In response to “Don’t let me down dear daughter!”, a comment expressed this opinion.
“In defense of parents – and while absolutely hating my parents for their emotional blackmail – I do see where they might come from. I have seen innumerable girls (and sadly this still applies to girls in our society) throw away their lives while in throes of lust for the completely wrong person.
These girls typically run away with the first guy who gathers enough courage to ask them out the first time. Typically this guy does not have a great value system, any sense of responsibility, any education,ambition, willingness to improve their lot in life, respect for women and so on and on. As a result, the said girl either lives her life in grief or returns to her parents home where none of guys among us will marry her anymore.
I have seen way too many examples of such irresponsible behaviour and so do not have any hopes of parents granting girls “freedom” within bounds.
As they say, it is the limitation that defines any freedom.”
I was going to delete this but further comments indicated that this was written in all seriousness.
I wonder why don’t we consider guiding these daughters instead of locking them up. That’s a more reliable ‘protection’. But is it really about protecting the girl from unhappiness? I don’t think so, because we don’t kill to protect.
Strangely, this protection is only from falling in love (etc.) – not from violence, being burnt alive, abuse, murder or rape in their marital homes, even if this home is chosen by the parents.
Can an intelligent adult be expected to blindly trust such hypocrisy?
If the arguments given are honest and logical. If caste, community and the neighbour’s father in laws’ third cousin’s opinion are not the reason given for rejection of a partner a daughter (so lustfully!) chooses. Then the opinion of the elders would be considered worth taking. The parents have to earn this trust.
Sometimes girls are pushed into running away to escape forced-marriages or other problems at home. If the family accepts and supports their choices, girls won’t be forced to run away, they will see their home as their sanctuary and support system – as the place one always wants to come back to.
Assuming they do choose badly, could it be because they were not allowed to form independent opinions or choices? While anybody can make a mistake (including the parents) – some basic guidelines could make choosing easier for the daughters, but parents don’t want to hear of girls choosing their own partners. They would rather kill them. One Khap supporter claimed only prostitutes choose their own partners.
When the parents arrange a marriage, do they always choose well?
Giribala said, ‘Freedom to obey’ is not ‘freedom.’ And when the obedient girl marries the person of her parents’ choice, she gets the ‘freedom to obey’ for the rest of her life!’
Freedom to obey also means, they can’t come back home. Sometimes they must adjust till they die. Sometimes they kill themselves, sometimes they are burnt to death, sometimes they are sixty before they realize they can’t go on. They are told their happiness depends on their luck. Does this make a daughter see the parents as her genuine well wishers? Think about it, would you trust someone who says it’s your Destiny to live an unhappy life and your Duty to serve those who make life unlivable for you?
Social conditioning has such powers – some girls do.
They can see that if they are old enough to get married then they are also old enough to choose their partners. Nobody has more right to decide who they marry than the girls themselves…
Sounds like common sense? But we tend to put custom (i.e. old habits ) over common sense.
There are some with unlimited freedom to control other citizen’s lives . It seems Gujarat government has forgotten that these citizens are voters too.
GANDHINAGAR/SURAT: The Gujarat government has asked courts not to register marriages unless there’s parental consent in writing. (Click to read – Thanks for this link Desi Girl)