Suicide: How You Can Help

Guest Post by Pragmatic Dreamer

(blog: https://apragmaticdreamer.wordpress.com/)

“Did you really want to die?”
“No one commits suicide because they want to die.”
“Then why do they do it?”
“Because they want to stop the pain.”

― Tiffanie DeBartoloHow to Kill a Rock Star

There are so many articles, movies, TV shows, Cartoons, experts, doctors and so many people who talk about what Suicide is.
They say how unnatural & selfish the person who commits suicide is, they say that they should’ve just asked for help, they say they don’t think of anyone else but themselves, they say they’re just stupid or that they just wanted attention.

I’m just another person to tell you what it really is. What you really feel at that moment you want to just die.

I can tell you that, it’s not like that moment when you say I’ve had such a bad day, I want to die. No, it isn’t that moment when your grades are low that one exam & you want to just die. It isn’t when your bills came out so high that month, you want to die.

No, that isn’t what it is.

It’s days, weeks & months of pain,
Pain that takes you to point when you can’t feel anything
It’s pain that drags you to a corner
And makes you hate everything and feel nothing
It repeats the bad stuff over & over & over

It’s when you push the good stuff away
It’s when you know you’re a burden
When the smallest of mistakes make you feel like a loser

It’s the constant pain
Just & only pain

It’s days of being underwater with no way out
It’s days of hating yourself
It’s days of breathing with your ‘heart under attack’
It’s days of your brain telling you to quit
It’s days of people telling you to go away
It’s days of bullying
It’s days of being called a ‘loser’
It’s days of crying & suffering

It’s days of no one smiling at you
It’s days of no one asking you “How are you?”
It’s days of no one caring for you
It’s days & days of torture within the core of your very being

It’s days of knowing it won’t matter if you’re alive anyway

So, it’s better off, being dead instead.

There are about 800,000 people who die by suicide every year(1.4% of all deaths worldwide). I say die here, but there are many, many more who attempt it. According to WHO, “There are indications that for each adult who died of suicide there may have been more than 20 others attempting suicide.”*  

So what are some signs that a person wants to commit suicide?

1. They stop being themselves – by this I mean, they don’t dress like they used to, or miss classes & take too many off days at work, they don’t work like they used to, they don’t enjoy the things they used to, you see a dramatic loss or gain in their weight etc.

2. They seem erratically happy, by giving away their favorite possessions, a big party etc.

3. They say things like: “It’s better if I’m not around”, “Soon you won’t see me around”, “Things will be okay, I won’t be around anyway”, “I can’t seem to work on this like I used to before”, “I just didn’t feel like doing this”….

(Remember, just because they said this once doesn’t mean their suicidal. Look for signs, most of them overlap. It isn’t just one thing, it’s usually a mix of multiple things.)

How can you help?

I’ll try & keep this brief. There are links to more detailed articles at the bottom to address this question.

The first thing you need to remember is, you cannot wish their problems away. The only thing you can do is provide support & help & take them to the necessary counsellors or psychologists who have the professional means & knowledge of helping them.

Ask them if they are planning to kill themselves. (Yes, you have to ask this. And believe me, it’s hard when you actually have to ask.)

If they say yes, ask them, how are they planning to do it, when and where?

If they answer these questions, don’t react in a condescending manner, instead just tell them that you feel terrible that they wish to take their life & that you want to help. Ask them if they will be okay if you call a hotline, a person they trust or take them to a specialist etc. They shouldn’t be left alone.

(You can do the above even when they say no.)

One of the main things to remember is to stay calm & speak to them in a calm but assertive voice. All you have to do is listen – non-judgmentally.

Note: Education is key. The more you educate yourself on Mental Health Issues & Suicide, the better equipped you would be.

For more info, please see these articles:

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/suicide/in-depth/suicide/ART-20044707

http://www.who.int/mental_health/prevention/suicide/suicideprevent/en/

Related post from IHM: https://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/2013/06/13/jiah-khans-suicide-note/

—————————————————————————————————————–From Priya:

Suicide doesn’t just happen to “other people”.  It could be someone right next to you – a friend, a coworker, a kid in your neighborhood.  If we are aware, maybe we can help this someone.  Often when suicide happens in their midst, people feel shocked because they never suspected anything.  Sometimes they feel guilty for not having reached out, because they did notice some signs but were not sure what to do.  It is important therefore, to know how to help, if you suspect something.  Thank you to Pragmatic Dreamer for raising awareness regarding this.

Sharing from readers:

  • Are you concerned about someone around you being suicidal?
  • Do you know someone who attempted suicide?  What helped in their situation
  • Have you contemplated suicide?  Have you sought help?
  • Have you overcome your suicidal feelings?  Please describe the process/journey you went through.
  • If you have direct experience with the situation (you yourself have contemplated suicide or know someone close who has been through it) please do share, so we can add it to this post.  There is nothing more valuable than hearing from someone who has actually been through it – so please do not hesitate to share (anonymously if you want).