An email from An Adult Male of India : “Every single family sitting or phone call will eventually lead to….”

Sharing an email from An Adult Male of India.

Dear IHM

I am an adult male of India.

Family background is moderate as parents are govt. servant and we have been nuclear family since 1986. I am an engineer by profession having typical life style in Delhi. Parents stay in home town. I have a younger (6years) brother, who is studying as of now.

My mother has been fierce and open rebel against societal stereotypes in many things which she could understand and comprehend as stereotype as much as I have seen her though my father is a product of patriarchal system and stereotype which he pretend not to be so as far as it does not hurt his own interests. You have to imagine what kind of battleground home can become in with these two personalities in same room.

Because of studies and work I had to leave home town a long back (~11year) and since inception of my comprehending abilities I have been an introvert person who don’t interrupt anybody as far as it does not intrude in my space but at the same time have very strong but logical view point at his own.

I have made my own decisions so far which I intend to continue till death and everything was hunky-dory till a year back. In last one year my folks have started showing a pressure on me (including my brother – surprisingly) to get married. Every single family sitting or phone call will eventually lead to a holy grail – my marriage.

I tried to tell them to mind their own business in every possible way – love, reasoning, compassionately, fight and what not. They agree at that point of time but later on like weeds it comes again.

I asked her/them why they are doing this and in reply I get answer like,

1. Societal pressure(?) – I asked her that when she be rebel all her life whats wrong now which silence her and to en extent father and brother too but then again.. like a weed.. comes again
2. There is a right age to get married
3. Other people my age have kids by now
4. Why I don’t want to get married

There is cross fire every time and after that a deathly silence.

I love my family beyond doubts but this is become burden I just cant keep saying same thing all the time and ruin my time and their too. Its damaging my relation with them. It damaging family in whole.

I fail to understand why cant they leave this to me to make this decision too?  What is the way out?

On the other hand, I don’t know why one should get married. I don’t know what to say when I am asked why am I not getting married. Its like I don’t know.

I meet ladies and I have many friends but at the end of day I don’t see that understanding part in them. Ladies are interested in getting settle down living in one city whole life and babies etc. Well that not my cut. I don’t know what is settling down.

The thought of settling in one city with a family with kids makes me restless. I want to travel. I travel a lot for personal and professional reasons. My idea is when I am on my death bed my passport should have every damn country’s stamp on it. I want to make money for that. I am having a business acumen in me and keep trying. I am happy with my self professionally but if come back to ladies. I don’t know why it is difficult to just live and let live.

So far my family were source of my energy but now they are sucking my energy like anything. I feel tired after talking to them. I don’t feel like talking to them.

Is there any way out of this?

An Adult Male of India

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