“Can I really marry and live with a guy who is so uncomfortable with the fact that I am open and expressive?”

Sharing an email.

I’m 27 years and a couple of months old and it suddenly seems that everything about my life is turning upside down. i’ve been blogging for over 10 years now… been a reader of your blog and have been in touch with so many of the people who read it..

However, one thing I have been and still am is a confused soul…  I’ve so far had a lot of freedom given to me by parents, some of which was after a lot of hard won arguments and simple rebellion which they then accepted. I have a huge family, full of well meaning aunts and uncles and cousins and grand some thing or the others that very obviously love me but would probably adore me a little more if I were less frank and a little more subtly manipulative about getting what I want…
It’s always been a strange phenomena to me that being publicly (and by that I mean before anyone who doesn’t actually live in the same house as you) sweet, quiet and submissive to some degree lets you get away with doing whatever the heck you want while putting yourself out in the open makes people restrict you even when you haven’t technically or overtly broken any rules that society and family had set for you… I’ve always been very “moonhphat”,  but at the same time I’ve tried to be a “good” daughter.
What is completely freaking me out now is the sudden shift in the rules now that I’ve agreed to see a boy my family’s picked as a “perfect” arranged match. my parents have changed their attitude completely… but that is not what I need advice about… its about the Boy…
He’s from a “good” family, well educated, has his family business that he took over a few years ago because he lost his father at a young age. I’ve spent a total of 9 hours talking alone with him over three separate days, and we managed to talk very openly and frankly about whatever things we wanted to… however, it seems that he is a very very different person from how I am.
The first serious conversation we had, was about  how he had found my blog and spent two whole days reading through the last 10 years of entries on it. How it had made him supremely uncomfortable that such a huge part of my life, my thoughts were online for the world to see, and comment. how i had written about my previous relationship, about my friends, about family, about my ideas and ideals.
He asked me whether I would continue that after marriage. His second serious question was, “What am I supposed to say if an aunt/cousin/assorted family member finds your blog and reads it and says this girl has been in a relationship, this girl is so combative…” Then he told me that his sister had read it and was equally disturbed by it.
I told him that it was nobody’s business but mine what I’d written and why on earth would anyone bother going through over 300 posts spread over 10 years???
Then he tells me that he is a very private person and doesn’t like it if “outsiders” are told about his family life… and he qualified it with a, “but my best friend is a girl and I tell her everything thats going on in my head… I just don’t feel comfortable with the fact that a million strangers can read your blog and know intimate details of your life.”
Anyway… since throwing my drink at his face and storming out wasn’t an option… I chose to simmer down and think about what he had said… my blog is now set to a private invitation only setting, not because he says he is uncomfortable but because of the idea that random strangers would judge me on the fact that i was a wreck after my college relationship failed.
The next time we met, he said that the girl in the blog was “disturbing” because all information that he had got from various family sources said that I would be a “good wife” because I was a “family oriented person” and the “life of every gathering”, whereas my blog has some of the darkest, most depressive and frankly combative things in my head…  I told him its my venting space… when I can’t let out how I feel any other way, I write… and about half of that ends up on my blog… so the blog has my rants about my ex, my ideas about feminism and independence and family, how disappointed I feel sometimes that my family is still following hidebound traditions even while they give my generation the leeway to make our own decisions.
It is not the blog of a “sweet bahu” who will “carry the family together”. Its the blog of a woman who thinks of more than just the menu for the next family get together…
What I am worried about here is the fact that both sets of families are extremely interested in seeing this match go through… but can I really marry and live my life with a guy who is so uncomfortable with the fact that I am open and expressive? That I am NOT exactly a “sunshine and rainbows” person…
The good point about this guy is that he seems to be sensible enough to ask me flat out what I feel.. he seems to accept that i am independent, i have a fairly combative head but at the same time i would do a lot for the sake of my family…
Thankfully both families are giving us time to think, even though every second day someone or the other asks if we are ready to say “yes” yet…
I’ve known of the existence of this boy for a little more than 10 days now.. and apparently that is more than the “arranged” people in my community usually get before they atleast have a roka… the formal engagement and marriage thankfully are months after the ‘roka’.. but i don’t want to agree to anything just yet because i am genuinely worried about how someone as free as me is supposed to deal with somone who is uncomfortable about a blog spread over 10 years…
My best friend pointed out that since the boy has never been in a relationship previously, the fact that I was “in love’ with my ex and am not a virgin is likely to remain an issue and an insecurity for him.. the fact that I have a circle of male friends, and a large circle of friends, may be a problem for someone whose life is not as open outside of his family.
So now I don’t know what to do.. when I discuss this with my parents all they say is that you anyway lose touch with friends after you get married, and that I should not tell the guy about my ex…. I didn’t have the heart to tell my parents that he’s already read my blog and knows most of it…
What do I do??
A confused soul

60 thoughts on ““Can I really marry and live with a guy who is so uncomfortable with the fact that I am open and expressive?”

  1. One simple thing :- If he cannot accept who you are right now, then he is the one with the problem. There’s a fine line between adjusting & giving up who you are for another person & from what you’ve mentioned, he’s looking for someone who you are not.

    He is not a bad person or anything, you two just don’t seem to fit right.

    When it comes to relationships, opposites do attract (as in my case) but he has to accept you for who you are, completely because ultimately that’s what matters… You two need to be on the same page…

    Ask him questions like,
    1. Do you mind me hanging out with my guy friends once in a while?
    2. Would you like to meet them? [If he agrees, see how he behaves with them]
    3. What if you were travelling with him & some men try to molest you, what would he do? [See how practical he is or if he lies]
    4. What is he looking for in marriage?
    5. What are his expectations of you?
    6. Does his family have any expectations from their DIL? What are they? [See how traditional they are]
    7. Would he be comfortable if you’d like to continue blogging in the future?[Even anonymously?]
    8. What is it about you that he really likes? Why has he continued meeting you this long if he was not okay with who you’ve portrayed yourself to be in your blog?[If he says his elders are asking him to, then you know what to do…]
    9. What if you wish to have children & they’re bi-sexual or gay?
    10. Do they have a problem with the kind of clothes you wear?

    I’m sure many others can add to this.

    Apart from that, observe his family. See how they treat him & his sister. Observe the men in the house. See if they really love each other or are they together because of societal pressure?
    Go out on a few more dates with this guy & observe how he reacts to you wearing different clothes (if you are into that kind of a thing).

