An email: “Even after marriage, he shows absolutely zero interest in me. It’s been SEVEN years.”

Sharing an anonymous email. 

“I even asked my husband if he was maybe gay, in which case I just won’t tell anyone about it…”

 

Dear IHM,

I’m in a very unhappy state and so confused with what to do..

I have been married for 7 years (known my husband 2 years before that when we “dated”)… while we were dating, nothing sexual happened between us (not even a kiss, no heart racing stuff)… while I didn’t give it much thought then, now I feel I should have!

Even after marriage, he shows absolutely zero interest in me. It’s been SEVEN years and through these years, I have fought, cried, reasoned out, explained myself, allowed him to be the way he wants… basically everything that I could do.

I have told him openly I miss the “sex”, not as a physical activity but more as an emotional one.

I have told him I’m okay with doing anything and that he needs to feel comfortable and rest assured I won’t judge him incase he has weird tastes (I was thinking “fetish” or “role play”).

I even asked him if he was maybe gay, in which case I just won’t tell anyone about it, we would work on the  pregnancy thing through alternatives.

But he just doesn’t give me the input I need. There is zero cooperation from his side.

He keeps saying there is no problem (evidently there is!)… and he says “we will do this week”, “we will have sex next week” etc

And SEVEN years have passed already.

I’m am  at an extremely depressed stage. I do not know what to do.

I cry randomly, I feel sad… and I’m crying as I type this.
I’m scared that I’m getting into depression without me even realising it!

And I feel so worthless through it all. I feel like there is no one really for me (my parents are no more) and many a times I have thought about divorce.

Few things…

1. 98% he’s not gay (saw some porn details on his mobile history. Regular porn, no fetish types or gay types)
2. I’m extremely hygienic and smell good
3. Our environment is sex friendly
4. I’m a good looker and quite attractive (not to sound vain, but wanted to clear certain basic questions that might pop up)

Can you PLEASE do a topic on this, I feel like I need to see things from a fresher perspective..

Thanks a ton!

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And what would have happened if this man had declared that he was gay and hence would not marry a woman?

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Romanticizing innocence, chastity and related taboos for women.

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A tag: But when a woman sees a hot man, nothing happens in her brain?

Gird Your Loins – Aarti Sethi, Kafila

“Porn is a discourse about sex and works like an educator about sex and gender.”

An email: Also this is a genuine question and not a pornographic mail.

Girls morally bound not to have sex before marriage, says fast track court judge

‘I’m now thoroughly convinced that the entire concept of virginity is used to control female sexuality.

Here’s why I think the society should not obsess over a woman’s virginity.

“I have reached 26 and my parents have started pressurizing me. My BF is the same age. But my BF is youngest in family!”

Sharing an email.

Dear IHM,

To begin my story, I am 26 year old working in an IT company for past 2 years. Living independently for past 8 years that includes my education and work experience.

Now I have reached 26 and my parents are looking for guy for arranged marriage and have started pressurizing me. Me and my BF’s are of same age. But my BF is youngest in family. He has an elder sister and brother who are still unmarried. They are 3 years older to him.

We are now utterly confused what to do and how to take things forward with family.

If he talks with his family the emotional drama that you have unmarried sister how you can think of your marriage, you care about that girl etc etc will start.

If I talk with my family they will start this right age of marriage, think about your younger sister, how you can marry in different caste etc.

Everything will turn up into mess without any result in our favor. This way is not giving a positive vibes to me for our relationship. It will create only tension and increased pressure on both of us to break this relationship.

I am very depressed these days. Why there is such strict hierarchy of marriage? May be his brother thinks of higher education and didn’t get married then what will happen to our marriage.
If my BF pressurizes his brother to get married then what about his higher education in case it takes time in marriage of his sister and brother. What about my sister in case if I wait for my BF for 2-3 years, then her marriageable age and time will come in way.
Why I have to marry within a 1-2 years so that my sister gets married on time? Why in our society, we (we included everyone) have to scarifies our happiness, our aspiration, our dreams and love for our dear ones? Why to scarify for maintaining marriage hierarchy. If I refuse to do so and take tough stand then I will be termed as selfish, mean, troublemaker, black sheep, self-centered etc etc by everyone (includes parents, extended family, friends and faceless society).
Why we can not marry when we feel that we should marry for love and partnership in life. Why there is such a strict rule for marriage among siblings. Why we are labeled as traitor if we stand for ourselves. Why our society is like this
I am very sad and depressed. What should I do in this situation? We want to take our relationship forward but don’t know what should be our next step.

Please help.

 Thanks
In Love
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