‘Madam so many rapes don’t happen in Germany coz girls don’t refuse to have sex.’

Do you see this comment as a step towards convincing the world that Indian men (and society) respect women?

A female professor of Germany refused to accept Indian student coz of rape cases in India. I want to say – Madam so many rapes don’t happen in Germany coz girls don’t refuse to have sex.[www.facebook.com/KRK.Kamaalkhan]

What do you think does he mean? Others before him have said the same thing ofcourse.

How do you think does Kamaal R Khan define rape?

Does he seem to respect a woman’s right to consent or to refuse sex?

Does he seem to view women being raped as virtuous and moral (She was too pure and sanskaari to desire being violently and sexually assaulted); and does he seem to view women having or desiring consensual sex as immoral?

Related Posts:

Here’s why I think the society should not obsess over a woman’s virginity.

‘The victim should have surrendered when surrounded by six men, at least it could have saved her intestines’. [Anita Shukla]

The girl could have called her assailants brothers and begged them to stop.[Asaram Bapu] –

“Girls should be married at 16, so that they don’t need to go elsewhere for their sexual needs. This way rapes will not occur.” – Rape being viewed as Sex outside marriage.

7 things that can make ‘Rape sometimes right’.

Where Consensual Sex is Rape, and Forced Sex a legal right.

Making Marital Rape a legal offence is the fastest way to make it clear that Rape means forced sex, not lost Virginity or Honor.

Forced intercourse in marriage not rape: Delhi court

Forcible sex with wife doesn’t amount to marital rape: Court

Girls morally bound not to have sex before marriage, says fast track court judge

“Girls should be married at 16, so that they don’t need to go elsewhere for their sexual needs. This way rapes will not occur.”

“I will not sit back and allow the image of India’s men to be tarnished by an article that does not articulate other sides to India.”

 

53 thoughts on “‘Madam so many rapes don’t happen in Germany coz girls don’t refuse to have sex.’

  1. WOW …………………………… And I guess it was because of this thinking the German Professor would have rejected the application. Many Indian men have heavy entitlement on women which they want to extend to women of other cultures.

    Its height of logic. This man believes that women are born to provide sex. And you know it will be endorsed by Indian society and people that white woman are always ready for sex with any man who asks them.

    But what people will not understand that refusal by women in Germany also accounts for rape.And there society is not going to say that she was habitual of sexual encounter hence she must be lying in this case to trap innocent man.

    In previous post regarding why rapist blames the victim I have made a comment”Same thinking exist even in IITs and IIMs. In college many times boys have argued that if she can talk or go out with boy X then why can’t she go with us. As if by talking with boy X she has became public property and has no control . She has to oblige every request of any boy. There is no concept that girl can have a choice and can exercise it.”

    So a white woman decides that she can have intimate relationship with guy X then as per Indian Standards she can not refuse guy Y, Z,A,B etc.

    This attitude makes India very difficult for female foreign travelers. In India women are discouraged to have any normal communication with men. So when a female foreigner have a normal conversation then men around them think that she is inviting them to be intimate and will not refuse any kind of advance. And when she refuses it then they are confused why she is refusing when she was initiator. And then they force themselves on her because they are right as she initiated it herself. If she didn’t wanted this then why she started talking with them.

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    • Absolutely. In many parts of India, a woman talking to a man is seen to be a veiled invitation to sex.

      Many Indian men seem to ascribe sexual motives to ordinary female behavior. A woman laughing loudly is doing so because she wants to attract attention. Why does she want to attract attention? She wants sex!

      A woman is wearing heavy make-up and high heels? Why is she doing so? She wants sex!

      A woman smiled at the man next to her on the elevator. Why did she do so? She wants sex!

      A woman agreed to board a bus at 9.30 pm with a male friend. If she has no objections being with one man, she should have no objections to a gangrape by six men.

      According to most Indian men, a woman wants it, all the time, anytime, anyhow, with anyone. Woman=sex.

