“Girls need to be little bit aware of the consequences. Men – will enjoy …”

Here’s a positive news. An Indian American family is taking action against a man allegedly attempting to black mail their daughter by threatening to share her nude photos online.

Daughter of Indian-American billionaire allegedly blackmailed over nude pictures TOI link shared by Rachna (who blogs at Naari, here). I would have changed the heading to ‘Billionaire takes stern action against man allegedly attempting to blackmail his daughter.’

Not everybody saw this as positive. For some it was not about a criminal being punished, but about an unmarried girl forgetting that her body belonged to her future husband. Disagree?

So a young woman, during a relationship, “voluntarily took nude photos and video,” which she shared with the man she was in relationship with.

Imagine another young woman who shared similar photos with a man she was married to.

When they break up the men decide to black mail the two women by threatening to share the pictures on the internet.

Do you think the second woman would receive more support? Why? Doesn’t that also automatically make it less likely for a married man to threaten his wife with sharing her nude photos?

This is how Patriarchy reinforces itself – by this deeply entrenched system of rewards, concessions, threats and punishments.

In India gang rapists record themselves committing a crime and threaten to ‘expose’ the proof that could lead to their conviction (Punishable with life imprisonment/capital punishment) Those who should be taking immediate action to arrest the criminals, watch rape videos (in the Assembly!) and ask women to watch how much skin they are showing. [Three BJP Ministers, including the Women and Child Welfare Minister caught watching rape videos in assembly.]

For some this comes as an opportunity to reinforce misogyny. 

Girls need to be little bit aware of the consequences. Men, no matter where they are from – will enjoy the company, moment and then also try to extract money from the wealthy… having said that this man need to be punished so no other man try to fool the ladies…

One sane voice:

“its hard for judgemental people to understand but this is a LAW and ORDER issue not a moral one, it is not hard to see from the comments why so many atrocities happen against women in India.”

Related posts:

“I blamed myself for putting myself in that situation, for being so vulnerable and so incredibly stupid to believe any of his bullshit.”

The Guwahati mob molestation video and the Gurgaon mob molestation video.

“So why do we wear clothes again??

Guwahati mob molests girl, video goes viral online.

Dev D: Practical Paro Artless Chandramukhi

Slut Walk. And how women’s bodies are different, so they need to be covered for their own safety.

“why not marry them first and then have sex ? What prevents you from doing it ? Deep within YOU WANT JUST SEX and nothing more”

Romanticizing innocence, chastity and related taboos for women.

What is this big problem with Bra Strap Showing?

Here’s why I think the society should not obsess over a woman’s virginity.

Contrast what C C Patil said about crimes against women, with what the man we met in Mewat said :

Feeling safe, learning and unlearning nothing in Mewat

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“I blamed myself for putting myself in that situation, for being so vulnerable and so incredibly stupid to believe any of his bullshit.”

I wish there was more awareness that threats of any kind, including suicide and any kind of emotional blackmail were ‘warning signs’ and not ‘love’. 

Sharing an email. 

Hello Indianhomemaker,

Your blog touches many of our lives with its stories and I really must appreciate the thoughts that are evoked in many mind upon reading these stories.

I thought I was a staunch feminist, a strong and independent woman. Well, I still am. But I faltered. I let someone take advantage of me while I pretended to be a ‘liberated’ girl.

I don’t pretend to be chaste, but that doesn’t mean any of us deserve any kind of abuse.

Here is my story, if you deem it fit, I would like it to be read.

I, an urban, liberated, free spirited girl, from Bombay moved to Bangalore after graduation to work with a small architectural studio. A lovely city, a great office but I didn’t know a single person, being a social girl I was it was a bit daunting. Then comes along the boy, village born, small town, worked hard to be where he was, breaking social and financial norms and practicing the profession we love so much at the same studio. He was my first friend.

Like every dramatic story, I moved to Bangalore with a heavy heart of having broken up with my amazing college boyfriend. It took literally 3 days to like this and feel endeared by his stories (albeit, in terrible English) to fall for him. And thus began, you can call it – a relationship. He was always skeptical about my white linen shirts (without a slip inside), my wild partying days back in Bombay, the copious amounts of alcohol I would drink with friends and family, my sexual experience, my liberated life on my high horse of coming from a comfortable financial background.

The intention of the relationship was never marriage, or at least didn’t start that way, it was mostly companionship and talking, socializing. I, in my head, knew this was wasn’t going to last and the fear of being alone and vulnerable made me continue it, and in all honesty he was gentle, loving and caring. He decided to move to Germany to do his masters, which I thought would be a great excuse to end the ‘relationship’.

But it didn’t.

There comes the first threat – if you leave me I’ll leave my studies and come back because I can’t handle the emotional distress of being without you.

He came from a very humble background, struggled to get a loan and get to go to study, I couldn’t bear to be the reason he would leave all of that because I was selfish enough to not continue a ‘Skype’ relationship and I was naïve enough to think he’d actually do it.
Meanwhile I decided to study further, he very graciously agreed to help me with the admission processes since he had just done it and I took that help, some were useful pointers which did help me to get through almost all schools I applied to. This in hindsight, wasn’t because of him only, but also because I am fairly bright.

While I would be on Skype with him, sometimes in compromising ways, I lived my life on my own terms here and did what I liked.

Then came the second threat after attempted break up 2 – I’ll kill myself.

I’d be the evil bitch responsible for his death and his family’s financial doom because he was the only earning member. And after everything he did for me, how could I let him die.