    Don’t rush. Until it feels right. If you feel even the slightest doubt that he is not the person you should be getting married to, then back out. (Don’t confuse doubt with fear btw)

    Good luck!

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  2. What do you do? – Ask the same question you have asked the reader here to the guy. Tell him what you feel just the way you expressed here. Ask him if he has an issue.

    It does not matter whether he lies or tells the truth because the moment you ask him, you can make out the answer from his words and expressions and body language.

    Another thing is to ask yourself –
    a) Do you want to continue being who you are or you wish to change to please others?
    Note – when I say that I do get that nobody is perfect and everyone has negative qualities they might wish to work on changing but here I am referring to largely what you would consider positive qualities

    b) If you change yourself for this guy & his family, can you live with the consequences in PEACE & HAPPINESS and not resentment for being forced to change?
    Note – Change like in you stop being combative and stop blogging

    Many women will change for their marriages and they have no resentment whatsoever over changing for whatever reasons and they have good relationships because they are not unhappy that they have had to change. However, if the change feels forced, I do not think the relationship would be very happy because anger is always seething and building up under the surface.

    The answer is clear from the letter to me but this will still depend on the choice you would make.

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    • I was trying to word ‘a’ and ‘b’ as well.. think you did a better job😉 ! It’s clear that this is the choice here.

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  3. “you anyway lose touch with friends after you get married”. I do wish this wasn’t the case. I have heard my friends say this and feel really sad when they do. Its not that they don’t like you any more. Its just that they think that its way it should be. Like Priya mentioned in her earlier Female Friends post, most of us have not seen our mothers taking out time for friendships or can even remember our mothers having friends beyond their husband’s friends’ wives or neighbours.

    ‘should not tell the guy about my ex’ – Have heard this a lot too. And I agree- only because I firmly believe that my past is no one’s business. Not even my current partner’s just as his past is not mine. Past should be a problem only if you have not moved on or if the ex is a psycho stalker. AND we all know why our parents and well-wishers tell us to hide our past.

    Accepting your past is not a choice. I think that it should be a given in any relationship. How else will you have a healthy loving relationship without acceptance. And if a guy is uncomfortable about the fact that a 27 year old has been in a relationship and may not be a virgin, its definitely a problem. What do these people expect? That girls fast and pray until the arrange marriage happens?

    His attitude doesn’t make him a bad person and I think he is trying to understand and talking things out. But he is also trying to change you in subtle ways. Not on. If he is uncomfortable with your blogging habit, he can choose to not read it. Guys dream of these sunshine Jab We Met types and forget that women also have emotions- dark or otherwise as well as past relationships. Unfortunately, we are not card board movie characters. But real people with real emotions- negative and positive.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Nothing worse than entering a life long contract where you already have doubts. 5 years down the line you may question your judgement and question why you didn’t listen to your gut instinct.
    You’re a strong headed, combative woman, don’t get sucked in to family pressures. Yes, the guy is nice, but many guys are nice. It’s how they behave in their traditional indian family set up and support you against the patriarchal norms that everyone around will set up for you.
    You know what’s best, don’t seek validation from others.

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  5. The guy is still talking to you and asking questions even though he is disturbed ! That is a good sign ! He is trying to get to know you !
    If I was in place of the guy ,the reading of blog would be disturbing to me too ! I have a blog too but I censor what and how much I write about myself on it !
    If you want to bare yourself completely,anonymity is a good thing to follow ,IMO !
    However,the question is do you like this person ? Sometimes ,you just like someone without much reason to it and that makes you try to know the person better !
    If you don’t like this guy at all no amount of talking in arranged marriage scenario will change anything !

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    • I am sorry but this sounds like the advice that well meaning 12 to 16 year olds give to a friend who is getting stalked and harassed by a guy who is in love. You must reciprocate because he is doing so much, ready to accept your past etc. May be we should do a poll on how many of us have actually dealt with Indian men and their parents and their sisters as spouses. I no longer comment to women who are getting abused in the name of marriages, they have to find courage within themselves and hopefully one day that will. I can’t walk away from here without commenting because that would be like letting someone drown before my eyes. Don’t do it op. If you want a traditional happy marriage, keep the blog private next time. You started on the wrong foot here.

      Liked by 1 person

      • That’s your take !I don’t know if you know how arrange marriage thing works !
        There are guys who don’t talk much or talk only about materialistic things ,…this guy is talking about and clearly saying what makes him uncomfortable ! He is entitled to his opinion !
        But nowhere I have said that the LW has to stop evaluating her feelings or the guy !
        The starting point in arrange marriage party is communication,…. It doesn’t matter what parents of both sides want or think! If the LW would have not already spoken to the guy ,she wouldn’t have known so much and his thoughts to write about !
        At this point,if all that she thinks or knows about guy makes her doubt the alliance she can say no and move on !

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  6. This question you have to answer for yourself.

    You have already seen red signal. You have already started changing yourself for his reason ( you were okay with your blog setting until a prospective groom asked you to change it).You know his and his family’s mentality does not matches you.

    Hence you have plenty of evidence to judge your case.

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  7. I heaven’t faced such a situation yet.. But when I had started dating an yr back one of my friend asked me if I can be ‘less open’ about my posts on FB. I post all about feminism and it makes everyone around me uncomfortable.. That was when I decided I will not give up on what I am to change for ‘better’ as people want me to. I asked the guy to mind his own business. I also decided ( along with my close friends) that no matter how busy we get, we will remain in touch and be like we are now .. If you marry the guy it might be expected that you change..You have to ask yourself these things coz no one else might be able to tell you what you want.. Are you really ready for stopping blogging? Will you like to hide your past relationships like your parents wanted you too from may be the guys family, since the guy already knows? We will not always have the ‘sunshine’ moments, so if you are upset and you decide to give up your blogging space, do you have an alternative to vent out your worries? Or will the guy be ready to listen to you without judging you from your blog? Will he expect you to be all ‘family oriented person’ and ‘good bahu’ all the time? Talk to him. Its gud that he wishes to know your opinions and tell him what you feel.. gud luck🙂

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  8. You stand on the same threshold where Sati stood in puranas or where Bhisma stood. Sati wanted a lifestyle not agreed by normal patricial society. She was in love with a yogi (you have a blog, which is not in accordance with normal social herarchy). She wanted her patricial life merge with the life she wanted. In the end, she ended up burning herself. Parvati had same decision to make, she simply walked out however, her walk out was not comfortable. She was happy not comfortable. It is your choice, do you want comfort or happiness. Crave for comfort, you sacrifice yourself. Crave for happiness you sacrifice your comfort.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Actually, happiness and comfort are both possible, you just have to stop caring about the so-called society and define your own path. As long as you don’t care ki ‘log kya kehte hain’, its easy. That’s only possible if you make enough money to support yourself though, until you’re financially dependent on your family, ‘log’ come with the package. It helps immensely to actually live away from home – easier to stay close to family (chat on skype etc) and yet have healthy boundaries.

