Sexual crimes against women in India continue to be matters of Indian Men’s Honor and Dishonour.

Looks like some of us are not exactly proud of our opinions. It seems we’d like the world to believe our society values women and girl children. We also want to create the impression, it seems, that women’s safety is taken seriously in India.

Creating a good impression on other people is ofcourse a part of our ‘log kyaa kahenge’ (What will people say!!) culture. That’s what Honor and Shame is all about. 

Sharing a comment that sums it up – by Gayathri Brown-Iyer. 

The logic is astounding. Rapists can rape, police can refuse to file FIRs, politicians, celebs, etc can shame women for drinking, wearing western clothes, blame them for their rape, rationalize rape, etc — but nooooo, no one dare make a documentary exposing that. Let’s not try to understand how eerily similar the thoughts of rapists and the aam janata is. That’s just too uncomfortable for us to confront as Indians. Mera Bharat Mahan!

You know what is insulting to victims is not documentaries like these. These documentaries show us what causes the victims to be victimized. What is insulting is pretending that these rapists are monsters and aberrations in our society — when in reality our society enables and encourages rapists while silencing and stigmatizing victims.

Related Posts:

Why does the Delhi bus rapist blame his victim in prison interview?

Nirbhaya’s Parents Talk to NDTV About Documentary on ‘India’s Daughter’

93 thoughts on “Sexual crimes against women in India continue to be matters of Indian Men’s Honor and Dishonour.

  1. It’s a shame that our politicians are absolutely missing the point. They don’t care about the victims but the effect it will have on tourism. I shudder at the hopelessness with which these morons are leading the country.

    Liked by 1 person

    • India is a strange country. We have no problems allowing men who rape, torture and burn women alive to roam free. Men raping women is A-OK, even tacitly encouraged.

      Mukesh Singh, one of Nirbhaya’s rapist, is just articulating what many Indian men think and feel about women.

      In the documentary “India’s Daughter”, Mukesh asks, “There are men who tell me that they know of a rapist who burnt the victim alive and got away with it. If it’s ok to burn a woman alive, why is what we did so wrong?”

      Why indeed?

      But consensual, kinky sex as shown in Fifty Shades of Grey? Hawjeee, haw. A man and a woman enjoying sex? Against Indian Culture.

      A man burning a woman after raping her? Totally a part of Indian Culture.

      Like

      • Instead of working on banning this film, if the government spent as much effort on the real problem, there’d be at least some improvement. It is embarrassing to watch the Indian government scramble to save face by “banning” instead of addressing the real problem. Youtube will probably have to have dedicated people working on removing stuff the Indian government wants banned, because for all its “democratic” ideals, India wants to have a whole lot of control on what its citizens can and cannot see.

        The hypocrisy never ceases to amaze. The govt is SO worried about the “distress and fear” this film might cause women, or what women might hear in the AIB roast, but apparently they have no problems with the rampant street molestation, institutionalized dowry-giving, severe objectification of women in Bollywood?? They go after the BBC, but nary a whimper about those 2 lawyers spouting criminal intent in the film??

        I doubt that there are any “innocent, flower-like ladies” left in India to be “protected”, because they’ve already been subjected to the Great Indian Culture, being groped, leered at, molested, told that they are “lesser” or “burdens”, if not burnt or killed off at birth.

        I agree that this is a mindset issue, but at the root, this is a law and order problem. People might have sick thoughts but fear of retribution will prevent acting on them. That accountability is missing here.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. “Let’s not try to understand how eerily similar the thoughts of rapists and the aam janata is.” You know, I have always thought of myself as aam janata. Thanks for reminding me that deep down, my true identity is that of a rapist. That is what I want to do every woman I see, including my mom. I am so glad my country is blessed to have you who will remind of every common man of his depravity. And unless of course you are one of the Vadras or Ambanis or whatever, I would assume that your brothers, cousins, father and male friends are also part of the aam janata. If this is your situation, then if and when you have a son, he will also gladly take up his role of the aam janata.

    I am sorry if I come across as grossly rude and insensitive. I am a man (almost, I am young and boyish😀 ) and I think of myself as a pro feminist. I can say the same about my brother (we owe it to our mother, who is a superwoman). I can also say the same about so many of my male friends. It hurts at times to read such views about any random man. It hurts when I am outside and my gaze meets that of a girl or a woman, I am greeted by the uncomfortable “Here is another rapist” look.

    I do understand the point you want to put across, and I agree with what you have to say. This mentality should be exposed and that will make all of us introspect (hopefully and I will say it’s mostly the men who need to do that).

    And lastly, I want to apologize again for the unsolicited views.

    Like

    • So you agree that this is the mentality but you went on a rant about people discussing this mentality. Another case of #notallmen, who are simply unable to get #yesallwomen.

      I am sorry you feel hurt because girls feel you might be a potential rapist. But you know what, girls constantly fear for their lives from men inside and outside their homes, workplaces and education institutions. There is one woman getting raped every 20 minutes in India. This is not the time to have hurt feelings over people talking about how men hurt and kill women, which is not even directed personally at you. This is the time for you to stand in solidarity with women by understanding that rape is just the symptom of the problem that goes much deeper. No one is saying YOU are a rapist, but if you mansplain or ignore or make excuses of the general sexism prevalent in Indian society, you are part of the problem. This applies to women as well as to men, btw.

      Also, if you mean to compliment your mother and understand her problems, don’t make her a superwoman. Mothers are not superwoman, they are just expected to be. And no, we don’t want to face immense struggles and be put on a pedestal (while at the same time facing restrictions).

      Liked by 6 people

      • I agree with you on almost everything you said. I feel bad for everyone who has to live a life in constant fear, be it a child or a woman. And yes sexism is prevalent in the society. I have had so many heated arguments with my dad whenever he has said something along the lines, “Such and such thing is good for a girl” (these mostly refer to career choices or habits).
        I am just humbly requesting everyone to please try and refrain from saying that the rapists are not aberrations in the society. I agree that many people (okay maybe most) end up helping in the attempts to silence this heinous crime, all in the name of honour. That is very sad indeed. And I am glad you do recognize that men and women both have been complicit in this.
        Regardless of whatever you say, my mom is my hero. I know you are concerned about the Goddess-Slut dichotomy which is how many people choose to define women. I am not trying to do that. I sincerely respect my mom for the the principles she stands by and for everything she has taught me.
        Praising women is an issue, degrading them is an issue (not complaining for this one😛 ). I should learn to keep my mouth shut I suppose.

