An email: ‘What do you think I should be doing which would please my Mom…’

Sharing an email from a-sad-daughter.

I am a 29 year old woman, married with a kid.
This is regarding my Mom.
I do really adore, love and respect her. She is a strong and confident lady who will never think twice about what she wants to say and that is the only thing which is making me loose my peace whenever I meet her.

A little about my Mom here. She comes from a big family and she got married at a young age of 18.
Her thirst for education made her finish her graduation after marriage; while she was also busy having kids.
My father ; though a good person; is not a very ideal husband (nobody is ofcourse). He never allowed my Mom to stay at her Mom’s place even when she delivered kids for more than 11 days.
My mom slogged and brought us up. She was never taken out on fun trips by my Dad.

Time flew and my Sister who was doing her Masters abroad fell in love and got married without the consent of the boy’s parents.
We didn’t get to attend her marriage.
Much more years passed and I graduated. My Mom started to have doubts that I would end up in love like my sister. She was not happy if I spoke to boys.
I didn’t go for MS in USA for the same reason.
Finally I agreed upon marriage at the age of 22 just for the sake of making her happy. (I do agree that I am happily married now but marriage was not on mind at that age)
She selected the boy and the wedding happened. I had to move to another city as my husband worked there.

So the issue is my Mom is always upset about her daughters.

Is it wrong for my sister to choose a person whom she loved? But I didn’t go my sister’s way and married according to my Mom’s choice.
Nevertheless she seems to have issues with both of us.
That we both do not love her. She says that accusing me that I never called her to my city and showed her places around.

I did call her and my dad multiple times; invited them. She says I didn’t book her flight tickets and insist that she board the flight and come.
Now this thought didn’t hit my stupid brain.
She did visit me thrice though. Once when she had to drop me when I was newly married; once when my husband was flying to USA and one more time. She accuses that I didn’t take her around and cared for her enough these three times. But the truth is I was not in a situation myself to take her around those three times.The timing was wrong.

She keeps comparing me with all my neighbors, cousins daughters who take their parents around.
Once said is enough. I even apologised to her.
But she keeps tormenting me with the same issue again and again; whenever I visit her.
She also accuses me saying that I only visit her when I NEED her.
I was recently at my Mom’s place for 7 months as I was pregnant and we moved to my mom’s city. (Also my in-laws are already in their 70′s and they cant help me).
She says she helped me with my 3 months pregnancy and 3 months daughter only because its her duty.
She says she doesn’t love me because I don’t love her.
She keeps digging the past and the small mistakes I made when I was a fresh graduate.

She keeps saying all these but still keeps thinking about us.
Also my mom has an orthopedic issue and she cant walk and run like others; that doesn’t mean she cant walk at all; she just needs help.

When I ask her on phone if she is doing well; she feels I am faking it and only asking because I need her to be healthy only to help me again.
All in all I am, according to her, a selfish bitch who does not care or love for her Mother.

Another sad thing is her hatred towards her daughters has increased her love towards my brother (younger one).
He recently started working and is single yet.
He is a Momma’s boy and hence he hates both his sisters thanks to my Mom.
She thinks he is the only one who loves and respects her.

All these accusations make me sad and I am scared to visit my Mom’s place.
It is a sad situation which no daughter should experience.

What do you think I should be doing which would please my Mom and which would make her realize that I do love her.
Please do post this on your blog.
I would like to hear others’ perspective as well on this issue and try to learn from my mistakes.

Thanks,
A-sad-daughter