“And when I told her about his abusing me she didn’t believe me. Now here I am all alone, deprived of the love of parents.”

Sharing an email.

Parental control; silencing of victims by not believing them; teenage marriages, pregnancies and motherhood; control by in laws in patriarchal joint families; Violence; emotional abuse; inability of mothers to walk out of abusive marriages; dependence of women on spouse; poverty and dowry leading to further abuse … we don’t seem to talk enough about all the harm each of the above can do and do.

And encouraging self reliance is not seen as a parental responsibility in our society. Patriarchy can’t survive without the dependence of those whose human rights it abuses. 

Hi ihm,

I have been reading your blogs for quite some time and they really enlighten me so now I have decided to share my story.

I am from a typical indian family where they have every problem you discuss in your blog, well except my father never beat my mom or me or any of my sibling.

But he is a womaniser, an adulterer and a sex offender. I was his victim for 15 years when I finally got enough courage to stand against him.

My parents got married when they were in their teens and by time my mother was 18 she had two of us to take care of. My mother was not educated and belonged to a poor family with a large number of siblings. My grandmother is abusive. My mother being the only daughter in law at the time, my grand mother used to beat her, curse her, didn’t let her talk to anyone and only allowed to touch her children when she had to, and after that she had to have to bath.

My father is mostly away because of his new job. When I was a toddler my mother joined him and that’s when my abuse began. Because of all the abuse that my mother went through in her teens, she grew up to be a abusive parent, she is controlling, physically and mentally abusive. My father cheated on her from time to time and it causing her became mentally unstable.

And when I told her about his abusing me she didn’t believe me. Now here I am all alone, deprived of love of my parents. How much I wish sometimes that I was never born. Why they give birth to me so my father could have a toy to play with. Isn’t it right he given birth to me and he can use me as he wish. My mother can kill me for telling me such lies – isn’t this what our culture teaches us never disobey your parents and don’t question their decisions so who I am to question them? This is a life I can’t escape because this is not my sanskaar and even if I do try to escape I would drown in my self guilt. I can’t betray a mother who has sacrificed so much in her life to give us a better future ((which she understood) and I can’t live with a father who betrayed my trust. My mother still hopes that he will love her and respect her once she is old, so what option does it leave me? I don’t have courage. I am very tired fighting all this.

Related Posts:

An email: ‘Dark childhood and other thoughts.’

“…if this thing comes out my husband will think my wife is after all not that ‘pure’ or is not that ‘untouched flower’”

‘In our families, we don’t take this kind of thing outside,’

An email: Satyamev Jayate touched a deep wound. After almost 30 years I broke the silence.

Here’s why I think the society should not obsess over a woman’s virginity.

Sexual abuse victim thrown out of school for being a bad influence on other students.

In Rape Culture, we understand that if the rapist was living alone, away from his native place, he could lose control over himself.

Teacher arrested for raping six year student.

“She was warned several times and was used to unethical practices like friendship with boys.”


Home most unsafe place for women : A unique court-ordered study by Delhi Police has revealed.

Remaining unseen or unheard doesn’t make women safer. Having a Voice does.

But then, Being Silenced and Being Locked up would make anybody unsafe.

The study affirms what feminists have been saying all along – that asking potential victims to be invisible or to be sexually unattractive to the rapists does not control sexual crimes. (And has not for centuries)

This, and the society’s tolerance towards, and lack of seriousness towards sexual crimes makes criminals fearless. The more likely a criminal is to be excused, the more likely they are to assault. The more voiceless the victim, the more vulnerable they are.

Also – women’s absence from public spaces does not make public spaces safer for women.

We should also acknowledge that the Stranger Rape Myth is a misleading myth that makes it difficult for women to walk out and away from places of crime.

Do read.

