“I don’t claim to be a spokesperson for all the men on this planet, but…”

I would like to share an anonymous comment in response to Sioneve’s questions in the comment section of – An email from a Newly Wed Wife. “Now they don’t like me.”

Sioneve had asked:

It would be interesting to read the views of men who are actually in the situation of the ‘spineless’ husband… Some questions for the men: What’s your view? Why do you do this? Why does your mother get your support? Why can’t your wife count on you for support? How should your wife behave to get your support? What do you want to happen? What do you wish for in the circumstances? What do you wish your wife knew about your situation? …and I’m sure there are lots of other questions.
The point is not to grill the men – it is to understand their thoughts and views. And perhaps this knowledge would help the wives to improve communications with their husbands.

Here’s the anonymous comment in response:

“I don’t care about the number of thumbs down I will get for sharing this, and neither I claim to be a spokesperson for the entire men on this planet. But since I need to share it, I will go ahead anyway.

Feminists know just how to thrash out at men. Rapists, abusers, pedophiles are all clubbed under the category of men. Not much attention is paid to the fact that many women are smarter and more manipulative too, in fact much more than men whose offences are more visible. Women play psychological games and manipulate situations by controlling their husbands, yet in a very underhanded and an unapparent way.

Women use sex to dominate men, and men being men, have to obey since they are driven by their needs, which are undoubtedly more than a woman’s. Few women give sympathy to men but lash out at the entire sex by accusing them as dick-heads who are driven by their genitalia. Given a choice, most women would not like to be a man since onset of puberty makes this a primary need, that a man himself is confused and ashamed of his dependency on the other sex. Hence not a kind word is spared when it comes to man’s need, but a man may need to be excessively romantic and mawkish to please his emotional ladylove, even when he truly cares for her. Surprisingly this fluff is desired and fancied by women, and he has to comply to fulfill his needs. Men never weave dreams of marriage. Women do. Talk about sex -a woman may want it, but a man needs it.

To tell you something, being a man who is both a husband and a son, and pleasing both wife and mother is not an easy job. Mother feels saddened with her grasp loosening over her son, and with the scales tipping in favor of a nubile wife, tightens her control through domination. Sons are mother’s pet and there is no code for a son leaving his parents house as a daughter would after marriage. Parents want a grandchildren but politely decline to babysit them since they have had their share of lifelong duties and now it’s their time to enjoy the pension and life post retirement. A nanny hired needs to be checked every now and then but parents want to be free from supervising duties. Apart from this, parents need company in old age and it’s difficult for them to let go of their son. Slight resistance labels a son as a renegade, a son who under the influence of his wife has lost his consideration for his parents or the family finds the husband not capable of controlling the wife and they want do it for him. Some parents let the son move out happily-may their tribe increase. But most find it difficult, for they have a higher degree of attachment to an only son.

When you come home after burdening yourself with a day’s hard work, you least expect such tirades and accusations being narrated to you. You want peace and not a slightest desire to play a peacemaker.”

I wonder how many men and women agree with xyz.

Comment moderation is enabled.

If your boyfriend is abusing you physically…

I am sharing parts of a conversation, initiated by The Bald Guy on Google Buzz, because I think Desi Girl’s response needs to be read by more of us.

The Bald Guy If your boyfriend is abusing you physically then its time for you to hit back at him and move on. You do NOT need such a person in your life.

Girl Desi No, hitting is not the solution. Research has shown women get more harmed when they hit back as men hit back even more severely.
Fighting back also makes it harder to leave.
Report physical abuse to authorities. In India it can be filed under IPC 123, and for more grievous hurt file for civil damages.

It is time consuming and expensive, so the best way is to make a legal noise and leave…

If planning to leave never tell the person because he’ll immediately change behavior and confuse you. Do not engage with the abuser, keep interaction to the minimum. When finally out, let the person know in very clear words you are through. Severe all contacts. Stay in the company of people who support you and will not rat you and your plans to him. Change phone numbers, block his email id. There is no looking back.

Physical violence should be seen as Deal Breaker. They say in Hindi “aadmi ka haath nahin uthana chahiye, nahin to haath khul jaata hai.”

