“Reading all the comments jerked me up. Really. It was like a bang! And the mind fog moved slightly…”

Sharing an update from Not a good wife. 

Dear IHM,

I have been wanting to write to you for a long time. Every time I started writing, I stopped myself thinking I will contact you only when I am ready to share the news with you that am completely out of the difficult phase I was in 3-4 years back.

I don’t know if you remember me but I had written to you in 2012,
An email: He says what am I expecting out of this marriage if I cant even make him happy.

Writing to you was one of the most sensible thing that I had done then. It gave me such a large access to different thoughts, perceptions and advice of so many people. A majority of them even helped me understand that I was actually not weird in feeling certain things. When I wrote to you that time, I was in a terrible haze, it was as though a fog had enveloped my brain and was simply refusing to fade away. I was too engrossed in dealing with everyday issues that I had forgotten who I was, who I wanted to be. I had grown so different from what I had imagined myself to be and I was hating myself for not having the courage to stand up for what I believed in.

And then I wrote to you.

Reading all the people’s comments jerked me up like anything. Really. It was like a bang! And the mind fog moved slightly to let small whips of fresh air to come in.

In the days after that, I was determined to be assertive. I stood my ground on 2-3 occasions. I also made a major decision, call it the most risky thing ever, but i left my job and tried to give my marriage another chance. I was more clear-headed though I knew what I wanted.. and I realised it was not working out.

I am glad I realised that I cannot really pinpoint to one reason, could be the age gap, could be control issues, could be different wants, could be sexual issues, could be ego, could be stubbornness, could be anything for all I cared. I realised in the end it really didn’t matter to me, all I knew was that I wasn’t me… and if I continue like that I am the loser.

I took necessary steps and am now on the brink of getting a divorce. I wouldn’t say life was smooth soon after that. There have been occasions where I thought I was wrong, where I have questioned myself what I was doing… however, the bouts of indecisiveness was always removed by the various incidents that followed suit.

I would say it took almost a year and half for the fog to be lifted from my mind. There is no better word for the ‘haziness’ I used to feel. I was like a zombie. If I think of it now some of the things I used to do makes me feel ashamed of myself. I used to actually keep a notepad and write down the tasks he used to mention casually, lest I forget it… coz if I forgot, it always ended in tantrums, concluding I didn’t love him enough because I forget his needs and wants. Once he complained that there are many mosquitoes in the night, and he called me the next day while I was at office to shout at me that he couldn’t sleep in the morning because of too many mosquitoes and that I hadn’t remembered to buy the mosquito all out liquid before I left for office the next day. These may be small incidents but all these incidents make my blood boil when I think of them. How I used to actually believe that I was not a good wife!

But now I am glad am out of it. I have come out of that. I joined work again. I am doing quite well in that. My life is so much better now. I am actually laughing and smiling without fear that I will be shown my place because of something I didn’t do or some task I missed out doing. I came out at the right time I think.

And I thank God, my family and You and your readers for that!

I still have few more months till it becomes legal. I have always wanted to share this with you after it was all over but today when I saw my post in the related post section, it brought back all the memories and I knew I had to connect with you.

Having gone through a phase of difficult life, it has now made me appreciate the freedom I have. The freedom to think. The freedom of my mind to have ‘thoughts’ that are ‘My thoughts’. And it makes such a huge difference!

Thank you once again and I shall write to you again when everything is sorted out once for all.

Regards,

From No More ‘Not a good wife’

Related Posts:

The moment to walk out of a relationship by Simbly Bored

Not Perfect Enough for Mr Perfect?

Some assertive ways to deal with manipulation. – by BB-Dlite

To an Anonymous DIL

Recognizing Emotional Abuse – by Priya

When she says she no longer wishes to stay with him, why isn’t her word enough?

Are Happily Married Daughters a status symbol in India?

Feminism has gone to women’s head. Divorce has become like selling onions.

When a daughter refuses to go back.

Remember the Anonymous Confused Wife?

An email: “But my parents, fearing the society and their reputation begged him to take me back.”

Advertisements

‘She believes that her husband has got into job troubles since marrying her (he tells her this) and that she has been unlucky for their entire family.’

What should you do if you are sure someone is in an abusive relationship but they believe you can’t understand or they don’t need your help, though they do talk about how unhappy they are? 

When do attempts to help and support become interference, and what would you view as indifference

What prevents domestic/intimate partner (or any) abuse victims from seeing even the most obvious abuse? 

