15 lines from ‘Dil Dhadakne Do’.

Let me just share some dialogues (roughly translated/in my own words) from Dil dharakne do and you decide what you think of the movie.

1. ‘Does he beat you? Is he a miser? Does he stop you from shopping? No?! Then what do you mean you want divorce?’ [Rahul Bose is the ‘he’ here, and the entitled look on his face, when this is being said, makes the movie a must-watch]

2. ‘There has never been a divorce in this family and there never will be.’

3. ‘What have we done to you that you are punishing us like this? Do you want me to fall at your feet? Let me cut my wrists with this knife…’ (picks a butter knife)

4. ‘How times have changed he heh… when we were young we women could never speak like this in front of our elders he he he…’ [The effect is the exact opposite of Saas Bahu serials]

5. ‘What you write about is so depressing, why do you exaggerate so much? Can’t you find something positive to write about? Like, look at us, in the previous generations women did not work, but I have allowed my wife to work!’

(The response is amongst the things that make the movie worth watching.)

6. ‘You are offended because I insulted your husband? But he was insulting you… doesn’t that count?’

7. ‘She is married, now she is a **** (husband’s surname). Now his home is her home, his family is her family.’

8. ‘I am on top of the world, god has been kind. There is only one thing I want now – dear daughter please give us a grandchild.’

9. ‘What do you mean you are not sure you want to marry her? The business (that’s floundering and can be salvaged with this marriage) is not just our business, you are our only son, it’s your business too.’

10. ‘Who is that girl with him?’

11. ‘You want a divorce? What will our friends say?’

12. ‘Every marriage has problems. The easier way out is divorce. That’s not the right path. The difficult path is the right path.’

13. ‘There is no place for you in this house if you divorce him.’

14. ‘There is no place for you in this house if you don’t marry her.’

15. ‘I don’t want to hear about this.’ (But don’t you dare do what you were about to suggest you might)

And here are some points the movie made:

1. Financial independence and success does not automatically give women the confidence (or mindset) to expect to be treated as an equal, to object to misogyny, or to walk out of unhappy relationships.

Why PepsiCo CEO Indra K. Nooyi Can’t Have It All

2. Parents don’t always know, and/or even want the best for their children.

3. No divorce does not mean happy marriages.

4. Many women stay married because they have nowhere else to go. Women also stay married because they are pressurised to stay married.

5. ‘Get Married Stay Married and bear male children’ is viewed as the main goal for every Indian woman.

6. Daughters are viewed as Liabilities, or Paraya Dhan.

7. Sons are viewed as precious – but only because they are Assets, to be controlled for parents’ benefits (dowry, obedient and/or rich daughter in law, family business etc).

8. Creating a good impression on ‘everybody’ is more important for many Indians, than happiness of loved ones.

9. A son spending a night with a young woman is not the same as a daughter spending a night with a young man. One set of parents smiles proudly.

10. I am sure this movie succeeded in making atleast some conservative viewers look at Successful Divorces as a Happy Endings. (Queen managed to do the same thing with broken engagements)

Related Posts:

Eleven questions the family elders ask women in unhappy marriages.

Are Happily Married Daughters a status symbol in India?

Please watch Dum Laga Ke Haisha – where a man is asked to Please adjust and save his marriage.

Please watch ‘Tanu Weds Manu Returns’ 🙂

Piku in Patriarchy.

Shuddh Desi Romance : When Getting Married and Staying Married is not an Indian woman’s life purpose.

‘Both families arrived at a compromise and she decided to continue to live with her gay husband.’

An email: “He told my MIL that he doesn’t like me. I knew he was depressed so I tried to console him.”

Recognizing Emotional Abuse – Priya

Why do men NOT have to choose between being a CEO and a father, but women have to make this choice.

Pretty brides who respect elders and identify themselves with their husband’s families.