Research shows, once an abuser hits he is bound to hit again.

YES, You do NOT need such a person in your life.

***

Culture supports the men in abusing their wives.

Numerous women are raped by average Joes, they are not all tall dark handsome prototypes. Go to Tarai region you’ll find these hill sides full of idle men sitting and smoking on the roadside and their tiny women folk carrying heavy loads of produce and fodder on their heads. These women work dawn to late night, every thing from farming to tending cattle, weaving, housekeeping and care work (children and seniors) still these tiny idle men beat up their wives.

How come, these strong women are beaten up by these druggie idle men?
Because  culture supports the men in abusing their wives.

***

A Commenter : More men are beaten by women, than women by men.

Girl Desi You telling us huge number of men being beaten up by women is far from truth, please substantiate your argument with statistical evidences and peer reviewed studies. DG works in violence prevention in conjunction with law enforcement (in both continents), if you want she can give you all the stats you want. More men are abused by other men be it suicide bombing, religious crusades or family feuds for land and honor (that definitely qualifies for inclusion in family violence).

Gender neutral trends of violence are not yet happening in India.

***

Women as abusers.

In Indian context women have been abusers for centuries.  And culture supports them to be abusers in the form of mothers and sisters.

The number of wife comes in ripe old age or after she has achieved her reproductive goal (read, has a male child that is still alive) or the husband is not able to provide for the family due to personal failures like substance abuse and gambling etc.

Mothers and sisters of men play good mind games with taunts like “chudiayaan pehan rakhi hein” orjoru ka gulam (JKG).” Masculinity is challenged every now and then.

No one talks about the violence perpetrated against men by their mothers and sisters, discussions always comes and rests on wife to husband abuse.

Why?

Because mother and sisters are the primary relations, the pillars of family and wife is an outsider who is not considered insider until she is dead and initiated into the family ancestors (all her life time she remains outsider, “paraye ghar ki hai.“)

Abuse is about power and control.

It is not that gender burdens only women. Even men have a gender and it bears them down too.

The problem lies with the concept of masculinity and femininity within the patriarchy. To be a man one has to be in a position of power and be dominant. To dominate a woman or a man is all about being a man.

To be a man one must not be in a subordinate position. If he falls into a subordinate position he is considered a lesser man. (Read emasculated and woman-like). Mid-level bureaucracy has that problems all the time: clerks bad mouth female officers regularly, have personally over heard lunch time male gossip.

To be a man and be abused by another man (or worse, by a woman) refers to a man’s inability to be a man. Thus not disclosing abuse is all about being a man.

Men are under pressure to perform their gender as much as women are. Yes, men collectively have more power/benefits than women but individually many men lack power as compared to other men.

If we were to dismental the structures of power then we need to undo the concepts of masculinity and femininity.

If we want peace then it is time for Patriarchy to go because it selectively gives power to few and oppresses so many.

[DG hates to write post length comments but she just can’t stand the misappropriation of concepts and data coz’ she works both at grassroots and policy levels. At times it feels she and friends are just wasting their time coz’ those who are able to make a difference are stuck in presumptions.]

Another comment: What if it is the girl who abuses physically, mentally or emotionally ? It happens trust me.

DG : Of course it happens. Research shows women engage more in verbal abuse that is a component of emotional abuse. Until a few years ago (in west) and it is still in India it is considered provocation and an excuse for male physical violence. A small percentage women do engage in physical assaults.

That does not mean that one can discredit that more women are abused by men than the other way around. Here the discussion was on male to female violence hence the reply.
Who ever is abused has to use the same steps as mentioned here there is no other way around it personally and legally.

My Sins Against Gender Stereotypes.


If you are a woman,

Have you ever wanted something that is considered ‘manly’ ? Like a basketball, a cell phone, a dog, a camera or a new laptop? A new car or motor bike? Ever wanted to be a pilot? A doctor or not a nurse? And the manliest want of them all – The remote! 😉

As a kid did you enjoy playing with a bat and a ball?

There was a time when books were considered ‘manly’, women authors had to pretend to be men – would you say books are still rather manly – women should want to embroider and crochet?

