When a crime is a punishment or a lesson taught to the victim.

Sharing a guest post by PD.

Do the circumstances of a rape matter?

I  live in the UK, currently there is a lot of discussion regarding this rape case – Predatory soccer stars, a drunken girl and a very seedy night at the Premier Inn: RICHARD PENDLEBURY revisits the disturbing events that led to the rape trial of Ched Evans [link].

There is additional controversy because of comments made by a female presenter who suggested that the punishment given to this football player was sufficient because although the attack was ‘unpleasant’, his victim was very drunk (thereby justifying the attack).

Ironically,  this presenter and her daughter have now in turn been threatened with rape by trolls on her Twitter page (Rape threat to Judy’s daughter: Richard Madeley to call in police after Twitter trolls’ vile attacks on Chloe)

[IHM: This. Rape is seen as a punishment or a lesson for women. Almost anything a woman does can be used to justify this ‘punishment’. The presenter here, being a woman,  is being viewed as deserving of this punishment. The threats too are meant to be ‘insulting’ and are meant to be viewed as ‘punishments’.] 

Something has been bugging me about this case and the subsequent furore caused by the various opinions expressed.

1. Do the circumstances of a rape matter? The end result is the same,  a woman is violated against her will.  It’s almost like saying some forms of abuse are worse than others or some murders are worse than others.

2. Regardless of the the circumstances or whose fault it was,  these two men went out that night looking for a girl to take back to their hotel.  They came across a girl who could barely stand straight and decided to take her back to the hotel despite knowing that she was in no fit state to give consent (if it was given at all in the first place). The is something very creepy about sober men picking up drunk girls for the sole purpose of intercourse and then justifying their actions by placing the blame firmly on the girl’s shoulders.

3. Putting myself in the girls’ shoes, it was indeed very reckless of her to go out on her own,  getting so drunk that she could barely stand and not making provisions to make it back home safely. Being an overly cautious person by nature,  this is something I would never do and it’s hard for me to understand why she would put herself in such a situation.  But does this justify what happened to her?

I’m interested to hear what your readers make of this story and the subsequent public view/backlash.

Related Posts:

What makes Men Rape?

Yet another rape that was not about lust but about aggression, revenge and putting the victim in her place.

Boys can make mistakes.

Rapist said that coming from Afghanistan meant he didn’t understand what ‘consent’ was.

“I am safe because I’m very careful in the way I behave and dress in public, on the streets.”

“Sometimes it seems like every single thing I do has the potential to be something ‘provocative’.” 

Have a Good Time in India, Sister (Gounderbrownie)

Are we trying to threaten Indian women with rapes as punishment for modernity, independence and self reliance?

“As long as the men do not understand that they CANNOT and WILL NOT get away with such behavior and criminal acts, the rape culture will not go away”

Controlling crimes against women: What works, what doesn’t work.

This is what rapists do when there is no fear of punishment.

How Victim Blaming confuses rapists, police and the society about when exactly does non-consensual-sex becomes a crime.

The rapists often don’t see their actions as crimes, the police said, and don’t expect the victims to report them.


Who defines the ‘limits’ of your freedom?

Thank You Blogadda :)

Maqbool Fida Hussain might give up Indian citizenship.

The Sangh Parivar insists that Hussain has to apologize if he wants to return home. Why? Because “every freedom in democracy has a limit..”

They don’t mean everybody’s freedom though.

A chosen few in India seem to have unlimited freedom to reinterpret religion (including yours and mine), unlimited freedom to stop normal life with threats of violence, unlimited freedom to get away with violence, and until recently , unlimited freedom to demand apologies.

A chosen few must define these limits for the rest of the us.

Muthalik (now pink black faced), Meeta Jamal in Kanpur University, some students in Aligarh Muslim University , the RSS, and the Sanskrati Bachao Sangh in MP, and now (updated to add) rioters in Karnataka seem to believe they are amongst the chosen few.

Here are the kind of limits our street-censor-boards would approve of. This is more dangerous than even a ban on jeans or lingerie display because it subtly undoes a lot of hard work that time, technology and reformers have done.

Does this article disapprove of single parents, working mothers, birth control, premarital sex for girls (only girls), individual rights for girls, and equal rights for girls?

[Click to read the article.]