Catch all the dialogue promos of Dil Dhadakne Do here

‘Older people in our society need to learn to have a life of their own. Instead of seeking happiness in their kids’ lives, …’

1. What prevents the Indian elderly from ‘seeking fulfilment in their own actions’?

Do they face pressure not to ‘live alone’? Or disapproval if they do not ‘help’ their adult children run their lives and have and raise their children?

I met a busy and otherwise happy 53 year old who loves her successful career, and finds it fulfilling. She was worried that she would not be able to do for her grand children what her homemaker friends manage to do. No matter how much she did, she felt ‘there would be comparisons’.

Another 73 year old independent woman continued to ‘live alone’ after her husband’s death, six years ago, in the same house, with the same dependable domestic staff, managing her own finances, and in reasonably good health.

Her children are ‘asked questions’. She too faces criticism for not wanting to live with her grandchildren. How well she knows her grand children, and how well they know her, is one question she is frequently asked. (Maybe, mainly by those elderly who wouldn’t permit their family members to ‘live alone’?)

Yet another retired and widowed elderly was judged because the children found he was in a relationship. What was the objection? Maybe there were fears that he might spend his hard earned money on himself (or on the partner)?

It seems, as a society, we disapprove of the elderly living their lives or spending their own money.

Maybe it’s not just the elderly – we seem to disapprove of enjoyment [link].

2. If the Indian elderly had lives of their own – how do you think would the society be different?

Maybe, they would have less time to think about family values, marriageability or career prospects of, not just there own, but also other people’s children?

Maybe, there would be lesser anxiety over ‘trivial issues‘ like eating or drinking preferences or housekeeping skills of Indian daughters in law?  And maybe, there would be more interest in taking care of their own health, happiness and self reliance?

Does personal discontent makes the Indian elderly more inclined to wish to control the lives of other people? Would the elderly who are content in their own lives be more willing to allow their children find out what makes them truly happy?

Do you think this could, in someways, harm the society? Could this make the adult children feel unloved and uncared for by the parents who are not controlling or atleast ‘commenting’ upon their lives?

What do you think?

Sharing Malyaj’s comment in response to this post – “I remember how tensed my family was at the time of my marriage 2 years back. Every time they were forced to do ‘Milnis and Teekas with heavy envelopes’.”

Seriously, Why do we need to involve money in everything I don’t understand !

I detest this obsession with money, especially other people’s. I hate when people tell other how much they spent on their family events, when they ask the same questions. And how crassly and casually people ask each other’s salaries and about material possessions. I simply do not understand it.

 

Older people in our society need to learn to have a life of their own. Instead of seeking happiness in their kids’ lives, they need to live their own lives and seek fulfillment in their own actions – go join a book club, travel alone for a few months, learn a language, pick up a new hobby, paint, run, ride a bicycle, write a blog, fulfill the aspirations you couldn’t earlier, get some more education.. the possibilities are unimaginable. But most of them are stuck with chasing their kids to get married, then to have kids and to show off their status in the process. What a waste of life that could have been reclaimed !

 

Related Posts:

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But how do we go about accepting ourselves just the way we are?

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Because of my initial submissiveness, my husband and his family volunteer to take care of my chores, to let me resume my career.

100 per cent of the elderly surveyed stated that their daughters-in-law abused them the most.

An email from a Happily Married Indian Daughter in law…

“I have no other option than to move in with my very orthodox in laws. I need tips to not get hurt.”

“My in-laws don’t hate me at all. But ‘love’ isn’t about all this. ‘Love’ is about letting your loved one ‘live’.”

My husband gives me the usual ‘you have not just married me, you have married my family..’ sermon

“Leaving US is a tough decision and, going back to live with in-laws has scared and shaken me.”

An email: The last straw was her expecting me to practise 4 day period sit-out thingy.

“My Mother in law is very patient towards all the doings of the Males in the family.”

“He has decided that we will stop trying to have a child now as he wants things to improve between his mother and I.”