If you are a man,

Have you ever wanted something that only women are supposed to want – like bags, shoes, clothes, creams, perfumes, babies, flowers? A peaceful home and a happy family? Have you ever been afraid of the dark or of insects?

As a kid did you ever want to play ‘teacher-teacher’, cooking or did you like playing with a doll? Have you ever enjoyed cooking? Bought something in pink? Loved chocolates?

Are magazines and books, TV News and blogs for men or for women?

Religion and God? Pets? Politics? Air planes and cars? Technology? – Who should want them, men or women?

So here’s a tag – Please list at least ten things you have ever wanted or done which your gender is not supposed to.

The tag is called ‘My Sins against Gender-Stereotypes’. And you must tag twelve blogging friends 😈 or else you will be cursed to wear blue clothes pants if you are a woman and pink shirts if you are a man – for next twelve years 😈

Since I asked, here’s my list of ‘manly’ things I have done or wanted 🙂

1. Played football in school and now watch the world cup.

2. Have always exercised, loved strength training.

3. Invested in the stock market.

4. I find jewelery cumbersome in everyday life.

5. Dislike shopping (for past many years)

6. Love dogs. And cats and all animals. Even snakes.

7. Love technology – camera, cell phones and laptops (‘men’s toys’).

8. Love books, driving (including an SUV) and new gadgets.

9. I don’t like chocolates.

10. I like red and turquoise (a blue 😯 ) more than pink 😯

And yet, I love clothes, lipsticks, healthy food, dancing, kittens and puppies, birds, perfumes, flowers, window shopping for kitchen and home, decor, soft rock and I cry easily.

I tag Monika, Ritu, Sandhya, Sindhu, Deethi, Shail, Desi Girl, Deeps, Starry, HDWK, TBG, Philip, Nandini, Winnie the Poohi, Indian Pandit, UmmOn, Neo, Vishesh, Gopinath,  Sunder, Nimmy, Hitchwriter, Shilpa, Scorpria, Sraboney, Blabberblah, Vimmuuu, Kanagu, Prerna, Imp’s Mom and Uma. (Can’t tag anybody else, because  then  there would be nobody left for others to tag and they will end up wearing the ‘wrong’ colours ! ) 😯 🙂

UPDATE:

All Sinners are welcome to join Sinners Against Gender Stereotypes (SAGS) on Face Book.

Small Print: You know what happens to those who don’t? Pink footwear for men and Blue beer mugs for women for twelve years 😈

List of Male Bloggers in Danger…

…of being labeled JKGs  😉

A JKG is a man who does not think gender bias benefits him or the society. (A JKG is not necessarily a married man.)

In India it’s difficult for a man to speak against biases that oppress women. The danger increases if he speaks in support of his wife (Joru). Such acts of common sense require courage, and are rewarded with taunts and labels like JKG (Joru Ka Gulam).
Literal meaning: ‘Slave of Wife/Woman’

[14 more definitions of a JKG here. You have a definition that fits, please leave in the comment box or send an email]

Listed in random order, I think they are all equally endangered 😆

Neo Indian

The war for women
Why creepy men are good for you
25 ridiculously clichéd Hindi film dialogues that tell you the even more clichéd story of an Indian girl
Good schools prefer housewives

TBG (The Bald Guy)

So you want to marry your daughter eh?
Girls learn to say no.
Girls and their cars.

Krishashok

The Tale of Gregory, part I (About a Veetodu Maapilai or a Ghar Jamai…)

Hitchwriter dares anybody to label him, by wearing this JKG badge on his sidebar 🙂

(One of the 8 award winning badges.)

Haresh

Portrayal of women in Indian media
An eve-teasing incident in front of me
Feminism and seven steps in the sky

Josh Marowitz

Why anti-feminist Satoshi Kanazawa is illogical, unnecessary, and evil, and – oh yeah – a giant f-ing douchebag

The Quirky Indian

If A Woman is Out with Male Friends Late at Night, She Must Want Sex.
On The State of Women, Backless Cholis and Shag Fests
We the Deserving….
Indian Culture is Alive and Kicking. Literally.

