That makes me a Feminist.

“Feminist blogging is basically the 21st century version of consciousness raising…”  –  says Courtney Martin.

And what is ‘consciousness raising’ ?

I googled to find out.

Consciousness raising is a ‘form of political activism, pioneered by United States feminists in the late 1960s’. Early feminists felt that many problems in women’s lives were misunderstood as “personal”, or as a result of personality conflicts.

Consciousness raising groups aimed to get a better understanding by bringing women together to discuss and analyze their lives.

Meetings would usually be held about once a week, often in the living room of one of the members.

Meetings usually involved going around the room for each woman to “rap” about a predetermined subject — for example, “When you think about having a child, would you rather have a boy or a girl?

…what had seemed like isolated, individual problems (such as needing an abortion, surviving rape, conflicts between husbands and wives over housework, etc.) actually reflected common conditions faced by all women.’  [Click to read more.]

Sounds like discussions on our blogs today!?

That makes me a feminist.

I guess Feminism is a natural step in a democracy when we attempt to create a more civilized society for ourselves. Do you agree?

My niece sent me this amazing video – thank You Gauri 🙂

Here are some of the parts I particularly liked,

1. Do you agree with Courtney Martin here? I do.

“My feminism is very indebted to my mom’s, but it looks very different.

My mom says, “Patriarchy” I say, “intersectionality“.

So race, class, gender, ability, all of these things go into our experiences of what it means to be a woman.

Pay equity? Yes. Absolutely a feminist issue.

But for me, so is immigration.”

That makes me a feminist too.

2. Courtney Martin’s mother wasn’t the only feminist in their house.

“My dad actually resigned from the male-only business club in my hometown because he said he would never be part of an organization that would one day welcome his son, but not his daughter.”

3. Their biggest success, she feels, are the emails they receive from teenage girls who stumble on their site and realize that feminism is not about man-hating.

That’s a huge success, seeing how many of us have been lead to believe that Feminism is somehow Men versus Women.

So do you think you are a Feminist?

Loving husbands who devote their days and nights to maintain peace in the family.

Anju wonders if this man fits into the label of a ‘Maa Ka Ladla’ or  a ‘Joru Ka Gulam’. ‘Few days back I visited a patient and I was amused at the way the patient was being pampered alternatively by the wife and the mother. It was like who will take more care of the man.’

Anju feels for this man, ‘how tiresome it must be for him to pamper both the egos, to make both of them feel important and let both feel that he cannot do without either of them’

***

I wonder if women face this problem.

Are women able to take better care of  themselves on their own? We know they don’t. They need as much care as everybody else does.

So why don’t women have their mothers (or fathers) and their spouse competing to take care of them? He is supposed to be ‘Budhape ka sahara‘ of one and ‘Pati Parmeshwar‘ of the other.

What makes two family members almost fight to take care of this adult, male member? Is it because they each feel they must win a closeness to him? Are they insecure? If yes, then what makes them so insecure? Does this insecurity benefit the man in some way? (I don’t think so.)

Has tradition taught women that their lives must revolve around their husbands/husband’s family? Is the rest of the population given the same values?

Has the same tradition made mothers feel that while some of their children learn to take care of themselves (female children), some of them (male children) need to mothered all their lives?

Married daughters are encouraged to develop a healthy relationship with their husbands, but married sons in India are expected to ‘balance‘, which includes things like making sure their wives are respectful, subservient, obedient to their family etc.

Do I sympathize with this man? I feel I sympathize with the situation and with the families involved.

Indian mothers still look for and ‘bring’ obedient and pliant daughters in law for themselves when they arrange marriages for their sons. Often compatibility and companionship between the couple are not considered as important, as the wife being obedient and respectful to the in laws. Sons who feel this is unfair are labeled Joru Ka Gulaam.

Traditionally the society is fine with sons spending most of their time with their friends, but traditionally the same sons are not encouraged to see their wives as their best friends. Some sons have no real relationship with their wives for many years (often never). The mother remains the friend and companion (or male friends do). This would still be fine, if the daughter in law also had the option of maintaining a relationship with her own parents and old friends – this generally does not happen. She must make her husband and in laws her world, but she must accept that she is not their world.

Double standards don’t make for happy families or a just and fair society.

Can a Veetodu Maapilai rightfully ask for the 4th coffee of the day or whatever he wants in his in-laws’ house?