      Liked by 1 person

      • @neha what you are saying is totally on point , except ” According to most Indian men, a woman wants it, all the time, anytime, anyhow, with anyone.” – i thinks its more like indian men (nd women ) think women are not supposed to want sex, woman wanting sex is a blasiphemy ! Even further any Indian woman, should take steps to make it clear tht she is not the sex-wanting-animal, through her modest dressing,through her complete ignorance of her own body and abt sex, through self limiting her social interactions to own gender etc., if a woman is not doing any of these things then she clearly wants sex. Come on! she wears skirts, could the invite be any clearer, duhh!!:/
        The concept of ‘a girl has sex with one guy, then she should be okay with any one’ is related to this too. In an oppressed and regressive society like ours, ‘ a woman wanting sex’ in itself is the consent . i know it sounds absurd, but to the men blinded by privilege, women have no right to chose a man she would like to have sex with . Women are there to provide sex that men enjoy, in return men will bless the women with kids(offcourse, every woman’s ultimate goal/purpose in life is to be a mother) . Thats the course of Nature!

        I know it is crazy and very very scary, but it is the reality ! Call me a cynic, but i dont see it improving vastly in my life time. Very unfortunate , yes !

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        • If you think about it carefully, what is the real reason behind the fears that “women are going astray”, “women are being corrupted”, “women tempt men into wickedness”?

          It’s the idea of Woman as Sexual Temptress — insatiable, lascivious, difficult-to-control and quite heedless of the restraining influence of culture and morality.

          I read a lot of classical Hindu texts to understand how our views on women are shaped. If you really think about it, you will realize that AP Singh and ML Sharma were only echoing what the classical texts state.

          Even a cursory reading of Manusmriti will produce an A-HA moment. Our fear of female independence, our obsession with women’s bodies, our cultural fixation with marriage as the defining goal of a woman’s life — it’s all been laid out lovingly in the Manusmriti.

          If you read the classical Sanskrit texts, the male preoccupation with and fear of female sexuality will leap out of the pages at you.

          There are pages upon pages of detailed descriptions of full breasts, rounded buttocks and comely thighs.

          There are an equal number of verses describing women’s inherent fickleness, sensuality, wantoness and immodesty — the ancient male fear of a sexually active, pleasure-seeking woman.

          Fierce attempts are made to control female sexuality not because men think women are asexual, but quite the opposite — that female sexuality must be contained, tamed and domesticated.

          I cannot provide citations here for lack of space, but would recommend Abraham Eraly’s The First Spring, for disturbing, eminently misogynistic translation of famous Hindu texts like the Mahabharata and the Shastras

          Liked by 1 person

  2. I pity all those good Indian men. Their reputation gets tarnished because a large number of a-holes have been brought up with a grandiose sense of entitlement. The phrase “Indian men” itself is said in such a derogatory manner by most people these days!

    I wonder when Indian parents will realize that their preferential upbringing is the very reason why Indian men have such a bad name to themselves. When are they going to strat teaching their sons that they are NOT privileged just because they have a d*?!

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    • While this is unfair to most men, unless such a prejudice is established , men may not feel the need to be perpetrator of change in attitude amongst their own ilk !

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  3. I think the problem is that many, if not most, Indian men are completely unaware of their privilege. They are quite decent people who would not dream of hurting the women in their lives, but they just don’t understand why their daughter wants to go to xyz or do abc. They also won’t share housework. But they will bristle and be angry at catcallers and want the best life can offer for their daughters. These men are not rapists. They don’t support rapists. They, in fact, hate rapists. But they still support the rape culture, completely unaware of doing so. Generalising Indian men as rapists is far-fetched and ridiculous. But sexism is not just about rapes. We need to distinguish this fine line to engage in further discussion.

    As for the German incident, it is a clear case of racism. The professor did not know the man in question personally. There was no need for her to generalise. Even if she is telling the truth about her not rejecting him on the basis of his nationality, the content from the exchange of emails still leaves a bad taste.