Kislay

My dear women
Virginity
A story about gender discrimination
Bhartiya Nari

Masood

Name change after marriage.

SM

India – Women Reservation Bill 2010 –– The Need for India – Complete Case Study

Please feel free to leave links of any other male bloggers you think face similar risks. Before adding any links here, their vulnerability will be assessed by a team of judges.

If you are a male blogger and you feel you are in danger of being labeled a JKG, please do leave the link to the post that puts you at peril.

Badge by Freya, see more badges here. Would you like to create a JKG BADGE? Get in touch!

Note: Updated.

What do men need liberation from?

1. Men need liberation from being family breadwinners or ATM cards. All responsibilities should be shared by all adult family members.

If there is a family business, the son must (and the pressure increases if he is the first male child) join it, no matter how unsuited or how unwilling.

2. Men should be able to pursue their dreams.

I know of one talented man who wanted to be a theater artist, and still hopes to – some day when his family is settled. Men need liberation from a system that expects them to  – marry, ensure their spouse is dutiful,and have sons to carry on the family name …and the same responsibilities.

3. Men need liberation from being ‘protectors’ of women. Boys as little as four are taught to take care of all the women in the family. We might think it’s no big deal, it prepares them for taking over future responsibilities – but it is a burden, and I think every child has a right to stay a child while he is a child.

Girls who do not have brothers manage perfectly fine, women who do not have sons or husbands learn to ‘protect’ themselves. I think families should make an effort to encourage girls to take care of themselves, so their brothers – sometimes years younger – are not forced to be their ‘protectors’.

4. Another responsibility a lot of Indian boys have is of escorting the women in the family. Thousands of women travel to work and at all hours on their own, but many thousand more from all backgrounds are always accompanied by some male relative. It is a waste of time for the male relative. I think our society should realise that they have more to do in life than following (or leading) female relatives who can easily learn to move on their own.

I know of this woman who had an opportunity to sing at a Radio Station (in 1970s) but since her brother couldn’t accompany her there everyday, she had to miss her dream opportunity. The woman was 25 then. Why couldn’t she be shown how she could commute on her own, instead of forcing an unwilling and bored sibling to accompany her?

5. In many families men are also the family chauffeurs. Women – same generation, age and educational qualifications wait for male members to drive them wherever they have to go. This when thousands of women all over the world drive their own cars.

Shouldn’t a man know that if he needs to be driven somewhere, he can rely on a female member with the same ease she finds him reliable. Driving and cooking are important skills for all men and women.

6. In conservative families men are expected to know whether their adult spouse and siblings  are appropriately (modestly) dressed.  They also must guide them about where they can or can’t go (apart from driving them till there). This is seen as a part of ‘protect the women in the family’ responsibility. Once again, why not make every adult member take responsibility for themselves?

Even if the dependent female members initially dislike it, eventually everybody benefits from this.

7. And then unlike girls who are encouraged to get married and move on with their own family life (sometimes against their wishes, but that’s a different topic) – men are under immense pressure that their spouse, probably chosen by the family elders,  is taught to be  dutiful and respectful to their family.

Most parents are less selfish when looking for a life partner for their daughter. Dowry  and social standing worries apart, they try to make sure they find someone who would care for the girl. The rules often change when it comes to sons.  The family elders rarely look for a partner for the son, they generally look for a daughter in law for themselves.

Here the men often have little say in who they marry. Their life partner is chosen for her dowry, her height, her skin colour, her marks in Class X, her sister’s character and the number of male children in her family. And even after all this, if he falls in love with the wife, he is made to feel like he is abandoning the family. Daughters face no such problems, they can rave about how wonderful they think their husband is, the entire family looks indulgently, even proudly that a daughter from their family is so well settled. If she misses him, she is teased affectionately.

(This often makes a married daughter lie about any problems she might be facing, but that’s another blog post.) The happily married daughter is seen as an asset to the family name and honor,  but not a happily married son. A married son’s opinion – if he disagrees is seen with suspicion because it might be tinged with his wife’s opinion, but a happily-married-daughter’s opinion is valued. Her spouse – unlike a son’s spouse, is an important family member. (Maybe the most important family member).

