The right to deny or to give consent takes the power away from Patriarchy, and gives it to the individual.

The Indian government [link] and the society [link] and hence the Indian legal system [link] seem to continue to believe that Indian men and women do not need to understand, respect, seek, give or deny Consent. This leads to some problems.

Like, is it possible for someone to respect women, if they have no idea that women are people with equal rights?

And can women be said to have equal rights, if they are not permitted to withhold or to give consent?

Can lack of respect be cured with appeals to display respect [link]?

And where does this disrespect come from?

A large part of it comes from genuinely believing that women’s consent in matters that directly concern them is not relevant [link], and though abuse, violence and disrespect are unpleasant, they are either unavoidable or even necessary to maintain the status quo. Many of us are afraid of any change.

Also, we do not seem to understand Consent as much as we understand Honor – which is why, (amongst other things) – forced sex or rape within marriage is more acceptable to many of us, than consensual sex outside marriage (which is strongly condemned as immoral). [link]

I think it is particularly difficult when not just the society, but even the law does not acknowledge women’s right to bodily autonomy.

The fact is, like anything logical – Consent is easy to understand. But Consent is empowering for those who are directly involved, the right to deny or to give consent takes the power away from Patriarchy, and gives it to the individual.

Respecting women, for most Indians does not mean respecting them as equal individuals, it often includes controlling their lives and sexuality, and as a result – women being allowed to choose their own partners is troubling for many. An extreme case was Mahendra Singh Tikait who is quoted to have said, “…Only whores can choose their partners.” [link]

What would change if Consent in sexual relationships was understood and accepted by the society and the law makers, as the most crucial factor in determining whether the act was a morally or legally a crime or not?

Here’s a video that explains Consent.

What do you think?

Related Posts:

The Amorous Adventures of Shakku and Megha in the Valley of Consent

Five rapists in Patna want to marry gangrape victim.

Making Marital Rape a legal offence is the fastest way to make it clear that Rape means forced sex, not lost Virginity or Honor.

Panchayat orders girl to marry her rapist because one way to make a Rape right is to make it Marital Rape.

What do you think of these doubts regarding recognition of marital rape as a crime?

“Instituting the idea of marital rape raises the specter of a man going for long periods without sex even though he’s married!”

Forcible sex with wife doesn’t amount to marital rape: Court

Here’s why a 6-year-old rape survivor was ordered to marry alleged rapist’s 8 year old son.

Where Consensual Sex is Rape, and Forced Sex a legal right.

Rapist groom should have waited a little to satiate his lusty desires without problems which he has got into.

“In my own company in a cosmopolitan city, I know women who were horrified on the First Night.”

Who will benefit from criminalising sexual assaults within marriages?

India leads in sexual violence, worst on gender equality: Study

For Victims and Survivors of Marital Rapes.

Legally, marriage doesn’t permit murders and violence, but sexual assaults on the partner are legally allowed. (even if the spouse is minor)

Three thoughts on Bhag Milkha Bhag.

Marriage Sacred in India, So Marital Rape Does Not Apply: Government

Rapist said that coming from Afghanistan meant he didn’t understand what ‘consent’ was.

These panties will change the way you look at sex.

Let’s talk about sexual consent

“It was OK for her to say ‘no’ after saying ‘yes’? Saying ‘yes’ doesn’t mean a blanket sanction to any sexual activity.”

 

11 thoughts on “The right to deny or to give consent takes the power away from Patriarchy, and gives it to the individual.

  1. A good initiative indeed.
    Instead of the guy responding to the woman’s “Maybe” with “I’ll wait for you baby”, which could very well translate to “I’ll wait for you to give in to my demands” thereby putting subtle emotional pressure on the woman, how about –
    “Ok, that’s cool. I understand that you may or may not feel the same way about me. I still like you though. Are you OK with us just hanging out for a while and seeing where this takes us? No pressure.” Sung to the laavni beat of course🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hello,
    I have been a meticulous reader of the same blog and have a question that I have in my mind which I wish to openly discuss. The urban Indiam women has equally progressed in today’s society and doesn’t live in any kind of a subjection like before, things have gone normal which is the greatest achievement of our times, what I’d like to enlighten here are more gender biased laws that our Indian Institutions have already passed in favour of women and what aches me more is the way “SOME WOMEN” use the same laws to harass their husband and his family.

