These lines sum up the biggest reason for male child preference and skewed gender ratio in India.

In these lines is summed the biggest reason for male child preference and skewed gender ratio in India. This is a rough translated – please let me know any errors.

Generations of Indian paraya dhan (daughters), including those who are educated and independent (Modern but Traditional Patriarchal), are brought up for this patriarchal self sacrifice. Note: For many people Traditional and Patriarchal are synonyms.

Link shared by Sarika Varshney, See the Original Post here : https://www.facebook.com/Train.aa.gayi.hai/posts/607036439354085

एक लड़की ससुराल चली गई, A girl went to her marital home

कल की लड़की आज बहु बन गई. yesterday’s girl became a daughter in law today
कल तक मौज करती लड़की, Until yesterday she had fun

अब ससुराल की सेवा करना सीख गई. Now she has learnt to serve her in laws [“I will never live in a joint family, it has its roots in patriarchy and benefits only men.”]

कल तक तो टीशर्ट और जीन्स पहनती लड़की, Until yesterday she wore jeans and Tshirt [No Jeans For Indian Daughters in Law.]

आज साड़ी पहनना सीख गई. Today she has learnt to wear sari [Why do Indian women like to wear western clothes?]

पिहर में जैसे बहती नदी, The flowing river in her maika (parents’ home)
आज ससुराल की नीर बन गई. has become water in her marital home
रोज मजे से पैसे खर्च करती लड़की, Everyday she spent money happily
आज साग-सब्जी का भाव करना सीख गई. Today she has learn to save/haggle/negotiate while buying vegetables [“Her husband has told her she can leave if she wishes, she does not have a steady income of her own.”]

कल तक FULL SPEED स्कुटी चलाती लड़की, Until yesterday she drove scootie FULL SPEED [When a newly married Indian woman gives up her career, what else does she give up?]
आज BIKE के पीछे बैठना सीख गई. Now she has learnt to ride pillion on the BIKE

कल तक तो तीन टाईम फुल खाना खाती लड़की, She ate three times, full meals till yesterday [It’s not about hot hot chappaties.]

आज ससुराल में तीन टाईम का खाना बनाना सीख गई. Today she has learnt to cook three time in her marital home [Daughter-in-law should not be treated as domestic help, says Supreme Court]

हमेशा जिद करती लड़की, She was always obstinate/She had a mind of her own
आज पति को पूछना सीख गई. Now she has learnt to take permission from her husband [“The sense of entitlement that’s hard-wired into every male child in an Indian household”]

कल तक तो मम्मी से काम करवाती लड़की, Until yesterday she made her mother work [Dheeyaan dee maa rani, bhudhaapey bharey paani]

आज सासुमां के काम करना सीख गई. Has today learnt to work for her mother in law
कल तक तो भाई-बहन के साथ झगड़ा करती लड़की, Until yesterday this girl fought with her siblings
आज नणंद का मान करना सीख गई. Today she has learnt to respect her spouse’s sister’s wishes
कल तक तो भाभी के साथ मजाक करती लड़की, Till yesterday she joked with her brother’s wife
आज जेठानी का आदर करना सीख गई. Todays she has learnt to respect her husband’s older brother’s wife
पिता की आँख का पानी, [A daughter is] the water in her father’s eyes
ससुर के ग्लास का पानी बन गई.  Has become her father in law’s glass of water
फिर लोग कहते हैं कि बेटी ससुराल जाना सीख गई. Then people say that the girl has learnt to go to her marital home.
(यह बलिदान केवल लड़की ही कर सकती है,इसिलिए हमेशा लड़की की झोली वात्सल्य से भरी रखना…) Only a girl can make this sacrifice, this is why, may her lap be full of motherly love (maybe this means ‘may she have many male children for her spouse’s family name to continue)
बात निकली है तो दूर तक जानी चाहिये!!! Now that this has been said, may these words go far.

We even have an Ideal Daughters in Laws school in Madhya Pradesh. 

This is why all Indians value sons – to provide their families with daughters in law described in the post above. Like DG has pointed out in a comment – in a traditional patriarchal setup, un-marriageable sons are valued less than marriageable/married sons.

Related Posts:

Should women be given a share in residential property of the husband, including inherited and inheritable property?

Can’t end marriage over sari 😉

Some basic questions on joint family finances and daughters in law.

An email: My principal fear is my wife is not going to be able to love my parents as much as I do.

