Marriage Sacred in India, So Marital Rape Does Not Apply: Government

Live in Relationships continue to be safer for Indian women. [Marriage Vs Live in Relationships : Twelve points to note.]

Marriage Sacred in India, So Marital Rape Does Not Apply: Government 

“It is considered that the concept of marital rape, as understood internationally, cannot be suitably applied in the Indian context due to various factors, including level of education, illiteracy, poverty, myriad social customs and values, religious beliefs, mindset of the society to treat marriage as a sacrament,” Minister of State for Home, Haribhai Parathibhai Chaudhary said in the Rajya Sabha.

He was replying to a written question by DMK’s K Kanimozhi, who had asked whether the government was planning to amend the law to make marital rape a crime. She had also asked whether the UN Committee on Elimination of Discrimination Against Women had recommended to India that marital rape should be criminalised.

On the contrary, permitting Marital Rape makes it impossible for Indians (rich or poor, educated or illiterate) to understand that sex without consent is rape. It makes the society view sex as something men are entitled to, and something that the society owes them.

Poverty and illiteracy do not make men view rape misogynistically  – Patriarchy does. Patriarchy defines rape as a crime against the owners of the person raped. ( for e.g. the victim’s future husband whose property/honor is attacked; or the male members of her community).

The ‘concept of marital rape, as understood internationally’ is actually the easiest to understand – Sex without consent is Rape. Making Marital Rape a crime would make all Indians understand this international definition the most easily. (It’s common sense actually, if viewed without Patriarchal glasses)

Once we view rape as a violent crime, like stabbing or an acid attack – we will see why being poor or illiterate doesn’t make it easier to live with threat of being sexually assaulted.

Also consider, ‘Myriad social customs and values, religious beliefs’ are all meant to enrich and empower, not threaten the society and empower the violent or abusive.

Also ‘social customs’ allowed infanticide, male child preference, dowry and widow burning, our ancestors had the wisdom to see them as inhuman crimes.

The ‘mindset of the society to treat marriage as a sacrament’ leads to women being raised as future daughters in law.

It leads to almost half the population being raised to view Getting Married, Staying Married or Die Trying as their goal in life. And we know this leads to male child preference, dowry, sex selection, skewed gender ratio and lack of value and respect for women in our society.

Four things that can change the mindset mentioned above:

1. Define lack of consent as rape.

2. Acknowledge Marital Rape is a crime.

3. Law for fair division of Marital assets in case of divorce or separation (to make it easier for victims to walk out of abusive marriages).

4. Ban forced marriages, and child marriages. Make it easier for young adults to walk away from semi-forced marriages.

5. Make it easier for women to walk out of abusive or unhappy marriages.

Related Posts:

India leads in sexual violence, worst on gender equality: Study

Five rapists in Patna want to marry gangrape victim.

Three thoughts on Bhag Milkha Bhag.

“In my own company in a cosmopolitan city, I know women who were horrified on the First Night.”

Refusal to have sex during honeymoon is not cruelty: Bombay high court

Who will benefit from criminalising sexual assaults within marriages?

Would this crime have been reported if he had mercilessly raped her but not sodomised her?

A comment- ‘Reverse the gender, and it is marital rape.’

Rapist groom should have waited a little to satiate his lusty desires without problems which he has got into.

For Victims and Survivors of Marital Rapes.

Where Consensual Sex is Rape, and Forced Sex a legal right.

Forcible sex with wife doesn’t amount to marital rape: Court

Forced intercourse in marriage not rape: Delhi court

Panchayat orders girl to marry her rapist because one way to make a Rape right is to make it Marital Rape.

What do you think of these doubts regarding recognition of marital rape as a crime?

“Instituting the idea of marital rape raises the specter of a man going for long periods without sex even though he’s married!”

Making Marital Rape a legal offence is the fastest way to make it clear that Rape means forced sex, not lost Virginity or Honor.

 

 

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Things that (continue to) happen to Indian women.

What kind of society tolerates misogynists preaching about banning self reliance, banning independence, banning being heard and being seen, banning communication and opportunities, banning mobiles, jeans, support networks and socialising, or banning  anything that could facilitate to Choice-Marriages?

1. It is legal for women to choose who they wish to marry or live with, but anybody can make statements that incite parents to deny their daughters this right.

“Our mothers, sisters….did they die if there were no mobiles during their time,” [Link shared by Sandhya]

I say this at all the places where I make my speeches. And if any of these kids have a mobile, take them away. What are they missing anyway? What are the girls missing without mobile,” Rajya Sabha MP Rajpal Singh Saini said.”
“Our mothers, sisters….did they die if there were no mobiles during their time,” he said addressing party workers in Muzaffarnagar on Sunday night.