        Like

        • I see your point. When we say “all Indian men think like this” we do a disservice to the millions (statistically of course I have no numbers at this point to back me) who don’t. How then is our attitude different from the one who says ‘most girls are bad, about 20% are good’ The convict is doing the exact same kind of stereotyping!

          I also don’t understand why a son calling his mom superwoman is a problem. My dad, to me, is a superman (simply for the sheer amount of things he does and the way he supports me in my life) These are individual assessments not to be confused with the larger dichotomy slapped on women, as you rightly point out.

          This is like how main stream media takes it upon itself to criticize everything the right wing does. Agree they make horrendous statements (ex. the number of kids Hindu women should produce) which surely deserves condemn but in the process when we criticize even their sensible stand on things like yoga or sanskrit, we are missing the point.

          The key, people, that will help in taking discussions like these ahead, is objectivity!

          Liked by 1 person

        • @Anon,

          “This is like how main stream media takes it upon itself to criticize everything the right wing does. Agree they make horrendous statements (ex. the number of kids Hindu women should produce) which surely deserves condemn but in the process when we criticize even their sensible stand on things like yoga or sanskrit, we are missing the point.”

          The right wing stand on Yoga and Sanskrit is actually not sensible. While I think yoga should be promoted for health, the way these people are doing it is sickening. Claiming that yoga will stop rapes and cure cancer is WRONG and misleading. That’s the kind of thing everyone speaks out against, not the fact that they are promoting yoga.

          As for Sanskrit, is there any sense in taking out German and replacing it with Sanskrit in schools? Schools are supposed to equip students for real life jobs, and Sanskrit skills are not very high in the market today. I am actually saying this as someone who likes learning new languages because I think it gives me an insight into different cultures. Promote Sanskrit all you want, but it should be a choice for students, because unlike Hindi or English, Sanskrit will never be required for them.

          So no, the right-wing stand is not sensible in any way at all.

          Praise your parents all you want, but in the end, they are human too. I think my parents are great in some things they did, and failed at others. I still respect and love them because they are human beings who tried to do their best. They are not heroes, and they shouldn’t be expected to be. As long as you recognise that, and not put superhuman / unnecessary burden on them to live up to a certain image, it’s fine. Unlike Sharman Joshi in this stupid video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKvY5mZ84_I

          Like

      • I agree with you on almost everything you said. I feel bad for everyone who has to live a life in constant fear, be it a child or a woman. And yes sexism is prevalent in the society. I have had so many heated arguments with my dad whenever he has said something along the lines, “Such and such thing is good for a girl” (these mostly refer to career choices or habits).
        I am just humbly requesting everyone to please try and refrain from saying that the rapists are not aberrations in the society. I agree that many people (okay maybe most) end up helping in the attempts to silence this heinous crime, all in the name of honour. That is very sad indeed. And I am glad you do recognize that men and women both have been complicit in this. I will concede though, that as a guy, I may never actually be able to truly feel the anguish a woman feels right now.
        Regardless of whatever you say, my mom is my hero. I know you are concerned about the Goddess-Slut dichotomy which is how many people choose to define women. I am not trying to do that. I sincerely respect my mom for the the principles she stands by and for everything she has taught me.
        Praising women is an issue, degrading them is an issue (not complaining for this one😛 ). I should learn to keep my mouth shut I suppose.

        Like

      • @Mothers are not superwoman
        Well said Fem!
        Clark Kent only has to manage his job and save the world to be Superman, Women have to manage job (or she is not working, homemakers don’t count here), save the world (bring up the future generation and keep ghar ki izzat), do chores, make hot roti among billion other things to be superwomen!

        Like

        • Now please don’t bring Clark Kent into this discussion. Let’s keep it serious. Substitute superwoman for anything you can respect. My mom does everything that a man can do, and even more. And trust me, she gives absolutely zero f about the ghar ki izzat business. I respect her immensely for that and for the strength she has. And I am done talking about my mom.

          Like

        • My mom does everything that a man can do????
          replace man with human and i am happy, else you are implying that most women cant do what men can and dont think thats true🙂

          btw, superwoman-clark kent was a joke, a generic statement on the way women are viewed, nothing personal or abt ur mom

          Like

        • And I can’t say if “My mom does everything that a human can do” makes a lot of sense to me. My mom acts as my daily reminder that women are equally capable if not more.

          I am at a loss of words now. Because I am expecting someone to come back at me for being a person so horrible who needs reminders for equality of humans. Let me just apologize in advance for my inability to phrase that in a better manner.

          Like

    • These kind of comments are showing up everywhere.
      Lets be clear about certain things:
      1. Yes, the way this rapist thinks is the way several men(and women) in our country think. Denying this is ridiculous, we all know the truth we see everywhere.

      2. What separates the ordinary misogynistic man from the rapist is that they haven’t acted on such sentiments to commit violence.

      3. The reason for pointing out the similarities in the thought process is to point out the absurdity of this line of thinking and to show that only criminals and subhuman sociopathic nutjobs think this way.

      4. This whole fuss, is about addressing the victims(both male and female) of these horrible crimes and pointing out those flaws in our “culture” which have created this situation in India.
      I find it extremely silly that a certain section of society wants to make this about them instead. If you feel that all the posts which talk about rapists and misogynists are targeted at you, then I seriously think that you identify with them in some way.

      Liked by 3 people

      • Please please don’t say that. I don’t identify with rapists or misogynists. It is humiliating enough to be accused of something like that, let alone having to spell out clearly that I am not one of them. But such are the times and I know men are to blame for that.

        See the words you used, “several men (and women)”. And I totally stand by it when you say that. I am begging everyone to be a little more considerate and appreciate the difference between several men and most men. That’s all I am saying.

        And now whoever wants to hurl whatever at me can go ahead. Perhaps you may reform my thoughts.

        Like

        • The problem is that you have taken a discussion on one of the most heinous crimes committed against women and made it all about YOU. That’s the real problem. None of this is about you, it never was! It was about us women and our fears. Yet, now we have to spend time on a feminist site assuring a man that no, we don’t think he is a rapist, instead of discussing about our experiences and fears as women.