      Liked by 3 people

      • I am not going to the length of the society. I am merely taking about moving from the family, which you so easily dismiss.
        It is not an easy task to move ahead and move separate. No amount of money can calm the nagging guilt in your mind. That is uncomfortable.
        And you learn to love with discomfort happily eventually.

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  9. It sounds like you stepped into a trap. Your family tells you one thing and it turns out to be quite another thing. It’s the Great Indian illusion. Here is how I see things.

    1. New rules are often made when the time comes to push you on to some male, because males are always superior. So, according to whatever man your family is looking into for your marriage, expect to find the goalposts moved. The only real goal is your marriage anyway.

    2. Different people blog in different ways. I myself am a very private person who would not like to share my personal life in my own blog under my own name. But I would respect a partner if he would wish to share his life, or his past. Are these people uncomfortable with who you are or are they uncomfortable with what you have shared with people about who you are?

    3. You should ask yourself if you want to marry a man who wants a “good wife” and a “family oriented person” and the “life of every gathering”? Are you a family oriented person and a good wife in the first place? And remember, these phrases don’t mean what you think they mean. He is basically telling you that he expected you to be a submissive woman with no thought other than to make your husband and in-laws comfortable, but you have turned out to be an independent human being with emotions, and that’s disturbing.

    4. I don’t think you are required to fulfill your family’s expectations of marriage. If you don’t find a man with whom you are compatible, then please don’t get married.

    5. Nine hours of talk over ten days is not giving someone “time to think”. Get married only when you are fully comfortable with the idea and the person. Put it forth that you need more than this, and you need to spend time with the man and understand him before you are ready to go ahead with it. This process can take months, so they should be ready for the long wait. And no, it does NOT matter what the norm is in your community. What is important is your life, not the community rules.

    6. Who made the rule that you lose touch with friends after marriage? We discussed this in one of the previous posts, you can look that up. Friends are very important, more so than a husband who doesn’t even accept the real you.

    Ponder on the above points. I would suggest putting a physical distance between yourself and your family, since I see difficult times ahead for you. They are hellbent on getting you married and the only reason things have not turned nasty so far is because you are still toeing the line. Get a job, move out, see the world, fall in love (again), enjoy life. You’ll be ready to marry some day when you find the right person. If not, that’s fine too.

    Also, please don’t call adult men ‘boys’. Or adult women, ‘girls’. You are a man and woman.

    Liked by 5 people

    • Totally agree Fem.. I do think partners can be uncomfortable (or rather might not agree) to certain things their other half is doing, but the issue comes when they start telling them to change (subtle or direct force) and changing their behaviour towards them based on whether or not they make those changes. I think very opposite people can still get attracted towards each other. And they can happily coexist. However the problems start when they expect the other person to change for them.
      So, in this case… I do not find any issue that he is uncomfortable about you sharing your personal thoughts on the blog, what is wrong is that he is expecting you to not share them after marriage.
      Also, do take more time (howmuchever you need) to get to know him more. Tell the people who are constantly asking “when are you going to say yes” that the answer might not be yes in the first place and not to get the hopes high!
      Another thing is, go out with him in the company of your close friends (both male/female) and see how he interacts with them. And how he interacts with you in their presence.
      Also, please do not believe that one get out of touch with friends after marriage. It does happen in many cases and it is one of the saddest things to happen ever.
      All the best in not caving to the pressure!

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  10. I can relate to this easily. I have quite many friends with the same mentality.

    Once the family knows about it later on, if they were to know by any sources (which they will) it will create a big drama. His so called sister is probably not going to like you. I don’t think the family is going to be chilled out and won’t like your attitude as well. It’s great to be open and expressive but most of the families consider that as a bad thing. Welcome to hypocrisy.😀

    You should probably think about it. Don’t go by the quotes in FB, cos life isn’t any fairy tale as we suppose it to be. Things are going to get tough in marriage. Call me pessimist but I feel so.

    Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I can understand that he may be uncomfortable with you sharing your life (as his wife) with outsiders, and I respect that. Mister (a die-hard feminist and the most reasonable man I have ever met) is also a private person and is often uncomfortable with the level of detail I put in. I just dismiss his fears with casual remarks like “If people want to be written about in nice terms, they need to behave better” and “so you’re ok with me feeling this way but not ok with me talking about it?” I do take care not to get too personal about our life because it’s his life too.

    Now for the tough part.

    Realize that the blog is just a metaphor here for the story of your life and how open you are about it. That is for you to decide. If at this point you find yourself looking back and wondering, “What was I thinking?” go ahead and mark it private. Just don’t let someone bully you into doing something you don’t want to, which I suspect may be the case. (I hope I’m wrong!)

    Also realize that even if your blog goes away for good, your story still remains.

    The question is, is he ok with you being the YOU he got to know through these stories? Does he have issues with you having been in love / sexually active / heartbroken / a mess? Does he understand that this is who you really are, whether or not the blog is out there? Can he live with the “real” you for the rest of his life? Will he stand up for you when his family reacts adversely to your nature? Or will he expect you to “please adjust”?

    I think that it is critical for you to get answers to these questions. And then you’ll know exactly what to do.

    Good luck.

    Liked by 6 people

  12. The answer seems clear to me. He is a different person but a “nice” person and ready to overlook your “flaws” provided you mend your ways. This is what I can say from the description in the letter. Are you ready for such a commitment?

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  13. Hi Letter Writer,

    Trust me when I say that your instinct kicks in when you feel that something is not right (for most people). This just doesn’t seem right. There has been nothing formal between the families and the boy has actually made it very clear that he is uncomfortable with your past, your thoughts and your way of expressing your feelings. Not only the boy, his sister has also already stepped in and feels “disturbed” by you. If he doesn’t like so much about you, then why does he want to continue this and take it forward? What good will it do? Does he think that once he ties the mangalsutra around your neck, he can somehow change you completely into something you are not? Does your past then get erased from memory?