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    • I agree, it was a case of racism. It is wrong to make people responsible for something others from their home country did. That said, Mr Khan needs a dose of reality. I am German and women here do refuse sex when they don’t want to have it. And yes, rapes do happen here too since entitled pigs happen to live all over the world. If they don’t happen, it’s not because the women here invite every Tom, Dick and Harry to mount them. It’s because people know it’s a crime.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Aurinia,

        FYI, KRK is a well-known misogynist and has been blasted by Bollywood actresses for objectifying them and being nasty before. Even the normal patriarchal public despises him. No one believes him.

        Just illuminating you on the basket case KRK is.😉

        Liked by 1 person

    • Sonakshi Sinha put him in his place over his offensive tweet asking which Bollywood actress had a behind like Kim Kardashian’s backside.

      He really seems to enjoy the negative attention.

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  4. This attitude is prevalent in the Indian immigrants I see here.

    They complain white women are racist because they wont have sex with them. You know because white women are whores and will sleep with anyone so if there rejecting me its because they must be racist (heavy sarcasm). These are usually the same creepy guys leering at women at bars and restaurants in the corner.

    Alot of them come here thinking its a free for all and there going to sleep with tons of women. I usually stay away from these men because although I have no problem with having casual sex I’m not going to do it with someone who’s going to call me a whore and end up marrying some virginal girl his parents find for him.

    They also have tons of disdain for women who are of Indian descent that date outside of their race; as if they own us.

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    • Most Indian men put women in an impossible double-bind.

      If you have consensual, pre-marital sex with them, you are an “immoral, uncultured” slut who deserves to be exploited and dumped.

      If you refuse to have sex with them because they don’t turn you on, you are a manipulative, man-hating lesbian and cock-tease who deserves to be exploited by men.

      Sigh!

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  5. Facts about sex in India:
    1. If a couple has consensual pre-marital sex, the woman is ‘loose’, but the man is a stud.
    2. If a woman is active in bed, she must’ve slept with a dozen others.
    3: Man desires sex. He asks a woman. She says yes, so he fucks her and punches the whore in the face for being so wanton.
    3: Man desires sex. He asks a woman. She refuses, he takes it anyway. He punches the prude in the face for refusing to have sex.

    And if someone responds to this comment with “not all men”, they’re getting punched in the face too.

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    • Anawnimiss, I’m really surprised at your comment here, because I’ve read comments of yours that have been fair and objective to men. I generally like your comments and observations.
      Your points 1, 2, and 3 apply to many Indian men. We don’t know the exact % or even the ballpark range because we don’t have studies and surveys on public opinion on these matters. Still, I’m going to agree that the majority thinks this way.

      I’m having difficulty with your last line, “And if someone responds to this comment with “not all men”, they’re getting punched in the face too.”

      – You have shared your equal relationship with your husband. Surely he is “not all men”.
      – My brother refused to engage in Kasi yatra and other demeaning rituals in his wedding. He treats his wife as an individual and a complete equal in all respects. He has known and dated women before marriage and he hasn’t disrespected any of those women.
      – I can go on about the decent men in my family (my husband, my dad) although yes, they are a minority in the larger crowd of my regressive extended family. I also know men at work who see women as fellow human beings.
      – I have a problem with “if someone says this, then they are this” because it silences people and contradicts what women have been fighting for – having a voice.
      – I would much rather hear opinions I disagree with than have people afraid to comment because they might be seen as getting punched.
      – So, I will say here unequivocally, “Not all men see women as sex objects.” And I’m not getting punched in my face.

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      • Priya, “not all men” is often used as a derailing tactic by men who may or may not understand what they are doing. Yes, men’s concerns are important and the mainstream discussions includes men in every facet. In fact, they are mostly concentrated on men’s issues. But way too often when we are talking about women and our problems, some men chime in with “but not all men …” which is completely irrelevant because we already KNOW that not all men. I think what anawnimiss is doing is expressing her frustration at having conversations about women’s problems derailed by men who want to talk about themselves. We know they aren’t rapists or sexist, but we really need to get back to talking about the men who ARE sexist.

        This is a nice meme I found on Facebook, which explains how this derailment works. Sorry, couldn’t find a way to put it up here!