Veetodu Maapilai or Ghar Jamai is a man living in his spouse’s parents’ home. Since we think only women must live in their spouse’s parents’ homes – he is likely to be labeled a JKG.

Somewhere in the blogosphere…

“There are empirical arguments against Veetodu Maapilai…”

1.

“There tends to be some friction between a son-in-law and father-in-law. As between MIL and DIL. But testosterone is a powerful hormone and women are thought to handle conflicts better.”

I agree about the presence of friction but I don’t think women handle conflicts better. If women-handling-the-conflicts-while-men-manage-their-testosterone-levels arrangement worked, we would have welcomed baby girls with the same joy we welcome baby boys.

We discuss the symptoms – suicides by young married women, dowry, bride burning, female foeticide and infanticide, ladke-wale-ladki-wale attitude (Do click!), domestic violence etc while avoiding looking at the real issue .

The conflicts (and the terrible consequences) will continue until all married  adults are free to live where ever it works best for them, because only then will half the children not be  seen as a challenging responsibility, to be trained to serve another family; a daughter’s parents will continue to be forced to bribe the husband’s family with dowry to accept her servitude.

Whenever daughters in law have had a choice, they have avoided these conflicts and moved out of their in laws homes (and this, despite the terrible social stigma).

Most women say they would rather live in poverty than live with mental stress.

2.

“Can man X rightfully ask for the 4th coffee of the day or whatever he wants in his in-laws’ house? The kitchen belongs not to his wife but his MIL.”

So we know why,

1. Daughters in law must not eat until other family members  in their husband’s home have eaten. [It’s not about hot hot chappaties]

2. In many parts of the country a daughter’s parents must not even drink a glass of water in their daughter’s marital home.

3. Daughters in law have to take permission if they want their friends or family to have a meal at their husband’s parents’ house.

Breaking these rules can bring disapproval. The disapproval, justified or oppressive, can bring ‘dishonor’ to a daughter’s parents.

4. And that is one of the reasons why daughters are seen as a liability. Daughters (paraya dhan) bring obligations, while sons (budhape ka sahara) bring home a  care giver for their parents.

So long as we think it’s wrong for a Veetodu Maapilai to live in his spouse’s parents’ home while it is the duty of his spouse to live in his parents’ home, we are unlikely to see Indian newly weds being blessed with ‘May you have healthy children‘, because ‘children’ would include daughters. 😐

JKG Badges! :)

Along with a new definition for Joru Ka Gulam [click] we had also requested for contributions for  the JKG Badge Contest [click]. We received nine entries. JKG Kislay, our Honor’ble Judge had no hope for mutton biryani (or any bribe in any other form) because we went out of our way to hide all the names from him (except one).

So please treat him now!!

And please don’t forget to mention which one is your favorite and most suitable for Reader’s Choice Award.

1.

By Aritra Chatterjee 🙂

JorukagulaamJKG

This badge created by Aritra Chatterjee has been chosen by our honor’ble judge, HRE JKG Kislay Chandra, as the ‘Official JKG Badge’.


2.

By Freya.

Desktop

JKG Kislay also loved this badge and declared it the second official JKG Badge.

3.

This badge by Solilo Don is his third choice 🙂

Hot Rotisjkg

When a man says “I make hot rotis for my wife.”, he might find himself being called a Joru Ka Gulam.

4.

By Freya again 🙂

Iheartbeingajkg1This is the coolest looking badge for a sidebar!!

5.

By Homecooked.

pandaJKG

Homecooked created this cute looking badge. Traditionally any man who shows affection to his wife is labelled a Joru Ka Gulam.

6.

By Vikas Gupta.

Is chosen by JKG Kislay for

JUDGES’ SPECIAL MENTION AWARD

JKG Vikas Gupta II Vikas’s Entry Number 3 touches upon the expectation that a woman must change her surname to her husband’s when she is married A man is not expected to make any changes to his name though. Any man who does not insist upon this surname changing (sometimes even the first name is changed) risks being labelled a Joru Ka Gulam.

7.

This one is by Freya, thank you for calling him JKG-IN-CHIEF Freya 🙂

SRK JKG in chief

He’s extremely popular amongst women, not just because he is considered hot but because he has changed the way Bollywood husbands spoke of their wives i.e. NEVER!

SRK is not a super star for nothing. He is a feminist and  he is not apologetic about it. I have blogged about this here and here.