And the son dare not object to this bias because that is seen as the worst betrayal a son can ever show.

Now with equal property rights and equal responsibilities – this does seem unfair.

8. Being able to do jobs that are ‘reserved for women’ – like cooking or cleaning. The first ones to protest are women, mothers who have seen nothing better, and then wives who have been taught this is not a man’s job.

Remember ‘Salaam Namaste’?

9. Being able to enjoy looking good without being labeled.

Something as simple as being able  to grow their hair. Why is it that most offices have no problem with women in long hair but feel men with long hair mean lack of discipline?

Men also have restriction on the colours they can wear, although most Indian men don’t care for colour stereotypes.

10. Freedom to show they are sensitive. Feelings like jealousy, frustration, fear, nervousness or insecurity are not be reserved for women, but men are expected to never show these feelings.

11. Paternity leave. And the freedom to show they are more than sperm donors. I know of men who made great parents, and their children would have benefited from some more time with them. Men should have the freedom and facilities to choose to be full time parents.

I am sure there are more. And just like equal rights for women are good for the entire society, equality for men is also good for the entire society.

Related post: International Men’s Day.

VOTE FOR THE JORU KA GULAM WINNER!

Please vote for 1st, 2nd and 3rd choice 🙂 The question we asked was

“HOW WOULD YOU DEFINE A JKG?”

All the entries received have been published. Some definitions were received via email, and I had requested they be submitted as a comment – in case your entry is missing, please email me.

# Entry Number 1.

I am not gonna nominate my JKG husband for this contest as I knew he would be the best JKG as I had the choice of choosing him for that :razz: The JKG’s I am gonna mention here is not one but a whole set of 26 males whom I call brothers. They made sure my life as a kid was hell in every way. They teased me, pulled my hair, set traps, stole my gifts and what not. Yet they loved me to pieces. When I broke the news to my very large joint family about the man I wish to marry and that he was not only a north Indian but from a different religion, the elders took a unanimous decision to almost keep me under house arrest and get me married off to their choice of groom. It was these brave brothers who stood by me even though none of them ever got a chance to live life as they wished in a brutally orthodox muslim family. With their support and blessings I am leading a happy married life with the cutest JKG I could ever hunt down :mrgreen: I owe all my happiness to the JKG brothers in my life who constantly seeks assurance of my well being and still bears the brunt and rage of the elders in our family for my happiness :sad: Did I ever say how much I love my cousin brothers for giving me a life worth living?

So to me a JKG is one who is not scared to stand up and willing to break all religious customs – just to hear a bubbling joy bursting out through the phone, to see a smile on their beloved sister’s face and bear all the anger and brunt from a society who is conditioned to keep a woman away from choosing her own life.

I love my JKG brothers to death and know for a fact that all my bhabi’s are the luckiest ones. 🙂

# Entry Number 2.

जिसका जीवन हो सिर्फ बीवी के नाम
बिवीके चरणों में हो जिसके चारधाम…
बीवी के कहने पर हो सुबह और शाम
कहते हैं उस्से हम जोरू का गुलाम…

:D

[A rough translation – on request from a reader:

One whose life belongs to his wife/At wife’s feet he finds his pligrimage/It’s day or night for him on his wife’s command/he is called a JKG.]

# Entry Number 3.

The ideal type of the Joru Ka Ghulam:

‘Joru ka Ghulam’ is the folklorish version of the ideal man. Some of the characteristics of a JKG are as follows. The list is only indicative and not exhaustive. The following mostly relates to conjugal role but a JKG can be anybody from a boy in his first childhood to the grandpa in his second childhood.