“I have to seek permission for visiting parents. My phone bill has to be reasonable. My expenses nominal. And my desires non-existent.”

Instead of eyeing their husbands’ ancestral property, why don’t Indian daughters in law make their own homes?

Should women be given a share in residential property of the husband, including inherited and inheritable property?

The interference of parents in the married life of their daughters…

How important is it for a girl to get married and stay married?

Adarsh Bhartiya Nari – Ideal Indian Woman… !!!

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“A Hindu woman derives immense pleasure in sacrifice for her husband. The white man will never ever understand this.”

Here is a Karvachauth post that makes some ‘scientific’ claims about Hindu women, their happiness, sacrifice, virginity, menstrual cycle etc.

Link shared by GB and Mary. 

The post also seems to disapprove of the Hindu Pati Parmeshwar seeing himself as an equal partner in marriage. Because, it seems, men get married and become Gods. Why do women marry?

The white man goes HOO HAA about Sati, where the widow incinerated herself in her husbands’s funeral pyre. It has never been forced on her. [IHM:Unsubstantiated claim 1] When her husband was alive she knows deep in her heart [IHM: Unsubstantiated claim number 2], that he would sacrifice his life to protect her.

*

Karva Chauth is the day that symbolizes this love and devotion of an Indian woman towards her husband. Indian woman have always considered their husbands as God (pati parmeshwar) and it is her mindset that she must serve and care for him.

A Hindu woman derives immense pleasure in sacrifice for her husband. [IHM: Unsubstantiated claim number 3] The white man will never ever understand this.

*

Gratitude in a wife is not only her greatest virtue, but is is the parent of all her other virtues. Grateful wives experience very deep levels of happiness.

IHM: Doesn’t apply to Pati Parmeshwar? Does this means being grateful when there is doesn’t seem to be an obvious reason to be grateful? Because…

This mindset of an Indian woman is the reason why divorce percentage is miniscule in India [IHM: Unsubstantiated claim, again] and why she preserves her virginity for her husband

IHM: ‘Preserving virginity’ is generally enforced. Indian educational institutions [link], parents [linkand neighbourhood uncles, even the police and political leaders and sometimes even the legal system [link] work hard to ‘preserve’ Indian women’s virginity. Women can be killed for mere suspicion of having ‘lost’ their virginity, so not sure if they preserve it or Patriarchy does

Grateful women are happier, less stressed and happier with simple social relationships. [IHM: ‘simple social relationships’?] They do NOT need to attend kitty parties and bitch.

IHM: Basically ‘meet only those who we approve of’? Create no support systems, have no friends of your own, have no OWN, or identity.

…  Karva Chauth is a renewal of her commitment and accountability.

IHM: Only women need to be committed and accountable?

Ancient Hindu women never knew PMS problems. [IHM: Unsubstantiated claim number 6] 

*

Probably next year my wife would like to marry off my elder son. All we look for is an attractive girl who will take care of my son, will have the education to teach his kids, and will be a good homemaker.

IHM: Note, they are HIS kids.

*

I have been married for more than 3 decades.

It never happened that my wife ate a meal before me or along with me– for 3 decades.

*

Honour is a great factor. Marital love does NOT play to the galleries. Love is embedded in the heart.

IHM: But women need to prove this ’embedded’ love by staying hungry, wearing symbols, sacrificing happiness and being ‘incinerated in her husbands’s funeral pyre’ etc?

Karva Chauth is a festival that every Indian Hindu woman looks forward to  [IHM: Unsubstantiated claim number 7, because many women fast under pressure] , despite the fact that she is put to severe inconvenience of fasting without even a sip of water from sunrise to moon rise .

*

Although today India has moved to modernity, the devotion and spirit of sacrifice of the Indian woman to her beloved husband has not wavered.  [IHM: Unsubstantiated claim number 8] 

IHM: This can be known only if Hindu women have the option of divorcing without facing any stigma, violence, threats of social boycott and financial difficulties (etc)

The fidelity , selflessness and tolerance of Hindu women, the resilience of Hindu family values, and the tranquillity of the Hindu home  [Someone ate without showering, someone didn’t bring mithai! …” ] cannot be explained to a foreigner.
This is where real fountainhead of happiness lies.  Happiness is NOT in shaking your as$ in a discotheque or attending boring parties holding a glass forever.