    I would say all this will become even more of a problem between you both. If a couple cannot understand each other and give each other space and respect their interests and hobbies, then that relationship is doomed.

    He has already started thinking about what “others will say” if they come across your blog or know about your past. A person who gives so much importance to what others will say, will never be able to stand up for you and support you when you need it.

    Please do yourself a favour and do not jump into this relationship. There might be someone who truly understands you for who you are and has the same wavelength as thoughts as you. Until then please wait and get married only to a person whom you can keep happy and who can make you happy. I have friends whose husbands won’t even allow them to put up their profile pic on FB or upload any photos on FB. Those friends are so vexed with such a life (because of no independence even for such small things), but carry on living a life with no love or intimacy. “Got married, so have to live” is now their mantra. Please do not make such a life for yourself.

    Liked by 3 people

    • I wanted to say the exact same thing, however thoughts and rambles has put it in a much better way. Please do not jump into this relationship. This guy has problems now with the way you think and express your thoughts, after your wedding, every little thing you do or say will be looked through microscopic lenses. You or your husband may hear a lot of “I told you so”. There is a good chance that the boy may get badly influenced by others (his parents, sister and relatives) and may start behaving in a negative manner with you. All said and done, most Indian men think in a certain way and it is hard to change that mentality. Please break off this relationship when you can.

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  14. I think what you really need is more time. Time to get to know the guy and see whether you’re really compatible. And a few days will not be enough! You need at least three months.
    His comments about wanting a “good” and “family oriented” wife and being very concerned about what the family thinks is a bit worrying he seems more interested in “log kya kahenge” rather than your own happiness. but apart from that there isn’t much to go on regarding his personality.

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  15. Probably the best option is to tell him just as openly that this is who you are and this is how you are and leave the decision to him. You too need to think of how things would be if he agrees to accept you as you are, but can’t really do that after marriage. Are you willing to face that challenge? If not, decide to part ways right away. Not easy, I know to convince family and friends that you don’t want to marry someone whom they consider a “very good catch”. However, it is you and only you who will have to live with him in the long run.

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  16. Dear LW,
    1. The answer to the question that forms the title of this post is NO.
    2. After Ten years, the fact that random strangers will judge you after reading your blog is bothering you. Ask yourself why? Why did it not bother you earlier?
    3. Are you OK with losing touch with friends after marriage? If not, why?
    If you take some time to sit and think about the answers to above questions, your confusion will fade.
    Here is a red flag – the guy is uncomfortable with the kind of person you are.
    Your ‘genuine worry’ and your best friend’s concern, mentioned towards the end of the post, are very much valid.
    Frankly speaking, not a good idea to say YES to marrying him.

    Liked by 5 people

  17. That’s a question you’re going to have to ask yourself LW.

    Going by this: “he said that the girl in the blog was “disturbing” because all information that he had got from various family sources said that I would be a “good wife” because I was a “family oriented person” and the “life of every gathering”” –I’d probably run a mile, but that’s me.

    “good wife” = someone who listens to everything he says and will always take care of him
    “family oriented person’= someone who ‘respects’ his elders by doing everything they say and always putting their needs ahead of herself
    ‘life of every gathering’ = someone who’ll plan and execute every social functioning as a ‘good wife’ while putting on a smile on her face without complaining for a second because that’s what ‘family oriented’ ‘good wives’ do.

    The explanations above are generally the outcomes of these types of situations (from what I’ve read on this blog and others). Of course, he could be the exception to the rule and could have meant something entirely different. Would I risk the former by tying myself legally to him in a country where the divorce process is so difficult? Never in a million years.

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  18. Hi there, He is not just objecting to what you do but who you are. Also if you have persisted in the blog world for 10 years, you must really like blogging. Are you ready to give it up for someone you are not even in love with. I hope you don’t go through with it. Don’t let your family emotionally black mail you. Yes they do have your best interests in mind but most likely best interests to them is- financially stable, not likely to hit, “allow” you basic human rights, that’s it. They don’t know what friendship, love and respect is in a marriage. The guy clearly doesn’t respect you. This is a starting point of trying to change you into his ideal person. And the fact that you had a questionable public life will always be thrown in your face. Please don’t try and justify him and his concerns.

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  19. I think your issue is having one leg in the ‘independent/ rational’ boat and another in ‘I can do a lot for my family (who have traditional expectations)’ boat. You will inevitably sink. If you have to justify and defend your own choice to blog BEFORE you’re even married, it doesn’t bode well for your choices being respected after marriage. How much do you care about your choices though?

    1) If you are an independent person, why are you considering marrying a stranger with a very different value system? I would personally get a job in a different city and move out to create space from oppressive family expectations. You are an individual, not just a ‘future-bahu’.

    2) If you are ok with marrying an almost-stranger with traditional expectations then you have already chosen to forego autonomy.. just prepare to ‘adjust’. If you are going to a joint family then forget about ‘personal choices’, your primary purpose in that system is to serve his family. When you accept one end of the ‘traditional marriage’ bargain, the other comes free.

    Your blog should be the least important thing to the marriage. Have you discussed expectations? How will you share housework? How will you share finances? How much control does his family expect on your life? What will the living arrangement be? If you both work then does he respect your job as equally important to his?

    You say you are ‘confused’. Do you actually like this guy.. and like enough to consider marrying him? Is it just the family pressure? Because ‘family pressure’ should not even feature in your decision to spend your life with someone. Its your actual LIFE, not a movie!

    By the way, if I was meeting a guy through ‘arranged’ circles and he said he thought I would be a ‘good wife’ and ‘family-oriented’, I would run in the opposite direction. The traditional definition of a good-wife is one short of slave. My choices and career are just as important as my husband’s.

    Liked by 6 people

    • “I think your issue is having one leg in the ‘independent/ rational’ boat and another in ‘I can do a lot for my family (who have traditional expectations)’ boat. You will inevitably sink.”- @Carvaka nailed it!!!

      @ LW, you are not confused, you simply are unable to come to terms with who you have become (independent/ rational)nd what it takes to keep yourself happy . ‘arranged marriage, parents/ future spouse sending mixed messages, making you fall in line by inducing fear and guilt – its all part of the grand tradition of indian family dysfunction! Its almost impossible to have any part in it and still stay an individual, especially when the future spouse is already showing the warning signs ! He clearly has an ‘idea’ of a woman/bahu in his mind which clearly is not you , so why do you want to take any chances here?? ‘Parents asking you to hide information from your future spouse’- itself says they have no clue what they are asking you to get into!!