JKG is the ‘new man’ who laments that women in the country got a raw deal over the centuries thanks to religion, customs, tradition, role stereotyping, orthodoxy and fundamentalism. He does his best to introduce the reforms and begins with his own life and family. He is the socially sensitive, ethical man and his heart bleeds for the society. He has a feminine side to his personality; he is androgynous in many ways.
He hates dowry and can boycott his family and friends and revolt against the society that demands/promotes dowry. He prefers a simple marriage ceremony and does not want to torture the bride’s family by bringing a huge baraat and following other decadent customs of marriage.
He touches his wife’s feet in return when/if she touches his feet on the wedding night. He talks to her all night and is not dying to deflower her like the traditional Indian male.
He wants a baby after marriage and not a son.
He nurses her when she is expecting and prays while she is getting a c-section in the hospital.
He loves kids and spends a lot of time with them. He himself is a kid in more ways than one.
He loves his wife and is often tied to his wife’s apron strings and not to his mother’s. This however should not mean that he ignores his parents.
He loves his parents-in-law and can live with them in the same home.
He can quit his job for her wife and can become a domestic husband. He is never jealous of her progress and loves the fact that she has a higher status. Also, he does not have any problem marrying a woman taller than him.
He loves doing household chores, cooking food, mopping the floor and the like. A JKG is a husband, father, driver, cook, gardener, milkman, her man Friday.
He loves the label ‘Joru Ka Ghulam’. In the slavery of his woman lies his freedom, emancipation and salvation.
Other women are jealous of his wife and suggest their men to emulate her man.
He often shouts from the rooftops, ‘My Wife My Life!’ JKGs are the men for whom it is said, “Behind every great man there lies a woman!”
He loves combing her hair and pillow fighting with her. He is the best friend of his wife.
He writes poems on her and wants to immortalise her.
He is not the typical ‘mard’ and often cries on her bosom. He is her first child in a manner of speaking.
He changes his life, lifestyle for her, quits cigarettes and other vices. Also, he does not snatch the TV remote from her but watches whatever she likes. He loves what she loves and dislikes what she hates.
He often confesses to her that it is she who makes him do what he can.
A JKG despite his enormous love for his woman is not blind to her wrongdoings. He corrects his woman as and when the need arises.
A JKG makes an ideal son, brother, husband, lover, father, employer, neighbour, friend and whatnot. JKG is a real humdinger.

# Entry Number 4.

1.) For contest no 2 I can give you my photo to use as a badge for JKG. !!!!

lol :lol:

2.) What is a JKG !!

I really dont know… but well… lets give it a try… A JKG is not a joru ka ghulam literally…

A JKG would be some one who would treat himself and his wife EQUALLY.

He may make mistakes but he must be alive to situations and be ready to acknowledge his mistakes when he does make them and not hesitate if he has to apologise to his wife or make up.

Over the years many things have just become a tradition… we dont even realise how and where the female is being given a raw deal… many times even the female doesnt know….

But when this point is raised the JKG should be able to reaffirm the equality part everywhere…

Let me cite an example :

When we guys have a night out… and we all stay out till the cows go home… but there are all kinds here…. some have to go early… maybe their parents dont like… maybe their wives dont like… or something else….

But to stop them from going home we normally always say… Baap Gharme Ghusne nahi dega… (tats fine) The guys ego doesnt get hurt when this is said…. so to take some more leverage another cliche is used Biwi ghar me ghusne nahi degi… (suddenly the male ego becomes a lil dodgy.) Some just stay a lil longer to prove that he isnt a JKG

the real JKG as we have learnt actually come and tell us… ghar ka problem nahi hai yaar…. par bahar biwi sofe pe sulayengi… lol !!!! 😀 😀 😀

Please edit the last part if you dont want to publish… but I have heard it… from some one… who doesnt mind being called scared of his wife… coz he isnt… and he doesnt need to prove to us… !!!!

Joru Ka Ghulam is just a taunt… nothing else… but amazing effects it has on the male ego !!!

# Entry Number 5.

JKG defined strictly for married men:
A JKG is someone who believes in a woman even when she doesn’t believe in herself. He is the person who undoes the damage caused by years of social conditioning that makes her doubt herself. He is the one who makes sure that the woman in his life reaches her full potential..someone who instead of just letting her be ,makes sure that she reaches where she could be (again assuming inequalities took away some opportunities)Someone who rather than insisting on providing for her makes sure that she can provide for herself if there is a need. Someone who instead of driving her around teaches her how to drive (assuming society didnt give her that chance), someone who instead of giving her cash to spend tells her to go and withdraw from the bank, someone who refuses to even answer stuff such as ‘what should I wear at the party’ because she is grown up enough to decide for herself but always answers ‘How do I look’ with ‘ as good as ever’ :-) .

