The video is speaking against the acceptance of rape, acid attacks, honor killings, forced marriages etc that are viewed as normal ‘Consequences’ for women.

The ‘My Choice’ video, below has angered many.

I read comments fearing it might influence gullible Indian women into having sex outside or before their marriages, without understanding the ‘consequences’ of such irresponsible behaviour’.

Here are some of the offensive lines. The more offensive ones in bold.

My choice to have sex before marriage, to have sex outside of marriage, to not have sex.

IHMAll the video is saying is, it’s women’s bodies, women’s choices, and of course women’s consequences. Rape, acid attacks and murder are not included in legal or acceptable consequences; Divorce, Heartbreak, Lessons learnt, Experience gained,  Break ups and Moving on are.

The video is speaking against the acceptance of rape, acid attacks, honor killings, forced marriages, violence etc that are viewed as normal Consequences for women who are not able to follow the impossible to follow How-to-avoid-getting-Raped Rules. And often also for those women who do everything as they are told.

But for many, it seems, it’s annoying enough to imagine Indian women hearing about having a Choice in anything, but to tell them that they own their own bodies and sexuality is clearly going too far. This video could give some women the idea that having sex before marriage does not mean they have to marry the person, or be killed by their fathers and brothers (etc), or be ready to be raped by anybody because now they are no longer marriageable.

Or women might imagine or claim that having sex outside marriage is almost a legal right. What kind of videos give women ideas that they can think of sex as something they have a choice in? Do they think they are men? Men are different, and anyway we don’t make videos telling men they can have sex outside marriages, we just have an entire system in place that ensures that men have access to sex outside marriage and ofcourse we don’t approve!  We do roll our eyes at ‘these men!”. Women are different, they are our mothers and wives and honours.  And women have the responsibility to make sure nothing changes in this system that keeps them dependent and controlled.

Also, who should be held responsible for women (misguided by this video) and acid attacked or honor killed for sex before or outside marriage?

Or for thinking they can refuse to have sex with the man they have been ‘married off’ to.

Videos like this can break up the Social System that’s working so well and keeping women Safe and Empowered.

 My Choice to love temporarily or to lust forever. My Choice to love a man or a woman or both.

IHM: Obviously lust is a vice (specially for women) and Indian women only think of sex as a duty they must provide to the pati parmeshwar, who has been chosen for them by their family elders.

To love temporarily is unthinkable for Indian women – once married-off they belong to the pati parmeshwar. Even if they are widowed.

The idea of temporary love is so abhorrent to us that rape victims are offered the option of marrying those who  have sexually assaulted them. It’s all about sexual inexperience and ‘permanence’ in women’s relationships it seems.

Also note how love, marriage, purity, character and sex are connected.

My Choice to come home when I want. Don’t be upset when I come home at 4 am. Don’t be fooled if I come home at 6 pm.

IHM – This is a response to the general idea that good  women reach home before dark, and women who stay out till after dark (or after 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, depending on the the preferences of the person passing the judgment) ask to be sexually assaulted.

And here’s a response from Shail Mohan. Why is this so difficult to understand?

Dear people making fun of the *choice* video (you all know which one),
We all have the choice (yes, to have sex outside marriage too), and suffer whatever consequences it may lead to (it could be the divorce court). Choice also means the choice to make mistakes. The point is outsiders (the moral policing goons or any other outsiders) have no say in all this. Besides no one is asking YOU to have sex outside marriage. Are they? So why all the drama?
Yours
Someone who cannot understand the whole lot of noise being made.

This second video is a response to the My Choice video. This video gives an idea of just how much some of us are worried about women being given choices.

Do watch. What do you think?

The general outrage is not really surprising in a society where polygamy (by men) is tolerated, and where marital rape is still legal. Where married men (well known and respected married men) still have, not just sex but also marriages, children and relationships outside their marriages.

Deepika would have found more support had she  talked about,

A virtuous woman’s right to marry (against his wishes) a man she has had consensual sex with.

Or a woman’s right to save her marriage to an unwilling partner.

Violence, castration and humiliation for a man accused of having consensual sex with an unmarried adult woman from another caste/community. (Because this can’t be made right with marriage)

A woman’s right to marry her rapist.

A woman’s right to supplement her family’s income by working in night shifts.

Related Post:

Denying sex to spouse on first night ground for marriage annulment: Delhi high court

“why not marry them first and then have sex ? What prevents you from doing it ? Deep within YOU WANT JUST SEX and nothing more”

Question about Sexuality in Indian Arranged Marriages

Here’s why I think the society should not obsess over a woman’s virginity.