          I think you might find some of my objections to your comments answered in this article.

          http://www.vox.com/2014/5/15/5720332/heres-why-women-have-turned-the-not-all-men-objection-into-a-meme

          Liked by 1 person

        • You are acting as if there is a witch hunt out there for men. Please stop imagining things. I have’nt seen ONE inflammatory headline/news item which targets men with regard to this issue ( certainly not in the way that we generally target muslims/hindus/christians/north indians/southies/NRIs)

          If you look at the hundreds of MEN who have come out in support of the documentary, you will notice that their stance is motivated by the fact that they do not see this as a man vs woman issue. They see it as a criminals vs society issue.

          They have no compunctions in pointing out that most rapists are men, and that most Indian men (and women) have extremely regressive attitudes. They are focused on eradicating crime and abuse, not in “maintaining the image of men”.

          Of course, YOU may want to reform all of their thoughts as well.
          Just so that your “feelings” aren’t hurt, do you want people to downplay
          actual physical pain and violence that women and men (especially young boys)
          are subjected to?

          Liked by 1 person

        • If you don’t think that you are defending the rapists, then spare a thought about Nirbhaya’s father and brother.

          It’s NOT about demonising men. It’s about trying to explain to men that rape IS NOT only a woman’s problem.

          In the documentary, Nirbhaya’s father looks at his hands and says, “I fed my child with these hands. I picked her up with these hands.I had to light her funeral pyre with these very hands.”

          You have to see the documentary to see the raw anguish in his eyes. He lost a child he loved dearly. His eyes say what he cannot articulate.

          Rape affects us all. The women who are raped have men who love them. These men suffer alongside the women who are raped.

          That’s why I don’t understand why many men think that rape does not affect them.

          Don’t men care that the women they love can be raped too? And blamed and punished for it?

          Why are more men not clamouring for swift justice and an to victim-blaming?

          Like

        • Did I really give out the impression that I am defending rapists? I am sorry if I did. I also feel sorry if more men around aren’t pressing for quick justice and ending victim blaming.

          Yes rape does affect us all. That is exactly why I expressed my views in the first place. It hurts me to see the mistrust I face whenever I meet a random person. And let say it again very clearly, all this is not to trivialize the real safety issues faced by women every day.

          Like

    • Let’s say that you meet a woman tomorrow. After a while, she tells you that she was raped by the next-door “uncle” when she was 16.

      She tells you how she opened the door when her parents were away. She was at home, and wearing a T-shirt and shorts.

      Next door “uncle” walked in, followed her into the kitchen, tried to draw her close.

      Outraged, she slapped him back, and threw the glass of water on his face. Angered, he pushed her down and raped her.

      If you are an average Indian dude, three thoughts will flash across your mind.

      a) Why did you open the door if you were alone.
      b) Why were you wearing shorts? You could have changed to something “less revealing”.
      c) When you knew you were in danger, why did you fight back? You could have begged to be spared, at best screamed for help.

      All of these constitute victim-blaming. That’s a national hobby in India.

      Anytime a woman complains about sexual violence, she is always, but always, blamed for it.

      That’s rape culture. If you are one of those few Indians who don’t immediately try to blame the victim, then R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

      Unfortunately, an infinitesimally low number of people blame the rapist, not the victim.

      Liked by 3 people

  3. I haven’t watched the documentary, but if this post is an accurate representation of the film’s conclusions, I confess I’m disappointed.

    If nothing else, it’s rather hyperbolic to assert that these men are not aberrations. Perhaps some of their belief system isn’t, but their actions certainly ARE aberrational (unless it is also being suggested that a significant majority of Indians consider it perfectly acceptable to rape and brutalise women to death).

    Indians are certainly prone to victim-blaming, even victim-shaming. Yes, Indian society is often inclined to give men far too much leeway. And yes, we DO need documentaries like these. But it’s not helpful to be cynical to the point of stridence. The factors that drive men to commit VAW are complex and varied, and can’t be explained away by simply pointing at a set of supposedly axiomatic ‘insights’ into Indian society, the source of which is a set of interviews with a fairly narrow cross-section of Indian society.

    That said, it’s beyond stupid to try and get a film like this banned in India. It’s an action of an insecure, parochial society, and brings to mind echoes of Steubenville.

    Like

      • I have to agree with IHM. No one is ‘driven” to violence against women. People choose to do it and the greater context is that the choice is made because they are well aware that their views will be endorsed by the greater part of society. It is not very complex or varied, actually. DV and VAW can be summed up in a few words: child abuse, child neglect, social acceptance of violence, social pressure to confirm to gender roles, general lack of accountability. There are of course a few genuine cases of people who commit violence because they have severe mental issues but those cases are not on the higher side and even they are influenced by the other factors mentioned.

        Liked by 2 people

        • Let’s repeat that for good measure-
          “No one is ‘driven” to violence against women.
          People CHOOSE to do it and the greater context is that the choice is made because they are well aware that their views will be endorsed by the greater part of society.”

          Liked by 1 person

        • “No one is ‘driven” to violence against women. People choose to do it”

          Perhaps ‘driven’ is the wrong word. In any case, there are reasons for why people choose to do such things, as you have examined in your post – this is more or less what I was pointing out.

          I accept, of course, that my choice of word may have been problematic, since it implies (to some degree) that the perpetrator is not accountable for his actions. This is not my position at all.

          “It is not very complex or varied, actually. DV and VAW can be summed up in a few words: child abuse, child neglect, social acceptance of violence, social pressure to confirm to gender roles, general lack of accountability”

          Child abuse, child neglect and social normalisation of violence etc. ARE complex issues.

          Additionally, your analysis does not take into account the socioeconomic stresses facing Indian society today, nor legal barriers in bringing perpetrators to justice (e.g the legality of marital rape in India), nor the role of religion and local custom in bolstering social acceptance for VAW. The general lack of accountability is because of a creaky enforcement infrastructure, because of a lack of uniform access to criminal justice, because of lack of awareness about rights among the most vulnerable sections of society.

          This is not the place to write a thesis, but such theses are being written.
          A poorly sampled set of interviews is not a good methodology to gain insights into a society, and that is more or less what disappoints me.

          Like

        • True, Jay. I just think they are all inter-connected and hence pretty much the same – an astounding lack of judgement, education and unwillingness to raise children. But your other points are interesting too and I agree.