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        • Fem, you need to observe that in the first picture it says “some” driver ran me over. It didn’t say “all” drivers run over people. But the response to it is obviously derailing the issue at hand. If the bleeding person had said that “all” drivers run people over like me, then the response would hold ground. And the initial comment by anawnimiss didn’t mention “some” but simply generalized ‘man’, hence the reply by Priya.

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        • That’s not what usually happens.
          The usual situation is: woman expresses hurt at living in a misognynistic society or sexual harassment she had to undergo. People respond sympathetically. Another woman/man comments and talks about how “all men are cowards, pigs”. The men in the conversation say : “that’s unfair, what happened to her was horrible, and we do have a problem with misogyny that needs to be rectified, but not all men are pigs, I’m not”. So the Man is responding to the second woman not the first. And he gets shot down by jeers of “not all men” which turns him defensive.
          I agree with Kirthi. The comic you posted is not relevant for this situation. Although it would sum up another situation quite well.

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      • Fem, I agree, some men use the “not all men” tactic just to derail the conversation.

        But if we start saying “all men are like this” doesn’t that also derail the conversation? I think it’s VERY important to discuss this very dangerous mindset held by the majority, both men AND women. Many women also put down women who have consensual relationships. Women have made it possible (as mothers) for men to develop so much entitlement. By saying all men, we are unnecessarily putting the focus on the wrong part of the problem. The problem is the mindset that the majority hold. The problem is not all men.

        I also had a problem with the “if you say this, then you are this”. I found this akin to silencing someone with a “this is the popular opinion, and if you don’t agree, please leave”.

        I agree with the message of your meme. But what if the injured in the meme said, “I hate ALL DRIVERS because all drivers kill people.” The injured person doesn’t say this. She says, “SOME driver ….”

        I get it – overall, women everywhere are frustrated, and have every right to be. We live in constant fear and no one deserves that. Hard as it may be, let’s stay objective, is all I’m saying.

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        • I honestly think women indulge in slut-shaming because they have been conditioned to think that good women keep their legs crossed. It’s not strategic, it’s not tactical.

          Men however, indulge in slut-shaming in very calculated, deliberate ways. They do so to skew the balance of power towards men — to strengthen the sexual double standard.

          How is it that if a woman denies a man sex, she is a man-hating &^%, but if she provides sex, she is still a%^& slut?

          Heads I win, tails you lose?

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        • I agree with you on the points you have made. It’s interesting because that is not how I interpreted the original post. To me, it looked as if anawnimiss was just talking about the general mindset of the patriarchal public, both men and women. I never made the connection that she (I think it’s a she?) was saying that all men think or act like this. Maybe that’s where we are getting our wires crossed.

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    • I have never understood the shaming behind the “not all men” concept, particularly when the views expressed are illogical. Do we complain when people say “not all Muslims”? It’s just alienating people who would otherwise be attracted by feminism and putting people on the defense immediately.

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  6. I am probably going to get tons of thumbs-down but I am going to go ahead and say how I feel anyway.

    I feel bad for the German professor. She simply did-said what most women even in India think.
    I will admit, when I have to go home late from work, I call my husband cause I am afraid of the cabbie I don’t know personally. I get off one stop before mine from company bus if I am the last person in it, I am afraid of the bus driver I don’t know personally. I don’t take delivery at home, nope, I take them in office cause I am afraid of the delivery man I don’t know personally. I introduce myself as “Hi I am Kat, I am married” almost, to clear out that I am not interested, for a good measure I also introduce coworkers to DH, I am afraid of men I know professionally. I am a independent, professional, I am an equal in my marriage, my parents stopped at one child cause they wanted one child and didn’t care if it was girl or boy, I have uncles who cook cause wife works late, I have male cousins who took career breaks to look after children cause wife made more money and it made more sense, I have positive male role models, yet I am scared of the Indian male I don’t know personally. So she refused to invite this unknown guy into her homeland, her lab, her professional life and cited the reasons we think of too. Why is she a criminal? Tell me I am a criminal cause I never hired a male car-washer for the same reason?

