Going to the terrace

It was 11PM and I had stepped out to put some things in the common corridor. I got a sense of deja vu and all those memories came flooding back.This innocuous act of stepping out of the house in the middle of the night to go to a corridor/balcony/terrace, I take for granted now and do without thinking twice is often not allowed in India for women.

I have always loved sitting on the terrace and watching the night sky. I remembered people (neighbours etc) telling me on so many occasions to step back into the house because it was considered inappropriate. It used to irritate me that I was not allowed to enjoy something I loved in my own house because people could see me on my terrace. Despite this, I have spent countless hours on my terrace but it reminded me of so many women who do not have that opportunity because their families didn’t let them. A young unmarried girl sitting alone in her own balcony/terrace is threatening to so many people. The only reasons any female would sit alone on her terrace/balcony would be –

  1. She is meeting her lover clandestinely
  2. She wants to attract attention, so she deserves to be harassed

The whole logic is retarded. We have built so many useless rules around women to control their behaviour in every tiny situation. Most of them do not make a difference in anybody’s lives but everybody takes it upon them to enforce these dumb ‘rules’.

Over time, my memory of these restrictions has dulled as I haven’t faced them in years, some even when I was in India though I knew people who did. Other examples of minute freedom not given to women include –

    1. Wearing a proper night dress without petticoat underneath and a dupatta over it
    2. Going braless at home
    3. Going out anytime of the day or night
    4. Cooking or not cooking
    5. Wearing whatever clothes they feel like
    6. Not wearing jewellery
    7. Doing certain things/touching certain things on periods
    8. Staying home alone

These examples may seem trivial when compared to major issues like lack of healthcare, education, child marriage but they are equally important because we deprive women of leading wholesome free lives by controlling them for irrelevant things and chip away at their life quality.

Related Posts:

What is this big problem with Bra Strap Showing?

“Sometimes it seems like every single thing I do has the potential to be something ‘provocative’.”

Ek Hindustani ladki ki Izzat.

“She was warned several times and was used to unethical practices like friendship with boys.”

Home most unsafe place for women : A unique court-ordered study by Delhi Police has revealed.
“Make up should be sober and unobtrusive. Translucent dresses are forbidden…”

This Shame belongs to Who?

TO CALL A SPADE A S****

Romanticizing innocence ignorance, chastity and related taboos for women.

It’s Your Fault

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The video is speaking against the acceptance of rape, acid attacks, honor killings, forced marriages etc that are viewed as normal ‘Consequences’ for women.

The ‘My Choice’ video, below has angered many.

I read comments fearing it might influence gullible Indian women into having sex outside or before their marriages, without understanding the ‘consequences’ of such irresponsible behaviour’.

Here are some of the offensive lines. The more offensive ones in bold.

My choice to have sex before marriage, to have sex outside of marriage, to not have sex.

IHMAll the video is saying is, it’s women’s bodies, women’s choices, and of course women’s consequences. Rape, acid attacks and murder are not included in legal or acceptable consequences; Divorce, Heartbreak, Lessons learnt, Experience gained,  Break ups and Moving on are.

The video is speaking against the acceptance of rape, acid attacks, honor killings, forced marriages, violence etc that are viewed as normal Consequences for women who are not able to follow the impossible to follow How-to-avoid-getting-Raped Rules. And often also for those women who do everything as they are told.

But for many, it seems, it’s annoying enough to imagine Indian women hearing about having a Choice in anything, but to tell them that they own their own bodies and sexuality is clearly going too far. This video could give some women the idea that having sex before marriage does not mean they have to marry the person, or be killed by their fathers and brothers (etc), or be ready to be raped by anybody because now they are no longer marriageable.

Or women might imagine or claim that having sex outside marriage is almost a legal right. What kind of videos give women ideas that they can think of sex as something they have a choice in? Do they think they are men? Men are different, and anyway we don’t make videos telling men they can have sex outside marriages, we just have an entire system in place that ensures that men have access to sex outside marriage and ofcourse we don’t approve!  We do roll our eyes at ‘these men!”. Women are different, they are our mothers and wives and honours.  And women have the responsibility to make sure nothing changes in this system that keeps them dependent and controlled.