Saini also reportedly conveyed this view to a man who sought his help after his daughter had eloped.
The BSP leader told him that the mobile phone was the main cause behind his daughter’s elopement.

Nearly all the controls on women are based on their being expected to Get Married and Stay Married to someone their family/community has chosen for them. Please read how denying mobiles (and other freedoms) to girls is related to Sex Selection and Dowry Deaths, here.

How illegal bans on Valentine’s day and birthday parties are connected with dowry deaths and sex selection.

2. The social stigma against young Indians choosing their own partners means crimes like this are frequently not taken as seriously as they should be.

Gulbarga train was burned to kill lovers: Police

Couple’s hands and feet were tied

…A witness to the events in the stationary train, Naseema, 40, told police that four persons barged into the bogie, closed the window shutters and poured kerosene before setting the bogie on fire. “The girl’s body was found with her hands and legs tied with her dupatta (veil) and the boy’s body was found in a position as if his hands and legs were tied with a rope. Before fleeing, the four miscreants cried “Chal be chal, kaam ho gaya!” indicating that the foursome had a hand in setting alight the boy and girl,” said a senior police officer. The police, however, are awaiting their postmortem reports before declaring it a hate crime.

3.  How do you think would these male students with ‘prying eyes’ view women in the society with rules like this?

Aren’t schools supposed to teach them that women are people not bodies to wrapped and protected?

Face it, teachers cloak in aprons to dodge cams 

KOCHI: Managements of several private schools in Kerala want women teachers to adopt a dress code to avoid prying eyes of male students. They have suggested teachers wear an apron or an overcoat “to cover themselves properly” in class.

…”We also received many complaints that unruly comments about teachers’ anatomy appearing as graffiti on toilet walls,” Khan said. “This decision has been taken only to ensure proper respect for their privacy. We don’t want to hurt anyone by implementing this.”

I personally believe that teachers are role models and need to dress in a decent manner, whether there is a dress code or not,” said Kerala CBSE School Management Association general secretary Indira Rajan.

No matter what they wear, saree, salwars or jeans, women can not cover themselves enough so long as they are expected to become invisible to ‘prying eyes of male’ anybody.

4. This is how vulnerable Get Married-Stay Married makes women (and their families).

Read what this brother (traditionally responsible for protecting a sister’s marriage and honor) did so that his ‘sister would not have to face the wrath of her husband’.

Man kidnaps five-year-old boy to give him to his childless sister

The police said that the accused, Rakesh Raghuvanshi, wanted to help his sister by kidnapping Manthan.Rakesh’s sister, who was married for the past 20 years, was childless … “He thought that by giving Manthan to her sister, their family problems would be solved and her sister would not have to face the wrath of her husband,” police officials said.

5. The wrath of an Indian husband.

And here’s what the wrath of an Indian husband can lead to (amongst thousands of other things like acid attacks, padlocked genitals etc). Remember we teach Indian men, when they are in school, that women’s bodies are everybody’s business.

A man allegedly suspended his 38-year-old wife upside down, tonsured her head and put chilli powder in her private parts.

With the help of his brothers. The man suspected his wife was involved with another man of the same village.

[Link shared by Tikuli, on facebook]

6. 35 year old under trial jail inmate started behaving abnormally (scared), found pregnant. 

When a society sees women as sexual objects to be protected from prying eyes, and not as humans, it makes women extremely vulnerable to such horrible crimes.

Inmate treated for mental illness, found pregnant in MP jail

A 35-year-old under-trial woman who was housed in Madhya Pradesh’s Jhabua jail and later brought to Indore district jail is found pregnant. However, it is not clear whether she became pregnant in Jhabua or Indore district jail. Director general (prisons) has ordered a probe.

Anitabai was lodged in Jhabua jail on January 18 on charge of killing her mother-in-law. She was brought to the mental hospital around 4 days ago.

On the court orders, the inmate was sent to the mental hospital after she started behaving abnormally. Sources at the mental hospital, requesting anonymity, said she is scared and her behaviour shows she has been the victim of atrocities.

6. And even today some women die because they become mothers.

I had blogged about Karishma’s mother, who died after giving birth on a filthy roadside in Shanker Market. She could have been saved. [link].

And now,

Damini’s mother died due to anaemia five days after she was born. With no close relatives on hand rickshaw puller Babloo decided to take his small daughter with him to work. But, being out in the open eventually took its toll on the infant and she fell ill. At just 1.4 kilos, she is severely malnourished and is also suffering from a blood infection. Doctors say she will probably need transfusion.

This rickshaw puller has a child strapped to his chest [link shared by Shaloo]

 

Would it help if women have a voice, and if women don’t have to spend so much time trying to become invisible?