      I m 27 too, married (for love) to a man who grew up in a traditional family, my in-laws disowned my husband cause he refuses to exercise control over me or let them make me feel uncomfortable for my choices, its been 2 years nd they are still at it – that is the kind of pressure your future husband would be (if he decides to fight the tradition and stay fair to you ), nd he seems to have given up already ! Take the cue and ask him to find someone else – would be my advice.

      Like

      • “you simply are unable to come to terms with who you have become (independent/ rational)nd what it takes to keep yourself happy . ”

        Very valid point. With time we all grow, sometimes thinking very different from the rest. And that’s ok. Most (mature) adults understand that and marriages are built upon some level of acceptance that your partner could have likes/dislikes dissimilar from your own. If that acceptance isn’t there, it could be a problem.

        And while we (i.e.; both partners) all change in little ways in a relationship, if your partner wishes to change the very core of you, would you be ok? Would you not resent it once things have settled down? My reservations about this stem from the fact that he is making you feel ashamed/uncomfortable with something that you are and have been for the past 10 years. You might make the blog private but will you be able to stop thinking like you have, just to appease him and his sister/family etc.?

        I don’t get why he is disturbed by your past relationships – that is the past. Does he object to blogging about personal matters or all blogging in general (as in log kya kahenge)? I do understand that he may not like the idea of having his affairs discussed as part of your blog (his privacy is affected too), but only you can decide what is important to you.

        Like

  20. You may deny vehemently if I told you that you changed the blog setting to private because he was “uncomfortable” . In a matter of days this man has introduced a slight shame and a fear of ‘judgement of random people’ in you prompting your change….as if it was your own decision. That’s how enslavement starts, with subtle pushes that make you start questioning your own choices and decisions…

    Liked by 5 people

  21. The red flag i see, ‘ His sisters feeling’ — why is she held up as a barometer for another womans feelings.
    So she feels uncomfortable, ok great let her not write her thoughts. i dont even understand the meaning of why his sister is in the picture.
    Is it to say all women should feel like her , think like her? or thats he is wrong and you are right?

    I have a blog too, My husband doesn’t read it, i don’t think he knows or cares it’s mostly about recipes, and my family will probably laugh since I’m known to be a terrible cook, erratic and volatile. but it’s my blog, i write about cooking, i keep recipes, i love to. likewise i ask weird questions in the hope someone answers?? its for ME, not for someone else.
    I just have one thing to say, We should be accepted for whom we are, our thoughts evolve as we go thru life, it’s not the same, you cannot be molded to follow one line of thinking. so go with someone who takes you as you are, I’m not saying don’t adjust to live harmoniously, Don’t change yourself that’s all.
    The goal is life for everyone man , woman ,parents,child should be to ‘ Be happy and stay happy’.

    Liked by 2 people

  22. Dear LW

    i would only advice one thing to you, RUN and DONT STOP. Its been only 10 days and you are already suffocated and you have started questioning on your past 10 year of social existence.
    So much so, you have privatized your blog. I don’t see anything wrong with privatizing the blog but he made you do it within 10 days. This reminds me of my story
    I was an avid facebooker before wedding, my husband too was regular on FB. I commented on some of his post which one of his cousin saw and made a joke of it to my MIL that we both talk on FB sometimes. This led to huge drama in their house and my MIL called me and advised me to not to do FB anymore. My husband literally stopped facebooking( mama’s boy he is) but I continued.
    Then ever after wedding when I put my “decent” honeymoon pictures, my MIL asked me to maintain my private life and not to share with public. I blocked her😀 But that really disturbed me alot for few days as if I have committed some crime. I blocked his entire family and told them that I have de-activated my account.
    Now its been more than 2 years and have added few of my husband’s cousin and actively post on FB because now I have realized that its my life and No-One has the right to dictate it. Now I do what i like and post what I want. I don’t care.

    Dont give to pressure of your family please. They have lived their life on all sort of silly compromises and they expect you to do the same now. You dont belong to their generation.
    You know what is right for you. He seems like a a very private person and you totally opposite.
    And if they are so disturbed right now, why did he even say Yes to your match? Is you father giving him dowry? If they are so close-minded people, why are they even going ahead with your match?

    10 days is nothing, ask for couple of months to decide and then take your decision. Marriage is not something which you decide in the spur of the moment, its about your whole life. Be careful and take your decision only after evaluating all the pros and cons.

    Take care

    Liked by 1 person

  23. I think the answers a pretty clear no, u shudnt marry this guy. I am an extremely private person too but I blog too and keep my identity anonymous. You mention that you were expressive about your previous relationship on the blog, I do not know if in tat course ur ex’s identity has been revealed too. Being a private person I think I would be uncomfortable if parts of my relationship were open for all to see, that would be invading into my privacy. Mayb he feels the same way too. Nothing to judge if he’s right or wrong here. Just that the you two have different perefernces.
    Having said that, I think getting his sister involved to read ur blogs is a big red flag. If he was uncomfortable with ur blog he shud have discussed that with you, not his sister. Do ponder.

    Regards,
    Danita

    Liked by 1 person

  24. You have encountered the fundamental problem of an individual in society: how to reconcile your in-dependence with the dependence required by relationships of any kind. Ideally you want to do what you want, when you want. But a relationship is all about compromise. The traditional role of a wife is to deny herself her own wishes and submerge her life in her husband’s. The modern paradigm is to negotiate all aspects of daily life. I will tell you that the latter is exhausting but necessary. Given that adult men have been raised in settings where they see the father figure rule the roost, even younger men have an expectation of being the sole head of the household. The wife may matter, but will always be lesser. Many husbands now have to talk about things that in the past were quietly handled by their wives. This is a modern marriage, requiring effortful work most of the time. Many men resent this. They secretly or openly wish they didn’t have to work with a partner. It is easier to be a boss than a true partner.

    From your OP, you will be happiest in a marriage where the husband will have no traditional expectations of you, but understands that married life is a balancing act between two people. Two people with equal rights and freedoms. You will have to teach this way of thinking to any guy you expect to marry. But marriage is also about two people who learn to become a team. I mean the two parties are not fully formed and unchangeable entities. You will have to change, as will your husband. The task here is to ask the guy if he can be open to this model of marriage. In this model, he is allowed to have wishes about your conduct, but is not allowed to dictate your conduct. If in his analysis he is not open to this, then you should not proceed. If he is a good guy who accepts your right to your own life, then you may be able to grow into a good partnership.