Also, who should be held responsible for women (misguided by this video) and acid attacked or honor killed for sex before or outside marriage?

Or for thinking they can refuse to have sex with the man they have been ‘married off’ to.

Videos like this can break up the Social System that’s working so well and keeping women Safe and Empowered.

 My Choice to love temporarily or to lust forever. My Choice to love a man or a woman or both.

IHM: Obviously lust is a vice (specially for women) and Indian women only think of sex as a duty they must provide to the pati parmeshwar, who has been chosen for them by their family elders.

To love temporarily is unthinkable for Indian women – once married-off they belong to the pati parmeshwar. Even if they are widowed.

The idea of temporary love is so abhorrent to us that rape victims are offered the option of marrying those who  have sexually assaulted them. It’s all about sexual inexperience and ‘permanence’ in women’s relationships it seems.

Also note how love, marriage, purity, character and sex are connected.

My Choice to come home when I want. Don’t be upset when I come home at 4 am. Don’t be fooled if I come home at 6 pm.

IHM – This is a response to the general idea that good  women reach home before dark, and women who stay out till after dark (or after 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, depending on the the preferences of the person passing the judgment) ask to be sexually assaulted.

And here’s a response from Shail Mohan. Why is this so difficult to understand?

Dear people making fun of the *choice* video (you all know which one),
We all have the choice (yes, to have sex outside marriage too), and suffer whatever consequences it may lead to (it could be the divorce court). Choice also means the choice to make mistakes. The point is outsiders (the moral policing goons or any other outsiders) have no say in all this. Besides no one is asking YOU to have sex outside marriage. Are they? So why all the drama?
Yours
Someone who cannot understand the whole lot of noise being made.

This second video is a response to the My Choice video. This video gives an idea of just how much some of us are worried about women being given choices.

Do watch. What do you think?

The general outrage is not really surprising in a society where polygamy (by men) is tolerated, and where marital rape is still legal. Where married men (well known and respected married men) still have, not just sex but also marriages, children and relationships outside their marriages.

Deepika would have found more support had she  talked about,

A virtuous woman’s right to marry (against his wishes) a man she has had consensual sex with.

Or a woman’s right to save her marriage to an unwilling partner.

Violence, castration and humiliation for a man accused of having consensual sex with an unmarried adult woman from another caste/community. (Because this can’t be made right with marriage)

A woman’s right to marry her rapist.

A woman’s right to supplement her family’s income by working in night shifts.

Related Post:

Denying sex to spouse on first night ground for marriage annulment: Delhi high court

“why not marry them first and then have sex ? What prevents you from doing it ? Deep within YOU WANT JUST SEX and nothing more”

Question about Sexuality in Indian Arranged Marriages

Here’s why I think the society should not obsess over a woman’s virginity.

“Girls should be married at 16, so that they don’t need to go elsewhere for their sexual needs. This way rapes will not occur.” – Rape being viewed as Sex outside marriage.

7 things that can make ‘Rape sometimes right’.

Where Consensual Sex is Rape, and Forced Sex a legal right.

Making Marital Rape a legal offence is the fastest way to make it clear that Rape means forced sex, not lost Virginity or Honor.

Forced intercourse in marriage not rape: Delhi court

Forcible sex with wife doesn’t amount to marital rape: Court

Girls morally bound not to have sex before marriage, says fast track court judge

“Girls should be married at 16, so that they don’t need to go elsewhere for their sexual needs. This way rapes will not occur.”

Romanticizing innocence, chastity and related taboos for women.

“There is so little conversation about a woman’s desire for sex that a lot of people simply assume it doesn’t exist.”

Panchayat orders girl to marry her rapist because one way to make a Rape right is to make it Marital Rape.