Home most unsafe place for women

NEW DELHI: Over 60% offences of rape, molestation and ‘eve teasing’ (sexual harassment) recorded across Delhi till mid-September occurred inside the house and the accused were known to the survivors. A unique court-ordered study by Delhi Police of 44 police stations throughout the capital has revealed that women are most unsafe at home with their relatives or acquaintances.

Related Posts:

What makes men rape?

Study finds 98% of India rape victims knew their attacker.

Crimes against women: Madhya Pradesh tops in rapes, Bengal in total crimes

Martial Arts for women to fight back rapes?

Child marriage “is an evil worse than rape” and should be completely eradicated from society, said a Delhi court

19 Rape Facts that Khaps, Cops and Chautala should know.

Do you see a connection between this murder and the assault in Guwahati?

Can we blame everything on patriarchy?

What kind of men are likely to sexually assault women?

Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work!

Teacher arrested for raping six year student.

How did a horrific crime like this go unreported for days? What was the first reaction of the school? Did they attempt to deny any responsibility? There is so much to say… I am too outraged to say anything, but would like to extend full support to the parents and to the little girl. Skating teacher arrested for 6-year old girl’s rape in Bangalore school

BANGALORE: A paedophile skating instructor arrested on Sunday for the rape of a six-year-old girl in an east Bangalore school allegedly tried to abuse at least four other children in the past three years. There are also doubts if he was using photos of his victims for pornography. “We have reliable information that he used to click photographs of children and would also show them obscene videos of children in the Whitefield school (where he worked before 2011),” police commissioner Raghavendra H Auradkar said after announcing the arrest of Mustafa alias Munna, 30.

Rape of 6-year-old girl in Bangalore school sparks outrage.

A six-year-old girl, studying in Class I in Vibgyor High school in Bangalore, was raped, allegedly by a teacher, police said on Thursday. Two school staffers have been detained for the crime. The incident took place on July 2 but was reported to police after a medical examination of girl some days ago.

Classmates who rape and burn to death are not Spurned Lovers, they are dangerous, violent criminals.

Swarup shared this link.  Classmates rape girl, burn her to death.

On Saturday afternoon, the girl was alone at home when three of her college mates came to visit her with an invite for a function. Once inside, they bolted the door, poured kerosene over her and set her ablaze, police said. 

Her screams alerted neighbours and an uncle of the victim, who rushed inside and nabbed the accused. Residents informed the police, who took the three into their custody. 


And once again, 

1. Like 98% of sexual assaults against women [Link], the rapists and brutal murderers were not strangers.

2. Like 98% of sexual assault victims, she was not in a dark and lonely place.

3. Like 98% of sexual assault cases, the assault appears to be preplanned.

And sadly,

4. Like almost 98% of the times, the Police first attempted to ‘understand’ the crime (with the ‘spurned lovers’ angle)

The Police should investigate the history and backgrounds of such criminals, because young adults ‘learn’ how safe it is to rape and burn women in India when they see the victims being blamed when they sexually harass (‘eve teas’), molest and stalk them.

The Police might find that maybe one of them has a tendency, like Ram Singh in Delhi Bus Gang Rape case, to ‘lose his temper’? 

This is why all acts of sexual harassment should be taken seriously, even when there is no grievous physical injury.

Do you think all those men who feel entitled to women’s ‘Yes’ for whatever they have in mind (marriage, obedience, sex, going out for coffee, faith in their better judgment) become violent criminals?

It’s dangerous that we associate aggression and violence with ‘manliness’, and such ideas of manliness as normal human behaviour.

Related Posts:

Why should all acts of sexual harassment be taken seriously, even when there is no grievous physical injury?

What makes men rape?

Study finds 98% of India rape victims knew their attacker.

“As long as the men do not understand that they CANNOT and WILL NOT get away with such behavior and criminal acts, the rape culture will not go away”

Yet another rape that was not about lust but about aggression, revenge and putting the victim in her place.

Crimes against women: Madhya Pradesh tops in rapes, Bengal in total crimes

Five rapists in Patna want to marry gangrape victim.