“Girls should be married at 16, so that they don’t need to go elsewhere for their sexual needs. This way rapes will not occur.” – Rape being viewed as Sex outside marriage.

7 things that can make ‘Rape sometimes right’.

Where Consensual Sex is Rape, and Forced Sex a legal right.

Making Marital Rape a legal offence is the fastest way to make it clear that Rape means forced sex, not lost Virginity or Honor.

Forced intercourse in marriage not rape: Delhi court

Forcible sex with wife doesn’t amount to marital rape: Court

Girls morally bound not to have sex before marriage, says fast track court judge

“Girls should be married at 16, so that they don’t need to go elsewhere for their sexual needs. This way rapes will not occur.”

Romanticizing innocence, chastity and related taboos for women.

“There is so little conversation about a woman’s desire for sex that a lot of people simply assume it doesn’t exist.”

Panchayat orders girl to marry her rapist because one way to make a Rape right is to make it Marital Rape.

Making Marital Rape a legal offence is the fastest way to make it clear that Rape means forced sex, not lost Virginity or Honor.

Please watch Queen.

“Instituting the idea of marital rape raises the specter of a man going for long periods without sex even though he’s married!”

62-year-old Indian man admits to sexually touching sleeping woman on plane.

Tulika shared the link below with this message:

“Treatment of sexual assault in Western Society – 

I request you to publish this news regarding sexual assault and how actually it should be dealt in a civilized society. What actually culture and civilisation means and gives support to its member.”

What do you think would have been the first reactions if this crime had taken place in India?

Indian man admits to sexually touching sleeping woman on plane

NEW YORK:  A 62-year-old Indian man has pleaded guilty to sexually touching a woman seated next to him aboard a flight from Houston to Newark and faces two years in prison.

The accused, Devender Singh, a resident of Louisiana

…  The charge carries a maximum potential penalty of two years in prison and a USD 250,000 fine. He is scheduled to be sentenced in October.  … Singh was seated next to a woman who occupied a window seat on a United Airlines flight from Houston to Newark. While the plane was in the air, the woman fell asleep and awoke to find him kissing her face with his hand inside her shirt.

After pushing Singh off of her and telling him to get away, the woman complained to a flight crew member about the incident and asked that the police be present when the plane landed.

The federal government has exclusive jurisdiction over all sexual abuse cases that occur on aircraft in flight in the US.

 

These TOI comments reflect how sexual crimes are viewed by many Indians,

1. Many seem to consider sexual assaults a natural outcome of men finding women sexually attractive.

Airliners has to allot seats in such a way to prevent this type of incidents, urge and attraction is God’s creation between two sexes. Our elders out of evolution and experience they have advocated,wearing veil,wearing non explosive dress code as advised by elderly intelligent people,monogamy,advise giving respect to fair sex and exhibiting their private parts publicly.

Fact: A response to: Why we think women activists should change their attitude of “wear what you like” [Link]

2. Others believe it’s young men who commit such crimes because they have no control over their ‘natural instincts’.

Hahahahah such a disgusting and funny thing i read today !! :v :p 60+ yrs old person hahha Chokra jawaan re jawaan re !! [the boy is young, is young]

Fact: What makes Men Rape? [link]

3. The idea that sexual assaults are caused by a man’s inability to ‘control their instincts’  is deep rooted.

A very shameful act that too from a 62 year old. When will people learn to control their instincts? The punishment is good and he deserves it for putting India and Indians to shame.

Fact: The rapists often don’t see their actions as crimes, the police said, and don’t expect the victims to report them. [link]

Why don’t we hear any talk about the requirement for consent in any sexual activity? Maybe because we fear that’s Sex Education?

Also, media campaigns could help create awareness about how often Sexual Crimes are not crimes of ‘lust’ or ‘natural urges’ but of hate, aggression and revenge (as in ‘Teaching a lesson’ to the woman) and sometimes of simply not knowing that any sexual act without consent is a crime.

Related Posts:

Rapist said that coming from Afghanistan meant he didn’t understand what ‘consent’ was.

“I am safe because I’m very careful in the way I behave and dress in public, on the streets.”

“Sometimes it seems like every single thing I do has the potential to be something ‘provocative’.” 

Have a Good Time in India, Sister (Gounderbrownie)

She started a fight between two men?

The night I was not an easy prey.

‘“Why would this girl lie? After all she is taking the blame on herself”, said the police officer to the criminal infront of me.’What’s the best way to fight for your rights and freedoms and to prevent Talibanization of India?

Allahabad girl Aarti Yadav beats harasser, sets bike on fire

“I will not sit back and allow the image of India’s men to be tarnished by an article that does not articulate other sides to India.”