Making Marital Rape a legal offence is the fastest way to make it clear that Rape means forced sex, not lost Virginity or Honor.

Please watch Queen.

“Instituting the idea of marital rape raises the specter of a man going for long periods without sex even though he’s married!”

Why does the Delhi bus rapist blame his victim in prison interview?

 

“A girl is far more responsible for rape than a boy.” 

This rapist has no reason to disagree with many others, including women, who hold the same view.

He comes from a society that believes that the only way to control sexual crimes is by shaming, silencing and locking up the victims.

It’s possible that he has no idea that ‘sex without consent’ is rape. He probably views rape as a punishment for women who don’t know their place.

Do you know of any efforts to inform him otherwise?

Delhi bus rapist blames his victim in prison interview

You can’t clap with one hand – it takes two hands,” he says in the interview. “A decent girl won’t roam around at 9 o’clock at night. A girl is far more responsible for rape than a boy. Boy and girl are not equal. Housework and housekeeping is for girls, not roaming in discos and bars at night doing wrong things, wearing wrong clothes. About 20 per cent of girls are good.”

[Such  views are common: The rapists often don’t see their actions as crimes, the police said, and don’t expect the victims to report them.]

Amongst many other men and women,

The lawyers who defended the gang in court express similarly extreme views about women who venture out at night. In a previous televised interview, lawyer AP Singh said: “If my daughter or sister engaged in pre-marital activities and disgraced herself and allowed herself to lose face and character by doing such things, I would most certainly take this sort of sister or daughter to my farmhouse, and in front of my entire family, I would put petrol on her and set her alight.” [This man openly threatened his daughter and instigated others to burn alive their daughters.]

 Related Posts:

What makes Men Rape? – Do read.

The rapists often don’t see their actions as crimes, the police said, and don’t expect the victims to report them.

“… people will say we encouraged these men to follow us… even though we are innocent”

“Sometimes it seems like every single thing I do has the potential to be something ‘provocative’.”

When they don’t even understand crime, how are they ever going to begin controlling it?

Can sexual harassment be compared to Terrorism against a whole community called women?

“Such mannequins will excite men and pose a danger to women.”

“I am safe because I’m very careful in the way I behave and dress in public, on the streets.”

In Gurgaon, jobs, safety and roads after 8 pm, reserved for men?

It’s Your Fault

Dad knifes girl for speaking to lover

Rape and clothing: How it’s all dressed up – A guest post by Praveen Talwar.

“She was warned several times and was used to unethical practices like friendship with boys.”

How did we make Indian criminals believe that they have 7 khoon maaf if they can claim to be teaching Indian women a lesson in Indian values?

Home most unsafe place for women : A unique court-ordered study by Delhi Police has revealed.

“Make up should be sober and unobtrusive. Translucent dresses are forbidden…”

I am always amazed – Where do ‘the authorities’ get so much confidence? What makes them so sure that they always know better than the students? (specially in matters that are not related to their fields of expertise)

Mumbai law college imposes draconian dress code on students 

“….

Make up should be sober and unobtrusive. Translucent dresses are forbidden…

 

Lady students should wear tops with sleeves which should be minimum 4 inches and the top should be at least 7 inches below the waist.

(Ladies may please insure (sic) that the shoes/sandals cover the foot completely). Please note that flipons (sic)/slippers/floaters are strictly prohibited.”

And the aim? 

Asked about the new dress code, Singhal immediately said that the rules were all on paper. “The rules were introduced to bring about discipline in the college. This is a professional course and all colleges have dress codes for their students as to bring about uniformity in the college,” he said. [link]

This raises some questions.

1. What does the college aim to achieve by creating ‘rules on paper’? To use them when convenient perhaps?

2. The 4 inches, 7 inches and translucent dresses –  How is all this related to the reason given – “discipline”? How do sleeveless tops affect discipline?

Do we sense concerns like these here: Girls in AMU library will ‘attract’ boys: VC ?