    Coming back to this article consent is a sensitive issue that cannot be proved in the Court of law and some women can make a good misandry out of the same just like they did with Sec 498A. Consent is not always given by women. Despite making the laws just in favour of women without any proof why can’t our government take active measures to create gender neutral laws instead of laws for protecting just women.
    If the Same situation continues time isnt far when even Indian men will quit their faith from women and the Institution of marriage which would damage the family structure of a civilized society badly.
    I need open minds to discuss this issue.

    Like

    • Ah, so here we are in 2016.

      Instead of shooting blanks lets “talk” about the gender biased law according to you, unnamed demon called 498A. This is how chachas of enforcement execute it:

      The willful conduct of cruelty is defined in 498A and there is also a mention of dowry related harassment. These were two different things. If the law enforcement (read male establishment) registered complaints against battery and emotional abuse they failed to give a cause motive for such abuses. So dowry was an easy excuse because law needs a reason motive to justify a crime. There is tremendous harassment even when there is no dowry is given and taken. What is the reason for such harassment, nothing in particular and just being a bahu is good enough reason.

      More women are killed and abused everyday than those who became firewood to flames of dowry. Yet handful of women have managed with the help of lawyers and law enforcement nexus to abuse 498A. It is definitely wrong but is not good enough reason to color all other women survivors of Domestic Violence black.

      Unless discrimination against women at all levels is addressed and social obligation of being married and remaining married at all costs are not undone women will suffer. Unless communities stand up and denounce Violence against Women, women and families will suffer. Unless perpetrators of VAW are not held accountable women and families will suffer.

      I wish desi men of this creed lose their faith in marriage and family because we only need who understand the meaning of marriage and family as partnership against sowing seeds and carrying the family name forward.

      Oh, do we have to go over IPC 375, 376 and 377?

      Salman khan and many of his clique have gotten away with killings while driving under influence lets also get ride of that law because ultimately rich people just abuse it. Poor folk are not just losing faith in this law but have already lost it. Lets have a discussion with an open mind.

      Thanks IHM for your patience, time and energy you dedicate to the cause.

      Peace,
      Desi Girl

      Like

  3. Although the message is right on, this video has characters that may be hard to relate to.
    Also the singing and dancing takes something away from the impact – how women who say no or change their minds are really made to feel.

    I loved the “cup of tea” video but DG is right – it is right for a Westernized/Urban Indian audience but may be too subtle for a rural desi audience.

    I wonder if there’s a video that shows desi people that most people can relate to – in desi settings that most people can relate to. Like college students. People in a workplace. A married couple in a village. A middle class neighborhood. A poor one. A rich one. But all looking realistic – the situations, the people are believable, the subtle or not so subtle pressure is shown (without song and dance) through everyday conversation, etc.
    Something like that may help people understand this better.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Pingback: “Time isn’t far when even Indian men will quit their faith from women and the Institution of marriage.” | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  5. Tea video is amazing. If translated in Hindi then it can surely relate to the Indian middle class people specially with people under 30.
    People will get the point but accepting it is an another cup of tea. Consent of women is very strictly tied to marriage. Marriage is equal to consent and many people belief that its the foundation of our culture. It makes us superior from western culture that we dont have sex outside marriage and dont have multiple partners. Within marriage everything is husband wife issue. Many people can not even think of marital rape because in marriage people are entitled to sex. And again sterotype that men cant say no to sex so it goes down to male entitlement. Reverse is also true. People cannot have partners outside but again men cant say no so they can have relationship outside and hence not tied with marriage. But women can never say yes ,if saying yes then she is immoral.
    Women entire life is tied with marriage.

    Like

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