    Liked by 2 people

  25. And yes I would not marry a 30 year old guy who says he was never in a relationship before and is practically a virgin. Because (1) I would not believe that he never fell in love before or never had sex (2) That he never had the chance to understand women before.

    Liked by 1 person

    • What about a 30 year old female who says she’s never been in a relationship before? – I mean whats the deal with judging people that way. It’s not fair.

      Sometimes you have crushes or situations that prevent you from entering or being in a relationship… It doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with them…
      Instead look at his/her friends, see how is his/her relationship with them & his/her family…
      The whole point of this blog is to minimize judgments of any kind towards all kinds of people based on certain stereotypes, not promoting more reasons to judge people…
      We need to leave behind a world where people are more accepting of other people, not suspicious or judgmental.

      Like

    • @FS,

      I’m finally giving in to the temptation to reply to your comment simply because I wish to clarify a few things from the perspective of a 30 plus single male.

      In your comment you have equated love with relationship, and relationship with physical intimacy. And you have finally equated all these with the ability of a person to understand the opposite gender. I don’t think this is the norm.

      Personally, I have never been in a relationship, but still I have been emotionally close to a lot of females which has enabled me to understand the views of females a lot better than even many other females themselves. One does not need to be a lover of the romantic variety to be able to understand the opposite gender.

      Simply enrolling in a course does not guarantee a person’s understanding of a subject. It depends on the person’s abilities to do so. The same logic applies for the things you equated in your comment above.🙂

      Like

  26. Hey, I have some questions for you: Can you bring yourself to love this guy, if not now, then in future? You have just turned back on a 10-year-long relationship with your blog, your venting place as you’ve just said, upon his opinion. Are you happier now with him since I trust that this step has brought you two closer? Can you, without an iota of a grudge or resentment embrace the decision to have done so for a higher objective? – to comfort someone you care about or to conform to his thinking? Where are you placed right now, emotionally, mentally? – in a happier place or in a darker place? Do you think you could live in this place for ever? Do you feel guilty about what happened in your life earlier and how you felt or are you being guided into feeling either guilty or shameful? Do you think you could do this for the rest of your life in return for a peaceful family life, kids, work, et al you know!? Has this ‘boy’ had any learning experiences of his own? If yes,… no wait, if no, can you be sure his decisions and opinions are coming from a place of empathy? If not, do you think you could deal with that?
    Now, for answers, these are my answers, and these relate to my thinking, my opinion, my life. If I were you (and it’s not hard for me to imagine), I’d stop right here and reclaim my space. I’d wait for someone who loves me, my blog, and my past without question. Because that’s all that matters – you being yourself. Your personality is to talk, share, write, express yourself, not hold back. You cannot live someone else’s life. You must live yours. I hope you find the right answer within yourself, and that too, soon! all the best!

    Like

  27. Dear LW,
    Please think carefully before proceeding, and the fact that he is repeatedly talking to you despite knowing about your independent streak does not mean that he accepts you, he also must be thinking that since you are agreeing to meeting him despite the stark differences, he might be thinking that probably you are opening up and accepting his way of life and that after marriage you will change.
    Most men have this mentality that the girl will change after marriage, in fact why should he not think like that because despite knowing his thoughts you are meeting him, which is an indication that you agree to his thoughts or that his thoughts do not matter as long as they do not affect you. But given this man’s description, a “good wife” and “family oriented” means that you will basically serve him and his family. For such men, that is the definition of a good wife, and for women like you a good wife means supporting the partner, respecting him and his choices and basically expecting the same back from him, but men like the one in discussion do not think on those lines. They are very clear that a woman’s place is in the house and that she should spend her whole life serving them, they might be very educated and seem very modern and may let you work and have a career but that is also again to gain more popularity in their social circles to show off about how modern they are in their life but in their head they are still stuck in 15th century and when it comes to matters of the house and your life they will use that 15th century head….
    Also, as far as privacy is concerned as long as you do not put up details of his life it should not bother him what you write about yourself. The very fact that he wants to know what you will write and if you will write is an indication of his underlying control streak…The blog is hardly an important aspect to be discussed here, but he chose to talk about it and it actually is bothering him and his sister, so I would never go ahead…

    Like

  28. I see red flags in almost everything you said about his reaction to your blog – I say almost because I can sympathize with wanting to have internet privacy….but ONLY from that POV. The rest of his comments sound like stuff you should rightfully be worried about and probably should rethink this guy’s “niceness”, and suitability for marriage.

    Like

    • Besides, when does being “nice” alone a guarantee to find a spouse? Compatibility is a much bigger factor in the deal than sheer niceness.

      Like

  29. Run as fast as you can.

    The blog is who you are. Whether it is public or private is your concern. Judging how you appear to be online and off is perfectly fine- but asking you to change because of that is not.
    In the initial 10 days of knowing you- time that is usually spent in trying to be on one’s best behavior when getting to know a person, this person has expressed reservations about who you are. Can you imagine what it will be like when the “first impression phase” is over? What else will he or his family, distant aunts, third cousins five times removed be “disturbed” by?

    A lot of people are very “nice” We do not need to go about changing our lives to suit them.

    Like

  30. Dear Friend

    There are many times when our instincts kick in.Our instincts tells us what our conscious brain wants to ignore.Looks like your instincts have already kicked in.Sometimes that person with the qualifications we think they should have is not always the right one for you.Do you really think you can be happy if you try to change from ‘open’ and ‘expressive’ to ‘family oriented’ and ‘life of every gathering’? Only you know the answer.

    Regards
    V

    Liked by 1 person

  31. So it’s not OK to be “combative”, but it’s OK to be controlling? To bully you by dragging his sister into this? He expects you to be a “good wife”, “family-oriented”, etc. What makes him think you may be a bad wife and not family-oriented? A blog? The fact hat you have a mind of your own?

    What has he done to prove that he will be a “good husband” and “family oriented”? As in devoted to his nuclear family of his wife and any future children? Why is the onus on you to prove what kind of partner you will be? He has already proved to have control issues. It’s he who should be in a dilemma on how to change the impression he has made on you. Not vice versa.

    You kept your blog open for the world to see. That means you had nothing to hide or be ashamed of. He uses it as a stick to beat you on the head with. In your shoes, I’d tell him how I wasn’t comfortable with his overbearing, disrespectful behaviour and see how he tries to assuage your concerns. I’d also tell him I wasn’t interested in marrying his sister or neighbours, or parents, so I wasn’t interested in hearing their “feedback” about my life and values.