8.

This badge by Freya emphasises the belief we have that some chores are too lowly for men (so women should do them).

doingdishesfavthingjkgIt’s often the mothers and even wives who object to men doing these chores. So if a man says he doesn’t mind doing the dishes, there’s horror and embarrassment for the wife, “Did she actually let him do the dishes!!!”

When he says he loves doing the dishes?

… scandal.

9.

This badge is also created by Freya … thank you for your contributions Freya!

Henpeckedandlovinitjkg

It’s expected of women to be devoted and ‘obedient’ to their husbands, if a man as much as shows affection he is declared henpecked. The best answer to any such labelling is to wear it with pride.

Which one did you like the best?! Please choose which badge deserves the Reader’s Choice Award!

Finally Joru Ka Gulam Redefined.

In India it takes a lot of guts for a man to take a stand against customs that oppress women. It’s worst if he is fighting in support of his wife (Joru)! All such acts of courage are rewarded by taunting and labelling them ‘JKGs = Joru Ka Gulam’. Literal meaning: ‘Slave of Wife’.

In JORU KA GULAM Contest we asked for a new definition for a Joru Ka Gulam, (who in reality is a man who dares to fight against gender injustice).

There were14 entries [Read them here] and the winners have been chosen by voting.

And the winners are…


1st

Entry Number 5 by Tearsndreams got an overwhelming support from women. 11 votes for first place came entirely from women voters. 7 votes for second place came both from men and women.

I think this is the kind of man women admire. Guys please take note 😆

2nd

Today an unmarried man be a JKG too.

Entry Number 1 by Sakshi got 8 votes – the 26 JKGs in this post made many young voters proud and emotional. The courage of each one of them is an inspiration for the young Indian male today.

3rd

Entry Number 3 by Vikas Gupta, I disagree when he suggests,

“In the slavery of his woman lies his freedom, emancipation and salvation.”

“..is often tied to his wife’s apron strings and not to his mother’s.”

“He loves what she loves and dislikes what she hates.”

But it seems many young men agree with him! This entry got 7 votes, and many of these came from young, unmarried men, including one that chose only one entry.

And finally Hitchwriter (Entry Number 4), Indy‘s husband (Entry Number 11) and Sakshi’s 26 cousins (Entry Number 1) are being declared JKGs!  😆

Their gorgeous, prize winning badges follow in the next post!

Here are some other opinions, guys be brave there’s some criticism too.

“Two contenders for 1st position- 10th and 9th entries.
Definition given by 10th is precise, to the point and bang on. 9th comes very close to this one. They talk of being fair, logical and rational. Having guts to stand up for, encourage and appreciate the wife besides helping and taking care of her. So these two are winning entries according to me.

***

2nd best is 4th entry.
… this definition is great because it talks about equality, accepting and apologizing for mistakes.”

***

Please permit a non Indian to take part in this contest.
Years ago, in London, I visited an exhibition named  “You ‘ ve come a long way, baby”. It was dedicated to the emancipation of women in the U.K, to their efforts for suffrage etc.I think that your blog deserves this title.
Indian women-as all women- deserve recognition, respect, right to higher education, right to self determination, to independence. I suppose Indian society is ready accept this kind of woman, who can live with dignity either with her loving JKG or without him…

***

2nd: Entry no. 3
talks about the JKG being not only a tough guy but also the friend every woman needs. (Do they exist?)

***

Elaborations for JKG given by 13 are great…”

***

“1st : Entry no. 5.
For this entry talks about equality even when the woman has lost hopes. Kudos .”

***

“Entry no.8 because it sounds so genuine! So much said in so few a words..”

***

“III – Entry no.13- A true JKG is one who believes in challenging social conditions, believes in equality not just after marriage but who lives by them even before his marriage.”

***

Entry 14 makes a very valid point when she/he says – “So, I feel a JKG should be anyone who challenges the social conditioning he is brought up with.

That and the fact that the man stands up and supports his wife because he knows and acknowledges his wife is right and his parents are wrong.

***

“I just love entry no 5….beautiful words and thoughts. Isn’t this all we want in the man we love? I am not one of those who think if my husband does all the household chores he can be the best JKG. I would rather like JKG’s who can encourage their wives at every phase of life to do things they want and brim up their confidence.”

***

“My first choice is entry number 11 for the simple reason that its about a real person.”