          I think you have to actually see the documentary. It did not make any conclusions, just concentrated on this case. From that angle, I thought it was a little weak since there are so many other cases that could have been included. What is worth a mention is the insight into the minds of the men who are defending the rapists.

          There is not much in the documentary that we are not already familiar with from watching the news. What really touched me was the interviews with the poor parents of the rapists. They just looked clueless and dejected and probably wondering where they went wrong. The wife of one of the rapists pissed me off asking of now rapes are going to stop now that her husband is going to be executed. Also, threatening to strangle her son. Well, she can join her husband inside, then!

          Liked by 2 people

        • We do not need a gori to come to India to film a documentary on rape. Udwin was a victim once,why she had to travel all the way to India to make a documentary which many indian filmmakers could have portrayed more sensitively?
          You know how much BBC payed for it to be made? It was a cash cow for them. Something like slumdog millionaire. And they advanced its telecast,showed it asap,on 5th of march itself,when they realised that it could land into controversy and be banned. It was not for social cause,it was all commercial.I am not convinced about Udwin’s intentions,it is for her a way to make a hell lot of money and she doesn’t have it in her to portray it right. Yes,i have seen the documentary. And still doubt Udwin’s oeuvre.

          Like

        • Dhari,

          I don’t think it is useful to ask why Udwin made the film about India and not anywhere else, or why she even made the film in the first place.

          Her personal motivations do not add to the discussion, and this is not the place to debate them.

          Let’s imagine for a moment that her motivations were truly suspect, and that the producers of the film are aiming to cynically exploit the incident for financial gain. Even if this is true – and I’m not suggesting it is – it does not really take away from the film in any way whatsoever. The message of the film can be debated on its own merits, without prejudice to any speculations that we might make about why it was made.

          I too, would personally have been happier if this film was made by an Indian filmmaker. This is not because I think Udwin wasn’t sincere in her intentions, but rather because I feel that someone who is immersed in the local culture could probably produce a work that is more vernacular in tone – something that is vital if such a film is to become popular in wider sections of society.

          Liked by 2 people

      • IHM,

        The implication in my statement was not that men have no responsibility for their criminal acts, but rather an acknowledgement that crimes are not committed in a vacuum, and have underlying reasons which need to be examined before such crimes can be effectively fought.

        Obviously, a rapist is ultimately accountable for his actions; this does not mean that we shouldn’t look at why that action was committed in the first place.

        Like

    • I’m trying to write something unemotional here, but I simply can’t.

      I’m sick of people trying to justify violence with some trumped up complicated excuse.

      Women often suffer much worse abuse than men throughout their lives. Why don’t we see them violently beating their husbands in huge numbers? Going about in gangs and brutalizing other men? Hanging around on street corners and groping men?? What complicated reasons do they have for NOT doing that?

      Like

      • I wasn’t attempting to justify or excuse violence, Anita, and I apologise for the fact that my insensitively worded comment caused obvious offence.

        One would have to be blind to deny the suffering that many women go through in their lives. I have seen it happen to women around me, and my academic work has allowed me to interact with a large body of others who have gone through such things and worse.

        Unfortunately, reducing that suffering is not a simple endeavour. If it was, it would have been done a long time ago.

        Examining the reasons for brutality is not the same as justifying brutality. You cannot fight violence by caricaturing violent people; if we are to produce useful change, an empathic approach is necessary. Just like in the documentary, we must examine why violent people commit violent acts. What are the things going on in their minds? What experiences have shaped them to become violent? How can we change this?
        But let me reiterate that this does NOT mean that we should excuse, justify, or even rationalise violence in any way. People are accountable for their actions, after all, no matter what factors shaped these actions.

        Assuming that your second paragraph is a real (non-rhetorical) question, the short answer would be that in male-dominated societies, the enabling power structures do not exist for women to commit such acts with impunity. Women do sometimes participate (tacitly or otherwise) in such acts when the victim is also a woman, which suggests that there is far greater social sanction for violently victimising women than men, no matter who the perpetrator is.

        Like

        • Jay, I completely agree that it is important to study the causes of brutality and examining is not equal to justification.

          But at the end of the day,people are responsible for their choices(especially when it comes to violence), they’re not “driven” to them(which I believe you have also articulated very well in your subsequent comments).

          What I find extremely annoying in India is that even in previous studies, people are conveniently brushing aside patriarchy & gender discrimination and focusing more on cultural and economic pressures.
          Women too are subject the same cultural and economic pressures; yet you do not see active perpetration of violence,(but there is significant tacit participation as you pointed out).

          This is not to say that women are angels; this is point out that patriarchy and gender stereotypes are a DEFINING factor in VAW in the Indian context.
          This documentary, while not highlighting the other causes, focuses on this particular cause.

          Like

        • Anita,

          I agree with most of what you said.

          I imagine that we are seeing more studies related to cultural and economic factors at least partly because Indian academic discourse on gender issues, just like global discourse, has lately been focused more on general deconstruction of culturally-defined gender norms than on grassroots causes of sexual violence.

          Many modern feminists are steeped in such an environment, and it seems that even sociologists are now giving in to the same impulse (classic example: Belliappa, whose latest work ‘Gender, Class and Reflexive Modernity in India’ I highly recommend).

          Personally, I don’t think it’s a bad thing to focus on economics and culture, as long as there is still a focus on grassroots change. The latter, unfortunately, is missing, as Indian academics strive to present their work to a global community which seems to have long abandoned such a focus. Community-level work is thus left to private organisations (NGOs) which have a decidedly mixed record in both their understanding and implementation of gender-sensitive change.

          I do think that this is very unfortunate.

          Like

    • I am divorced. I left my ex-husband because of his controlling, chauvinistic views, consistent harrassment from my in-laws and his emotional abuse.

      Most people in my family and his blame only me for the divorce. His behaviour is never criticised or questioned.

      Deep down, we Indians think that a woman HAS to make a marriage work, no matter what.

      If a woman leaves her husband, then something must be deeply wrong with her, not the husband.

      If she’d been a good wife, her husband would never treat her badly. So she is to blame for everything.

      I can bet that when you read this comment, you will find yourself thinking that maybe I am exaggerating, maybe my ex-husband wasn’t so controlling, maybe I am shifting b blame.

      This is the real problem with our culture.