“If I was born somewhere else, sometime later, in a more liberal family, in a more equal world…”

An email: Is it okay to make someone give up something they love to do, because we want them around?

Is it okay to make someone give up something they love to do, because we want them around?

And is it possible to remain truly happy after giving up something we loved to do?

This happens all the time.

My mom would never ruffle feathers by going back to work, when she knows my dad prefers her to be at home.

It’s obvious that the functions are enjoyed by those who want everybody’s presence there, but why are weddings and family functions considered more important than personal happiness/interests of each family member?

The problem (for them) being that she wouldn’t take leave to go for weddings and other family functions. They thought it doesn’t make sense for her to ‘struggle’ so much when they are supposed to ‘enjoy life’ at this age.

Traditionally men have been discouraged from doing anything except ‘bread winning’ 😦

‘Retired men who have no passions or hobbies, who know not what to do with the sudden abundance of ‘spare’ time, and drive their wives crazy (!) and go into depression.’ [Traditional  upbringing of boys. – Starry Eyed]

Sharing an email. 

Hi IHM,

I have been struggling with an issue for a while and felt maybe sharing it on your blog might give me some perspective. I would really appreciate if you could share this email on your blog to see what your readers have to say.

My parents have lived abroad for over 30 years and came back to India a couple of years ago after my dad retired. My mother was working as a teacher for about 10 years. She started working, perhaps, when we were in high school and before that she was a stay-at-home mom. When some of her friends started pursuing a teaching degree, she also decided to join. She is now an internationally certified primary school teacher with substantial experience working in an international school.

The issue is  that it was my dad’s decision to retire and come back to India. He was ready for a quiet life. However, since they have moved back they have quite a (what I call) boring life. My mom just cooks and cleans and they attend the occasional wedding and family events. They watch some serials at night and then go to bed early to begin the same routine again.

However, my mom is not that kind of a person. I feel very strongly that my mom should still be working. There is no reason for her to live the life of a retired person when she is still willing to work. However, that decision is difficult for her because with my dad at home she feels guilty going out to work.

A few months after they moved to India, I had helped her find a job in a nearby school. The pay was nominal but the school was so excited about having such a qualified teacher. The few months my mom worked, she finished all the work at home, made breakfast and lunch. kept lunch out on the table for my dad and then went to work. She would then be back in time for evening tea.

However, it seems my dad was getting bored home alone because he is really not used to being without her. When the topic came up, our extended family (though they don’t live together but they are all neighbours) also felt that she was spending too much of her time and energy on her job. The problem (for them) being that she wouldn’t take leave to go for weddings and other family functions. They thought it doesn’t make sense for her to ‘struggle’ so much when they are supposed to ‘enjoy life’ at this age. Moreover, none of them understand the idea of working because you want to do something productive and because you love it.

Eventually, she decided to leave the job though she had made a few friends there and the school really tried to convince her to stay.

It’s been almost 2 years since then and it’s been taken for granted by all that she won’t go back to work. But I have this nagging feeling that she is not happy. She is a traditional woman who thinks it’s her job to take care of the house but sometimes when we are talking she will let slip in a very mild manner that she is getting bored. Just to clarify, I live in another city and visit them once or twice a year and my sister lives abroad, so neither of us are really around for her to talk to, take her out etc.

Now my problem is that I feel no one seems to see that there is so much more she can do. My dad is the typical man who will do things around the house if he is asked to. But if he is not asked to do chores he will assume my mom can handle it on her own. And my mom is the kind of person who will never ask him to do chores around the house. She feels strongly that he should do it because he wants to, not because she has asked him to.

I realize that at their age, neither of them is going to change. My mom is not the kind of woman who will put her foot down. And I worry that unless she says something herself, no one is going to take her unhappiness seriously. She is also the kind of Indian woman who thinks it’s ok to be a little unhappy, as long as everything else is ok, because that’s just how life goes.

