Let me just share some dialogues (roughly translated/in my own words) from Dil dharakne do and you decide what you think of the movie.
1. ‘Does he beat you? Is he a miser? Does he stop you from shopping? No?! Then what do you mean you want divorce?’ [Rahul Bose is the ‘he’ here, and the entitled look on his face, when this is being said, makes the movie a must-watch]
2. ‘There has never been a divorce in this family and there never will be.’
3. ‘What have we done to you that you are punishing us like this? Do you want me to fall at your feet? Let me cut my wrists with this knife…’ (picks a butter knife)
4. ‘How times have changed he heh… when we were young we women could never speak like this in front of our elders he he he…’ [The effect is the exact opposite of Saas Bahu serials]
5. ‘What you write about is so depressing, why do you exaggerate so much? Can’t you find something positive to write about? Like, look at us, in the previous generations women did not work, but I have allowed my wife to work!’
(The response is amongst the things that make the movie worth watching.)
6. ‘You are offended because I insulted your husband? But he was insulting you… doesn’t that count?’
7. ‘She is married, now she is a **** (husband’s surname). Now his home is her home, his family is her family.’
8. ‘I am on top of the world, god has been kind. There is only one thing I want now – dear daughter please give us a grandchild.’
9. ‘What do you mean you are not sure you want to marry her? The business (that’s floundering and can be salvaged with this marriage) is not just our business, you are our only son, it’s your business too.’
10. ‘Who is that girl with him?’
11. ‘You want a divorce? What will our friends say?’
12. ‘Every marriage has problems. The easier way out is divorce. That’s not the right path. The difficult path is the right path.’
13. ‘There is no place for you in this house if you divorce him.’
14. ‘There is no place for you in this house if you don’t marry her.’
15. ‘I don’t want to hear about this.’ (But don’t you dare do what you were about to suggest you might)
And here are some points the movie made:
1. Financial independence and success does not automatically give women the confidence (or mindset) to expect to be treated as an equal, to object to misogyny, or to walk out of unhappy relationships.
2. Parents don’t always know, and/or even want the best for their children.
3. No divorce does not mean happy marriages.
4. Many women stay married because they have nowhere else to go. Women also stay married because they are pressurised to stay married.
5. ‘Get Married Stay Married and bear male children’ is viewed as the main goal for every Indian woman.
6. Daughters are viewed as Liabilities, or Paraya Dhan.
7. Sons are viewed as precious – but only because they are Assets, to be controlled for parents’ benefits (dowry, obedient and/or rich daughter in law, family business etc).
8. Creating a good impression on ‘everybody’ is more important for many Indians, than happiness of loved ones.
9. A son spending a night with a young woman is not the same as a daughter spending a night with a young man. One set of parents smiles proudly.
10. I am sure this movie succeeded in making atleast some conservative viewers look at Successful Divorces as a Happy Endings. (Queen managed to do the same thing with broken engagements)
Recognizing Emotional Abuse – Priya