I think, one could share this link with them: Is your relationship healthy? 

And then try not to judge them for not doing what we think they ought to do. (Like take control of their lives)

And then we could try and be there for them – not easy but I don’t think there is anything anybody can do without this – because trying to force them to act is not too different from what the abuser is doing – and the abuser does not just use force. Also, they often have time, inclination, self-interest, social permission to control the victim.

And how do we know we are right? I think there are some obvious non negotiables – but beyond that how do we know what would be the right thing to do?

I think the victim has to be the one to decide. All we can do is let them know we are there for them when they need us.

What do you think?

Sharing an email. 

Hi IHM,

One of my very close relatives is in an abusive relationship.

She is a very smart educated woman, she has great presence of mind.

She also has a one year old son.

She also has a good well – paying job for the moment.

She has a husband who keeps leaving his job and will not stick to any of them.

She believes that her husband has got into job troubles since marrying her (because he repeatedly tells her this) and that she has been unlucky for their entire family.

She supports the family now but believes that she is the reason for their troubles in the first place.

Both of them have fearful tempers and talk abusively during fights.  He hits her, he has kicked her a couple of times that I know of.

She believes that she provokes him into hitting her – this is also reinforced by his family – her mother in law and sisters in law keep repeating this.

When I talk to her and ask her to come out of the relationship, she says I have a happy marriage and I will never be able to understand what is going on in theirs.

She always wants to give him another chance.

What can I do for her???

Any practical inputs from you or the blog readers would be very much welcome.

Related Posts:

If you had to to say something to inspire a victim of domestic violence to walk out, what would you say?

An email. Please do not immediately write it off and say “separation”, “legal action”… is there anything she can do BEFORE she can resort to that?

An email from an Indian father: I want to place on record my own story as a warning to anyone…

Closing that chapter – just as if nothing happened – Careless Chronicles

If she doesn’t seem to see your logic, would you support her the way she can be supported?

“I need suggestions – these girls are ruining their lives with their stupid ideas about love.”

Because we can still be honest WITHOUT saying, “Gosh woman what is wrong with you?”

Why do we never talk about sisterhood, about women defending one another and supporting each other?

“Let me give you the reason I asked for advise here instead of talking with my family.”

 

“What if I let go the gold and money, not that I am rich, but they won’t give me a divorce easily…”

Sharing an email.

Dear IHM,

I hope, you remember the mail that I sent some months ago [An email: “He got very aggressive…”in which I had detailed my problems.  Finally, I made up my mind to get a divorce, my family as you know well support me.  Now, my so called husband appointed a common friend as mediator and let me know that he wants to get back with me, I firmly told her my answer is a NO.  Yesterday, I received a summons from family court asking me to present myself before court, this was in response to his petition that I have abandoned him and he really loves me and without me and kid, he will be having a mental breakdown.  I don’t know why he is doing this.  Is it another form of emotional abuse?
IHM, I know the divorce procedures may take a very long time and my husband and family will not give me one easily.  I think they want to avoid giving back my gold and money.  Do you think since he has filed such a petition, the ruling will be against me or will ask me to stay with him for 6 months or so?  Do you have any links presenting a similar situation?  I don’t have friends who have gone through a divorce, so I am not sure what to expect during a hearing.  My advocate told me there is nothing to worry as my fears are based on filmy court room moments.  I am not able to find comfort in her words.
*
The other option that felt feasible to me was what if I let go the gold and money, not that I am rich, but these people are cheap (a copy of the petition they filed was attached along with the summons, the baseless allegations made me cringe) and they won’t give me a divorce easily.  I am sure an out of court settlement with them is never going to happen because of their greed.  If I go to court, they will do everything they can to delay the process and torture me emotionally.  If they really need a compromise, will they raise such baseless allegations? I thought I will forget everything about the gold and money and start my life afresh, though I am not sure if I am doing the right thing.
Related Posts:

Fight for your money and gold – The era I lived in

“Your comments did help me, though not in a way that I had hoped…”

