I could not sing after my marriage and I am really sad about it, but women have to ‘adjust’ to see their family happy…

Bhagwad shared a link to this article in Deccan Herald. This article and thousands more like this one are a real indication of what getting married means to millions of Indian women.

How does the society get away with this?

1. By raising women to believe that their only duty and goal in life is to Get Married and Stay Married.

2. By creating Divorce Myths.

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Is it surprising that a society which sees giving up their dreams and happiness in the name of ‘adjustment’ as the only possible future for daughters prefers to have sons?

Let me quote from the article,

“…everyone knows someone who is either going through a troubled marriage and considering separation; …Sometimes, for the most frivolous reasons including bizarre ones like TV channels being changed very frequently by the husband!!

Even the government, for a change, seems to be taking the popular path and making life simpler for those seeking to go their separate ways!

Pratima Gupta, an eminent HC advocate and a mother of two, who addresses cases of divorce among others says, “Divorce rates have gone up because women don’t want to ‘adjust’ in a marriage anymore.  The problem is compounded because ‘I, me and myself’ is taking precedence over everything else. Compromise is a big word. If the grounds on which they want a divorce are trivial, I always ask them to reconsider.”

As a woman, Pratima has adjusted her career and home in 18 years of marriage even though the decision didn’t come easy. “For me,” she states emphatically, “its not a compromise. I enjoy taking care of my family and children. It was a conscious decision to work and manage family simultaneously.”

Mamta Saha who left her singing career to take care of her family. “I have been married for 30 years. I could not sing after my marriage and I am really sad about it, but women have to ‘adjust’ to see their family happy and take the decision in the right spirit.”

There are others too for whom the decision to keep ‘self’ on the back burner has not been easy but they have ‘adjusted’ and are still raring to go back to lives of their own – albeit while staying in their marriages. Madhu Mahajan, an entrepreneur who had a thriving career in garment export put it aside to take care of her children. “I was really happy and content in my job. In fact, I was on top of the world but then marriage happened! My husband wanted me to continue working but my mother-in-law had issues and so, I prioritised and adjusted my life to bring up my children. But now that they are grown-up, I want to start working again.”

The key to remaining in a marriage and living your life simultaneously has to be worked out by the woman, and ‘compromise’ or ‘adjust’ needn’t be projected as villains in the everyday play of married life.”

I agree with Bhagwad,

Bhagwad: Does anyone else notice that all the examples in this article involve only the women who have to “adjust” or “compromise”?

Unless the men start compromising their lifestyle as well, no equality is possible. Divorce in this case is a good thing and the rising divorce rates is a sign for hope.

Related posts:

Divorces for trivial reasons?
Response and a Question from the Anonymous Indian Liberated Wife
An email: “Through your blog I want to understand if I have taken the right decision and see what’s the next course of action.”
An email: “But my parents, fearing the society and their reputation begged him to take me back.”
Are Happily Married Daughters a status symbol in India?
When she says she no longer wishes to stay with him, why isn’t her word enough?
Not Perfect Enough for Mr Perfect?

And more on how women are expected to ‘adjust’…

Do you think this video can make Indian parents want to have daughters?
No Jeans For an Indian Daughter In Law
What would you not change for love?
Overheard at a Beauty Parlour
To An Anonymous Daughter In Law
How important is it for a girl to get married?
Feminism has gone to women’s heads. Divorce has become like selling onions.
Can’t end marriage over a sari.
Is marriage an overrated institution?? – Shail
New women in old marriages - Careless Chronicles
Why marry? – Careless Chronicles
How to be a Sanskari Bahu – Careless Chronicles
Why is the divorce rate increasing? – Nita
Why does a woman need a man? – Usha
My Dreams Are More Precious Than Yours?
instead of being happier, women today seem to be leading more stressful lives.