“… people will say we encouraged these men to follow us… even though we are innocent”

Why should all acts of sexual harassment be taken seriously, even when there is no grievous physical injury?

What did Sharad Yadav mean by, ‘Who amongst us has not followed girls?’

Can you see what made the request seem so ridiculous to those who had the authority to deny it?

Do you see something wrong with a 4th year B.Tech, Electrical Engineering student wanting to be able to stay out long hours and exit the campus freely to continue working with a nonprofit startup the student has helped to found?

According to this link, the request was “not only turned down”, but the student was “also admonished and ridiculed for the same.”

Can you see what made the request seem so ridiculous to those who had the authority to deny it?

Because the student was a female student. (It seems the male students face no such restrictions or ridicule for wanting similar opportunities)

She described her encounter with the Pro-Vice Chancellor in a post on her Facebook profile. Another female student (who wishes to remain anonymous) supported her, and wrote some Facebook posts of her own. The posts attracted the attention of the VIT Student Council President, and they were advised to hold an opinion survey, to determine whether other female VIT students also have similar objections to gender inequality on campus.

At anonymized results are published here.

The two female students were each asked to remove their Facebook posts relating to Gender Discrimination at VIT, at the threat of losing their degrees.  Following a combination of threats from VIT administrators and urging from their parents, the two women deleted their Facebook posts advertising the survey.

The survey itself and the daily-updated results are controlled by E4D Director Ted Moallem, who has declined to remove the survey/results, at least until VIT acknowledges the gender discrimination issue and takes concrete measures to address it. [FROM – http://edu4development.org/vit-survey-and-fallout/]

Is empowerment possible without a Voice and without Freedom? And how does one fight discrimination without freedom? 

The Hindu covered the news:

Two VIT students sent home for dissent

In a bid to silence criticism of its rules, the VIT University, Vellore, has sent home two women students after they posted Facebook comments questioning rules imposed on girl students alone.

Students said the online survey was an eye-opener with many respondents stating that the discrimination was unfair and the curfew deprived them of many opportunities.  “You can either go for a GRE/ MBA class or volunteer with an NGO, not both, because you can go out only once a week,” …..

And here is why, I think, the  discrimination is so easy to implement,

Meanwhile, father of one of the students said the university was not at fault, and that they had brought back their daughter, as “she had a misconceived idea that the university was discriminating against women.” [Two VIT students sent home for dissent]

Do sign this petition ‘for equal rights for male and female students in the university campus‘ – 
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“Wonder how I survived for 4 years in this college!!”

“One of the so-called best professor of my department … advices his students (girls) that men can be satisfied only by two things…”

“Sunitha Krishnan spoke in my kid’s school about violence against women, only girls were allowed in the audience.”

“She was warned several times and was used to unethical practices like friendship with boys.”

Male escorts and whistles: IIT-Madras’s new safety plan.

Girls retaliate this time. But will the lectures on culture ever stop?

What did Sharad Yadav mean by, ‘Who amongst us has not followed girls?’

“The male community, including myself, needs only 10 minutes, just ten minutes… to send what is called sperm, into the uterus of a female.”

Plain-clothed police officers, warning signboards, cancellation of permits, helplines: SC directs States to take serious steps to curb Street Sexual Harassment.

“Why didn’t these women find life partners by dating?”

“Sometimes it seems like every single thing I do has the potential to be something ‘provocative’.”

An email: He did not want me to be “more” educated than he was.

St Stephen’s 40 per cent quota for boys : Reservation for men to continue?

An email: An Old fashioned boy friend and a Liberal girl friend.

Early and arranged marriages within the community prevent social ills.

Love Marriages spoil the Family System of our Nation.

And if a woman demands equality, she should behave exactly like a male…

The rapists often don’t see their actions as crimes, the police said, and don’t expect the victims to report them.

A Sari to make you a Respectable Indian Teacher.

“I am safe because I’m very careful in the way I behave and dress in public, on the streets.”

Everybody knows what women should do to not ‘get molested’ in India.

Here is some more advice for women in India. This is the sort of advice most Indian women – and men, grow up hearing.

“I’ve lived on my own in Mumbai and Delhi ever since I was 22 years old. It’s not that anything untoward has not happened to me because I’m blessed and born under the right stars or safe because I don’t have red hair, blue eyes and white skin. It’s because I’m very careful in the way I behave and dress in public, on the streets. This is the price you pay for living in India – especially as a single woman. You must be constantly vigilant.”

From: WHITE WOMAN’S BURDEN BY RAJYASREE SEN 

Is this popular advice based on facts? Does being ‘constantly vigilant’ (which most of us always are) keep Indian women safe? Why does this advice fail to work so often?