      Every time a woman summons the courage to speak up and take a stand against injustice, she finds herself being blamed for her own suffering.

      In India, the unwritten rule is that men must never be accountable for their behaviour, women are responsible for men’s behaviour.

      If a woman is molested, she is held responsible, not the molestor. Why? Why are women blamed for men’s misbehaviour?

      Liked by 1 person

      • Not entirely sure why my response did not show up.

        In any case, I wanted to express sympathy for the problems that you’ve faced. I assure you that I’d be far more likely to be prejudiced against a divorced husband than a divorced wife – an unfair attitude, but one born of personal experience in India.

        Victim-blaming is indeed wrong, and no part of my comment was intended to endorse such an attitude. Not only is it ethically wrong, but it is also not useful to enacting actual change. Usually, it is a result of a just-world fallacy that many subscribe to, although it can also be a way to rationalise violence and injustice.

        Like

  4. Please look at some of the Pakistani news papers comment sections. Invariably, whenever there is a news about some crime against a woman in India, some trolls from India jump on any genuine Indian commenter to stop defaming India. They will also question the reporter as to was it a worthy choice to write a report which could be published in foreign newspapers bringing shame to India. A few comment later, the fight breaks up between Indians and Pakistani regarding whose women are treated worse, as if it is also a contest between men. The language shows that these people consider women to be a property and not really having ownership of the nation. Also, funnily, they will use extremely abusive language about women of the other nation showing what they really think of women once they are demoted from the status of mother or sister.

    Like

    • When Sania Mirza married Shoaib Akhtar, every forum including youtube became a p!$$!ng match between Indian and Pakistani men (note, only men), talking about “your girl” taken being away by “us” and the Indians responding with “your mother is a #$% and your sister is a #@$%”. Note: every person in this “discussion” – Indian or Pakistani – was male.

      All the men whose feelings are hurt by the “generalizations” above – how many of you speak up when someone says “behen@#$%”? How many?

      Like

      • Yes indeed. Why is it ok to disrespect a man by degrading his mother and sister?

        Why are women pawns in a power struggle between men?

        When women fight, we don’t degrade the other woman’s father and brother. We don’t call the woman “brotherc@/$”.

        Deep down, many men think of women, even their mother and sister, as objects and property.

        Like

      • You are right, it became an ugly abusefest on the internet without any consideration for Sania herself. I agree with everything you said…but Sania Mirza married Shoaib Akhtar? You are kind of playing around with her home life there🙂

        Like

  5. More than what the rapist said, the things said by the lawyers made my blood boil–it only proves that treating women as commodities and as material to be owned does not exist only in uneducated or a different strata of society. Educated or not, jobless or not, professionals, bureaucrats, politicians-this kind of mentality exists everywhere. The reference to the “phlower and thorn”, “sweet and street dogs” really wanted me to slap him hard. The other person shouts on TV and claims he will take his women of his family who are guilty of having boy friends or be independent to his farmhouse and burn them!!! Such kind of people don’t even understand how wrong it is to think this way.

    This write up by Isha Singh sums it all up–why we need to see the documentary

    http://www.huffingtonpost.in/isha-singh-sawhney-/why-we-need-to-watch-lesl_b_6798166.html?ncid=fcbklnkinhpmg00000001

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I watched it. Everyone, please watch the entire documentary and forward it to all your friends. It is painful and gut wrenching to watch but we owe her at least this much.

    Some thoughts –

    The thing that stood out for me was that Mukesh Singh and the others seem like ordinary men. Yes, they are very poor, but otherwise they don’t seem to be mentally ill in a violent way or dangerous in any obvious way. Violence is used systematically in situations where they know they will get away. Ram Singh electrocutes his brother when he crosses him, but doesn’t go around doing this to random people, or he’d be without a job. The juvenile is said to be “smart at tricking people” and this is how he got them on the bus. Their crime is therefore so much more horrific, than if a psychopath had committed them.

    Their misogyny is casual. They’ve seen women all around them deliberately denied basic needs such as nutrition. They’ve seen women beaten. They’ve seen women raped. Casually. “It’s all part of life” to them. This is chilling. So, this is how deeply embedded misogyny is in our society. To many, violence against women is not something criminals engage in. It’s a fact of everyday life. Only the unlucky ones get caught. This is why they Mukesh Singh is so surprised.

    The lawyers – who allowed these people to pass the bar exam? Don’t lawyers have to take some kind of ethical oath like doctors take the Hippocrates oath? What these lawyers are saying – about burning alive daughters – isn’t threatening to murder someone illegal? Why are they not being prosecuted for such statements?

    I’ve been reading some of the comments on the articles that discuss this and I think we desperately need lessons in logic
    – one of the most irritating things is when people change the topic to something else. One comment is “why this particular case? why not talk about the other women who were raped?” We are focusing on this case!!! To some extent, it represents all the other crimes against women. No one is giving Nirbhaya special treatment! Either you have an opinion on THIS topic or you don’t. Don’t change the subject!
    – another comment – “well, in the UK, too, lots of crimes happen”. Again, we are discussing something that happened and is happening in India. We are not comparing India with another country. Why so much inferiority complex – as soon as something is pointed out, the response is they do it too! Yes, lots of crimes happen in UK, and when that topic is discussed, THEN you may comment on that.
    – “not all men are criminals and stop making us look like we’re all criminals” – the fact is we have deep rooted problems in our culture and taking an honest look at them is long overdue. Men who see women as equals are certainly not criminals. They’ve joined many women in voicing their shock, anger, and sadness at the misogyny. It’s not about the need to protect men’s feelings. There is a desperate need here to protect women’s basic human rights. And it’s going to take both men and women to get on board with this for real changes to happen.

    Liked by 3 people

    • “What these lawyers are saying – about burning alive daughters – isn’t threatening to murder someone illegal? Why are they not being prosecuted for such statements?”
      No.
      In their own little society, they would have been applauded for being so ‘honorable’ and willing to make ‘sacrifices’ for the sake of family name.

      Like

    • Well said, Priya.

      I think one of the more chilling aspects of all of this is that people like that lawyer take a sort of perverse pride in threatening violence against their own kin if they don’t follow a set of restrictive social norms.
      In his mind, he is showing how ‘civilised’ he is. So civilised that he would punish his own daughter (whom he presumably loves) horrifically if she broke the norm.