***

“2 – Entry No. 11 (Totally epitomises my husband :)

***

1. Entry Number 3 “I strongly believe there is no match to this JKG :)

***

1. Entry Number 1. (i just loved it)

***

“My ranking would be entry 5, then 9 and then 11. And I may not be JKG today but I will be back one day to claim the gold,silver and the bronze.”

***

Position 1 – Entry 4 – ‘A JKG would be some one who would treat himself and his wife EQUALLY.’

***

“I would go for Entry – 10 for first place, because it is very general definition I agree with. The other entries were making rules for a man to be a JKG, which in my opinion is not right.”

***

I would go for Entry No 11 and 12 for the second place, because I like both of them equally. I don’t really consider anything for the third place.

***

“I had a hard time after reading all the entries, but I loved #3 the best. I think it covered a lot of relevant points I can relate to.”

***

“Entry No 2 is not in english….so i think you should translate…”

***

“I like almost all entries…still, competition is competition, one has to lose for the other to win (watching too many reality shows, esp. saregamapa!) 5, 12 and 4!”

***

12th entry is my choice for the second one :)
Loved the way it is written :) Very practical approach!

***

2, 6, 13 in that order(1, 2, and 3)”

***

“2nd – Entry No. 11. ( I kinda can relate to it..)

3rd – Entry No. 10 ( short and sweet )”

***

Position 1 – Entry 4 – ‘A JKG would be some one who would treat himself and his wife EQUALLY.’

Position 2 – Entry 1 – ‘So to me a JKG is one who is not scared to stand up and willing to break all religious customs – just to hear a bubbling joy bursting out through the phone, to see a smile on their beloved sister’s face and bear all the anger and brunt from a society who is conditioned to keep a woman away from choosing her own life’

Position 2 – Entry 14. I think it makes a lot of sense to me. Some one who can question the social conditioning that he is brought up with, is more likely to be a true liberal and a real respecter of women.

It was tough deciding, IHM. I really liked Entry No. 7 too.. If I had a 4th option – it would be 7..

***

My vote for Entry no. 3 . And who wrote it , please ?

***

I liked the Hindi lines. :) (Entry number 2)

***

Hmm… all the above entries were a little too unrealistic, in my opinion. You talk of women being “conditioned” since birth and the husband must make her overcome that conditioning. How about the guy? Even he has been “conditioned” since childhood. He also needs help to overcome that conditioning. Isn’t it?

I feel what is important is a man should understand a woman’s wants and needs. He should respect her decisions, even if he doesn’t always understand them.
(Like not wanting to change her surname). He may not like it(because of social conditioning) but, he accepts it.

It is a long processes of unlearning and relearning. A man can be a JKG when a woman stands up for herself. We can’t put the whole pressure on the man alone.

***

JKG Badges in the next post!!!

VOTE FOR THE JORU KA GULAM WINNER!

Please vote for 1st, 2nd and 3rd choice 🙂 The question we asked was

“HOW WOULD YOU DEFINE A JKG?”

All the entries received have been published. Some definitions were received via email, and I had requested they be submitted as a comment – in case your entry is missing, please email me.

# Entry Number 1.

I am not gonna nominate my JKG husband for this contest as I knew he would be the best JKG as I had the choice of choosing him for that :razz: The JKG’s I am gonna mention here is not one but a whole set of 26 males whom I call brothers. They made sure my life as a kid was hell in every way. They teased me, pulled my hair, set traps, stole my gifts and what not. Yet they loved me to pieces. When I broke the news to my very large joint family about the man I wish to marry and that he was not only a north Indian but from a different religion, the elders took a unanimous decision to almost keep me under house arrest and get me married off to their choice of groom. It was these brave brothers who stood by me even though none of them ever got a chance to live life as they wished in a brutally orthodox muslim family. With their support and blessings I am leading a happy married life with the cutest JKG I could ever hunt down :mrgreen: I owe all my happiness to the JKG brothers in my life who constantly seeks assurance of my well being and still bears the brunt and rage of the elders in our family for my happiness :sad: Did I ever say how much I love my cousin brothers for giving me a life worth living?

So to me a JKG is one who is not scared to stand up and willing to break all religious customs – just to hear a bubbling joy bursting out through the phone, to see a smile on their beloved sister’s face and bear all the anger and brunt from a society who is conditioned to keep a woman away from choosing her own life.