Hi!
Thank you for posing my problem on your blog, and I would like to thank each and every person who commented.
Your comments did help me in getting out of this solution, though not in a way that I had hoped for, but hopefully this is the best solution for long run.
Some of the comments had raised very logical questions, that made me really sit back and reevaluate.
I did have a long discussion with L about the issues raised in my mind, but the answers that I got shocked me! At times during the discussions I felt I was talking to a 3 year old kid and not a 24 year old man!
The reason that he said that he ‘has to” do what his dad has asked him to do ‘even if it does  not make him happy’, is that he feels his dad has gone through many troubles in his life and he does not want to add to his troubles.
I still dont understand this! How will a marriage with me add to his dad’s troubles?
All said and done, he is going to ‘sacrifice’ his love and  marry the girl of his dad’s choice.
I will not pretend that this decision did not hurt me. But, now that I think about it, maybe it’s all for the best, you know.
Even if we had ended up getting married, his dad would have always seen me as the outsider my happiness would have never been in consideration (i mean if the son’s happiness is not considered, how will the outside-of-samaj DIL’s happiness ever be noticed),
And from the way L was defending his dad’s decision, I dont think he would ever have been able to support me in future.
So, thank you IHM, and your readers for everything and hopefully I will find someone who stands by me soon, till then i’l enjoy the ‘me’ time and work out and shop more!
Regards,

The email writer’s reply… specifically to Raghav.

Sharing this reply from the email writer in the previous post.

Hi,
I am the Letter Writer. Thank you IHM for posting my mail and thank you everyone for your responses and encouragement. When there is a problem and our own family members don’t stand by us, its heartening to see all these responses from people who don’t know each other, taking time to pen down their thoughts and suggestions.

I would like to add here that fortunately my friend’s son has not been a spectator to his parents fights all these years. They would either send him out of the room or he would be asleep most of the time. But he was witness to a recent huge fight a couple of months back where he did see his father raise his hand on his mother.

@Raghav– I would specifically want to reply to you here. First of all you must understand how difficult it is for a woman to put up her problem on a public blog expecting help by way of suggestions and encouragement. Not all details can be put up here. When there are details mentioned, its best to stick to what you know by reading. You don’t have to, don’t need to ASSUME things you don’t know or are not mentioned. Every person is short tempered at one point or the other. Every couple get angry with each other and fight–either of them CAN start a fight and instigate each other. But that does not mean they need to be judged. A fight or argument does not start by itself–someone has to start it. No relationship is complete without an argument or fight. My friend has always been the one to accept her mistake and even apologize when she has crossed the line. She only expects the same from her husband. But that has never happened. At the end of the fight, he always manages to twist it onto her and blame her for what happens. Never has he accepted that he could be wrong too, it was wrong to say this, it was wrong to be sarcastic, it was wrong to call her names….No, he feels he is the perfectionist and that she is always to blame. Won’t anyone get rattled, irritated and more angry if that happens.
One has to accept their mistakes and ensure that they don’t repeat them so that the relationship becomes stronger. You can have fights everyday too, it’s because there are 2 different individuals in a relationship, living under the same roof. They cannot agree on everything and keep smiling always. There are bound to be arguments. Otherwise we all have to keep marrying our own clones… and maybe SOME Men would love to get married to clones of their mothers.

So, please keep your assumptions if you would like to write detective stories.
And for all those who have given so many thumbs down, my friend and me would love to know what your thoughts are. I don’t understand how you can give a thumbs down to sane responses.

Agreed that most of them have suggested that she should separate from her husband immediately. But if you have different views on how she should tackle the problems or make her husband understand that she too is a person, she too has feelings, she too needs respect—please, please pen down your thoughts and help the person who has requested for it. You are not doing anyone any favours by thumbing down others responses.

Thank you all once again. Maybe my friend would not take the “D” route immediately, But you never know, it might happen some day. But for now, her husband is trying to change, the physical abuse has stopped for the last few months. He has begun realizing that she is not happy and is depressed.

I just hope that she is able to come out of this rut and be happy. She deserves it. As I live in a different city, I am unable to offer her support by being at her side.

Note–and yes WA stand for Wedding Anniversary. Sorry if that confused some of you.
Thank you all once again.