Maybe because the advice is almost impossible to follow. There is no specific description of what exactly does an Indian molester might consider ‘careless dressing’ or ‘careless behaviour’, but most women spend a lot of time worrying about it. This is what they go through, Sometimes it seems like every single thing I do has the potential to be something ‘provocative’.” [link]

I have seen women dance with abandon in religious festival, women also dance in wedding processions (baraat) – in the streets, with social sanction. But the rules are not clear, in fact Indian women (and men) spend their entire lives understanding what is appropriate for Indian women to do or not to do without risking their safety.

Which city in India, do you think is the safest city for women? Do women in that city stay at home after dark? [link]

Women have been told to wear sari with full sleeved blouses in Karnataka, no Salwar Kurta in Andhra, no Jeans in Kanpur – but Blank Noise found women were harassed no matter what they wore, take a look:

SEND ONE GARMENT YOU WORE WHEN YOU WERE “EVE TEASED”

Screen Shot 2013-08-29 at 2.01.01 PM

An honest look at women’s experiences has shown, time and again, that women are harassed no matter how careful they are. Most Indian women, just like Rose Chasm, try to be ‘careful’. They too carry safety pins and scissors (or whatever they consider careful enough), they try not to offend the molesters’ sensibilities by being too visible (by laughing aloud, whistling or humming in public spaces, or by wearing clothes that make them seem like there are no in laws/parents/spouse/boyfriend/neighbours’ first cousins’ nephews/teachers advising them to ‘remain within their limits’ etc).

Rose Chasm made an effort too, but like most Indian women, she too managed to offend the sensibilities of Indian molesters (and those who support them [link]) by not understanding that she could dance on Indian streets, but only under some conditions –  in a wedding possession in North India, she could actually wear a backless choli too, and unless it’s her unlucky day, then in Ganpati celebrations too. I have seen and admired women do that, have envied and wished it was possible to dance with such abandon on Delhi streets too. How did I know it isn’t? Nobody told me, and yet I didn’t even attempt it – why?

It takes growing up in India, or an entire life time, to get a general idea of what Indian street molesters would not be excused for, or not permitted to get away with.

And Indian women still manage to ‘get molested’. I have witnessed and intervened when women were being harassed in traditional attire, one with a child next to her. (The night I was not an easy prey [link]) I wore a skirt once and jeans the other time, the victims wore salwar kurta both the times, and they were not in Andhra Pradesh where salwar kurta is considered ‘fashionable’ (and sexual harassment of fashionably dressed women is seen as expected by most political leaders and the police and the family elders etc, although there is no law permitting such violent but indirect moral policing. How is a foreigner to understand this?)

It seems Indian molesters are wary of women who have a Voice. The ‘man on the street’ also avoids harassing women who appear to have a support system.

For example, what made it safe for so many women to be out, dancing, after dark, on the streets of Gurgaon? [Link]

No matter how carelessly or carefully women are dressed, if they have a Voice and a Support System, they are not harassed. Because sexual harassment in India thrives on, 1.)  The silencing of victims (often by other women too) and 2.) By absolute lack of a support system, including blaming and shaming of the women by the police and the political leaders.

Here is how Rajyasree Sen sees this:

…there is a skewed psychological and sexual dynamic between men and women in the country, and you cannot visit or live in India without keeping this in mind. And you would be a fool to think that you can just ignore it when you visit this country.

Would you say women who are harassed in public spaces in India do it because they fail to keep the risks in mind? Or because if they kept all the risks in mind, they would probably never step out of their homes (although they are not safe at home either [- Study finds 98% of India rape victims knew their attacker.]

And no, the normal man on the street is not used to seeing any woman gyrating or even doing graceful pirouettes next to them during religious festivals.

How did the Indian ‘man on the street’ come to be seen as so invincible and yet so helpless? Maybe because we don’t believe the harassment on the streets can be controlled and so we make no effort? Pubs in Andhra to be officially Reserved For Men?

Have a Good Time in India, Sister (Gounderbrownie)

Forget dancing, they still find it an oddity to see women walking around in market places or checking into hotels alone.

And how do many of us think, should we deal with this?

1. By ensuring that the ‘man on the street’ understands that not-understanding is not an excuse to molest? 2.Or by informing women of the risk they are taking (specially non-Indians) – (what all would you warn them against if they plan to travel?) 3. Or by asking women (and little girls) to anticipate/randomly guess at the man-on-the-street’s lack of understanding and to ‘be careful’?

Which option has been found to work? Why doesn’t ‘being careful’ work for millions of Indian women? Maybe because it’s not the women who can stop the crimes they do not commit.