I love my JKG brothers to death and know for a fact that all my bhabi’s are the luckiest ones. 🙂

# Entry Number 2.

जिसका जीवन हो सिर्फ बीवी के नाम
बिवीके चरणों में हो जिसके चारधाम…
बीवी के कहने पर हो सुबह और शाम
कहते हैं उस्से हम जोरू का गुलाम…

:D

[A rough translation – on request from a reader:

One whose life belongs to his wife/At wife’s feet he finds his pligrimage/It’s day or night for him on his wife’s command/he is called a JKG.]

# Entry Number 3.

The ideal type of the Joru Ka Ghulam:

‘Joru ka Ghulam’ is the folklorish version of the ideal man. Some of the characteristics of a JKG are as follows. The list is only indicative and not exhaustive. The following mostly relates to conjugal role but a JKG can be anybody from a boy in his first childhood to the grandpa in his second childhood.

JKG is the ‘new man’ who laments that women in the country got a raw deal over the centuries thanks to religion, customs, tradition, role stereotyping, orthodoxy and fundamentalism. He does his best to introduce the reforms and begins with his own life and family. He is the socially sensitive, ethical man and his heart bleeds for the society. He has a feminine side to his personality; he is androgynous in many ways.
He hates dowry and can boycott his family and friends and revolt against the society that demands/promotes dowry. He prefers a simple marriage ceremony and does not want to torture the bride’s family by bringing a huge baraat and following other decadent customs of marriage.
He touches his wife’s feet in return when/if she touches his feet on the wedding night. He talks to her all night and is not dying to deflower her like the traditional Indian male.
He wants a baby after marriage and not a son.
He nurses her when she is expecting and prays while she is getting a c-section in the hospital.
He loves kids and spends a lot of time with them. He himself is a kid in more ways than one.
He loves his wife and is often tied to his wife’s apron strings and not to his mother’s. This however should not mean that he ignores his parents.
He loves his parents-in-law and can live with them in the same home.
He can quit his job for her wife and can become a domestic husband. He is never jealous of her progress and loves the fact that she has a higher status. Also, he does not have any problem marrying a woman taller than him.
He loves doing household chores, cooking food, mopping the floor and the like. A JKG is a husband, father, driver, cook, gardener, milkman, her man Friday.
He loves the label ‘Joru Ka Ghulam’. In the slavery of his woman lies his freedom, emancipation and salvation.
Other women are jealous of his wife and suggest their men to emulate her man.
He often shouts from the rooftops, ‘My Wife My Life!’ JKGs are the men for whom it is said, “Behind every great man there lies a woman!”
He loves combing her hair and pillow fighting with her. He is the best friend of his wife.
He writes poems on her and wants to immortalise her.
He is not the typical ‘mard’ and often cries on her bosom. He is her first child in a manner of speaking.
He changes his life, lifestyle for her, quits cigarettes and other vices. Also, he does not snatch the TV remote from her but watches whatever she likes. He loves what she loves and dislikes what she hates.
He often confesses to her that it is she who makes him do what he can.
A JKG despite his enormous love for his woman is not blind to her wrongdoings. He corrects his woman as and when the need arises.
A JKG makes an ideal son, brother, husband, lover, father, employer, neighbour, friend and whatnot. JKG is a real humdinger.

# Entry Number 4.

1.) For contest no 2 I can give you my photo to use as a badge for JKG. !!!!

lol :lol:

2.) What is a JKG !!

I really dont know… but well… lets give it a try… A JKG is not a joru ka ghulam literally…

A JKG would be some one who would treat himself and his wife EQUALLY.

He may make mistakes but he must be alive to situations and be ready to acknowledge his mistakes when he does make them and not hesitate if he has to apologise to his wife or make up.

Over the years many things have just become a tradition… we dont even realise how and where the female is being given a raw deal… many times even the female doesnt know….

But when this point is raised the JKG should be able to reaffirm the equality part everywhere…

Let me cite an example :

When we guys have a night out… and we all stay out till the cows go home… but there are all kinds here…. some have to go early… maybe their parents dont like… maybe their wives dont like… or something else….