The obvious solution would be for me to speak to my parents, but the issue there is that I am an infamous feminist and all in my family know it. If I bring this topic up, everyone will think this is just me “being a feminist” and finding problems where there are none. Till my mom herself says that she wants to work or do something productive, no one will take me seriously. And she would never want to ruffle feathers by going back to work, when she knows my dad prefers her to be at home. I can’t think of any other elder in my family who will understand the issue enough to speak to both my parents so that they understand each other’s side of the story.

I know the solution is that my mom needs to stand up for what she wants but we have to remember that women of that generation were never trained to think that way. And keeping that background in mind, I’d really like to hear what you all have to say about this situation. I tears me up to know that she is unhappy and to not be able to do anything about it. How can I get her to be engaged in other things so that she is not so bored/unhappy/demotivated? I want her to feel good about herself and make friends with whom she can have intelligent conversation with. I want her to have something of her own that she has built on her own and is not tied to her life as a wife and mother.

thanks.

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Marriage Advice from the 1950s that is Definitely Outdated

A regular Indian girl shared this link.

Marriage Advice from the 1950s that is Definitely Not Outdated

Was this advice ever helpful – if yes, then who did it help?

Did this advice empower those who it was given to (or enforced upon)? Or did it give some other people the power to control the lives and choices of those who were expected to follow this advice?

Did it in anyway ensure they were treated like equal humans, with basic human rights and dignities?

Was this advice practical, fair and logical?

Does such advice create the impression that marriage is something that happens to women alone?

Advice #1: Family is your topmost priority

In the 50s, family was the most important part of a person’s life. Couples, especially women, were taught to prioritise family over career. This was perhaps one aspect that kept families together.

IHM:  In the 50s and even today, our ‘family values’ ensure that many women do not have much choice in what is their top most priority.

Perhaps, the advice that the society (and not just the women) need is to marry only if they want to marry, and only those who they want to marry, only when they want to marry and to remain married only as long as it makes them happy.

If you consider the present scenario, where professional and personal desires and achievements have taken a higher priority, broken marriages have also become rampant.

IHM: ‘Broken marriages’ should be seen as an indication that those involved had the freedom, courage and opportunity to make new beginnings.

Perhaps the society needs to be advised that the purpose of human life is not to save Institutions, the purpose of Institutions (including the Institution of Marriage) is help humans live better lives. 

Advice #2: You are married to the family, and not just to your spouse

… the younger generation was trained to accept, love and respect every member of the spouse’s family. Women considered it as their foremost duty to be a good wife, a good daughter-in-law, good sister-in-law and a good mother. Men in turn reciprocated and treated the wife’s family as their own.

IHM: If daughters were seen as children instead of future daughters in law, future wives and future mothers, the society would not see raising them as a challenge.  

If there is one advice Indian society needs today, it is to see and to raise their children as as their own children, not as paraya dhan and budhape ka sahara. This alone can help ‘save the girl child’.

So long as we  look at women as saviours of Institutions, culture, family name, family honor, or as future mothers of male heirs, future daughters in law – Indian would continue to pray, fast, sex select, kill, wish and bless (etc) for male children. 

Advice #3: Marriage is for life

… instead of throwing around the D-word (divorce!), think that marriage is for keeps! Marriage is a “forever bond”, and that is how it should be approached.

IHM: The society and ‘log’ should be aware that sometimes relationships don’t work and that is not a failure or end of happiness for those involved. 

Also, expecting women to stay married when they are unhappy, just to ‘save the marriage’ or to create a good impression on other people (log) was never a good advice. 

Nobody should stay married because they dread the D-word – if two people stay married it should be because that’s what they both want to do

Advice #4: Tolerance and acceptance are the keys to a successful marriage

One of the most profound advices that people in the 50s received was to set aside their egos and personal prejudices, and develop the virtues of tolerance and acceptance. When parents chose partner for their child, they always gave the highest priority to these values, so that the new member could easily adjust to not just their spouse, but the family as well.

