What do you understand by ‘unconditional love’?

Before sharing an email from Distressed, I would like to ask: What do you understand by ‘unconditional love‘?

What do you think of relationships where the partners are ‘completely emotionally dependent’ on each other (Or at least one of them is) – despite their ‘terrible fights‘? Or maybe the ‘terrible fights’ are caused by the complete dependence and insecurity?

What do you think of relationships where partners are ‘privy to all’? (Or atleast one of the partners is). Does ‘true love’ require sharing of passwords, details of past relationships (if any) and innermost thoughts?

So then what is ‘true love’? Does it mean ‘giving love’ without expectation or hope, for marriage, commitment, reciprocation, sacrifice or happiness?

How do ‘unconditional love’ or ‘true love’ affect relationships?

Related Posts:

What would you not change for love?

“I need suggestions – these girls are ruining their lives with their stupid ideas about love.”

An email: “Is it safe to assume he loved his culture and tradition more than me?”

Do you think this murder is about love, lust and erosion of Indian values?

“I waited for maternal love to overcome me – it didn’t… After my baby was born, I didn’t feel anything…”

An email: My principal fear is my wife is not going to be able to love my parents as much as I do.

Emotion of love and affection compelled the convict. ‘Love not a crime’, says Delhi Court.

Of Love, Lust and Respect

Don’t fall in love NOW!

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Do men care less and women care more in relationships?

A friend recently said women had high and unrealistic expectations from relationships, which lead to disappointments, insecurity and jealousy.

Let’s assume what she says is true for some women.

Could it be that some women feel insecure because they grow up hearing their life had little meaning without a partner?  Persistent little reminders like nobody blesses women with ‘jug jug jiyo‘ (may you live long). All blessings to women ring like warnings –  to get married and to die before their husbands do for example. (saubhgyawati raho, sada suhagan raho i.e. may you never be a widow)

[Note: Why not wish women a happy, healthy life too?]

Their partners need the relationship as much as they do, but if a man shows he values his spouse or his marriage, he is promptly labeled a JKG (a Joru Ka Gulaam). If he is insecure, the only way he must express it is with violence. My cook came with a swollen face last week because her husband suspects she manages to have an affair sometime between my cooking and three other jobs she has. Another woman I knew found her land line phone locked when the husband went for work (they are separated now).

Acid throwing and murders by men who couldn’t handle indifference are not unheard of.

I have read tweets like the one about a lucky husband being congratulated because he got a car for his wife in an exchange offer. Traditionally no woman would dare make such blasphemous jokes about her pati parmeshwar. And traditionally men must make such jokes to show how they don’t care for their wives 🙄 (Have you met/read someone who does that 😉 )

And then the society wonders why some women need to know if they are loved. Do you think Gauri Khan worries if SRK loves her? 😉 Anyone knows the story of 8 cows?

Do men really care less and women care more in relationships?

What do you think?

Wordless Wednesday!? Why do we love them?

Well not so wordless…

We love them because they are like babies.

Helpless. Trusting. Each with their own personality and imperfections… and ways of communicating that only we can understand.

And when they  sleep like this and shut their eyes tighter when they sense us near them…

Why do you think humans love cats and dogs?

What would you not change for love?

I have been receiving email links that accuse Indian women of dereliction of duty, when they marry men from other faiths. Indian women are solely responsible for the honour of all Indian religions and cultures so these accusations are not new.

Love Jehad [Do read this link] should not become another tool to control women.  As an adult, a woman should remain free to marry anyone from any religion. And if she chooses to, let her convert.

But my personal opinion is that love and marriage should not require either of the partners to stop being who they really are… simply because they can’t.

1. I feel one should not need to convert to a partner’s religion.

2. I feel one should not need to change names or surnames. It is inconvenient and unnecessary, but even if it was convenient, it’s based on the principal of ownership of another human. So the very premise, in my opinion, is wrong.

3. I feel one should not need to change feelings towards one’s own parents and family. Unfortunately girls are sometimes expected to do this; especially in joint families… Marriage should add to your life, not take away from it.

4. Friends and family are a support system, nobody should be asked to give them up.  Also isolation of the victim is common in cases of Domestic Violence. (Now, the Domestic Violence Act has made it an offence to stop a woman from meeting her family).

5. One should not need to change one’s Personality. For example, no extrovert should be asked to become an introvert. That’s controlling.

Everybody, including women, must have some interests of their own, and some me-time, so if she is asked to stop interacting with the world (to protect her!), she better watch. Insecurity and mistrust are not good signs. And…

6. Trust must include faith in and respect for her judgement. Giving in to the spouse’s unreasonable wishes does not improve a relationship. Such controlling might be the beginning of Domestic Violence – verbal or physical.

7. The woman should be trusted to decide how she must dress, and not her husband’s grandmother’s cousin’s daughter’s brother in law.

Do you think we should need to change ourselves for love or marriage? And how much? Is it true that we can find happiness in our partner’s happiness (after the first few months of a relationship), or do we need our own happiness too?

Don’t fall in love NOW!

(One of those 104 drafts.)

I am on my laptop, Daughter (17), is sprawled diagonally across the bed, finishing an school assignment. Son’s practicing guitar in his room. Contentment is this.

Suddenly, “How do you know when you are really, reeally in love?
I thought madam was studying!
When the guy wants to see you as successful as your own parents do, because nobody can care for you like your own parents can.”

Maaaaa.”

“Okay. But this is not a good time for love or even for minor crushes!! You have so much to do, you have seen how your friends waste their time, first celebrating, then crying, break ups, moping, making up or making out and they have no time to think of their future … you get emotional about a guy at this age and at this crucial stage of your life and all your dreams will go kaput.

That’s why I think you just say you won’t mind if I had a boyfriend! If I really had one, you won’t like it. Now I know why they (her friends) don’t tell their mothers.”

(Feeling terribly guilty and wondering if what she says is true …)
Okay, being in love, really in love, would be a best friend cum crush, with maybe some chemistry thrown in?

Yeah, and someone who likes me the way I am, I shouldn’t need to pretend …

“Meaning he gets to see how you keep your room? Okay, someone whose parents you like, someone who can come home, and walk into the kitchen and discuss my blog with me ? You saw ‘Jaane tu ya jaane na’ – that’s a cool relationship.”

She can see ‘he’ is not that kind. I am just not sure I have said the right things. Maybe my confused Indian values make me wish she’d stay away from any boy friends until she’s settled with a good career … we are fed with so much t, c & mv ( Traditions, Culture and Moral Values) that when a trusting heart wants you to be a friend you are not sure what to say.

SOME ADVICE PLEASE!