What would you not change for love?

I have been receiving email links that accuse Indian women of dereliction of duty, when they marry men from other faiths. Indian women are solely responsible for the honour of all Indian religions and cultures so these accusations are not new.

Love Jehad [Do read this link] should not become another tool to control women.  As an adult, a woman should remain free to marry anyone from any religion. And if she chooses to, let her convert.

But my personal opinion is that love and marriage should not require either of the partners to stop being who they really are… simply because they can’t.

1. I feel one should not need to convert to a partner’s religion.

2. I feel one should not need to change names or surnames. It is inconvenient and unnecessary, but even if it was convenient, it’s based on the principal of ownership of another human. So the very premise, in my opinion, is wrong.

3. I feel one should not need to change feelings towards one’s own parents and family. Unfortunately girls are sometimes expected to do this; especially in joint families… Marriage should add to your life, not take away from it.

4. Friends and family are a support system, nobody should be asked to give them up.  Also isolation of the victim is common in cases of Domestic Violence. (Now, the Domestic Violence Act has made it an offence to stop a woman from meeting her family).

5. One should not need to change one’s Personality. For example, no extrovert should be asked to become an introvert. That’s controlling.

Everybody, including women, must have some interests of their own, and some me-time, so if she is asked to stop interacting with the world (to protect her!), she better watch. Insecurity and mistrust are not good signs. And…

6. Trust must include faith in and respect for her judgement. Giving in to the spouse’s unreasonable wishes does not improve a relationship. Such controlling might be the beginning of Domestic Violence – verbal or physical.

7. The woman should be trusted to decide how she must dress, and not her husband’s grandmother’s cousin’s daughter’s brother in law.

Do you think we should need to change ourselves for love or marriage? And how much? Is it true that we can find happiness in our partner’s happiness (after the first few months of a relationship), or do we need our own happiness too?

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There’s still time. Consider yourself warned.

After reading the pain in this and this post, I think all of us Indians need to remember these lines. Understand that if we do not wake up now, maybe we will be the next. History will repeat if we do not learn from it.
First it was only the Muslims , now it is the Christians. NOTHING, absolutely nothing gives any sangh or sena or dal, the right to use VIOLENCE against any Indian citizens. Issues about language, conversions and unexplained hatred and fear can be, have to be sorted out without violence. Otherwise we are just using those issues as an excuse to kill innocent citizens (or not so innocent, it does not matter- I don’t even wish to try to convince anyone that they are innocent.) Let them be wrong, WE STILL HAVE NO RIGHT TO BURN THEM ALIVE. A woman was burnt alive in Orissa, because she took care of children in an Orphanage run by Christians.

Let them corrupt our culture, let them convert every Hindu to Christianity, let them populate our country with ‘their ‘ kind. Let them be behind the terrorists (yes even then we have laws to deal with the situation).
WE CANNOT CONDONE any violence under any circumstances. Our indifference, or silent, support is all that these groups need. Some people are not physically violent themselves but are happy if someone does the dirty work for them. Or at best, they turn a blind eye.

If nothing else works at least fear for one’s own safety should open our eyes. If we try to excuse one kind of terrorism, then we will not be able to control all the other kinds of terrorism …

I remembered these lines when I visited this blog. Most of us are familiar with these lines, but still please do re-read them, and be warned.

When the Nazis came for the communists,
I remained silent;
I was not a communist.

When they locked up the social democrats,
I remained silent;
I was not a social democrat.

When they came for the trade unionists,
I did not speak out;
I was not a trade unionist.

When they came for the Jews,
I remained silent;
I wasn’t a Jew.

When they came for me,
there was no one left to speak out.

Note: Nazis also came for the physically and mentally challenged, and for those who supported same sex relationships, and for anyone who was suspected of supporting any of the above.