      The logic is very similar to that used by ‘honour’ killers. To them, preserving an arbitrary set of cultural strictures is more important than a human life – the life of their own children.

      I can only imagine the effect on the psychologies of children who grow up in such households. How many of them can break free and acknowledge the depravity of such a belief system?

      Liked by 2 people

    • Priya, I agree to all that you have mentioned in your comment. But there is one point on which I have a slightly different point of view.

      “why this particular case? why not talk about the other women who were raped?”

      Of course, we are talking about this present case and we should be talking about it. But it is also equally necessary to acknowledge the other cases that have happened in the past. This is not to change the topic. And it is not about any sort of comparison too. But it is important to talk about other similar cases to underline the problem with our society. I’ll give you the examples.

      We all are so affected by the Nirbhaya case because she was gang-raped and subject to barbaric physical violence. This is obviously horrendous to imagine in the least. During the 1984 ‘Sikh-riots’ people were murdered. Women were gang-raped and then physically mutilated before and after they died. Result – the political party (Congress) which actively lead the massacre was voted with a majority in the next elections. During the 2001 ‘Gujarat-riots’, people were murdered. Women were gang-raped and then physically mutilated before and after they died. Result – the same government was re-elected with a majority and the person who should have taken the moral responsibility of not being able to control the riots (whether or not he was in support of the riots is a matter of debate, though I believe he was not in support) was euphorically chosen to lead the country as the Prime Minister.

      The thing is, we talk about ‘forget and move on’ in case of riots. We not only have selective acceptance to acts of barbarism but in fact, we seem to reward certain acts of barbarism.

      We witnessed huge protests in Delhi and all over India after the Nirbhaya incident which was a proof that people felt affected. It was a long needed wake-up call. But after that the riots in Saharanpur happened where once again women were gang-raped and mutilated. We saw no reactions of outrage in the form of protests from our society.

      At first I thought that maybe I’m comparing apples with oranges when I talk about riots and individual gang-rapes together. But rape and barbaric violence has been seen as a tool to ‘teach a lesson’ since long by perverted minds. Whether to teach a lesson to an individual female or to an entire community. But just because it is a mob in case of riots and the sense that one cannot control a mob or a riot does not mean we stop feeling outraged altogether.

      My point is not about stopping the outrage towards the Nirbhaya incident just because other incidents are forgotten. My point is that we need to be outraged at every such incident instead of talking about ‘forget and move on’. Till the time our society shows silent acceptance to certain types of barbarism we can be sure that things will not change.

      Liked by 1 person

    • I second you on every count. And I am the one who raised the issue of “not all men are criminals..”. I do see women as equals. I do accept that these problems are men’s creations. I have issues with patriarchy too, and my issue is that I hate it. I just made a request to refrain from using phrases like “All Indian men are…” or “Most Indian men are…”. They convey a very different meaning from “Several Indian men..”.

      I will even concede that my concern is a secondary issue here. Women’s security and ensuring that every girl actually feels safe anywhere and anytime are way more pressing issues. But ridiculing my concern altogether is not right too.

      Like

      • I believe the term actually used, which you objected to, was “aam junta” which includes both men and women. Fact remains that the aam junta in general contributes to rape culture. The moment a mother tells her adult daughter “put on a longer skirt” or a father tells her to “come home by XYZ time”, it contributes to rape culture. Rape culture does not mean that everyone is a potential rapist. It means that as a society, we make things easier for the perpetrators and difficult for the victims. It means that women in this culture have restrictions on them in the hope that they won’t be raped.

        You actually don’t have a concern because no one actually said you are a rapist. Have they? We already know that ALL men are NOT rapists. Let’s not get on to this circular argument again.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Hmm… Finally some peace!🙂 And thanks for laying everything out so clearly.

          You know I don’t actually know the solution for the “come back home by XYZ time”. Whenever I visit home, that condition is imposed on me too, all the time. But my parents are certainly very liberal.

          Like

        • How old are you, Aman? Sorry to ask a personal question, but I made the distinction of an ADULT daughter. If you are adult and in your twenties, then you should gently tell your parents that you are aware of your responsibilities and safety. If you are younger, which I am beginning to think you are, then yes, parents are right to impose a curfew.🙂 Same goes for girls / women.

          Like

    • I was reading Shernaz Treasurywala’s open letter to the “powerful men of India” — Ambani, Tendulkar, SRK, Aamir.

      In the letter, she talks about growing up female in India — the groping, the touching, the unending assault.

      She describes how her friend was raped in an empty train compartment at 11 am, on a speeding local train.

      She describes how the rapist wiped himself clean using her friend’s hair scrunchy.

      It’s a disturbing letter. The comments, however, are eye-opening.

      One man says, ” What else do you expect, when you dress so sexily?” Not one commenter disagrees.

      I feel grateful that I cannot read the thoughts of the average man. It chills my blood to see that some men cannot see her anguish and anger, only that she dresses like a “sl#$”.

      Like

  7. Ironically, the ban on the documentary is making it a hot news topic around the world! I think they are right in that it will give India (and especially Indian men) a bad name, but then the correct response is to work on changing the mindset, not ban it.

    Like

  8. Has the documentary been banned because bjp shares the same viewpoint as that of the lawyers,who call woman a ‘flower’ who should be burned alive in case she has pre-marital relations? What if some other party was in power? Is this more about party’s percepts than the documentary on rape of an Indian woman? I suspect the party in power has the same viewpoint as that of lawyers,otherwise they’d have been so worked up about india’s image.

    What Udwin means when she says her documentary is her ‘gift’ to India? What gift is it really?We all know what rapists think like,in fact , they all think alike. Soon after the rape incident,a film on Nirbhaya was stalled in bollywood. So it isn’t that some indian had not thought of rehashing this storyline.
    And Why only India only for global consumption? The documentary filmaker did not talk about her own rape or what trauma she went through. She chose to exoticise India for global audience in a way by focussing on the patriachal mindset here,but rape is not limited to India. I suspect udwin’s sincerety too.

    Like

    • Have you ever watched all the documentaries made on serial rapists and killers in USA? Ted Bundy alone has about 15 documentaries to his name. John Wayne Gacy has about a similar number of documentaries made on him, and about 3 films as well.