In some parts of the country it is unacceptable for women to bare their faces in the presence of men they are not married to. This has nothing to do with whether a woman is white or not.
Which is why, you need to be careful in India as a woman. Which is why no sane woman would burst into dance in the middle of a group of men during Ganesh Chaturthi festivals. Whether you’re brown, black, white or blue – you will be stared at.

Blaming, shaming, silencing at work.

It’s normal for ‘sane’ women and men to understand that all fun and partying in India is for men, that if there are fewer or no women dancing that’s because that’s the ‘sane’ thing to do. Common sense!? Maybe for Indian women, who have grown up in India and have been taught this from the day they were born, from when their parents were consoled (at the birth of a girl child) but also reminded that ‘raising a daughter is a very challenging task’. [link]

I frankly find it odd that the University of Chicago gives no briefing to their female students or on the cultural intricacies of India. That this is a country where most men have a skewed psycho-sexual dynamic with women. That you must not stay in dingy hotels in Goa if you’re a bunch of women travelling alone. That you MUST be extra-careful in public places. And do college students of “Civilisations” do NO research on the cultural intricacies of places they visit?

And this is how we deal with it? Blame everybody except the perpetrators, and those who excuse their crimes. Discourage sharing of experiences, and attempt to silence/invalidate the voices that object to being harassed.

But while India is a place where women need to just be a little vigilant, it’s the same as any other city in any other country women visit.

India is not a country friendly to women. Neither is it one spilling over with lecherous potential rapists. But, much like other countries, this is also one in which white/black/brown women need to be careful while travelling through. It is RoseChasm’s shock, surprise and skewed perception of being a “sexual prize” because she’s a white woman which surprises me.

Are you too surprised that RoseChasm saw herself at a greater risk because her white skin and red hair made her more ‘visible’ in a country where being invisible is seen as being careful?

Here’s a response I agree with:

anan 

The whole point of Rose Chasm’s article was that despite being a South Asian Studies student and preparing for her visit, she was still shocked by how bad it could get. This is not surprising or unique. It is unfair to dismiss lived experience as “not being prepared enough.”

Related Posts:

“I will not sit back and allow the image of India’s men to be tarnished by an article that does not articulate other sides to India.”

What kind of men are likely to sexually assault women?

Is stalking of girls and women illegal in India?

Would women be in some ways empowered if they saw no shame in what they could risk being called?

What did Sharad Yadav mean by, ‘Who amongst us has not followed girls?’

Love Marriages spoil the family system of the nation

I do not like reservation.

In Gurgaon, jobs, safety and roads after 8 pm, reserved for men?

I don’t care for freedom

A response to: Why we think women activists should change their attitude of “wear what you like”

Yet another rape that was not about lust but about aggression, revenge and putting the victim in her place.

Who will benefit from criminalising sexual assaults within marriages?

Here’s how Indian universities deal with sexual harassment, generally, women’s safety is not the issue, their future marriages are.

1. Love Marriages spoil the family system of the nation,

2. “Wonder how I survived for 4 years in this college!!”

3. Male escorts and whistles: IIT-Madras’s new safety plan.

4. It is neither correct nor wise to judge one generation with the values of another.

5. “She was warned several times and was used to unethical practices like friendship with boys.”

And some wishful thinking…

6. When a college principal refused to be a Taliban ally 😉

Of course it was unsafe to ask for lift, but what exactly were their options?

What if the women were rushing, due to some emergency, to be with their in laws? Or if they were coming home from the airport or the railway station? Would the rapists then deserve a stricter sentence?

What do most Indian women (or men?) do in similar circumstances? How do you manage when you have to go somewhere late in the evening?

Two women gang-raped in moving car in Gurgaon

The girls alleged that the men took turns in raping them inside the car, a police officer said, adding that a medical examination confirmed rape.

The victims lodged a complaint that they were offered a lift in the car outside a Gurgaon pub last night where they had attended a party, Deputy Commissioner of Police (East) Maheshwar Dayal told reporters.

“The two women took lift from MG Road to Delhi last night in the car. After travelling for some distance, two more men boarded the car,” Dayal said. [link]

Although the first sentence mentions that medical examination confirmed rape, many comments suspect the women were sex workers who were not paid and hence falsely alleged rape.

Or maybe they think sex workers’ are paid to get raped by men so that men’s daughters and sisters are not sexually assaulted? Many Indians don’t know that sex workers are equal citizens and it is a crime to have sex with them without their consent.

Here’s a comment:

Why!! ??
Why did they ask for lift ??
Is the location of lift (the Pub) right place to ask for lift ??
May be they are hookers and when they were not paid they called it rape.