Threat 3 – I have recorded all those ‘compromising’ times and I will publish them not only on websites but email them to your parents.

Yes. That is correct. Of course, I shouldn’t have ever put myself in that position, but I trusted him enough and secondly, never thought he would take screen shots (naïve bordering on stupid). My family liberal enough would be terribly upset seeing those images if it does get to them.

With all the threats, this has been going on for 4 years.

4 years! I am able to write about this now, only because he has stopped having the effect of a cold cold hand gripping my heart. I don’t care.

This is not all, I am constantly called a whore, slut, things far worse, my parents and sister and her family are called tons of names, I am threatened to pay him money for gifts he gave me (that I never asked for accepted), money for phone calls he made to me, everything bordering on extortion and blackmail.

I blamed myself 3.5/4 years of the emotional abuse he put me through, because I blamed myself for putting myself in that situation, for being so vulnerable and so incredibly stupid to believe any of his bullshit. But now, I stopped. The only person to blame is him.

I am older now, I am not 23 and alone and stupid, I have met a wonderful who I will marry, who has been my wall when ‘Crazy’ (let’s call him that) strikes. I am over the fear of being flung in public. Because he can do what he likes, I will not live in his fear.

I would appreciate if you kept my identity anonymous.
Thank you

Regards

Related Posts:

“I have realized that at 20 when I started dating him I never thought much but today I have issues with all the above points.”

Please watch Queen. Feels like our country is finally changing.

Boy friends are new parents

“I need suggestions – these girls are ruining their lives with their stupid ideas about love.”

An email: He did not want me to be “more” educated than he was.

An email: An Old fashioned boy friend and a Liberal girl friend.

 

Many of us view watching porn as a harmless activity…

Many of us see watching porn as a harmless activity – and many  more who don’t, still watch it while scorning the actors. I agree with PT in this comment, I think watching porn would be fine if the act is consensual and there is no exploitation involved, and no involvement of minors in filming it.

Now if a ‘blue film’ was made in India, how likely is it that those being filmed are not being exploited, blackmailed, coerced or being raped?

Bhopal, Jan 6: Two weeks after a minor girl committed suicide, an MMS that featured the girl being gangraped by four did the rounds in Harda town, Madhya Pradesh

….the CD showed four people involved in gang rape, as they took turns to rape the girl, the victim can be heard screaming. The accused too can be heard in the CD of threatening her that they would circulate the MMS and upload it on internet. [link]

Even when the film is not violent – are the actors/film makers aware of the social and legal consequences and implications? If they are not, then would the filming still be considered a consensual act? I would like to ask the Karnataka ministers who were filmed watching a rape video in the Assembly – do they see Sunny Leone as immoral and perhaps asking to be forced into a non-consensual act (i.e. asking to be raped)? So, do they believe, that the activities of porn actors remain ‘wrong’ unless they were forced, exploited and harmed?

Anybody who supports watching of porn in India – do they see the viewing as an innocent, liberal activity, but making of the films as wrong? Or do you feel that if participants are willing they are immoral, if they are not they are being exploited – so making of porn is wrong both ways?

The most shocking are those videos where the criminal (the rapists) film themselves committing a crime. What does that say for our society? Why don’t these criminals have any fear of the law or social stigma?

Shouldn’t there be a more information and consequences for young (or old) Indians involved in rape, molestation, making, viewing and circulating of rape videos?

GHAZIABAD: A software engineer, who runs a coaching institute in Ghaziabad, has been arrested for allegedly raping his (minor) student and blackmailing her into stealing cash and jewellery from her parents and relatives. The victim in her complaint has alleged that the accused made an MMS clip to blackmail her. However, the accused has refuted all allegations and said that their sexual relationship was with mutual consent and she had given him the jewellery for safekeeping. [TOI – link]

Noida rape victim becomes a recluse, skips board exams – “They blackmailed me, saying they have an MMS clip featuring me and insisted I go with them or else they will make the clip public,” she had said. [link]

One reads about webcams being fitted in girl’s rooms/flats/trial rooms. Some of these videos are sold as porn – Anara Gupta and DPS, R K Puram student, and another minor in Bombay, the NOIDA gang rape victim are some of the victims.

Here are more links from NDTV.

1. Young girl raped, blackmailed with MMS – The boy first raped the girl along with a friend at knife point, made an MMS clip of it and later used it to force her into have sex with friends and neighbours.

2. Minor girl gang-raped at gun-point; accused make MMS clip Meerut: A 12-year-old Dalit girl was sexually assaulted at gun-point by three men who also made an MMS clip of the act in Daurala area of the district, police said today.
4. Duo raped 15-yr-old, circulated MMS

                                      ***
Radhika emailed to ask what the readers thought of Dharun Ravi, a college student in New Jersey facing ten years in prison for for ‘allegedly watching and surreptitiously webcasting his roommate Tyler Clementi’s sexual encounter with another man‘.
I think, like an average rapist in India, Dharun Ravi did not understand the seriousness of his crime.
Why? Because we are too busy blaming the victims to consider informing potential criminals about a victim’s rights, and finding time to put the fear of law in their minds.
.
Do you think it might help if we shifted the focus on potential  sexual offenders – with campaigns against tolerance of sexual crimes and with exemplary and well publicized punishments for sexual crimes?
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NOTE: If you face any difficulty in commenting please email the comment to me at indianhomemakerATgmailDOTcom. You should also be able to comment by changing the email you are using.
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