IHM: Tolerance and acceptance can make it easier to deal with most situations, relationships or just life in general – specially when we have no way to change the said situations.

But.

In the past many women did not have the option to refuse to ‘tolerate’ and they had to ‘accept’ whatever ‘fate’ (or family elders, community, in laws, Patriarchy etc) decided for them.

Not sure if that was an advice or a lack of options. 

And finally:

Look around at your grandparent’s generation, their love and respect for one another; certainly not everything that happened in the days of yore is outdated!

IHM: This is romanticisation. The fact is many grand parents feel their children (frequently sons) are the only ‘glue in their relationships’. 

The equality between the husband and wife is also more pronounced now. But, the rate of divorces in India is also on a rise today, mainly because of incompatibility and ego issues between the spouses. Perhaps, the younger generation should take a leaf out of yore; and learn to accept, love and respect each other like the people in the 50s did.

IHM: And ‘incompatibility’ is not a good reason for divorce? 

What do you think does ‘ego issues’ mean here? Whose ‘ego’? 

Hasee toh Phasee : When a Bollywood hero is an Emotional Dhakkan.

Loved Hasee to Phasee. Please do watch. Will add no spoilers – but the heroine is a Chemical Engineer, her family disapproves of her short hair and she doesn’t seem to see Getting Married and Staying Married as her only goal in life. Her father is warned, “She will not bring home a son in law, she will bring home a daughter in law.”

This hero takes relationships seriously and wants to get married.  (Contrast this with ‘boys ki life hai easy’). He is compassionate, uncomplicated, open, displays no obvious aggression, and communicates his feelings. He is not making more money (or almost any money at all) than the woman he wants to marry, and he is pressurized to do so.

So they are both Sinners against gender stereotypes.

What I did not like: The movie typically glorifies 1.) stealing (from any body), and 2.) consumption of alcohol to deal with stress or disappointment.

Don’t be guided by the official trailer or the name of the movie. The movie is good.

Not sure if the movie passes the Bechdel Test though…

Related Posts:

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Dev D: Practical Paro Artless Chandramukhi

Dhobi Ghat. Zara Hat ke.

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15 Things That Emotionally Strong People Don’t Do

15 Things That Emotionally Strong People Don’t Do [Shared on facebook]

Do read this amazing list – do you agree that emotionally strong people don’t do these fifteen things? Do you consider yourself an emotionally strong person?

I think some of our Indian Family Values might disagree with this list.

Take a look at points 4, 7, 11, 12 and 14 below. Many would consider these irresponsible, because we are expected to be responsible for other people’s happiness.

Happiness is also seen as something that other people give/owe us, for example by sacrificing their own happiness or by their display of respect for us, or by approving of our choices etc.

Are Indian women and men brought up to respect themselves and to take responsibility for their own lives and happiness?

I think many of us go out of ways to teach children to find happiness in what will people say (not all the people, but some chosen, more powerful or higher-in-social-hierarchy people) – when we tell children to score better than their class mates, or when we run (or dance, or create, or work) to win, not for the joy of running, dancing or creating. Even the definition of Success for many seems to involve competition with other people 😦

I think this list is about people who choose Happiness over Success (when success is not defined as happiness). What do you think?

4. They Never Stop Doing Their Own Thing

Emotionally strong individuals do what they do because they love doing it. They don’t plan on slowing down or stopping for anyone who deems their happiness inappropriate.

7. They Know Better Than To Let Just Anyone Into Their Lives

The emotionally strong are emotionally strong for a reason: They don’t expose themselves to people who break down their defenses and crush their morale. Most people in the world are lost and will be more than happy to take you along with them. Don’t let an awful acquaintance ruin your happiness.

11. They Don’t Do Things They Don’t Want To Do

We all do things that we don’t love to do, but we should never do things that we don’t want to do. The emotionally strong understand that and almost always manage to figure out a way to focus on what they love, which allows them to figure out what they need to do, in order to do what they love. Although they may not love every second of it, they like doing what they are doing because it’s bringing them one step closer to what they would love to do.