What happens when the students step out of the college? Does the college suggest imposing of 4″ sleeves on any woman who steps out into the street?

3. Educational institutions are service providers – do they believe that they have the right to control the personal lives of the consumers they provide services to?

4. If the idea is to prepare the students for the real world – then why don’t our institutions teach young adults (and little children) about deciding/thinking/choosing for themselves? About their right to their bodies,minds, dreams and futures? And about freedom and human rights and gender equality?

How does this kind of infantilising influence the confidence of those it controls?

Who do you think is the best judge, when it comes to taking personal decisions, for each one of us?

I read and loved these lines, shared by Women’s Web on facebook.

 The Voice.

There is a voice inside of you

That whispers all day long,

“I feel that this is right for me,

I know that this is wrong.”

No teacher, preacher, parent, friend

Or wise man can decide What’s right for you – just listen to

The voice that speaks inside.

Maybe such colleges have the parents’ support when they make such rules. They are aware that many Indian parents are made uncomfortable by any attempts by the youth (or anybody else we can control) to think for themselves.

Many of us don’t agree with the idea of letting ‘children’ (of all ages) think for themselves.

Shameless women.

Did the man in this ad ‘instil faith’ in you? Does he come across as respectful towards women?

This witty take on the much beaten down Indian man hopes to instil faith in the women of today.’

According to Story Pick – If You Think All Indian Men Are The Same, You Haven’t Probably Met The Right Ones. So, would you count this man amongst the ‘Right ones’?

Link shared by Kavya. 

Compare this man to Milkha Singh (in the video below) assuring that his ‘No’ did not in any way indicate disrespect or ‘insult’.

What do you think?

Related Posts:

Ek Hindustani ladki ki Izzat.

A tag: But when a woman sees a hot man, nothing happens in her brain?

Romanticizing innocence, chastity and related taboos for women.

“There is so little conversation about a woman’s desire for sex that a lot of people simply assume it doesn’t exist.”

Of Love, Lust and Respect

Triya charitram, Purushasya bhagyam, Devo Na Janati, Kuto Manushya…

 

40% of rape charges were filed by parents of girls who had eloped consensually with a boy

Here’s a simple answer to why India is so unsafe for women.

The way we define rape is wrong.

1. Rape for many Indians is – ‘sex with the forbidden woman’.

2. Many men (and women) have no understanding of  Consent (by women)

3. There is no effort to talk or understand – ‘Violation of a woman’s autonomy and bodily integrity’.

4. Most Indians can’t imagine (or understand or tolerate or permit) women owning their own bodies or their own sexuality.

Why?

Because,

1. A woman’s consent is seen as given (to her husband) by the society/family once she has been ‘married off’ (which is why marital rape is not a crime)

2. And if a woman is not married, then her Consent is seen as immoral, shameless, deserving of punishment via killing, sexual assault or violence, boycott etc.

Women’s safety for many Indians is ensuring they remain ‘pure’ (sexually inexperienced) till they are married.

And the biggest concern in case of violent sexual assaults for many is  – to ensure that the survivor’s identity is not revealed. Why? So they can pretend the crime never happened, which is essential for the survivor (and her siblings and cousins) to be ‘married off’.

So, when we are fighting for women’s safety – what exactly are we fighting for?

Do read,

Rape and Rakhi – Patriarchal-Communal Narratives: Kavita Krishnan

‘The recent research by Rukmini S of The Hindu, on rape trials in Delhi, found that some 40% of rape charges were filed by parents of girls who had eloped consensually with a boy, very often from another caste or community.

 

In these instances, ironically, the girl experienced violence – abduction, confinement, beatings – at the hands of her own family, rather than at the hands of the alleged ‘rapist’.

 

And the violence may be at the hands of the State too. Policemen routinely abet the family’s violence towards such women. And in one instance studied by Pratiksha Baxi in her recent book Public Secrets of Law: Rape Trials in India, a woman who had eloped to marry by choice, was jailed for abetting her own rape and abduction.’