Not all girls are same dude!!
Relax

Of course it was unsafe to ask for lift, but was there safer night time public transport available?

What were their options?

Option 1: Ideally and most of the police, neighborhood uncles and political leaders prefer this option – women should not go to pubs at all. In fact, many believe that women should not drink at all, liquor in India is made and sold for men’s consumption.

Option 2: If you do go, then leave before 8 pm [Link] while the rest of the people (i.e. men) continue to enjoy.

[Andhra government has actually reserved pubs for men after 10 pm [Link]. So now, in Andhra, if a rapist can prove that the victim was coming from a pub when she was assaulted, she can be legally blamed for ‘asking for it’?]

Option 3: Drive your own car and hope there are no break downs on the way home.

Please note: If you are with male friends then you are asking for some serious victim blaming, because you are going against Indian culture. Going with your brother/cousin doesn’t help much either – link.

Option 4: If you choose to not go to the pub and decide instead to order pizza at home – that would be asking for it too. Mumbai pizza delivery boy tries to rape, kill woman.

Option 5: So why not cook your own meal instead and serve it to your family (not friends, because female friends should be in their owns homes after dark, and male friends are against Indian culture) with a pleasing smile? There’s is joy in not doing what you feel like doing. Dancing, drinking, ‘drinking and driving’ are men’s vices.

UPDATE: There seem to be two versions of the same news. Did they take lift or did they hire a cab? Do they just get blamed or do they get blamed a little more? The good thing is, a medical examination was done and  the police is looking for the rapists.

Gurgaon, June 27 (IANS) …

The two women had hired a car outside the Sahara Mall for Rs.300 to go to Tughlaqabad area in south Delhi. The driver, however, let two other men into the car. [Two Delhi women gang-raped in Gurgaon, five held]

Don’t such crimes take place before dark?

There was less victim blaming when a 24-year-old BPO employee was abducted and gang-raped in a moving car in Gurgaon. The survivor had just finished her afternoon shift at 7pm and was waiting for a cab outside her office at the Delhi-Gurgaon Expressway, when the incident occurred. Read more: [Link]

In the same city, on the same road, a woman was raped when she was traveling in a Radio Cab [Link], and another was accompanied by her brother in a cab, but was dragged out of the cab and raped [link], and yet another was molested by a mob [Link].

And yet, these women danced on these streets after dark. [Link]

Wouldn’t public spaces become safer for all women if there were more women out on the streets at all hours?

Related Posts:

In Gurgaon, jobs, safety and roads after 8 pm, reserved for men?

Pubs in Andhra to be officially Reserved For Men?

How does the Gurgaon administration make it even more difficult for women to find employment, and stay safe on Gurgaon roads?

Gurgaon pub attendant gang rape victim: Went willingly? Refused medical test?

India leads in sexual violence, worst on gender equality: Study

Why was this radio cabbie, a rapist, not afraid of being arrested?

Kai Po Che : Through feminist eyes…

The night women were safe on Gurgaon roads.

One Billion Rising, Gurgaon : Photographs.

Pubs in Andhra to be officially Reserved For Men?

Does the absence of women in public spaces makes these spaces safer for women? 

Can you imagine such reservation possible if it wasn’t for Patriarchal traditions?

Link and message shared by Madhavi Kaivalya K

Hi IHM,

I came across this some time ago but turned a blind eye. But I can’t any more. This is so outrageous and people should know what kind of powers we’re giving to what kind of Govt.:

I think it will be good if you can blog about this. I don’t understand – if men are committing crimes against women, they should ban men in public places after 10.00 p.m. I know it’s not men Vs. women but this news is so outrageous.

I’ve a suggestion for those who claim that men can get provoked and lose control when they see women dressed in a certain manner – Just take a vote and pluck the eyes of everyone who claims that they can lose control when they see women being dressed “provocatively”. I don’t want to sound barbaric but if that’s what they claim, then this would be the right course of action to keep the country safe rather than restricting women.

Thanks & Regards,
Madhavi Kaivalya K

Another gem from Andhra:

Freedom at midnight but doesn’t mean we can roam around freely at midnight

Those who make such reservations for Indian men seem to believe that generations of Indian men are like kids, singing the first part of this post,

An Indian Shravan Kumar’s poem to his mother

I might be thirty five year old,
But I still crave for your food.
Yes, I do have a wife,
But all she gives me is strife,
Over things I don’t do,
Or wasn’t taught to do,
Like how I need to grow up,
And get things in order,
But what do I do, I always had you,
Fussing over my every single mood,… [Click here to read the entire post]

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What’s the best way to fight for your rights and freedoms and to prevent Talibanization of India?