12. They Have No Problem Saying “No”

If you can’t say “no,” you will get abused. You’ll be considered a pushover and no one will ever ask you for your opinion or take it seriously when you give it. Saying “no” reminds people that they don’t have control over you.

14. They Don’t Feel The Need To Fit In

The stronger you are emotionally, the more independent you become. You don’t feel the need to fit in because you fit in where it matters: the world. People form smaller social groups that are often skewed and unhealthy. Wanting to fit in doesn’t say much more than “I’m afraid to be myself.”

And here’s why I loved this list:

You’re going to be with your in-laws for only a few days in a year so why can’t you live the way they want and keep every one happy?

Is it possible that the ones whose disapproval is dreaded the most are those who are most likely to express disapproval (and occasional approval)?

Display of respect to those in power, in Indian culture.

“But, my only motive in life has been my daughter’s happiness which is now in your hands. I beg you, please keep her happy”

“I had written an email about being a DIL in the joint family, I am happy to share my current state …”

“Wives..well they are awesome! They will cross heavens to make you and the family’s lives happy.”

I could not sing after my marriage and I am really sad about it, but women have to ‘adjust’ to see their family happy…

An email: He says what am I expecting out of this marriage if I cant even make him happy.

Some happy relationship rules. Add yours?

Eleven questions the family elders ask women in unhappy marriages.

An email: Is it fair for parents to say that their happiness depends on who their kids marry?

“But, my only motive in life has been my daughter’s happiness which is now in your hands. I beg you, please keep her happy”

What do you think of this speech by a dad? Is this speech likely to inspire much needed confidence in the daughter, does it convey that she can look upon her dad, and her family, as a support system? If not, then how does this daughter benefit from having a ‘family’?

Do you believe anybody who feels this way about daughters could genuinely consider himself ‘lucky enough to father a daughter’ and for all the love they feel for their girl child – would they, if they could choose, want to have daughters?

This dad clearly seems to believe that the parents of sons have some special rights and parents of a daughter can only ‘beg’ for her happiness. What then could make them want to have daughters? A sense of duty to the son’s parents? (as in, the society needs girl- children or else who would the sons marry)?

Then, should people have and raise girl children, out of a sense of ‘duty’ as a ‘social responsibility’? Does it make such parents, or the society, value those children as equal people – or do these children remain future daughters in law and wives for them and for the society? How does it affect the lives of those whose sole purpose for being born and raised is to be married off at the right age to someone who is being begged to keep them happy?

How likely are any parents to want to have a child if they also believe that this child’s life and happiness lies in the hands of other people and all they can do is beg for her happiness?

This is one of the many ways in which Patriarchy affects men.  Patriarchy gives tradition the power to overrule common sense, parental love and basic human values.

Sangitha Krishnamurthi shared this link, with this question: ‘Can we begin with any lower expectation?’

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=424835987628847&set=a.141810862598029.25259.141806592598456&type=1

23,695 people like this.
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A DAD’S SPEECH AT HIS DAUGHTER’S WEDDING

I thought I would start my speech by addressing you as the “new” family of my daughter. But I think it would be inappropriate because now that she is married, you are “the family” for her. Believe me; I don’t have a problem with that. I, in fact, want my daughter to have “you” as her priority now. Its time for us to take a backseat in her life. We would happily accept it but would surely request one thing- please keep her happy!

I am more than sure that you will keep her very happy. She will perhaps be happier than what she used to be here. But like all fathers, I obsess over my daughter’s happiness which is making me say this over and over again- please keep her happy!

She never was and will never be a burden for me. She is in fact the reason why I breathe and smile. I am getting her married because this is what the law of nature demands. I am helpless in the face of our culture and therefore sending her to your home. She was the happiness of my home and will now light up your home. I am giving my world to you. Please make sure it remains beautiful. I am giving away my princess to you. Please make sure she stays as a queen. I have raised her with my sweat and blood and now she is wonderfully perfect. For all the care, love, beauty and warmth my daughter will bring into your lives, I just want her happiness in return—please keep her happy!