    If he accepts what you say and apologises, I’d continue talking to him. Else, I’d wish him good luck and move on.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Giving you a man’s perspective. I wish this blog had more male commentators too so that both perspective are well presented.

      Give it a thought. Don’t break off right away. Take some more time. You have come across something that at the first impression seems like a red flag. But may not be if you try and see if the two of you have enough going “right” between you two to be able to accept one (or more) unsavory points and agree to work on them. For you know what, no one is perfect and no relationship is perfect either. From how many of them will one “run miles away”?

      We all have some wrong ways of thinking and living and flaws that have seeped in because of what we have seen / read / experienced. Problem arises if people are too hell bent on not seeing an alternate perspective and not be flexible about their thoughts and views. Do you feel that’s the case here with the guy?

      So this guy seems to have “different” notions of how a woman should be and how having an ex is “not respectful” etc. May be his lack of experience with women is showing here. Or may be he thinks he is bringing a “clean slate” to a marriage and so that’s what he feels the woman should bring to.

      Without getting into the debate of whether he is right or wrong, i would suggest that you try and see if he is willing to see your side of the story. Whether you too can reach a mutually agreeable view of life and marriage that doesn’t make either of you feel you are making a compromise. So take more time. Talk a lot. Discuss a lot. Be open. Be candid.

      Due to the family keenness here, i guess you two would have an opportunity to not make this a traditional arranged marriage but actually “date” each other and discuss everything that matters to a marriage and take an informed call. Use that opportunity well.

      Other commentators here have questioned his consulting of his sister – a lady who he shares a bond with. They don’t see the irony of their comment when you yourself are consulting total strangers on this blog. Consulting family on marriage decisions in an arranged set-up, where one doesn’t have an emotional connect already with the other person, is normal. The key is – whether he is the ultimate decision maker himself or no.

      It is good that rather than getting into a song and dance of “impressing” in the first few days, he has been open about what has bothered him. Because if that matter isn’t addressed to both parties satisfaction, it is better to not waste time in other niceties.

      And googling the person you may marry is normal. Checking out their social networking profiles is normal. Reading their blogs is normal. After all, when you have to take a major decision of life, any information helps.

      A lot of commentators have quickly jumped to the conclusion that his current behaviour is a “sure shot” sign of the marriage becoming a disastrous one later on, with you having to “serve him and his family” and give up your own views and identity. I humbly disagree not on the end judgement but the swiftness of it and the limited information it has been based upon. So please don’t get spooked. If the two of you are matured enough and keen enough to build a good marriage, you will mostly succeed. No marriage is perfect and there will be issues and frictions but it will be mostly good, provided how the two of you wish to go about it.

      Try and understand – a marriage is a big thing for a man too. And he too has his own trepidations. A man is equally worried about ending up with a wrong woman. And a lot of times men worry about a woman’s past not because of fear of “lost virginity” but because of a fear that she may not be over her ex or a feeling that her family may be forcing her into the marriage because they don’t like her ex (Let’s face it – women’s parents oppose their choice of partners a lot more than what men’s parents do). Being concerned doesn’t necessarily make a man bad. We may disagree with someone’s concerns but for them those matter and there not be any harm in comforting someone over their concerns, especially if we feel it is easy / possible for us to do so.

      I am a privacy concscious person too and I would hate it if my married life was discussed on a public blog by my wife. And I won’t be too supportive of my wife baring her emotional vulnerabilities to the internet world full of strangers / acquaintances apart from friends. Sharing with trustworthy friends is understandable but sharing it with those who may use it against her in some way in future, I wouldn’t consider it a very sensible thing to do. Not because it is my way to control her but because I care for her is why I would advise her to censor what she shares on internet.

      And it is too idealistic to expect to be accepted as-it-is by someone. We all have our flaws and people are very well in their rights to not like our flaws. For you know what, you too are not going to like some of the things about your husband (whoever he is) and would wish that he changed those things. All of us do. And the fact is that with enough emotional attachment all of us agree to change too, without feeling resentful or angry.

      Hope you take a decision that you are happy with. And hope you do it in a well thought-out, level headed, patient manner.

      Good luck.

      Like

      • @Vihar:
        I like that you have expressed your concerns very clear manner, but in this LW’s case the comments written by others are more valid because:
        1) Her relationship is almost 10 years old, it was while she was in college. Had it been something which was a year ago then your concerns are valid, that guy maybe worried about whether she has moved on or if her parents are forcing her etc. Even if that was the case, there is a way in which such delicate things can be questioned, not outright like this guy has done. I think discussing a relationship that a person had when was 17 or when at 27 and feeling uncomfortable about it is really ridiculous. It just shows that he is a very conservative person.
        2) As far as consulting sister is concerned, everybody consults somebody whom they trust, even in love marriages, friends opinions are sought but a sensible person would not come and tell the other person that “my sister is disturbed because of this “, a sensible person would first think it over and see how reasonable the worry is and if yes, then it should be handled in a delicate manner not simply saying my sister does not like it. Here he is clearly more concerned about the sister’s concerns than about how the LW would feel. Agreed that he is not yet in an emotional bond with the LW, but certain topics require some sensitivity especially since the bond is still in the nascent stage.
        3) A man is as concerned as a woman in a marriage: If he was so concerned then he would talk more about their goals and their future together, not talk about how he was told she will be “a good wife” and “life of every gathering” etc.. If he is really so concerned about “his marriage” then he would have in those 10 days time spoken about what he is bringing into the marriage, what he is willing to do and asked her her plans and thoughts not spoken at length about some blog post and how it hurt his sister and what answer he should give if “his cousin/aunt” asks a question. While 10 days is not enough to decide, 10 days is definitely enough time to spell out future plans and talk candidly about “their” future together rather than spend all the time talking about his sister, cousin and their thoughts and her blog especially when he is nowhere involved
        4) About privacy and being concerned: The LW is 27 years old not 12 years old, so I am sure she knows what she is writing or wants to write on the blog, and moreover requesting not to write about him is perfectly fine, but beyond that he has no right to say anything and NO he need not try to protect her and be concerned for her safety because I am sure she is not giving her address or bank details, employment details or any such important information. He can always request her not to put their photos on the blog and that I agree is a valid concern.
        So overall, I would think on these lines and not go ahead with the alliance.

