Response to “Koi Baap Apni Beti Ko Kab Jaane Se Rok Paya Hai”

Anil Singhal shared this – we still receive these forwards.

If it wasn’t for this mindset, there would be no skewed gender ratio, sex selection and male child preference.

“DEDICATED TO ALL GIRLS… ”

DAUGHTER TO FATHER::

Mujhe Itnaa Pyaaar Naa Do papa,
Kal Jane Ye Mujhe Naseeb Na Ho
Ye Jo Maatha Chuuma Karte Ho,
Kal Iss Par Shikkan Azeeb Na Ho

(Rough translation: Don’t give me so much love papa, tomorrow I may not be destined to such love. This kiss on my forehead that you plant, May it not be replaced by worry lines in future)
Mein Jab Bhi Roti Hoon papa,
Tum Aansun Poncha Karte Ho (When I cry papa, you wipe my tears)
Mujhey Itni Door Na Chhor Aana,
Mein Roun Or Tum Qareeb Na Ho (Don’t abandon me so far away, that I cry and you are not close by)
Mere Naaz Uthaate Ho papa,
Mujhe Laad Ladate Ho papa (you pamper me)
Meri Chotti-2 Khwahish Parr,
Tum Jaan Lootate Ho papa (You fulfill my little desires)
Kal Aisaa Naa Ho Ek Nagri Meinn,
Mein Tanha Tum Ko Yaad Karun (It should not happen that in future I miss you in some city, all alone)
Aur Ro Ro Kar Fariyaaad Karun, (and cry and plead…)
Aey Bhagwan Mere papa Saa Koi Pyaaar Jataane Wala Ho (Oh God let there be someone loving and caring like my papa)
Mere Naaz Uthane Wala Ho .(someone to pamper me)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Descent Reply Of FATHER…..!!
Jo Soch Rahi Ho Tum Beti Wo Sab To Ek Maya Hai (What you are thinking daughter is all an illusion)
Koi Baap Apni Beti Ko Kab Jaane Se Rok Paya Hai (Has any father ever managed to stop his daughter from going away? i.e. to her in laws’ house)
Sach Kahte Hai Duniyaan Wale
Beti To Dhann Parayaa Hai (What the world says is true, a daughter is a paraya dhan  i.e. somebody’s property, not her parents’ wealth)
Gharr Gharr Ki Yahin Kahaani Hai
Duniyaan Ki Ye Reet Puraani Hai (This is the story of every home, it is the world’s old tradition)
Har Baap Nibhaaata Aaya Hai
Tere Baap Ne Bhi Nibhani Hai…….. (Every father has honored this tradition, and your father has to respect it too)

* * *

What if we responded to such forwards with some progressive and feminist thoughts?

Here is an attempt – would love to read yours, in any language, with translation.

Yeh sab batein ab hooin bahut puraani hai
Beta shaadi ke alawaa bhi zindgani hai.
Tum dhan naheen aulad ho
Apne pairon par khade hoker,
choolo aasman
Mein hoon har pal tumhare saath
Khush ya dukhi, sahi ya galat, din ya raat
Jab yaad aye tab mobile uthaana
Ya dil chahe to  flight book karke khud chalee aana 🙂

___________________________________________

Rough Translation:

All these are things of past
My child, there is life beyond getting married and staying married.
You are my child, not my dhan
Stand on your own two feet.
Reach for the skies.
I am with you, always.
Happy or sad, right or wrong, day or night.
Pick your mobile when you need to talk, Or if you feel like, just book a flight and come over 🙂

Related Posts:

“But, my only motive in life has been my daughter’s happiness which is now in your hands. I beg you, please keep her happy”

Paraya dhan and her limited rights.

These lines sum up the biggest reason for male child preference and skewed gender ratio in India.

“I am glad that my parents never thought of raising us as ‘future daughters-in-law’.”

When a newly married Indian woman gives up her career, what else does she give up?

How important is it for a girl to get married?

When a daughter refuses to go back.

“See – UNICEF has figured it out. It doesn’t take rocket science to figure out.”

So what could make even the average, selfish, money-minded Indian family welcome baby girls?

“I am glad that my parents never thought of raising us as ‘future daughters-in-law’.”

An email from an Indian father: I want to place on record my own story as a warning to anyone…

Do you think this video can make Indian parents want to have daughters?

Are Happily Married Daughters a status symbol in India?

The interference of parents in the married life of their daughters…

Indian family values are good for Indian daughters?

Difficult daughters, easy sons?

What do you think of this mother, and this family?

“This man is openly threatening his daughter and is instigating others to burn alive their daughters.”

“Hoping god grants more wisdom to your parents to make you understand things and train you to be a good indian wife.”

When a daughter refuses to go back…

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“But, my only motive in life has been my daughter’s happiness which is now in your hands. I beg you, please keep her happy”

What do you think of this speech by a dad? Is this speech likely to inspire much needed confidence in the daughter, does it convey that she can look upon her dad, and her family, as a support system? If not, then how does this daughter benefit from having a ‘family’?