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    • Three things …

      1. I’ll be honest. I think you are a little paranoid, the way you have described. We all take some basic precautions, but I genuinely think you are going overboard. It’s not as bad as that, you know. Some of the people you are unwilling to get to know could be the ones who will help you if there is a problem. I hire male electricians and I take home delivery all the time. I just make sure I am alert all the time, but I would do that even if they were women. So far, I am fine. You shouldn’t stop living for fear of getting raped. And just out of curiosity, would hire a non-Indian man to wash your car?

      2. It’s not going to solve the problem if we don’t give honest men job and study opportunities, discriminating on gender. It is one thing to want a female driver for ferrying you around at night, and quite another to refuse to hire a male car-washer. This is pretty much the same discrimination practised by men for centuries.

      3. The German case is slightly different. For one thing, I should think there are certain basic safety precautions the university takes against sexual abuse. Second, the professor is dealing with a person who will be checked out thoroughly by police and immigration before he even gets there. Third, if this man is suspect because he is a man, does this mean that Leipzig University doesn’t take any male students? Because anyone can rape, right? Worrying about sexism in personal relationships is understandable, but if you are rejecting a complete stranger from a job or education on the basis of the idea that he might be violent, it is extremely problematic.

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      • A valid point, Fem. What is the guarantee that we can let our guard completely down around a female car washer/electrical person?Do we mean to say that there no female criminals/molesters?We take false comfort in the fact that taking certain precautions gives us control over the situation. But the truth is even with million precautions there is always uncertainty in life.

        Like in the case of professor,is she 100% confident that everybody in the university from Germany is a saint? Is there a possibility that anybody can be a molester irrespective of race, creed, cast,sex, educational background?

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      • It is as bad as all that. Or should she wait until it is? CrazyCatWoman’s coping mechanisms are a rational coping mechanism to the omnipresent threat of violence to women. I work on the assumption that any men I encounter who appear to be from the sub-continent are misogynists. As I have personal knowledge of this toxic patriarchic culture, I regard every Indian man just like a white cop thinks of a black man in the U.S. Racist enough? After all, it was this very same judgmental culture that taught me to think this way. Lesson learned. At least I did myself a favor and got out of the culture completely.

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        • I think it’s unhealthy and stopping you from living your life fully. Part of my feminism is that I refuse to live in fear. Yes, I take precautions and yes, I am suspicious, but I don’t let it rule my life. I understand that not everyone will or can think that way, but my opinion is just as valid as any other’s.

          Also, I have outlined elsewhere, a sexist man isn’t automatically going to rape you, though he might participate in rape culture. Brutal stranger rapes like Jyoti’s are actually statistically much lower than rapes and molestation done by people you know and family members. So should we now stop having men in our lives at all?

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      • How is it is one thing to want a female driver for ferrying you around at night, and quite another to refuse to hire a male car-washer. By your own logic its discrimination in either case, unless male drivers can rape at night and male car washers can’t cause it during day?

        German case, I don’t find different from me. Both of us are prejudiced in term of employment. Lab is a professional environ, as much as contracted car washers or baby sitters or is it different cause the work environ is not home? Do you trust people less around your family and ok to take risk yourself? The fact is almost all of us are prejudiced, German profs about Indian men, me about male car-washers (irrespective of race), families about male baby sitters. The reason this case is different is cause its German, not Indian, that’s what is bringing race into this. Labs are safer than homes usually, assuming there is security and cctv and loads of people. But they are not 100% safe, there will be times when someone might have to work alone with him. As far as would a person risk it, well we are not exactly unfamiliar with workplace harassment or men who stalk due to Bollywood influence even when not in India.

        The real problem is that she said it, no, wrote it. Most are only thinking but the prejudice remains.

        I am not saying that Indian men should be denied opportunities, I have husband, cousins and may be even sons who will suffer for being Indian and men, but I accept the fact that it is going to happen and that calling her racist or pointing out that 100% Germans are not saints is not going to change that. I am just saying I understand her point of view and don’t think badly of her for it.

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        • “How is it is one thing to want a female driver for ferrying you around at night, and quite another to refuse to hire a male car-washer.”

          Simply the fact that a male driver has you at his mercy (at whatever time) when out on the roads while a male car-washer will just be washing your car outside your home, which should generally be quite safe. I think the degree of intimacy required in either case is different. I think personally it’s a terrible way of looking at things, but it is also understandable if you are that afraid.