You talked about how a JKG fights inequality and thats what shaped my answer. A husband has the greatest chance to undo the damage caused by social conditioning, to wipe out traces of inequality and doubts from social conditioning without really fighting with anyone, just constantly pushing his wife to do better. Husbands can either reinforce the inequalities or do all of the above to shatter the ceiling that requires the joint force of men and women.

# Entry Number 6.

My definition :
JKG is a man who is madly in love with his wife and thinks of her as his best friend.
& Whose favorite sentence is : Duniya gai tail lene!!

# Entry Number 7.

Earlier a JKG was the one who used to say, “TUM DIN KO AGAR RAAT RAAT “>KAHOGE, RAAT KAHENGE” ” baith ja– baith gaya, khada ho jaa khada ho gaya”

even now a JKG is still the same
a man who fights against the injustice meted out to women ( wife), who stands for his wife may be called as JKG by his family members. but in my eyes he is a person who is aware of his duties and responsibilities as a husband and who takes his marriage vows seriously

# Entry Number 8.

For this contest, you will have to visit us at our Dahisar residence!

# Entry Number 9.

JKG: A man who has a fair, logical, rational brain of his own (i.e. not influenced by ma, pa, daadi, duniya etc etc), one for whom gender is never the deciding factor in any decision, one who wants to marry an ‘independent’ woman instead of a ‘homely’ one, one who voluntarily shares domestic chores, (and in a lighter vein) one who might hate chick flicks but watches them with her coz she likes them, one who ‘tolerates’ shopping trips with a smile ;-) and hey I forgot the all important chivalry bit ;-)

# Entry Number 10.

According to me in Indian society any man who has the guts to stand up for his wife, take her side, show little bit of concern towards her,appreciate her in front of in-laws, encourage her to find her identity, helps her in household work, takes care of her is definitely a contestant for the award.

# Entry Number 11.

IHM, I’m writing this about my hubby with some trepidation as he is one of those men that , on the face would never admit to being a JKG…but actions speak louder than words! So at the risk of him vehemently and completely denying he is one, I’d say:

A loving JKG may very well be a tough man on the exterior, may mouth slogans against ever becoming a slave to his wife, but his love is so strong that it shines through in his actions!

He instantly held up and offered his palm for me to puke into,when I had a sudden attack of food poisoning on our honeymoon (and we were in the lobby of a hotel)!
When he willing woke up to feed/change the babies for you , in the middle of the night! Willingly donned the role of “mom” when you felt down and out, needed some extra sleep and so helped cook the meals for the day before heading to work! !Rushes to clean the kitchen and wash the dishes if he sees you alone and sighing heavily at the kitchen sink! A habit that comes from helping his own mom when little!
Will fight tooth and nail with anyone that hurts you!
Wants you by his side whenever he is at home, and calls you just to unload and hear how your day is going!
Consults you constantly although he claims his independence loudly!

Dear sir in my life, admit it or not, I can see it and,…Thank you!Masha Allah…!

# Entry Number 12

This was not an entry but a comment on another post,  I think this is the sort a thing a JKG would say.

“Well lets see, to start of with I have never in my life agreed that women are the weaker sex, they are more tolerant, compassionate & definitely more resilient.

Then, comes the stereo type of women being emotionally weak or just simply being emotional which is more to do to empathy as a factor in women psychology plays a major role than in men, so being emotional has nothing to do with mental or physical stability in a woman.

And, also when you get married you are looking for a companion, someone who is intelligent, some one you can relate to, talk to, discuss your kids, you aint looking for a nanny or a nurse to take care of your kids & do the household. And, lastly of the Indian stereotype of men are the financial support and women the household slave is utterly stupid because sub consciously a lot of men know that their wives can earn more than what they can & thus are never allowed to work.”