Do you believe anybody who feels this way about daughters could genuinely consider himself ‘lucky enough to father a daughter’ and for all the love they feel for their girl child – would they, if they could choose, want to have daughters?

This dad clearly seems to believe that the parents of sons have some special rights and parents of a daughter can only ‘beg’ for her happiness. What then could make them want to have daughters? A sense of duty to the son’s parents? (as in, the society needs girl- children or else who would the sons marry)?

Then, should people have and raise girl children, out of a sense of ‘duty’ as a ‘social responsibility’? Does it make such parents, or the society, value those children as equal people – or do these children remain future daughters in law and wives for them and for the society? How does it affect the lives of those whose sole purpose for being born and raised is to be married off at the right age to someone who is being begged to keep them happy?

How likely are any parents to want to have a child if they also believe that this child’s life and happiness lies in the hands of other people and all they can do is beg for her happiness?

This is one of the many ways in which Patriarchy affects men.  Patriarchy gives tradition the power to overrule common sense, parental love and basic human values.

Sangitha Krishnamurthi shared this link, with this question: ‘Can we begin with any lower expectation?’

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=424835987628847&set=a.141810862598029.25259.141806592598456&type=1

23,695 people like this.
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A DAD’S SPEECH AT HIS DAUGHTER’S WEDDING

I thought I would start my speech by addressing you as the “new” family of my daughter. But I think it would be inappropriate because now that she is married, you are “the family” for her. Believe me; I don’t have a problem with that. I, in fact, want my daughter to have “you” as her priority now. Its time for us to take a backseat in her life. We would happily accept it but would surely request one thing- please keep her happy!

I am more than sure that you will keep her very happy. She will perhaps be happier than what she used to be here. But like all fathers, I obsess over my daughter’s happiness which is making me say this over and over again- please keep her happy!

She never was and will never be a burden for me. She is in fact the reason why I breathe and smile. I am getting her married because this is what the law of nature demands. I am helpless in the face of our culture and therefore sending her to your home. She was the happiness of my home and will now light up your home. I am giving my world to you. Please make sure it remains beautiful. I am giving away my princess to you. Please make sure she stays as a queen. I have raised her with my sweat and blood and now she is wonderfully perfect. For all the care, love, beauty and warmth my daughter will bring into your lives, I just want her happiness in return—please keep her happy!

If at times you think that my daughter has said or done something wrong, feel free to scold her. But handle her with love. She is very fragile. If at times she feels low, be with her. She just needs a little bit of your attention. If at times she feels sick, show her some care. It’s the medicine that works best for her. If at times she fails to fulfill a responsibility, feel free to chastise her. But empathize with her. She is still learning. Do understand her—please keep her happy!

I don’t mind if I don’t get to see her for months. I don’t mind if I am not able to talk to her on a daily basis. I would be more than happy if she doesn’t remember me much. But, my only motive in life has been my daughter’s happiness which is now in your hands. I beg you, please keep her happy.

Dear son-in-law, these words may not mean much to you now but if you are lucky enough to father a daughter someday, you will appreciate them better when you will find every beat of your heart shouting – “please keep her happy”!

— Dedicated to all fathers

Related Posts:

So what could make even the average, selfish, money-minded Indian family welcome baby girls?

“I am glad that my parents never thought of raising us as ‘future daughters-in-law’.”

An email from an Indian father: I want to place on record my own story as a warning to anyone…

Do you think this video can make Indian parents want to have daughters?

Another email. When an Indian daughter-in-law has no brothers.

Are Happily Married Daughters a status symbol in India?

The interference of parents in the married life of their daughters…

Indian family values are good for Indian daughters?

Difficult daughters, easy sons?

When a daughter refuses to go back…

What do you think of this mother, and this family?

“This man is openly threatening his daughter and is instigating others to burn alive their daughters.”

“Hoping god grants more wisdom to your parents to make you understand things and train you to be a good indian wife.”

An email from an Indian father: I want to place on record my own story as a warning to anyone…

Sharing an email from a father of an Indian daughter.