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        • If her university has no gender discrimination as a policy in admission she is essentially breaking that policy.

          I understand that she feels unsafe with men of a certain race but saying that she will make a professional decision based on her biases is sexism. It is the same broken down logic that is used in a patriarchy to subdue woman.

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    • She is a criminal because she is in clear violation of EU and German directives against discrimination based on nationality and ethnicity – directives which exist in nearly every civilised country in the world, including India.

      I can empathise with your fears to a degree, but I find it incredibly disheartening that you would support and endorse such blatant prejudice. Personal fears are not an adequate reason to harbour discriminatory attitudes while hiring someone in a professional or academic context where fair treatment is expected and legally guaranteed.

      Your car-washer example is amiss; she did not refuse to hire men, but only INDIAN men. Unless it’s your position that Indian men rape professors and peers more often than any other nationality in the world, I don’t see how your analogy holds true.

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    • Your decision to not hire a male car washer is a much more personal one and understandable. To date, I’ve never hired a male baby sitter for my kids. But the professor is operating in a professional setting. In such a setting, rejecting an application based on gender is discriminatory and violates equal opportunity policies that the university has in place.
      Where does this kind of thinking end? Stop hiring Muslims because they might “bomb the university”? Not allow Americans to set up shop in India because the CIA did something despicable? Stop collaborating with the Japanese because of their dreaded Yakuza gangs?

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    • She is not a criminal. But a racist. Atleast in few countries you do have to pay a price for being a racist and hurting somebody’s feelings solely based on race and prejudices. Did the German professor know for a fact that this particular student was a rapist? Did she have irrefutable proof that he has a criminal background? If yes, then she is at complete liberty at refusing him to be her student.

      But it is really unfair to assume that the guy is a violent, misogynist, sociopath and a rapist without any proof. If the guy has good grades, good educational background, has acumen to handle critical problems in his educational journey, has good letters of recommendations from his professors vouching for his ability to perform research, in short if he meets all the requirements for being a promising research candidate, it sure is unfair to reject his application just because he is an Indian man.

      Of course, I am in no way saying that you are wrong in feeling uncomfortable hiring a male car-washer. It is your comfort level and your choice as an individual which I respect. But a lab is much more safer place than a residence. There are thousands of people present at anytime of the day. And it is rare for the professor/ a fellow lab female student to be alone with the guy. And the guy has to be really stupid to risk his education and future by attempting to harm his female professors/students. Especially in a country which has no tolerance for rapes. Again all this is a guess work, because we do not know the guy in the question. But do you think no Indian man should be ever given an opportunity to build his future even if he is a sane and competent human with values just because he is an Indian man? How would you feel if you are a highly competent person in your field and you are a good person and you are not offered a job just because you are a woman? Wont that be sexism/prejudice?

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    • Are you implying that KRK is being satirical and is poking fun at our sexual double standards? Sorry, but I didn’t get that impression.

      He really seems to believe that rape happens because women refuse sex, quite unjustly, I might add. I mean, which woman wouldn’t want to have sex with random strangers, right KRK?

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      • Neha, not at al!. As someone who steers clear of bollywood news I thought that was satire before clicking on the link. Goes to show, no matter how ridiculous a statement may be, someone’s going to take it seriously! And vice versa.

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  7. A few days back, we were watching the CNN IBN debate on the ‘India’s Daughter’ documentary and my father in law says ‘Rape happens in all countries, in other countries they don’t call it rape, in India – they do.’ I was stunned for a moment and did not know how to react. It took me some time to understand that he had no understanding of the difference between consensual sex and forced sexual assault. Then I had to struggle to be polite and tell him why consensual sex even outside the marriage was not rape and why forced sex even within marriage was rape. He looked at me disbelievingly when I explained, it was a completely alien concept to him! When he said ‘they don’t call it rape outside India’, he meant consensual sex between adults who were not married.

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    • I agree. I don’t think people understand the difference between rape and consensual premarital sex! So many of the rape cases filed are filed by angry parents after their daughters elope.