I do not like reservation.

In Gurgaon, jobs, safety and roads after 8 pm, reserved for men?

I don’t care for freedom

Male escorts and whistles: IIT-Madras’s new safety plan.

One Billion Rising, Gurgaon : Photographs.

One Billion Rising, Gurgaon : Photographs.

Indian women dancing in the streets?One Billion Rising, Gurgaon : Photographs

After dark?

Dancing (safely) in the streets... is that too much to ask?
One Billion Rising, Gurgaon : Photograph

This is the same Gurgaon where women were advised to see public spaces, after 8 PM, as  reserved for rapists, men and criminals. [Link]

One Billion Rising, Gurgaon : Photographs

On Dec 31st 2011, on this same M G Road a young woman was assaulted by gangs of men who also seem to believe that the roads were Reserved for them, specially after dark. [Link]

M G Road, One Billion Rising, Gurgaon : PhotographsAnd this is the same Sahara Mall where a rape victim was accused of being at the wrong place at the wrong time? [Link]

Sahara Mall, One Billion Rising, Gurgaon : Photographs

One Billion Rising, Gurgaon : Photographs

 Then what made it safe for so many women to be out on the streets of Gurgaon?

One Billion Rising, Gurgaon : Photographs

Is it the large numbers…?

Then does it mean larger numbers of women on streets make streets safer for women and children? [I agree with Ankita Yadava it does.]

Safety in numbers. One Billion Rising, Gurgaon : Photographs

Is it the presence of Police with instructions to take women’s safety seriously?

One Billion Rising, Gurgaon : Photographs

Does it help that there are men on the streets who understand that it’s not Protection but Freedom and Self Reliance that makes women safe.

Friends of women, One Billion Rising, Gurgaon : Photographs

One Billion Rising, Gurgaon : Photographs

Is it the awareness that these women are unlikely to be silenced?

One Billion Rising, Gurgaon : Photographs

Will not be silenced, One Billion Rising, Gurgaon : Photographs

Peace, One Billion Rising, Gurgaon : Photographs

One Billion Rising, Gurgaon : Photographs

One Billion Rising, Gurgaon : Photographs

Misogyny Hai Hai, One Billion Rising, Gurgaon : Photographs

One Billion Rising, Gurgaon : Photographs

One Billion Rising, Gurgaon : Photographs

Not likely to be silenced, One Billion Rising, Gurgaon : Photographs

Because they understand what it means to have a Voice.

One Billion Rising, Gurgaon : Photographs

A crowd had gathered and I am hoping that those present, even if they disagreed, were listening. [Link]

Curious onlookers: One Billion Rising, Gurgaon : Photographs

Curious onlookers, One Billion Rising, Gurgaon : Photographs

Equal Citizens, Equal Rights

Equal Citizens Equal Rights

And another post and photographs here:

One Billion Rising Gurgaon: Burying Misogyny and celebrating equality

Related Posts:

Gurgaon pub attendant gang rape victim: Went willingly? Refused medical test?

In Gurgaon, jobs, safety and roads after 8 pm, reserved for men?

How does the Gurgaon administration make it even more difficult for women to find employment, and stay safe on Gurgaon roads?

So is sale and consumption of liquor related to crimes that take place in an area?

Photographs: Protest March, M G Road, Gurgaon.

Is there any other way this crime could have been controlled?

EDITED TO ADD: More pictures here on the facebook page of The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker,

One Billion Rising, 14 Feb 2013, Funky Funeral: Misogyny Faut Hui. Kya Haseen Maut Hui

Reserved seats and coaches are not a special indulgence towards women, they are an indication of a serious social problem.

I received an email about a young girl who faced sexual harassment from one man, and blame from more than fifty other male passengers because they resented her being in what they felt was their space. She was traveling in the general compartment of the Delhi Metro.

Reserved seats and coaches are not a special indulgence towards women, they are an indication of a serious social problem.

1. In many ways public transport and spaces in India seem to be reserved for men. Women’s use of public spaces is seen as a privilege, or even as an encroachment into men’s spaces.

Since many other basic human rights  depend on the direct use of public transport, this denial affects the entire society.

For example, many young girls are denied education because of fear of men’s behaviour in public spaces, if they are allowed education they are not allowed to travel too far from home. Working women face the same. (Leads to the thinking that it’s a man’s world). 

Since most women have fathers, brothers, children and loved ones who are non-women, it affects almost everybody.

2. Many Indian families don’t want female family members to interact with men, so again women are not allowed in what are seen as men’s spaces or ‘general public’s  spaces’.