 

Related Posts: 

Is rape the worst thing that can happen to an Indian woman?

Where Consensual Sex is Rape, and Forced Sex a legal right.

Panchayat orders girl to marry her rapist because one way to make a Rape right is to make it Marital Rape.

Making Marital Rape a legal offence is the fastest way to make it clear that Rape means forced sex, not lost Virginity or Honor.

“Instituting the idea of marital rape raises the specter of a man going for long periods without sex even though he’s married!”

What do you think of these doubts regarding recognition of marital rape as a crime?

Forcible sex with wife doesn’t amount to marital rape: Court

7 things that can make ‘Rape sometimes right’.

Would this crime have been reported if he had mercilessly raped her but not sodomised her?

Here’s why a 6-year-old rape survivor was ordered to marry alleged rapist’s 8 year old son.

“…offenders who raped unmarried (and virginal) women got higher sentences in contrast to men who raped married women”

“Girls should be married at 16, so that they don’t need to go elsewhere for their sexual needs. This way rapes will not occur.”

 

 

If pre-marital sex if here to stay, then so are HPVs and other STDs.

This post is an attempt to respond to this comment.

If pre-marital sex if here to stay, then so are HPVs and other STDs. Even with only two partners, you caught a disease and are wondering who gave it to you. Just image the situation in US/Europe where people have dozens of partners in the course of a few years. How are you supposed to confirm that partner#15 is clean and is not carrying any infection and does not indulge in risky behavior ?

It’s not just pre-marital sex but the combination of casual and pre-marital sex that “feminists” (like the ones here) want to promote that causes the problem. What if someone falls in “love” ten times and sleeps with 10 different people. Are we going to pretend that it’s not a risky behavior because it was in the name of “love”? The more sexual partner one has, the higher the risk of catching an infection.

 

So, if there was no risk of HPVs and other STDs – then would the commentator above feel differently about ‘the combination of casual and pre-marital sex’ ?

Is abstinence really about women’s (or men’s) health, happiness, rights and empowerment?? 

Do you think promoting of abstinence – over the centuries – has benefited the society in anyway? How?

Isn’t it true that abstinence is promoted mainly for women?

And that has lead to men (and women) looking upon sex as something that is not a pleasurable consensual activity but as something:-

1. That must not be talked about, and ignorance of which is seen as a virtue.

2. That can make women ‘impure’ (more so if they participate and enjoy it).

3. Something that men are entitled to, and can ‘buy’  – but the one who ‘sells’ (or is ‘sold’) – must thereafter be denied human rights.

And hasn’t that indirectly lead to one of the partners being viewed as a commodity?

4. As something that can be used to punish women who don’t submit to patriarchal controls.

Sexual assaults are often justified, mainly by those committing them and those who have the power to control them, as attempts to ‘teach a lesson’.

4. At the same time or because of this stress upon abstinence as something to strive for, sex has also come to be seen as something to feel guilty about – specially for women.

Now, since heterosexuality requires women’s participation – this has made it difficult for many men (and women) to view any sexual activity without associating some amount of guilt with it.

This criminalisation (socially, ‘morally’ and sometimes legally), of an activity which concerns nobody except those involved, is a result of the stress upon abstinence.

If abstinence is really about women’s (or men’s) health, happiness, rights and empowerment – then what do you think is ‘risky behaviour’ ?

1. Denial of information and silence about preventing infections (or sexual and emotional abuse)?

Or

2. Moralising about and glorifying lack of experience (mainly for one partner) – which leads to silence and guilt?

Related Posts:

A tag: But when a woman sees a hot man, nothing happens in her brain?

Romanticizing innocence, chastity and related taboos for women.

Girls morally bound not to have sex before marriage, says fast track court judge

Here’s why I think the society should not obsess over a woman’s virginity.

“let me ask – how many girls in city remain pure till marriage ?”

