the husband came to the wife’s maika to take her back with him. The  wife (then 20) had found work and decided never to go back because she had learnt that he had another wife and child. The husband said the other wife was physically disabled and beat the 20 year old in front of her family and extended family. Her family felt that following the wife to her parents’ village and beating her was an indication that he wanted her back, and so she must go back. She was sent back. The family felt that since this was an arranged marriage, she was a ‘respected wife’ even if he had another wife; also it would have been difficult for them to find another husband and to arrange more dowry.

Another husband and his brother (in Karnataka) ‘broke a woman’s head’ (not really broke, but this is how their eldest daughter described it. The woman had to have stitches) because this mother of five children was trying to prevent her husband from marrying again. She had told the family of the prospective second wife, that the man was married and had five children. I am not sure where this violence took place. This man also attempted to burn his family alive and for this he was blamed by the entire village. Probably it was felt that beating was okay, but setting his house on fire while the wife and children slept inside was not.

It seems many Indians hold women’s disobedience, bad upbringing or bad karma responsible for violence and abuse by their husbands or in laws. 

But, what are the chances of a woman’s in laws beating her in her native place – in presence and in absence of her parents and family?

“…beating a woman in her native place in the middle of her friends and relatives by her husband’s family looked improbable and unnatural.”

This post is not about anti-dowry law – only about the likelihood a woman being beaten by her in laws in her maika. Do you find it improbable?

She chose to get pregnant so that she can miss all the work, enjoy attention and eat to her heart’s content.

So here’s someone with a different perspective to this post, How are mothers treated in Indian culture?

How would you respond to their views?

Below is their response, in their own words.

“Let me put a different perspective here… (doesn’t mean u r wrong in any way)

There are women who don’t like what they are expected to do.. for example i know an average scoring gal who was engaged to a topper guy who belongs to a family of toppers… Now this gal had already lost a year. She was forced by her parents to take up engineering in the first place. Now her in-laws were expected her to be a topper. She had got married when there was one year remaining for her engineering to complete. She chose to get pregnant while she was still studying so that after engineering her in-laws will not taunt or question her why she is not a topper in her college.

Another woman I know is not passionate about anything.. No passion to study or do anything.. She is not interested in cooking too. She was from a house where no one told her or ordered her to work. When she got married, she did not know even to prepare tea. She got married into a house where she had to stay with her husband’s parents, unmarried brother and unmarried sister. Apart from this, there was a lot of work as her family runs on just one grocery story. She chose to get pregnant (in fact she missed her first period after wedding) so that she can miss all the work, enjoy attention and eat to her heart’s content.

What would you say about these woman?

I am saying again, I know both the women and their in-laws family closely.. They are really good people.. But every gal after getting married cant be sitting like a guest right? Obviously they will have to help a bit.. It will be rude if her mother-in-law slogs to prepare food for all and the daughter-in-law just stays in her room all the time or watches tv.

First case:
The in-laws are nice and the husband too.. They had only one thing to crib about which is the topper thing. That too because their son had been stubborn he wanted to marry this gal. They are too rich and none of the women in the house get to do the household chores.. There are many servants in the house..

Second case:
The gal’s brother got her married to this house.”

Possibly Related Post:

It seems getting pregnant is not the only thing Indian women do with ulterior motives:
Dying statements of vengeful women settling scores by attempting suicide.