        Like

        • Also fundamentally I will not marry someone who is bothered about who I dated when I was 17 or 20 years old. It’s way back in the past and if someone is so concerned about what happened 10 years back in my life rather than what we should do now or can do 10 years from now, I will not go ahead.

          Like

  32. This person obviously has a baggage. While he has shared his concerns with you, but i still feel that since you know him for just 10 days, he has kept a lot of it within himself.

    He obviously comes from a school of thought that wife will change and its normal, and its normal for him to expect you to change. And that is reinforced by some of your actions
    – you have already made blog available for private viewing ( while you have mentioned its not because of you, but atleast he has made you consicious of the fact that people will judge you).. Remember you were not affected by this earlier
    – you wanted to throw your drink at his face but did not, had it been someone else ( not being considered for marriage) would you have behaved differently. Why have you still not told him that this is what it is. This will be part of your life and you will continue to live your life ( blog being just one of the point of disagreement)
    – he has involved his family (sister) and will continue to do so in future to use them as a shield of what they will think rather than saying what he thinks!
    My two cents on this issue, you are a person with independent thinking, so i am sure you will not say yes or… may get more time to know him for more time . in either case you should expect that
    – you will be blamed for this alliance not moving forward if that happens
    – you will be judged by his family/ your family/ friends for being who you are and your decisions
    – your parents will emotionally blackmail you in future for losing out a perfect alliance as per them because you refused to change
    – you yourself will have conflicting thoughts, but be clear about what is of prime importance to you.
    If you decide to continue with him, my only suggestion is give it more time. 10 days is not good enough to know anyone. i am sure, you would have spent more time in issues which are of much lesser importance.
    So give it time, that will you give more time, clarity and peace of mind.

    Like

  33. How about giving this some time?

    Continue talking and keep an open mind. At the first take, his apprehensions about your blog and how open you are, are disturbing. But, may be this is the first time he is thinking seriously about a relationship or being with a person who is kick-ass? Imagine how you would feel if this person told you that he loves eating fried cockroaches. OK, not the same league, but it’s something that would freak you out. Then when you are done giggling and you are told, oh I would like very much if my wife makes it for me – what will you do? Fictional funny situation, but I feel when you are getting you know a new person there are many challenges in concluding their personality or how they view things, simply because they have never thought about it. But having thought about it, discussed it a bit and then come to a conclusion it brings it too a new light.

    I think all the fears expressed by other commenters about his choice of phrases is legit, as also that he uses his sister to underscore his feelings. But babe, this is your life. You are the one in the conversation here. You shouldn’t really use this space to either confirm your decision or negate it. Use it to inform yourself about perspectives and choices.

    My only concern was that you changed the setting of your blog to private. It appears to me that you haven’t come to terms with your feelings. It’s like this new person is a negative commentator on your blog, who is bringing up issues from your past life that you may have not completely accepted. I believe if you are comfortable with discussing your life online, you would be OK with someone having a negative opinion about it.

    Like

  34. No, you should not marry the guy because you don’t sound very sure and why would you commit to something like marriage after 9 hours of conversation that gives you ambivalent feeling?

    How did he get to know about your blog? I suggest you not tell prospective spouses about it because personal blogs are too intense for anyone to handle in one go.

    A lot of people are uncomfortable with the idea of personal blogging and that doesn’t make them bad people. If it’s a non negotiable for you, then it’s a problem. You can come to an agreement about what’s off limits to post maybe?

    Like

  35. I can understand how he feels. It seems to me that he has a lot of fear of what both you and him will endure if you openly express your past. Yes people will know about your dark past, however I think the guy may fear that if he were to be your wife, and people come to know about it, he fears he will judged/looked/treated in a certain way even though he’s only your husband and has nothing to do with it. Of course he should not read your blog if it is uncomfortable for him. And I certainly think you should continue to blog as 1) keeping these feelings to yourself and not talking about it with anyone will be a huge disservice to you and will eventually make you explode if they ever come back and haunt you. You need to talk it out with someone..publicly or personally (your choice) that way you can get insight and also support if needed. And 2) it will definitely help alot of people who are going through a similar situation and help them realize that they are not alone. Everyone goes through dark times, there are only a few rare people in this world who live very blissful/content lives. There’s nothing wrong or disturbing on sharing it. Example is the Delhi gang rape documentary that was banned in India because it was considered “disturbing”..really like WTF? I watched it on youtube and it was really powerful and motivating. You can learn a lot from it. Unfortunately we Indians tend to keep away from /avoid the negative aspects of our country/culture. There’s a lot of problems with the social issues/mentality/concept of respect in India but no one wants to address it or talk about it. Whenever something drastic happens like suicide, or murder or rape or any crime..it’s always kept hush hush or the topic is avoided all together. What gets to me is that they then act they are saints and nothing goes wrong in India, then they blame other cultures for being a bad influence which is beyond ridiculous. At least in West, or in the USA where I am, we admit we ain’t a perfect country and have so many problems. We let people discuss openly their feelings toward certain issues (like teen pregnancy, rape, murder) and discuss what may be some solutions to help make things better and help those who are in deep waters. It teaches people, especially youngsters how to make good and right choices and how to make good judgement. It’s hard though because there’s a lot of negative influence and peer pressure that you can easily get into, but with parental/educational support, it’s doable.

    I’m a very private person too and wouldn’t want to share my personal problems with the world. I am done with FB, I however will share things on certain blogs like this one or share with others who have similar experiences with me if I can relate and have something to contribute. That’s about it. Some people may prefer to be open to the world and that’s fine too. To each their own !

    I do hope you both come with a solution so things will work out and be suitable for both of you. There are ways you both can come around it w/o hindering each other’s personal ways.

    Like

  36. I know of someone (a guy, not a girl) , who had to shut down their blog bcs the prospective partners were not comfortable with what was on the blog. Even in the real world, you don’t tell your family what you write on the blog. So think long and hard about that blog. I read somewhere that we must write our hurts on sand and our gratitude in stone.

    Please have an open conversation with your potential partner. There is nothing to lose. The sooner you have it , the better.

    Like

  37. Response from the Email Writer – I had a very serious discussion with my dad about all of this and he also agreed that it wasn’t right to push me to take a decision about this guy. I’m meeting him just one more time for a clear discussion and most probably saying no to this particular boy.

    Like

  38. Pingback: “Blogging and reading provocative blogs by others has made the good girl in you go corrupt.” | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

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