How does an average Indian define Rape, Child Abuse and Consensual Sex?

“why not marry them first and then have sex ? What prevents you from doing it ? Deep within YOU WANT JUST SEX and nothing more”

“Instituting the idea of marital rape raises the specter of a man going for long periods without sex even though he’s married!”

“There is so little conversation about a woman’s desire for sex that a lot of people simply assume it doesn’t exist.”

How illegal bans on Valentine’s day and birthday parties are connected with dowry deaths and sex selection.

Indian loses online bid to buy Brazilian student’s virginity

‘I’m now thoroughly convinced that the entire concept of virginity is used to control female sexuality.’

Yet another rape that was not about lust but about aggression, revenge and putting the victim in her place.

Ek Hindustani ladki ki Izzat.

What the hell is difference between a homemaker and a porn star?

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Heterosexuality

“I blamed myself for putting myself in that situation, for being so vulnerable and so incredibly stupid to believe any of his bullshit.”

I wish there was more awareness that threats of any kind, including suicide and any kind of emotional blackmail were ‘warning signs’ and not ‘love’. 

Sharing an email. 

Hello Indianhomemaker,

Your blog touches many of our lives with its stories and I really must appreciate the thoughts that are evoked in many mind upon reading these stories.

I thought I was a staunch feminist, a strong and independent woman. Well, I still am. But I faltered. I let someone take advantage of me while I pretended to be a ‘liberated’ girl.

I don’t pretend to be chaste, but that doesn’t mean any of us deserve any kind of abuse.

Here is my story, if you deem it fit, I would like it to be read.

I, an urban, liberated, free spirited girl, from Bombay moved to Bangalore after graduation to work with a small architectural studio. A lovely city, a great office but I didn’t know a single person, being a social girl I was it was a bit daunting. Then comes along the boy, village born, small town, worked hard to be where he was, breaking social and financial norms and practicing the profession we love so much at the same studio. He was my first friend.

Like every dramatic story, I moved to Bangalore with a heavy heart of having broken up with my amazing college boyfriend. It took literally 3 days to like this and feel endeared by his stories (albeit, in terrible English) to fall for him. And thus began, you can call it – a relationship. He was always skeptical about my white linen shirts (without a slip inside), my wild partying days back in Bombay, the copious amounts of alcohol I would drink with friends and family, my sexual experience, my liberated life on my high horse of coming from a comfortable financial background.

The intention of the relationship was never marriage, or at least didn’t start that way, it was mostly companionship and talking, socializing. I, in my head, knew this was wasn’t going to last and the fear of being alone and vulnerable made me continue it, and in all honesty he was gentle, loving and caring. He decided to move to Germany to do his masters, which I thought would be a great excuse to end the ‘relationship’.

But it didn’t.

There comes the first threat – if you leave me I’ll leave my studies and come back because I can’t handle the emotional distress of being without you.

He came from a very humble background, struggled to get a loan and get to go to study, I couldn’t bear to be the reason he would leave all of that because I was selfish enough to not continue a ‘Skype’ relationship and I was naïve enough to think he’d actually do it.
Meanwhile I decided to study further, he very graciously agreed to help me with the admission processes since he had just done it and I took that help, some were useful pointers which did help me to get through almost all schools I applied to. This in hindsight, wasn’t because of him only, but also because I am fairly bright.

While I would be on Skype with him, sometimes in compromising ways, I lived my life on my own terms here and did what I liked.

Then came the second threat after attempted break up 2 – I’ll kill myself.

I’d be the evil bitch responsible for his death and his family’s financial doom because he was the only earning member. And after everything he did for me, how could I let him die.

Threat 3 – I have recorded all those ‘compromising’ times and I will publish them not only on websites but email them to your parents.

Yes. That is correct. Of course, I shouldn’t have ever put myself in that position, but I trusted him enough and secondly, never thought he would take screen shots (naïve bordering on stupid). My family liberal enough would be terribly upset seeing those images if it does get to them.