But to stop them from going home we normally always say… Baap Gharme Ghusne nahi dega… (tats fine) The guys ego doesnt get hurt when this is said…. so to take some more leverage another cliche is used Biwi ghar me ghusne nahi degi… (suddenly the male ego becomes a lil dodgy.) Some just stay a lil longer to prove that he isnt a JKG

the real JKG as we have learnt actually come and tell us… ghar ka problem nahi hai yaar…. par bahar biwi sofe pe sulayengi… lol !!!! 😀 😀 😀

Please edit the last part if you dont want to publish… but I have heard it… from some one… who doesnt mind being called scared of his wife… coz he isnt… and he doesnt need to prove to us… !!!!

Joru Ka Ghulam is just a taunt… nothing else… but amazing effects it has on the male ego !!!

# Entry Number 5.

JKG defined strictly for married men:
A JKG is someone who believes in a woman even when she doesn’t believe in herself. He is the person who undoes the damage caused by years of social conditioning that makes her doubt herself. He is the one who makes sure that the woman in his life reaches her full potential..someone who instead of just letting her be ,makes sure that she reaches where she could be (again assuming inequalities took away some opportunities)Someone who rather than insisting on providing for her makes sure that she can provide for herself if there is a need. Someone who instead of driving her around teaches her how to drive (assuming society didnt give her that chance), someone who instead of giving her cash to spend tells her to go and withdraw from the bank, someone who refuses to even answer stuff such as ‘what should I wear at the party’ because she is grown up enough to decide for herself but always answers ‘How do I look’ with ‘ as good as ever’ :-) .

You talked about how a JKG fights inequality and thats what shaped my answer. A husband has the greatest chance to undo the damage caused by social conditioning, to wipe out traces of inequality and doubts from social conditioning without really fighting with anyone, just constantly pushing his wife to do better. Husbands can either reinforce the inequalities or do all of the above to shatter the ceiling that requires the joint force of men and women.

# Entry Number 6.

My definition :
JKG is a man who is madly in love with his wife and thinks of her as his best friend.
& Whose favorite sentence is : Duniya gai tail lene!!

# Entry Number 7.

Earlier a JKG was the one who used to say, “TUM DIN KO AGAR RAAT RAAT “>KAHOGE, RAAT KAHENGE” ” baith ja– baith gaya, khada ho jaa khada ho gaya”

even now a JKG is still the same
a man who fights against the injustice meted out to women ( wife), who stands for his wife may be called as JKG by his family members. but in my eyes he is a person who is aware of his duties and responsibilities as a husband and who takes his marriage vows seriously

# Entry Number 8.

For this contest, you will have to visit us at our Dahisar residence!

# Entry Number 9.

JKG: A man who has a fair, logical, rational brain of his own (i.e. not influenced by ma, pa, daadi, duniya etc etc), one for whom gender is never the deciding factor in any decision, one who wants to marry an ‘independent’ woman instead of a ‘homely’ one, one who voluntarily shares domestic chores, (and in a lighter vein) one who might hate chick flicks but watches them with her coz she likes them, one who ‘tolerates’ shopping trips with a smile ;-) and hey I forgot the all important chivalry bit ;-)

# Entry Number 10.

According to me in Indian society any man who has the guts to stand up for his wife, take her side, show little bit of concern towards her,appreciate her in front of in-laws, encourage her to find her identity, helps her in household work, takes care of her is definitely a contestant for the award.

# Entry Number 11.

IHM, I’m writing this about my hubby with some trepidation as he is one of those men that , on the face would never admit to being a JKG…but actions speak louder than words! So at the risk of him vehemently and completely denying he is one, I’d say:

A loving JKG may very well be a tough man on the exterior, may mouth slogans against ever becoming a slave to his wife, but his love is so strong that it shines through in his actions!

He instantly held up and offered his palm for me to puke into,when I had a sudden attack of food poisoning on our honeymoon (and we were in the lobby of a hotel)!
When he willing woke up to feed/change the babies for you , in the middle of the night! Willingly donned the role of “mom” when you felt down and out, needed some extra sleep and so helped cook the meals for the day before heading to work! !Rushes to clean the kitchen and wash the dishes if he sees you alone and sighing heavily at the kitchen sink! A habit that comes from helping his own mom when little!
Will fight tooth and nail with anyone that hurts you!
Wants you by his side whenever he is at home, and calls you just to unload and hear how your day is going!
Consults you constantly although he claims his independence loudly!

Dear sir in my life, admit it or not, I can see it and,…Thank you!Masha Allah…!

# Entry Number 12

This was not an entry but a comment on another post,  I think this is the sort a thing a JKG would say.

