What do you think of this comment? My response in italics.
Can a guy have something to say in this matter….
Okay ! First,its official. I am going to find a good girl, fall in love and marry her. But I’ll do that few months later because I have to study and crack my MBA exams for now. But..Ladies..you have scored big one on this “marriage is for two people” thing. Don’t understand why elders make it a public fanfare ceremony.
To put in my few cents as a guy’s (who is only 23) perspective:
1. I think a man must have guts to stand for his wife against all odds (even if odds are from his own family.
2. He must also have guts to confront the wife if she plays the bad girl.
[IHM: What exactly is ‘playing a bad girl’… read further to get a general idea of what is a good girl, I am assuming those who don’t fit in the description of ‘good girls’ would be considered ‘bad girls’.]
3. A girl leaves her house and life for you. I think her man is her only support. A boy who cant hold her hand if her in laws stand against her, doesn’t have right to fall in love in the first place.
[IHM: A girl should not be expected to leave her life, home, family, friends, (her support group) first name, second name, career, eating, dressing, sleeping, walking, laughing (etc) habits to get married.
This expectation is at the root of all the hatred for daughters (Paraya Dhan) in this country, because it means a daughter can be her parents’ support and care giver only until she gets married, after that the parents have no rights over her. Indian parents are expected to train her for this future, and then pay her in-laws to accept her.]
4. An arranged marriage can be equally miserable.
5. “Definition of successful marriage- A marriage that doesn’t ends in divorce” is a wrong notion.
6. Daughter ! I love you unless you fall in love or marry outside the cast, or not marry one among the exhaustive list of these 12.
How stupid !
7. People think that girls in love marriages do not pay due respect to in laws. My cousin had a love marriage in Jain’s and she is living a great life.(Our family is liberal). She was a non vegetarian and Kayastha by caste. She is an IITian but knows and has accepted every element of Jainism now (by choice). Her In laws boast about her in their community. Her daadi in law does’nt go anywhere without her. She is an ideal Bahu and loved by all.
[IHM: Would they have loved her less if she had continued to eat non vegetarian food? Or if she wasn’t seen as a ‘boast-worthy’ ‘ideal Bahu’?
What if she wanted to be herself and live like just another, equal family member? Why not see the Bahu as a person? As human?
Aren’t such expectations the reason why traditional Indians see raising daughters as a challenging task? ]
Finally, Guys (if there are any) ! Girls are not engineering colleges that your parents know about more than you. Marriage is your own choice. Wives..well they are awesome! They will cross heavens to make you and the family’s lives happy. All they ask in return is lots of love and support. Give them that. They deserve it
(Actually top it up with few warm hugs & kisses. )
[IHM: And would the wives remain awesome if they see crossing some heavens to make spouse and his family happy as a mutual thing?
Or if they expect a little more than ‘love and support topped up with a few warm hugs and kisses’?
Or if they see ‘love, support, few warm hugs and kisses’ as a mutual thing?
And if they wish to have a say in what they need support for? For instance support in giving up old eating habits or support in continuing to work?]
It seems Tata Docomo and Tata Photon users are not able to access wordpress.com blogs. Please let me know if you are a Tata docomo/photon user and you are able to read this blog.
An email from a Happily Married Indian Daughter in law…
My wife will inherit my family’s property, her brothers too will share their property with their respective wives.
An email from an Indian father: I want to place on record my own story as a warning to anyone…
An email: My principal fear is my wife is not going to be able to love my parents as much as I do.