IHM: Happiness is in eating cold meals alone after cooking and serving hot chappaties to the Pati Parmeshwar and his family? (And only after taking a shower – Link) Happiness is in raising HIS male children to grow up to become Pati Parmeshwar so that HIS family name continues. Happiness is in being born male in a culture that sees male humans as Parmeshwar.

Happiness is FREE.

IHM: It comes with dowry.

Our values are different.  The wife does NOT breach her husband’s trust.

IHM: Finally, it seems there is science behind this.

Karva Chaut ritual if done the right way, has this mysterious benefit of regularizing a woman’s periods and synchronizing it with the moon.. 

IHM: Regulating women’s period?! Have you heard this before? ‘Why Indian women wear toe rings (BICHHIYA)? there is a Science Behind this..

I didn’t read any further.

Note: Pati + Parmeshwar =  Lord and Master + God. 

Related Posts:

Why Indian women wear toe rings (BICHHIYA)? there is a Science Behind this..

Three things I would like to see changed in Karvachauth celebrations.

“One of the so-called best professor of my department … advices his students (girls) that men can be satisfied only by two things…”

Bikini vs Burka: The Debauchery of Women

An email from a Divorcee’s Daughter.

Feminism has gone to women’s head. Divorce has become like selling onions.

“Hoping god grants more wisdom to your parents to make you understand things and train you to be a good indian wife.”

Three of his sisters and six of his nieces eloped, so he decided to drill holes and padlock his wife’s genitals.

I could not sing after my marriage and I am really sad about it, but women have to ‘adjust’ to see their family happy…

‘This ‘I, Me, Myself’ culture that most of you on this forum are propagating itself is hypocrisy.’

When married Indian women strive to look unmarried.

It’s not about hot hot chappaties.

“Although my in laws maintain a facade of being content with what they have and never asking the girl’s side for anything…”

Can a Veetodu Maapilai rightfully ask for the 4th coffee of the day or whatever he wants in his in-laws’ house?

“How can you eat without taking a shower? With boys, it’s a different matter.”

13 things Indian Misogynists believe about men’s mothers and sisters.

What misogynists dream and joke about.

What we find funny, what we joke about, what we put down and what we glorify – don’t they indicate what we think and why we think like that?

Sharing an email. 

Hi IHM,

I just happened to read this blog post, which a friend of mine shared on facebook as humour.
While reading this what struck me was how almost nothing was expected out of the dad. (Probably because “he was too busy working for the wife and daughter’s future”. That is the excuse we generally hear from men who do not spend time with their families.)
Jayalekshmy Nair

Bangalore: In a shocking incident in the IT hub of India, 2-year old baby Neha is refusing to identify her own mom, who left her at a creche called “Your Kids are our Kids” 2 days back before leaving to office. The baby is now gesturing to the aaya of the creche, Shantaben, and mumbling “Amma.. Amma”. The unfortunate mom, only known to us as Mrs.B, landed up in this weird situation after she failed to get her baby back from the creche because of a pending release at her office which resulted in 2 straight night outs.

The creche authorities are refusing to hand over the baby to Mrs.B as she had lost the receipt that the creche issues when the baby is deposited left with them. It seems that Mrs.B wipe up her hands with the creche receipt after having Pizza with her colleagues at Office during their night out. “What receipt?” Mrs.B fumed “Is this some vehicle parking at a Mall that we need to present bills and receipts to get our vehicle… eh.. baby back?” (Read more)

Cheating on a Good woman is like choosing Trash over Treasure?

Do you agree?

What kind of women are ‘good women’?  And is it less wrong to cheat on women (or anybody) who don’t fit into this description of ‘good women’?

Isn’t the same logic used to persuade or coerce women to fit into the ideals of ‘good women’ – always looking their best ensuring they don’t disappoint (using the right tightening, whitening and lightening creams), obedient, sacrificing, undemanding etc?

It actually makes the cheated women responsible for being cheated by their partners.

And isn’t cheating often about the cheater knowing (or hoping) that he (or she) can get away with cheating?

Related Posts:

Would you stay with a cheating spouse — for cash?

A decent man who is overpowered by desire and who does not want to fornicate… should Rape?

And here’s how good women can prevent men from cheating: 

Obedient Wives’ Clubs: Insulting to both men and women?

That special combination of beauty and innocence, the pretty inspires men to protect and defend it.

Can a woman marry and change an uninterested (in marrying her) man into a responsible, loving husband?