“Well lets see, to start of with I have never in my life agreed that women are the weaker sex, they are more tolerant, compassionate & definitely more resilient.

Then, comes the stereo type of women being emotionally weak or just simply being emotional which is more to do to empathy as a factor in women psychology plays a major role than in men, so being emotional has nothing to do with mental or physical stability in a woman.

And, also when you get married you are looking for a companion, someone who is intelligent, some one you can relate to, talk to, discuss your kids, you aint looking for a nanny or a nurse to take care of your kids & do the household. And, lastly of the Indian stereotype of men are the financial support and women the household slave is utterly stupid because sub consciously a lot of men know that their wives can earn more than what they can & thus are never allowed to work.”

# Entry Number 13 [ADDED LATER]

I am late…i hope u at least consider publishing this entry for JKG contest

A JKG is…

Someone who is willing to give the same “luxuries” which the Indian society happily gives to men/sons. Someone who treats the joru equal and understands that she had a life and family of her own before marriage and will continue to do so after marriage. Elaborations below-

Case1: Both joru and pati’s in-laws stay in other town/country –
Someone who is willing to share the trip into three equal parts – one where wife stays with him at his parent’s place, second where he stays with wife at her parent’s place and third where they stay separate at their respective places reliving the days when they were single :D

Case2: Hubby and Wife both earn, or one of them earns
Same as above, someone who is willing to financially bear responsibility of three distinct families – one his parents and his side of family, second her parents and her side of family and third their own family

Case3: Same Respect
Someone who does not believe that wife needs to “touch” his feet to please him or IL’s or the society, someone who does not believe in “kanyaadan” or dowry and vehemently opposes such acts

Case4: Household ghulam
Someone who “willingly” loves to help or own household chores, if wife is busy at work, is ready to cook up a meal just as the wife does when he is busy

Case5: Surname does (not) matter!
Someone who understands that his wife might not prefer to change her name or last name and lovingly agrees to this. Someone who wants their kids to bear a mixed last names and middle names which involves both mother’s and father’s identity someway

Case6: No Joint family
Someone who does not bully wife or condition his fiancee to live with only his parents after marriage. This JKG understands that the wife needs time with her family, her parents need to be taken care of as nicely as he wants his to be taken care of, her parents wants to spend time with grandkids as much as his parents want. Someone who stands against society and convinces his parents to stay separately, maybe a location which is equally accessible by both of their parents.

# Entry Number 14 [ADDED LATER]

Ok. A guy may grow up under different circumstances. He may grow up with a father who beats up his mother, his father may believe his word should be law…. so many things. Growing up with a father like that, he may think that is normal behaviour. So, I feel a JKG should be anyone who challenges the social conditioning he is brought up with.
This man may not be the kind who’ll give his wife breakfast in bed or even be ok with her wanting to keep her surname after marriage. But, he would still be one, simply for having the courage to question the social conditioning he was brought up with.

I feel there is this other side of India where boys want to get a higher education only to get a better dowry, those who think girls who wear jeans are sluts. When you are surrounded by such an atmosphere, any guy who has the courage to question or argue with such a mentality deserves to be called a JKG.

Please choose the best entry.

Feel free to add comments and best three entries (or all in order of preference).

Comments will not be published.

Results will be published only after polling is over 🙂

IMPORTANT: PLEASE VOTE BY COMMENTING, LEAVE YOUR FIRST, SECOND AND THIRD CHOICES IN THE COMMENT BOX. This is required because a reader commented very wisely, that “Voting by comments only could have been the best option. You know one can clear cookies and vote again and again [or just open the page in different browsers and vote more than once].”

So I removed the Polldaddy.com option. Sorry for the inconvenience caused guys, please do vote in a comment again!!!






What is a JKG !!

I really dont know… but well… lets give it a try… A JKG is not a joru
ka ghulam literally…

A JKG would be some one who would treat himself and his wife EQUALLY.

He may make mistakes but he must be alive to situations and be ready
to acknowledge his mistakes when he does make them and not hesitate if
he has to apologise to his wife or make up.

Over the years many things have just become a tradition… we dont even
realise how and where the female is being given a raw deal… many times
even the female doesnt know….

But when this point is raised the JKG should be able to reaffirm the
equality part everywhere…

Let me cite an example :

When we guys have a night out… and we all stay out till the cows go
home… but there are all kinds here…. some have to go early… maybe
their parents dont like… maybe their wives dont like… or something
else….