If at times you think that my daughter has said or done something wrong, feel free to scold her. But handle her with love. She is very fragile. If at times she feels low, be with her. She just needs a little bit of your attention. If at times she feels sick, show her some care. It’s the medicine that works best for her. If at times she fails to fulfill a responsibility, feel free to chastise her. But empathize with her. She is still learning. Do understand her—please keep her happy!

I don’t mind if I don’t get to see her for months. I don’t mind if I am not able to talk to her on a daily basis. I would be more than happy if she doesn’t remember me much. But, my only motive in life has been my daughter’s happiness which is now in your hands. I beg you, please keep her happy.

Dear son-in-law, these words may not mean much to you now but if you are lucky enough to father a daughter someday, you will appreciate them better when you will find every beat of your heart shouting – “please keep her happy”!

— Dedicated to all fathers

Related Posts:

So what could make even the average, selfish, money-minded Indian family welcome baby girls?

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Do you think this video can make Indian parents want to have daughters?

Another email. When an Indian daughter-in-law has no brothers.

Are Happily Married Daughters a status symbol in India?

The interference of parents in the married life of their daughters…

Indian family values are good for Indian daughters?

Difficult daughters, easy sons?

When a daughter refuses to go back…

What do you think of this mother, and this family?

“This man is openly threatening his daughter and is instigating others to burn alive their daughters.”

“Hoping god grants more wisdom to your parents to make you understand things and train you to be a good indian wife.”

What kind of grooms, do you think, do honor killing, violent parents want their daughters to wed?

Here’s an example of the kind of grooms, some Indian families are ready to kill for. Because those who see ‘killing a family member’ as an Indian family value probably prefer grooms who are capable of stabbing and burning? 

The minor’s mother and the groom who stabbed Linkan are absconding

Sabha was allegedly being forced to marry her cousin, who has been living with the family for the last two years. As she was opposed to the marriage and wanted to continue with her studies, she called Linkan on Wednesday night to persuade her mother to give up the idea. “However, when Linkan reached the house on Thursday morning, the prospective groom Siraj and Sabha’s mother got violent and attacked her,” said Shivram Yadav, DSP, Noida.

Slipping in and out of consciousness, Linkan narrated the horrific incident to TOI. “While I was trying to convince Sabha’s mother, Siraj whipped out a knife and sprung on me. I ran to save myself, but he chased me through the congested colony and finally cornered me. He tried to stab me, hit me on the head with a brick and attempted to strangle me. Sabha’s mother also attacked me. I don’t know what happened after that as I lost consciousness,” Linkan said.

Colony residents intervened and rescued the profusely bleeding Linkan. She was taken to Kailash Hospital while the two accused fled. Doctors said Linkan has sustained severe head injuries and suffered internal haemorrhaging with multiple injuries all over her body. “We have had to give her more than 40 stitches on her head and body. Though critical, she is in a stable condition. We will have to observe her for 72 hours,” said Dr Anoop Agarawal.

Linkan is a native of Odisha and has been residing in Noida since 2008. She also works as a project coordinator for Aid Noida, the Noida chapter of NGO Aid India. Sabha’s father is absconding. His two other daughters were also married off when they were just 15 and 16 years old. [Link]

Link shared by Desi girl of GGTS with the message:
 

“Only if laws could be implemented and trials could be timely will the crimes again women and children or anyone will if not cease at least reduce in number family crimes are committed with full impunity.”

Would it help if marriages that are not registered before the actual ceremony (how does one ensure that?) are not recognised by the law?

Related Posts:

The Powers of the Protectors.