Related Posts:

I am a ghost. – Shail

An email: The wedding cards are distributed and the family izzat is involved…

Sharing an email…

Hello IHM

Maybe you don’t know me but I count you as a friend since I think of the IHM and the readers of this blog as family.
Today I write to u as I am in desperate need of some advice, …my gut feeling has been veering towards you. The thing is I am stuck in a rut… please please hear me out, and give me your valuable suggestions, because I write to you with a lot of hope…
I was in a relationship for more than two years, my parents just did not approve of him but he is everything that I dream of in a guy, and much beyond that too. He is the sole earning member in the family of 6 and is going through financial issues. Even though it does not affect me it was a problem for my parents. It was a very rough phase, in the meanwhile a rishta was proposed through some common relatives. It made my family very happy and I said yes, the rokka was fixed and the guy came down to India to spend time with me.
It was all ok, and I thought with time we will fall in love, even when he was here we were short of things to talk about and did have a few unpleasant incidents… something seems missing… we have had uncomfortable silences between us and lack of communication… I have tried speaking to him, but unable to explain that the magic is missing, and how I want us to talk and work on the relationship.
Now the wedding is around the corner (next month), and I seem to develop cold feet, I am absolutely blank… I don’t seem to be in the right frame of mind to commit to somebody for life, as i feel i will not be able to do justice to both of us…
I don’t know what to do… whether to follow my heart say no to the wedding and go after love or get married to somebody with a secure future… the wedding cards are distributed and the family izzat involved… please suggest something as soon as possible, I don’t know why but I wanted to speak to u… hope you understand.
Lots of love,
Second email:
…. yes I am a career woman… it is all my mistake, I thought I would develop feelings for him. but it does not happen mechanically. I need to talk to my parents strongly. Even though I have been talking to them, they think prayers would work. My voice is not being heard and that is what I don’t like.

The boy is question is a nice person, the respect is there from both sides but unfortunately we both are individuals in our own rights but don’t seem to fit nicely together. as in this is not how I want my marriage to be – lonely.
My parents are educated liberal people but are acting strange 😦
IHM do you think parents should fight with the world if their daughter says her heart was not in this marriage?

An email: “My heart literally is tearing apart while writing this… feeling like to die…”

I hesitated in sharing this email and then realised the email would not have been there if we, as a society, did not refuse to discuss these issues. All the identifiable information has been changed. What would you say to the email writer? Do you think he deserves to be forgiven?

Why do you think did he feel and act the way he did?

“I had to go study at my maternal aunt’s place in a city, after passing my class 8 exams from a remote village. I had 3 female cousins, one of my age and 2 elder to me, as the place and environment was new it was very difficult for me to live the city life but since my cousins and aunty etc were very cooperative, it became lovely for me (14 years of age  that time)…. I respected and loved my aunty, uncle and cousins too much.

After passing my higher secondary examinations, I started helping my uncle’s in his business while also pursuing my bachelors, me and my cousin used to fight and quarrel a lot but we loved each other so much that we used to literally pray to each other for hours to start talking once gain.

We shared a relation in which nothing was secret amongst us, If any of us did not have dinner due to anger, the other one left no efforts to make him/her eat. We used to talk for hours while holding hands… although we were of same age, she used to call me bhaiya and I used to call her didi.

Whenever I used to go to my hometown or on a work trip and by mistake i used to forget wishing her goodbye, she didn’t talk to me for days..even if I was out of station… call.. sms.. we were constantly in touch.

Years went by, we were now 21 ½ years of age and were in final year of graduation. My work required a lot of travelling and I used to catch a train at 5 in the morning. On one not so fine morning when I was leaving the town and went to wish her good morning, she was sleeping, it was never on my mind but I do not know what happened, I just ensured that she is in sleep and started touching her inappropriately, I went out of the room.. came again and did the same (My heart literally is tearing apart while writing this… feeling like to die)  she came out of the room after 5 minutes and and said “Wow! What a nice way to awake someone (In so much anger)… I didn’t say anything… don’t know why.. and left to catch the train…. when I was in train, she informed everybody about my dirty act… everybody started calling me and when I came back at night, you can imagine what everybody must have done with me but I didn’t accept my fault and left the house.

From then onwards, I started burning in a fire… for which I believe there is no extinguisher………the guilt of that day is not letting me live….unable to put this feeling in words.

I moved to a metro and enrolled for higher studies, I accepted my blunder by sending thousands of e-mails and texts to her and to other cousins… but to no avail, I literally have spent more than hundred sleepless nights crying.

Sometimes I believe that it was for good because now I am too much into meditation and good deeds, me and my family can’t believe that I am the same person, for my family and younger siblings, I am an ideal, a hero…. but for me… I am no more than a cheapster…… my cousins have not spoken to me since then… but the grief I have is not of them not talking to me…the real pain I am going through is that ..I can’t believe how I could do that…. My life has become hell and I can’t believe that I have lost such good relations.