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  8. A little out of context (doesn’t address your queries) but relevant, rapes happen all over the world and are as prevalent as they are in India. Germany, incidentally, makes it to the top ten as well. So, less refusal or more consent is not a requisite apparently. These are facts. I have a colleague here who used to counsel men in UK, where marital rape alone occurs 1 in 3. The only difference I can gather, is the way the post-trauma support system works. In the Western countries, the victim is just that a victim, and definitely not stigmatized or blamed.

    As for this man’s comment, he’s bigoted and stupid. Sadly, it again reflects the thinking of many males of our country. Apparently their inability to get opportunities to have sex (without paying for it) is the women’s fault, because that’s what some males define their lives by!

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    • Those statistics are based on reported rapes. Sadly, the more conservative a country, the fewer the rapes that show up in the statistics. So that’s a pretty skewed number. I should think war zones would have more rapes than Germany, or even India. But we don’t have statistics for them.

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      • I expected this argument and should have included this in the comment previously. Yes, usually the statistics are based on “reported” incidents, but does that make it any less significant? Let’s put India absolutely on the top but the fact that Germany, United States, UK etc still making it to the top few (with their reported number) is scary enough. War zones are a different story altogether and I agree, those numbers would be scarier.

        However, even in these Western countries, there are several incidents that go unreported as well. Also there are several unofficial surveys (viz. anonymous interviews, questionnaires etc) that are sometimes considered statistics (and sometimes not) which have nothing to do with reporting. For example, marital rapes mostly still go unreported world-wide. Underreporting has always been an issue with rape, and a problem world-wide just not India.

        Anyway, the context I was making the statement in, was that more consent or less refusal to having sex leads to less rapes is a ludicrous thought that we have with respect to Western countries, but is actually grossly untrue.

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        • I was just pointing out that rape statistics are extremely unreliable if you plan to dissect on what countries are at the top and where there is no rape because ‘oh, lovely patriarchy and “culture”‘. But I don’t think that was your point, so I won’t rant. That said, yes, rapes exist everywhere and we have just touched the tip of the iceberg. It’s scary.

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  9. His attitude essentially stems from the regressive but common idea that sexuality is primarily a male domain of human experience, and that women are involved only as enablers of that sexuality, rather than as active participants.

    To put it in other words, he seems to believe that men want and ‘take’ sex, while women ‘give’ sex.

    The problem isn’t that he doesn’t understand consent in general – he clearly does, hence his allusion to the idea that women in Germany consent more readily. The real problem is that he seems to find it distasteful that a woman could actually exercise her rights and refuse consent, simply because she wants to.
    His comment demonstrates a complete lack of respect for female independence and agency, and essentially indulges in a common victim-blaming fantasy, where women bring misfortune upon themselves by not providing the sex that men want or need. Of course, in such a fantasy, men are little more than insects on a cognitive level – driven largely by lust, and unhindered by moral or legal concepts. Thus, he does a disservice to both men and women.

    There’s nothing particularly unusual about his brand of thinking, but his status as a minor celebrity makes his statement just that much more disheartening. There is a real dearth of celebrities in India who use their status to actually promote healthier ways of thinking about sexuality and gender.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. First, as Fem said, this German teacher is clearly racist, it’s just as if someone rejected a German person because of what the nazis did.

    Then, of course it’s easy to dismiss what this “KRK” said as offensive and against women. But from a sociological point of view, one can wonder what are the effects of skewed gender ratio. It can’t be good for a country to have thousands of sexually frustrated men. Then again in Africa there are as much men as women but awful rapes occur in so many places.

    Like

  11. Did anyone notice the huuuge number of thumbs-up/likes, and the many “very good”, “Hahahha…”, “makes sense”, “sahi hai” comments to this shameful statement?

    Like

  12. Pingback: “I’m baffled that Indians (not just men) truly think that virtue stems from being sexually chaste.” | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  13. Pingback: “It was OK for her to say ‘no’ after saying ‘yes’? Saying ‘yes’ doesn’t mean a blanket sanction to any sexual activity.” | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

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