“Today girls are upfront in demanding their rights.Nothing can come in their way.Comments Dr Shayama Chona,an educationist for 44 years,They expect society to respect their equality with boys.They are bright,bold,beautiful,and want to drink,smoke,go for late night parties,but dont know how to handle it when trouble arises.”

Muthalik will love this comment. And I wish I could believe the first two lines.

Does the ‘trouble arise’ because they expect society to respect their ‘equality with boys’?

Those who demand equality also drink, smoke and stay out all night?

Those who get into ‘trouble’ are those who drink, smoke and demand equality?

How is drinking and smoking related to freedom, equality, or being bold, bright and beautiful? In fact smoking is bad for skin, and alcohol has calories that go against the average idea of beauty  today. Also does this mean boys and girls  who do not smoke or drink  do not think they are equal citizens?

Too much emphasis on individual rights can come in the way of nurturing good relationships.

How? Can somebody explain please?

Mostly those who suppress individual rights for the (what they consider) ‘welfare of society’ are talking about their personal ideas of what is good for the society (e.g. no gay rights, no lingerie display, no inter-religious marriages). There is a risk of their ideas being wrong  or biased- so personal choices are  best left to each equally intelligent  individual.

Individual rights ensure that a few individuals do not force an entire society to confirm to their ideas of right or wrong.

Says senior psychiatrist Dr Rajiv Anand, I,me,myself and to hell with others! This attitude is leading to emotional instability among girls.

If women do not suppress their dreams and desires it does not mean  they have an  ‘I,me,myself and to hell with others!’ attitude.

Its not ’emotionally unstable’ to want to grow, dream, have ambitions and hopes for oneself.

This one seems to be an  idea straight out of a Bollywood movie.

Add to this,the easy access to illegal substances,birth control methods,etc,which make these female brats believe they know it all.”

Illegal substances and birth control methods cannot be put in the same bracket. Birth Control is not an illegal substance. Birth Control ensures young girls do not have to go through what this teenager in Faridabad went through. (Click to read).

Access to ‘illegal substances’ is equally harmful for all genders and a lot more awareness and respect for one’s body and health is needed to discourage substance abuse.

Some people (women and men) are more prone to addiction than others – they need counselling, support and rehabilitation.

This kind of biased moralising  is harmful because it might make a young girl  suspect substance abuse can be compared to sex and that might make illegal substances look fine to them.

Those who object to premarital sex are rarely (never) thinking of the girls. Their only concern is their rigid idea of morality for women.

No, not a Dry Day…

In ‘Lage Raho Munnabhai, Munna Bhai and Circuit want to be famous for following Gandhi’s ideals and they are dreaming of roads and holidays in their names, but they don’t want a Dry Day in their name. Later, the ease with which Munna Bhai gives up drinking for the girl he loved, can only happen in Bollywood movies. In real life it’s not possible to give up addictions so easily.

I had not given Gandhi and Alcoholism much thought until I saw a maid servant’s swollen face. There’s a law that makes this battering a crime, but no law prevents her husband from getting criminally sozzled. In today’s India, buying liquor is easy – just up to walk to the neighborhood vendor/bar/shop/haath batti.
He is not just ruining his own health (which is his own business), not just abusing his family, (does not provide for them, beats them etc.) but he is also a criminal or criminal-in-the-making, he would do anything illegal or legal to get his daily dose. Once drunk he is a threat to civilized society. But no law prevents him from getting drunk.
Alcohol addiction is as bad, and as ruinous as drug addiction: This guy’s days begin when he wakes up around 11 am, and starts looking for money for the next dose, he eats little, remains unhappy and snappy, his children may go to bed hungry, but he really is beyond all help. Once he stole somebody’s brass knocker to buy daru and was caught and beaten. He and thousands more like him, would sell anything that can be sold, in some cases this includes their girl-children. Most of the time the children are taken out of school and sent to work, often far away from home. He has to have his daily dose. We have seen Bollywood villains selling their long suffering wives’ mangalsutra to buy desi liquor – much worse happens in real life.

Gandhi traveled all over the interiors of India and made the same discovery many years ago, but today, even a movie based on his teachings does not seem to realise the seriousness of alcohol abuse.

This violent, abusive, even dangerous man is ill and needs help. He should be next on Ramadoss’s agenda.