Whenever I topped my college in this new place, there was no happiness… when I am now awarded best employee…..there is no happiness either.

I very well know that I did a sin for which there is no forgiveness from GOD also……

WHAT SHALL I DO ?????

Edited to add: I just found out that this email was sent to one more blogger, I feel if the email is genuine then this discussion would be helpful, if it is not then the email writer would be disappointed to find the issue being discussed so clinically, either ways we are discussing a socially relevant issue.

Romanticizing innocence, chastity and related taboos for women.

This anonymous email from a 35 year old married woman is about the discomfort she felt when she bought condoms. Why the discomfort? Maybe because it indicated that she might be involved in what the condoms were to be used for? Or that she might be involved enough to want to make it safe for herself? She is not supposed to want, think about, preferably be too ‘innocent’ to even know about sex – to be a good Indian woman.

This email reminded me of two recent books by Indian bloggers.  In ‘A Bowlful of Butterflies’ Ritu Lalit’s heroine is confused by her attraction for her young cousin, but she is not confused or ashamed that she should feel an  attraction. Honest, Practical.

“Her giddy heart had created a love story out of a simple kiss.

Okay, her first kiss, she amended the thought. She shook her head and smiled. No, Chandu, it’s not your giddy heart, it’s your unbridled lust!”

I think young Indians and their parents might want to take a look at this simply written, lighthearted book that deals with many serious issues.
Kiran Manral’s heroine thinks her husband looks ‘good enough to eat’ in his green linen shirt, but she also has mildly sinful thoughts about other men  ‘within the range of her vision’.

“But as a respectably married woman, it was unseemly to stare at a man, specially when the husband was growling at one’s arm, therefore I contented myself with pointing him out to the spouse, and saying, ‘There,  one more early bird. Do you know him?'”

Kiran Manral is also very, very funny.

“You would think a man might be curious about why he had been roused from sleep. You would think he might even be happy being roused in the middle of the dark  night, by a loving spouse all wide awake and alert.”

But I am sure even Kay Mehra and Chandu might hesitate to buy condoms.

This is Savitri’s email.

Hi IHM
I wanted you to post this on your blog and I want to know the response.

Today I went to a super market and purchased condoms. I am a female, 35 married and I have one baby. As I did this, I was so nervous that one packet dropped off the self. I ran from that place without looking back. And when I was at the billing counter, I was straining my neck to see if there was some woman at the counter. Unfortunately no!
The young chap that billed the goods  gave me one look. As it is I was feeling very uncomfortable and I started feeling all the more awkward. Luckily there were no men standing in line after me, two very young modern women and I breathed easy momentarily.

This is my body! this is my life! I have a career, a well flourished one .
Why cannot Indian woman do this task? Why is this taboo?
I feel as if I did a sin (it is 9:30 in the night and I feel awkward !!! I am worrying if I should tell the husband. He would be very upset when he knows when I went ahead and got it !!!

Let me add that my husband and I have been using barrier protection. It is not a case where he is averse to it and I went ahead. Just that he has been busy. I have been reminding him many times !! that’s it !!
Though multiple times. he has requested me to get some other protection done, I haven’t done fearing hormonal changes on my body

I would appreciate if you just post the content w/o passing user info etc

A woman not being able to buy condoms is only one symptom. There are many others, like little children not being taught about ‘good and bad touch’, victims of sexual assaults being taught to be ashamed, Moral Police getting away with harassing young couples… what’s the real issue?

An email: He says what am I expecting out of this marriage if I cant even make him happy.

I received this email this morning.