With all the threats, this has been going on for 4 years.

4 years! I am able to write about this now, only because he has stopped having the effect of a cold cold hand gripping my heart. I don’t care.

This is not all, I am constantly called a whore, slut, things far worse, my parents and sister and her family are called tons of names, I am threatened to pay him money for gifts he gave me (that I never asked for accepted), money for phone calls he made to me, everything bordering on extortion and blackmail.

I blamed myself 3.5/4 years of the emotional abuse he put me through, because I blamed myself for putting myself in that situation, for being so vulnerable and so incredibly stupid to believe any of his bullshit. But now, I stopped. The only person to blame is him.

I am older now, I am not 23 and alone and stupid, I have met a wonderful who I will marry, who has been my wall when ‘Crazy’ (let’s call him that) strikes. I am over the fear of being flung in public. Because he can do what he likes, I will not live in his fear.

I would appreciate if you kept my identity anonymous.
Thank you

Regards

Related Posts:

“I have realized that at 20 when I started dating him I never thought much but today I have issues with all the above points.”

Please watch Queen. Feels like our country is finally changing.

Boy friends are new parents

“I need suggestions – these girls are ruining their lives with their stupid ideas about love.”

An email: He did not want me to be “more” educated than he was.

An email: An Old fashioned boy friend and a Liberal girl friend.

 

Refusal to have sex during honeymoon is not cruelty: Bombay high court

Why do we see contradictory judgments on issues of denial of sex by wife or the wife being forbidden from wearing what she likes to wear?

Refusal to have sex during honeymoon is not cruelty: Bombay high court 

 

But earlier in another case in Delhi,

Denying sex to spouse on first night ground for marriage annulment: Delhi high court

[“…the wife’s cruel act of denying sex to the husband especially on the very first night and then not to actively participate in it”]

I think because it is impossible to completely ignore the unfairness in situations that so clearly deny human rights to those being judged. And while, for many, it does raise “…the specter of a man going for long periods without sex even though he’s married!” [Do click and read]

And maybe while some of us may have never really given it a serious thought, we do sense something wrong with any adults being controlled by other equal adults?

Maybe we sense that women’s sexuality and women’s clothing are both used as means to control women’s lives and choices?

Maybe we do see the sense of entitlement in forbidding anybody from wearing clothes of their choice, or from from socializing or making friends of their own choice (let alone having consensual sex)? And then being grateful for opportunities to serve their lords and masters.

Maybe we sense there is more to it? Where does this sense of entitlement come from? Maybe we see slavery in the tradition of some people being kept in dependence so that they can be expected to serve, obey and adjust?

Maybe we do sense it’s wrong (even though many of us never question) how the above is made possible with use of force, violence, threats of murder, social boycott, moral policing, by denial of opportunities to form any preferences/opinions of their own.

So we actually have adults who think controlling what other people wear is not cruelty, wearing what is found comfortable is cruelty.

The spouse here felt it was cruel to deny him the right to control what the wife wore,

The court also ruled that a wife donning shirts and pants to office occasionally and going out of town for office work soon after marriage also would not amount to cruelty towards her husband.

More examples of this same sense of entitlement.

… the wife cited several instances of cruelty…. One of her grievances was that she was forced to wear sari by her in-laws.

“… the wife’s cruel act of denying sex to the husband especially on the very first night and then not to actively participate in it”

So some of us think controlling other people’s lives is not cruelty, while their not being controlled is cruelty.

Related Posts:

Who will benefit from criminalising sexual assaults within marriages?

Would this crime have been reported if he had mercilessly raped her but not sodomised her?

“In my own company in a cosmopolitan city, I know women who were horrified on the First Night.”

A comment- ‘Reverse the gender, and it is marital rape.’

Rapist groom should have waited a little to satiate his lusty desires without problems which he has got into.

His mother filed an affidavit that she works 8 am to 8 30 pm, but does ‘no additional work’ at home.”