Now segregation is unhealthy, and we must continue to work towards making general/public spaces available to all citizens. But none of this is possible without education and self reliance of more and more women.

Because only when women and their families feel the need for safe travel and use of public spaces (parks, roads, public transport, markets, malls and work places etc), can we expect the society to understand and get used to the idea that a ‘dereservation of public spaces ‘ is needed.

Until general/public spaces become safe enough for women, society and police to stop treating them as men’s spaces, women must have means to travel. ‘Reserving’ (or sort of dereserving) some seats or coaches for women is a small step in that direction. Do reserved seats and coaches mean the rest of the spaces are forbidden to women ?

Do you see ‘general compartments’ as spaces reserved for men? If yes, then in what ways does the society benefit from this?

Don’t you think women traveling safely in general compartments (whenever they can) would eventually get the general public get used to seeing them as a part of the population? And isn’t that the only way to ensure that eventually no ladies ‘ coaches are needed?

Haryana panchayat cuts off married girls from parents’ property

Haryana doesn’t want daughters to be born because daughters  are not seen as children, heirs or family members.

Haryana panchayat cuts off married girls from parents’ property

A Haryana panchayat has banned married women in the village from seeking a share of parental property. The panchayat, which was attended by over 400 villagers, was held at Thua village in Jind last week…

Activists have termed the move illegal as the Hindu Succession (Amendment) Act, 2005, states that daughters enjoy equal rights over family property. Deputy commissioner of Jind, Yudhbir Singh Khyalia, has slapped a showcause notice on the village sarpanch and demanded an explanation for the violation of constitutional rights. Ironically, the order came from a woman sarpanch, Santosh Rani. “We will take action after receiving her reply,” the police officer said.

The panchayat resolution states: “Every girl will have to part with her share of parental land and hand it over to her brothers. If she has no brother, she will give it to other family members at her parental home. If a woman violates the diktat, she will face social boycott and have to pay a fine.” Village pradhan Amar Lal Kaliramna has gone a step further. He said even those who will buy land from married women will be ostracized.

Jind Bar Council member Vinod Bansal said, “If a girl approaches the court, she’ll get her share of her property. After her father’s death, property is transferred to legal heirs, which includes daughters.” [Link: Haryana panchayat cuts off married girls from parents’ property]

How honor killings are linked to property rights for women.

Jagmati Sangwan (during the  discussion after the screening of ‘Izzatnagar ki asabhya betiyan’ -The Immoral Daughters in the Land of Honour.)

A rough translation.

“On paper daughters have property rights, if the daughters try to claim this right, they can be ostracized or killed.

Now when girls started choosing ‘choice-marriage’, there were fears that now they might start claiming the property rights which were till now only on paper, and they have started making these claims too… Now when land is being sold, and so much money is being made, then girls want that they should also get their share. Now when marriages happen where there is equality, and when women aspire for equality, then there is a risk that girls would get emboldened to claim their share in property too, and this is what has got these men terrified, that today they are choosing their partners, next they could claim for their equal rights in property share… this is the threat that has got them so worried.”

Do you think families and communities who deny an equal share in property to their daughters, could honestly say that they love them equally, and if they don’t/can’t, then can they be trusted to make unprejudiced decisions for their daughter’s future?

Related posts:

Equal Rights and Opportunities for all?
Reservation by custom and tradition is acceptable.
Dheeyaan dee maa rani, bhudhaapey bharey paani
Parents should choose the boy for a girl aged below 21, as it is they who bear the brunt of an unsuccessful marriage – Karnataka HC
Can dowry ensure happiness and security for a girl?
Can Dowry be compared to Inheritance?
The traditional arrangement is equal in distributing the responsibilities?
What is equality?
…for the welfare of women certain customs were formulated
The Powers of the Protectors.
Paraya dhan and her limited rights.
Miyan Biwi razi to BAN karega Kazi?
Is it possible to solve a problem without treating the cause?
Indian family values are good for Indian daughters?
A woman is not a woman’s worst enemy. Patriarchy is.
The interference of parents in the married life of their daughters…
India leads in sexual violence, worst on gender equality: Study
Don’t treat the cause, the problem will never go.
A daughter in law’s legal rights in her in law’s house are the same as her husband’s rights. Whatever is his, is hers.
“My wife often rakes up property issues, or rues the expenses on my father’s ill-health.”
Early and arranged marriages within the community prevent social ills.
Four kinds of marriages in modern India. Which ones would you ban?
Can you be equal if you are not allowed to make equal contribution?
Cabinet clears bill: Equal rights in Marital property, Easier divorce.
Skewed sex ratio is not caused by sex selective abortions.