Hi
I chanced upon your blog few days back and have been reading all the posts since then…
I should say reading all these has helped me a lot. I would like to take some help from you and all readers whether am going in right direction. I got married 2 years ago. We like each other initially because we found we both had the right mix of modern and traditional beliefs, but now i feel he is very traditional and i am not sure i want to do many of the things that is enforced on me!. As soon as we got married, he insisted that i wear the bindi all the time since otherwise he feels like he is dead!! I rebelled for a few days but later thought whats the big deal and I wear it now all the time. Then slowly he started saying that am wearing boring clothes at home and he doesn’t feel interested because of that. He restricted me from wearing nighties so I started wearing loose comfortable pants and shirts. Even that he doesn’t like and said I need to wear well fitted clothes… so I actually used to come back from office, change into something which he might like, be fresh, wear lipstick etc etc when he comes back home… then he started complaining that am not wearing saree even occasionally… so I started doing that…now its like he says why are you not wearing saree everyday at home? you are a married woman… you should behave like one … not just wear pants,skirts which is not looking sexy… I have told him that i feel as a sex object if i do all that… but he says whats wrong with me trying to behave in a manner he would like… he says what am i expecting out of this marriage if i cant even make him happy…
Another thing is I pray to god in my mind and its usually when i retire to bed…but he wants me to put flowers to god every day, light the lamp and pray and put kumkum and go…after a lot of fights i actually started doing that also everyday… but if I forget even a single day, he shouts and screams a lot saying he has done me a favour and he had to put the flowers himself… I said how can it be a favour…what’s is wrong in his putting flowers to god on some days?? He says  how can I even question him like that…he is only angry that I didn’t pray to god that day..previously his mother used to pray for him and he used to get whatever he wanted …now he wants me to do that for him since am his wife!!!
Overall the last 2 years i feel I have become very subdued and submissive…. every few days he keeps telling that I should do better…. I should have done this or that… first 1 or 2 months my cooking was not good… he basically said without even knowing cooking how can I be a good wife… then slowly I started cooking very well.. and he said just cooking alone is not sufficient… you need to manage the household… so everything from bill payments, taking care of maids, driver, our house related problems-plumbing, electricity etc, filing all  docs etc.. it came to me… I did that as well… then now he is saying am just doing all tasks only and am not showing him any attention!! Every 2-3 days he keeps saying I don’t show him attention, he had so many expectations, am not even trying to make this marriage work!!! I am just tired of it all…. I don’t want to be a “good” wife anymore!! In fact I want to say go to hell… I need freedom!
Am I right or wrong??
– Not a good wife.

An email. I’m 27 and my parents were happy that I finally found someone. But does a relationship have any meaning without trust?

I am sharing an anonymous email. What do you think would be the traditional advice here? And what would you suggest?

Hi!

I have a problem but thankfully I’m not married to him yet 🙂 I don’t write, so may not be able to express it well.

We have been seeing each other for almost three years now and we have been in love before (not the pehla pehla pyaar type). My ex moved on to another girl and we have been sparingly in touch since. His ex got married and they are back to being best friends (like they were before falling in love). She moved to the US with her husband but calls him occasionally.

Problems started pretty early because I wasn’t really comfortable with her calling him. I showed my discomfort on many occasions but he always took her side and assured me that my fears were unfounded and I was just being jealous. We have had many fights, with the issue usually being her. But he never stopped talking to her.

Finally one day a few months back, I was staying back at his place with a couple of friends when she called around midnight. It was daytime for her but I wasn’t very comfortable. I told him very politely but clearly that she cannot call him at midnight. He had to make it clear that he was committed and his girl friend wasn’t feeling good about this. I do not know what they talk about on the phone and I never checked his mails. He assured me that he wont pick any more calls at night. I went onsite for three months and when I came back I checked his phone log and mail, still don’t know why. I saw that she had been calling him everyday at around the same time at night. And they had exchanged quite a number of mails, not romantic but not ‘friend’ type either. He had always told me that he was very busy with work, so we weren’t talking so much. But he had found time to talk to her, everyday. I confronted him. We had a lot of fights but he never accepted that he was cheating on me. I am disheartened by the fact that he was doing something behind my back, that I had told him not to. And he never found time to tell me.

Even if I try to forget the incident I am not being able to trust him anymore. Our families have already started talking so it wont be very easy for me to back out now. Plus I’m 27 and my parents were pretty happy that I finally found someone. On one side I do not know whether ‘she’ is worth breaking the relationship. But does a relationship have any meaning without trust? Now even if he says that he is busy in office, and he might really be, I am not being able to believe him. I’m out of India again and have no idea what he is doing there. I have also realized from his mails to her that he has been telling her everything about us. About all our fights. Am I just jealous and insecure or is there really something to worry about?

It would be a great help if someone who doesn’t know both of us could give me an opinion on what I could do. Thanks!

Regards,

Twenty seven and insecure

Twenty seven and Insecure says, “I do not know whether ‘she’ is worth breaking the relationship.” If this relationship does break, do you think it would be because of the man’s ex, the ‘she’?