# Entry Number 13 [ADDED LATER]

I am late…i hope u at least consider publishing this entry for JKG contest

A JKG is…

Someone who is willing to give the same “luxuries” which the Indian society happily gives to men/sons. Someone who treats the joru equal and understands that she had a life and family of her own before marriage and will continue to do so after marriage. Elaborations below-

Case1: Both joru and pati’s in-laws stay in other town/country –
Someone who is willing to share the trip into three equal parts – one where wife stays with him at his parent’s place, second where he stays with wife at her parent’s place and third where they stay separate at their respective places reliving the days when they were single :D

Case2: Hubby and Wife both earn, or one of them earns
Same as above, someone who is willing to financially bear responsibility of three distinct families – one his parents and his side of family, second her parents and her side of family and third their own family

Case3: Same Respect
Someone who does not believe that wife needs to “touch” his feet to please him or IL’s or the society, someone who does not believe in “kanyaadan” or dowry and vehemently opposes such acts

Case4: Household ghulam
Someone who “willingly” loves to help or own household chores, if wife is busy at work, is ready to cook up a meal just as the wife does when he is busy

Case5: Surname does (not) matter!
Someone who understands that his wife might not prefer to change her name or last name and lovingly agrees to this. Someone who wants their kids to bear a mixed last names and middle names which involves both mother’s and father’s identity someway

Case6: No Joint family
Someone who does not bully wife or condition his fiancee to live with only his parents after marriage. This JKG understands that the wife needs time with her family, her parents need to be taken care of as nicely as he wants his to be taken care of, her parents wants to spend time with grandkids as much as his parents want. Someone who stands against society and convinces his parents to stay separately, maybe a location which is equally accessible by both of their parents.

# Entry Number 14 [ADDED LATER]

Ok. A guy may grow up under different circumstances. He may grow up with a father who beats up his mother, his father may believe his word should be law…. so many things. Growing up with a father like that, he may think that is normal behaviour. So, I feel a JKG should be anyone who challenges the social conditioning he is brought up with.
This man may not be the kind who’ll give his wife breakfast in bed or even be ok with her wanting to keep her surname after marriage. But, he would still be one, simply for having the courage to question the social conditioning he was brought up with.

I feel there is this other side of India where boys want to get a higher education only to get a better dowry, those who think girls who wear jeans are sluts. When you are surrounded by such an atmosphere, any guy who has the courage to question or argue with such a mentality deserves to be called a JKG.

Please choose the best entry.

Feel free to add comments and best three entries (or all in order of preference).

Comments will not be published.

Results will be published only after polling is over 🙂

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So I removed the Polldaddy.com option. Sorry for the inconvenience caused guys, please do vote in a comment again!!!






What is a JKG !!

I really dont know… but well… lets give it a try… A JKG is not a joru
ka ghulam literally…

A JKG would be some one who would treat himself and his wife EQUALLY.

He may make mistakes but he must be alive to situations and be ready
to acknowledge his mistakes when he does make them and not hesitate if
he has to apologise to his wife or make up.

Over the years many things have just become a tradition… we dont even
realise how and where the female is being given a raw deal… many times
even the female doesnt know….

But when this point is raised the JKG should be able to reaffirm the
equality part everywhere…

Let me cite an example :

When we guys have a night out… and we all stay out till the cows go
home… but there are all kinds here…. some have to go early… maybe
their parents dont like… maybe their wives dont like… or something
else….

But to stop them from going home we normally always say… Baap Gharme
Ghusne nahi dega… (tats fine) The guys ego doesnt get hurt when this
is said…. so to take some more leverage another cliche is used

Biwi ghar me ghusne nahi degi… (suddenly the male ego becomes a lil
dodgy.) Some just stay a lil longer to prove that he isnt a JKG

the real JKG as we have learnt actually come and tell us… ghar ka
problem nahi hai yaar…. par bahar biwi sofe pe sulayengi… lol !!!! 😀
😀 😀

Please edit the last part if you dont want to publish… but I have
heard it… from some one… who doesnt mind being called scared of his
wife… coz he isnt… and he doesnt need to prove to us… !!!!

Joru Ka Ghulam is just a tease… nothing else… but amazing effects it
has on the male ego !!!