Dear Indian Homemaker,

After stumbling upon your blog accidentally, I read with interest your post created on May 10, countering the so-called advantages of arranged marriage.
Although I have been happily married for nearly thirty years now, I have seen my own daughter suffer terribly in the arranged marriage system. While some might say that it is our culture, and love marriages are a Western import, I want to place on record my own story as a warning to anyone who might be considering the idea of simply going along with what everyone is saying, and isn’t following his or her own heart just because he doesn’t want ill to be spoken of his family in society. It is painful for me to write this, but I thought that I must use the internet forum to let people know how the system works.
I am retired with two daughters and a son.
It is my older daughter who has gone through hell on account of this horrible system of in-laws and dowry, and it is her that I want to write about.
About three years ago, my daughter graduated with her masters degree. She has always been extremely hard-working and being from a top college, she secured a well-paying job. Like any father, I was very proud of her and was happy that she was on-track to do very well in life without any help from me at all. The only thing left was to find a good groom for her, we thought, and after that she would be completely settled.
As my daughter had not selected any boy herself, the search began. We went all out. We published ads in papers, asked family friends, looked on matrimonial websites. Eventually, we found a boy, in the same city where my daughter worked a that time. He was from a good, well-settled family which owned a chain of businesses. He was well-spoken, confident and seemed quite modern in his ideas. We were forthright about my daughter being career-oriented and told the boy’s family categorically that she would not leave her job after marriage. We were assured that it was not a problem as the other daughter-in-law was also working and most of the housework was done by maids in any case.
My daughter, docile as always, simply went along and said okay to the proposal after only a few visits.
Within one month, the marriage was finalized and the ceremony was held in 2010.
At this point, we made the mistake of paying out a hefty dowry. It sounds very naive now, but I am being candid with you; I thought this might making things a little easier for our daughter . How could I have known what monstrous characters these people were hiding behind their smiles and laughter?
From the moment my daughter entered the house, these people began plotting to get more. At first, they were nice and gentle, but soon they began to show their true colours. It started with small hints, then moved on to broad hints, taunts, fights and finally, physical assaults.
I had no idea all this was going on. My daughter never told me; I used to call up every week and she told me that all was fine. Then one day, she said that she did not want me to call her anymore. She gave absolutely no reason for this request. It was completely out of character, and I was a little hurt, but reluctantly agreed. In Jun 2011, on her wedding anniversary, to my utter shock, the ceremony was held without us even being invited! By then, I had come to the conclusion that something was definitely very wrong.
I made a surprise visit to my son-in-law’s place. I told their family that I was there on business and had decided to pay them a visit. What I saw at their place made my blood boil over. My confident, beautiful daughter was treated like she was little more than a servant. When I entered, she was rudely told to get some tea, and the same people who had been so bubbly and smiley treated me as if I was a social inferior. I called out to my daughter, refused the tea, and simply stated that I was taking her out to lunch. They tried to protest, but I ignored them. It was only in the car that the whole story came out.
I have already told you the broad incidents, I won’t bore you with gory details. This fiend who called himself a husband not only hit my daughter, but he actually forced himself on her sexually. Imagine! My daughter, who I have NEVER hit till date. My daughter, who I brought up as the apple of my eye. How could this man have the gall to lay his dirty hands on her? How dare this rapist, this creature of filth, force her to bow to his perverted whims and fancies? The poor girl was so traumatized that she could not even cry! It was like talking to a shell, a dry husk of a person. It broke my heart to hear her speak like that.
I took her back to her marital home, told her to pack all essential documents and objects in a bag and come back with me immediately. The boy’s family created a scene of course, but at this time, I was so angry that I did not even look at them, let alone respond to their nonsense.
To cut a long story short, I got my daughter home and helped her file divorce papers and supplementary charges against the boy’s family. Although this terrible chapter is over, I am committed to personally ensuring that this man goes to jail, and isn’t just let off with a fine. I will make sure that he faces the consequences of his sins.
The points raised by the newspaper article (discussed in that post) seem so very shallow to me! It was written by someone who has no idea of ground reality and is floating in the dreams of a yesterday that does not exist.
Let me consider each point:
1. in a negotiated marriage, family support is a given.
What decent parent would not support their own child?
And if this parent does not want to support a daughter who had a love marriage, would he support her if her arranged marriage ran into trouble? What is the guarantee?
2.  If the marriage demands the girl to stay with her in-laws, it is more likely that they will make her feel comfortable as they have already ‘approved’ of her.
As you can judge from my story, the ‘approval’ is only skin-deep. There is no guarantee that these in-laws will ‘approve’ afterwards too. And because enough time is not usually provided, who knows what the in-laws are actually like? Serial killers can also seem very pleasant under normal circumstances, but they will show their true colours only after a certain time.
3. The process … involves understanding each other’s cultural interests apart from individual views and opinions about life in general.
Complete rubbish. The process only involves ticking off certain features, as if one was buying a car. This is not a feature of arranged marriage at all.

4.  Unlike a love marriage where financial security of the groom is not always a priority, in an arranged marriage, it is imperative that the bride’s family ensure that their would-be son-in-law is career-oriented and has a steady flow of income.
If financial security is not a priority for the couple, then how is it important in any case? If it is a priority, then the couple will ensure it.
5.  Each day is a surprise wherein the couple learn about the nitty gritty of the relationship and also take an effort to nurture it.

But are all surprises pleasant? Some things should not be a surprise. There are things that one must know well about one’s husband beforehand.

6. Once the alliance is arranged, the boy and girl are officially allowed to meet and know more about each other
I do not understand what this means. Are the girl and boy not allowed to meet otherwise? If not, then how will they get married in any case?

7. Ever heard of Swayamvar, an ancient Indian practice of choosing a husband from among a list of suitors?
Do all ‘Swayamvars’ turn out blissfully?

8. Since both the parties are way too involved in finding the right match and also the actual activity of marriage, it takes the load off the bride-to-be and gives her time to get comfortable in her new surroundings.
I can only laugh at this, seeing how things have gone with my own daughter.

I hope I’ve not made this overly long. I really wanted to share it, and I hope your find it useful.
Regards,
Related posts:
The burden of Honor. – By Moonbeam