Parents should choose the boy for a girl aged below 21, as it is they who bear the brunt of an unsuccessful marriage – Karnataka HC

“Only thing I can can think of now is to take a spoon of boiling oil and put on my cheeks. I will see then who marries a girl with a burnt face”

Emotion of love and affection compelled the convict. ‘Love not a crime’, says Delhi Court.

Love Marriages spoil the Family System of our Nation.

Haryana killing : Here is a father A P Singh might want to defend.

For some Indians the Indian culture can be saved in only one way – by ensuring that young Indians do not choose their own partners, which is why they claim, that Love Marriages spoil the Family System of our Nation.

They believe the present ‘social order’ creates  harmony, happiness, contentment, safe environment for all and hence must be protected with stabbings and lynching of the less powerful and/or dependent members.

And this is the culture that claims to respect women.

Haryana killing: I did it for honour, girl’s remorseless father says

(Link shared by Madhavi Kaivalya K)

CHANDIGARH: A day after butchering his daughter and her lover in full public view at Garnauthi village in Haryana’s Rohtak district,Narender alias Billu, a canine farm owner and a wrestler, on Thursday showed scant regard for the law of the land and declared, “Whatever I did was right and for honour. If others also follow the same path, then such things (love marriages in violation of social norms) won’t take place.”

Parents of 18-year-old Nidhi, who was killed in cold blood along with her lover, and her uncle were remanded in police custody on Thursday. In front of the Rohtak court, Billu did not show any remorse and told the local media that his daughter had brought disgrace to the family.

Police said Nidhi’s parents confessed to killing their daughter and her lover Dharmender since their affair had insulted the family in the society

….

Which is why I think –

What Khaps India need is a strictly implemented law against Forced Marriages.

Related Posts:

“This man is openly threatening his daughter and is instigating others to burn alive their daughters.”

BJP and Trinamool are objecting to a lower age of consent on the ground that this is in conflict with “conservative norms” of Indian society.

An email: I am 18 year old male from a traditional (read:backward) Indian family.

How illegal bans on Valentine’s day and birthday parties are connected with dowry deaths and sex selection.

“How can you eat without taking a shower? With boys, it’s a different matter.”

Sharing an email.
How do you think would women react to such comments from anybody other than the spouse’s parents? Why is it difficult to react the same way with the spouse’s parents?

My weekly off from work falls on Monday. For two years into the marriage, my habit was to finish with a bit of cleaning and scrubbing around the house in the morning, wash clothes, take a bath and then eat my breakfast. My hubby, in the meanwhile, used to eat cornflakes with milk and leave for office.

Last Monday, however, I chose to eat first and then do the cleaning stuff. I quickly made Uttampam with the left-over batter of last night and I and my hubby sat down to eat. The in-laws fast on this day and hence I am saved the job to cook for them on this day. And only on this day.

The unthinkable then happened: Out came my MIL from her room, red-faced. “How can you eat without taking a shower? With boys, it’s a different matter.” I did not say one word, and continued eating. But imagine being lambasted thus in the middle of a meal!

Now, I know the initial reactions:

  1. You were a fool to agree to live with such conservative in-laws. (How would I know a Political Science post-grad and wife of a professor would turn out to be like this?)
  2. Leave the bitch! (Is it really that easy?)
  3. Talk it out with her with a cool mind. (I am angry and hurt and annoyed. How can I?)
  4. Answer her back! (She cries, an issue of it is made, and I end up with more stress. What can you possibly explain to such a person?)
  5. Ignore and do your stuff. (That’s what I tried to do. But you can hardly ignore such things. They haunt you in your head.)

How does one deal with this, really?

Related Posts:

The invisible family member in the saas-bahu post.

It’s not about hot hot chappaties.

No Gajar Ka Halwa for an Indian Daughter in law?

Kyonkee Husbands bhi kabhi Sons the.

No Jeans For Indian Daughters in Law.

Joint Family and Indian Daughters

In-Law Advice: What Husbands Should Do – Unmana

How to be a Sanskari Bahu – Careless Chronicles