But to stop them from going home we normally always say… Baap Gharme
Ghusne nahi dega… (tats fine) The guys ego doesnt get hurt when this
is said…. so to take some more leverage another cliche is used

Biwi ghar me ghusne nahi degi… (suddenly the male ego becomes a lil
dodgy.) Some just stay a lil longer to prove that he isnt a JKG

the real JKG as we have learnt actually come and tell us… ghar ka
problem nahi hai yaar…. par bahar biwi sofe pe sulayengi… lol !!!! 😀
😀 😀

Please edit the last part if you dont want to publish… but I have
heard it… from some one… who doesnt mind being called scared of his
wife… coz he isnt… and he doesnt need to prove to us… !!!!

Joru Ka Ghulam is just a tease… nothing else… but amazing effects it
has on the male ego !!!

Joru Ka Gulaam Contest:Last chance!

Voting begins on 14th October, so if you haven’t submitted an entry redefining the term ‘Joru Ka Gulaam’ yet, here’s your chance!

Polling was postponed because I had to take a break.

So go  ahead!  Grab this second chance and submit your entries by October 14, 2009.

CONTEST ONE

Redefine the term ‘Joru Ka Gulaam‘. For more information and for submissions CLICK HERE NOW !!

CONTEST TWO

We are also looking for a BADGE for the JKG Award! Email your creations to – indianhomemaker[at]gmail.com by Oct 14th. If our JKG Judge feels he‘d be proud to display your creation on his sidebar – you win!! Need more information? CLICK HERE NOW !!

Do keep in mind that, “In India it takes a lot of guts for a man to take a stand against customs that oppress women. It’s worst if he is fighting in support of his wife (Joru)! All such acts of courage and love are rewarded by labeling him a JKG = Joru Ka Gulam. Literal meaning: ‘Slave of Wife’

Men Will Be Men :)

Some Joru Ke Gulam, JKG I am proud of : )
[Edited to add: In India it takes a lot of guts for a man to take a stand against customs that oppress women, it’s worst if he is fighting in support of his wife, or his Joru! All such acts of courage are rewarded by labeling them as JKGs i.e. Joru Ka Gulam. Literal meaning: ‘Slave of Wife’]

My grandfather in 1950s-1960s telling his four educated daughters that financial independence came before marriage.

My Dad at 21 in 1960s, traveling ticket-less to break a sister’s engagement – without letting his dad know, just because she didn’t like the boy and wrote to him from her hostel. (She lived a very happily married life, with my late Uncle. None of the horrible things my grandparents foretold happened to her because of the broken engagement.)

The look on my brother’s face when someone suggested he at least finds out if his unborn baby is a girl or a boy.

Also my brother saying, “… let me discuss with my wife before deciding.”

My husband, brothers in law, Dad, friends, friends’ husbands saying the same thing.

My husband putting his foot down when I attempted to serve him hot hot chapatties, the way my mom had been doing. (I really thought he was going too far).

My husband supporting my stand against the ritual of kanyadan.

A friend’s husband wanted to touch his mom in law’s feet, she jumped away, “Sons in law don’t touch feet in our side, they are poojya.” He touched her feet anyway, saying, “But Sons do? Right?”

My brother in law (Husband’s elder brother) asking a gathering of relatives of all backgrounds, “Anyone for tea, I am making masala chai for myself …?” – on my first day at my in laws place. (I nearly swooned.)

Dad rejecting proposals because NO girls in this family will be married into joint families.

Dad making sure all the married daughters and sisters attended all the functions/parties at their parents’ house. And once when he sensed some resistance, he landed there to pick her. (Of course he picked her, with the nicest smile too … )

All those friends’ husbands who pass tea to us while we are gossiping, just because they were making it for themselves anyway.

My son – well, everything about him, I guess. He has no idea he is in anyway privileged because he is a boy. He is a future JKG for sure!

Some favorite bloggers’ families : )

Some favorite bloggers 🙂

My nephew refusing to accept an Air gun as a gift (he was ten then), he wanted a guitar and didn’t care how unmanly the older generation thought it was.

Son sitting on the kitchen counter, passing me shelled peas, talking about this and that while I give tarka

Son making sandwiches.

Shah Rukh khan ; )

Feel free to add more to the list!

Edited to add: Read more about JKGs here 🙂