      There are four Indian films based on this incident that have been in the pipeline. Till now. They have been clamped down. I think it is a blessing a foreign channel not answerable to our laws has been able to do this. If the PARENTS of the victim have agreed to this, what right do you and I have to demand a ban or ask why similar films are not being made in the UK? Jyoti Singh was not raped in the UK, and to tell the truth, would you be more interested in the problems women face in the UK?

      There are some brilliant documentaries that BBC has actually made on women’s rights in the UK, so your argument rather falls flat. I watched this one on abortion in Northern Ireland recently. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5dSICoqnFGA

      Liked by 2 people

      • My point exactly. Rapists exist in every culture,but Udwin chose to come to India to rehash the story for BBC.
        1. The ban becomes a comment on Bjp government than on the documenary itself.
        2. Indians too want to draw on this tragedy to make films but they have been clamped down for now because the case has not concluded legally.
        3. She calls it a ‘gift’ to India? Fem, address Udwin’s remark of this documentary being a ‘gift’ to India? There is no lack of Indians who want to make such documenatries.

        Like

        • 1. I would not specifically blame just the BJP Government, since they had a lot of political and media support. But what do you have against the documentary itself? Should it not be made? Or do you just object to it since it was made by a foreigner? Should we stop commenting on atrocities committed elsewhere, then? Stop signing those campaigns for freeing Raif Badawi in Saudi Arabia. Stop venting outrage on American imperialism and wars. Stop bringing attention to civil wars in Ukraine and Syria. Stop commenting on ISIS or Taliban. We are foreigners …

          2. The trial is over. Only the appeal against death sentence is left and that can take years. So it does not really impact the legal process. At this stage, you also have to ask yourself who exactly gave permission for the interviews. That also came from the government. Udwin did not break into prison and took secret interviews. It was sanctioned by some government official.

          3. I don’t agree with the comment that it was a ‘gift’. Personally, I think the case spoke to her and hence, she felt the need to come and film this documentary. She also claimed that she was inspired by the Indian public’s protests, which is what prompted her to come to India in the first place. What are your thoughts on that?

          I am sure there is no lack of Indians to make documentaries perhaps, but if you know of any made on this subject by an Indian, I would be glad to watch. I don’t know of any.

          Liked by 2 people

        • I don’t understand…are you saying that no outsider should ever make an unfavorable documentary on India…ever? and if they do, they will be accused of ulterior motives or a conspiracy to defame India? This is eerily similar to the Pakistani public and government reaction to Mukthar Mai’s rape.

          Also why does Udwin’s sincerity or non-sincerity matter at all in this case. Regardless of how selfish or selfless her motives may have been, she has not shown anything that is false. Let’s focus on the problem…let’s not shoot the messenger.

          Liked by 3 people

    • I have a feeling that a woman had endured what Nirbhaya did, sundry British politicians and public figures would not have said that “men will be men”, “why was she out with a man at 9.30 pm”, “she should have begged the rapists and called them ‘bhai”, “rape happens in Scotland but not England”, etc etc.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Think of it,Udwin’s documentary had nothing new. It was along the lines of slumdog millionaire that ended up generating more debate. Same hot air ,same grist. The documentary did not even analyse the other side where liberal indian men too exist.
        As if we Indians have not debated and chewed on this reality. But Poverty and hunger that breeds crime is not something that first world countries have to deal with and here is where the grey area emerge. Indian media is not gagged in any way and is in a better position to reflect indian reality.

        Like

        • “Think of it,Udwin’s documentary had nothing new. It was along the lines of slumdog millionaire that ended up generating more debate.”

          Slumdog Millionaire?o_O You have to be kidding me! For one thing, it was a FILM, a piece of FICTION. This is a documentary, based on a REAL event. How screwed up can you get if the only thing you take away is that they are both made by foreigners and show the seamier side of India? Go watch The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, then.

          “Same hot air ,same grist.”

          Hot air and grist? They mean two opposite things. You are implying that the documentary was empty and false and at the same time claiming that it was useful …

          “The documentary did not even analyse the other side where liberal indian men too exist.”

          The documentary analysed the rape culture in India. What do we get out of analysing the liberal side? It showed Jyoti’s father and the absent husband/father of the protesting mother-daughter being liberal. It also showed all the men protesting after the rape. This is not a story of liberal India, which if it exists, is very small and very rich. Jyoti did not belong to that world.

          “As if we Indians have not debated and chewed on this reality.”

          So? Is this not a lesson for everyone? Rape culture is everywhere to some extent.

          “But Poverty and hunger that breeds crime is not something that first world countries have to deal with and here is where the grey area emerge.”

          If you have not experienced poverty and hunger, then please stop commenting right now. That would be your logic? Then maybe Karl Marx should not have written so extensively about the proletariat. Perhaps Gandhi shouldn’t have stood up for poor people’s rights. Perhaps … maybe I should just shut up about women who are killed for honour because *I* have never been killed for honour. Yes, a very sensible attitude, this!

          “Indian media is not gagged in any way”

          hahahahhaha!!!!! *rolls around on the floor laughing* With Ambani and big corporates who own our politicians owning the media outlets?

          I don’t think getting butthurt over foreigners making documentaries showing the real side of India is going to help Indians in general, or Indian women in particular.

          Like

        • But it’s not just poverty and hunger that makes these crimes happen, although those factors can add another dimension. Look at what the lawyers are saying. They are not poor and hungry. It’s the all-prevading misogynistic mindset.

          Like

  9. This is probably going to sound like a blog post — because it is. But here is why I still hold on to hope.

    Much has been said about the attitudes of the defense lawyers, the perpetrators and some policemen interviewed in Leslee Udwin’s documentary, “India’s Daughter”. I would like to amplify the other voices in that documentary in this post. The voices that give me hope, because, for far too long the narrative about women’s safety and the Indian culture has been hijacked by people like those mentioned above. It is time to wrest that narrative out of their hands and put it into those who will make change happen. So here are the people and their actions that give me hope:

    Jyoti Singh: For asking that her parents spend the money they were going to spend on her wedding on her education instead. Note: she is from a lower middle class family.
    Jyoti Singh’s parents: For creating an environment where she felt comfortable enough to make this request. For actually selling their land to fund her studies — despite opposition from Jyoti Singh’s father’s brothers
    Jyoti Singh: for showing a strong will to live and bring the perps to justice, even when she must have been in so much pain.
    Jyoti Singh’s parents: For proudly stating their daughter’s name and not acting like she is to blame.
    Jyoti Singh’s tutor and several other men and women: For thinking that a woman returning from the movies with a male friend at 8:30pm is no big deal.
    All the men and women who were protesting in Delhi: They were asking for justice not just for Jyoti Singh, but for several other women.
    The woman protester who mentioned her husband when talking about her protests. Take note, guardians of the Indian culture: there are husbands out there who fear for the safety of their wives, but fully support their need to protest.
    The husbands and SOs of women like the one above.
    All the men and women who protested in Delhi: They kept it up for a month or more and made a landmark change in the law happen. For a large country like India, this is no mean feat.
    All the people who wrote to the Verma commission to fuel this change.
    The Verma commission itself: for pushing this change through
    Gopal Subramanium, Senior Advocate of the Supreme Court and Co-Author of the Verma report. For giving credit to the feminist scholars who came before the Verma commission and articulated the root cause of the problem. Pause here, Guardians of Indian culture. Here is a man in a very senior position, someone surely worthy of your respect and he just gave credit to women. Not just any old group of women, but feminists. And he referred to them as scholars. So, may be there is a lesson here for you.
    So here is my salute to everyone that has helped push this issue this far. May your tribe increase and may the voices and actions of the moderates be the norm.
    May the truth win.
    The original post is here: http://agnija-b.blogspot.com/2015/03/why-i-see-hope.html

    Liked by 4 people

  10. We don’t ban distasteful films ,tiltilating item numbers …then why ban the documentary! I am sure documentary might have some disclaimers !
    Internet savvy and ppl who care or are curious will see the documentary the rest will change the channel and not bother !!
    …….
    The men who feel women are painting them with the same brush,…..bear it !
    Centuries of trauma and lawlessness has made us that way !! Social injustice is too deeply ingrained and women are not safe in their own families !

    Men really have no reason to complain !!

    Like

  11. Now Subramaniam Swamy from the BJP tweets that the British, the BBC and a Roman Catholic NGO made India’s Daughter to defame Hindus. To think India voted these nutcases into power… God, please save this country.

    Like

  12. Replying here to Aman Yadav’s comments and Jay’s earlier comment

    Aman Yadav, yes I hear you. I think your concern should be addressed and not brushed aside. In any volatile situation, people are going to process things differently. Sometimes, before we can care for someone else’s pain, we have to defend ourselves first if we think we are being blamed. So, let me make this very clear. YOU are not being blamed. Men like you are not being blamed. I have decent men among my family and friends who are not being blamed. But people like us, both men and women, are in minority. We need to join forces and condemn destructive patterns of thinking in our culture that lead to not only violent crimes, but also the everyday loss of opportunities and dignity for half the population. This is the context for the pleas that we should be discussing women’s horrendous suffering here, not men’s feelings. But as a man who understands how wrong and sick misogyny is, I want you to join other men and women in condemning it, because that is the need of the hour.

    Jay, I agree with you that men’s crimes against women do not exist in a vacuum and need to be examined and examining them is not the same as justifying them. I disagree with the initial wording but I do understand the spirit of your comment. In fact, you are saying the same thing that IHM was saying – that how we perceive these crimes have a lot to do with why they happen in the first place. Therefore it is important to understand the perception of the situation and how it yields a fertile environment for crimes to thrive.

    Like

    • Fem, could not reply to your thoughts on the documentary up there, so doing it down here –
      “I think you have to actually see the documentary. It did not make any conclusions, just concentrated on this case.”
      I liked that she did not make conclusions. She trusted the viewer to make them. She really wanted to bring out the environment for these crimes.

      “From that angle, I thought it was a little weak since there are so many other cases that could have been included.”
      I think she said somewhere that this particular case moved her. I can say that for myself too. I’m not sure why. Maybe because, Nirbhaya suffered tremendously. Maybe because, she was very brave till the very end – she fought back, her body survived something that could easily kill most people, even till her last breath she wanted to live and fight. Maybe because her parents are amazing. Coming from so much poverty and surrounded my misogynistic attitudes, they still raised her as a full-fledged human being, Maybe because they haven’t given up the fight like so many tired, exhausted parents have, even if the fight is draining emotionally, physically, and financially. Maybe because of being in the information and social media age, we know so much more of her personal story than we did in past crimes. I really, really like the focus on one particular crime because it allows us to take a close look at one particular human being, her likes, dislikes, her everyday challenges. It makes it so much more real than a thousand screaming new headlines.

      “The wife of one of the rapists pissed me off asking of now rapes are going to stop now that her husband is going to be executed. Also, threatening to strangle her son. Well, she can join her husband inside, then!”
      I think again that this only brought to focus (as it was mean to by Udwin) the oppression of women in our society. How oppressed a woman has to be to fight for her rapist/murderer husband. If he is gone, her life will go from bad (oppressive) to worse (horrendous).

      Liked by 1 person

      • Priya,

        I agree with you in many aspects but I think the documentary could have been improved upon. Those of us who saw it or wanted to see it are so vociferously defending this documentary that there is no space left for a critical analysis.

        I have been able to get some thoughts together. But before that, let me just say that I think it was a good documentary and the subject was dealt with empathetically, decently and sensitively.

        But …

        1. This case was constantly splashed across the media, so we already had most of the information. There was not much new in it, information-wise. Udwin could have included statistics on various crimes against women at the right intervals. The policeman insisting Delhi was a safe place for women would have been a good point to splash stats across his face, lol.

        2. I found it a little bit problematic that the event was described from the viewpoint of the rapist. As such, we don’t know if what comes out of his mouth is true or false. He kept insisting that he was only driving, and didn’t join in the rape. I don’t know what to say to that, but it’s not an angle I would have taken.

        What I liked …

        1. I really liked that the rapists’ families and parents were interviewed. Did they understand where they went wrong? I especially felt sorry for Mukesh / Ram Singh’s mother who simply kept saying they knew nothing, and elbowed her husband when he tried to excuse their sons. I was so annoyed with the juvenile’s mother who was all “had no idea if he was alive or not” but her limitations were shown as well.

        2. I liked that the documentary touched on the aspects of child neglect, child abuse and poverty that go into the making of such violent human beings. It’s a rich mix, just waiting to explode. The elder brother of the rapist interviewed gave him electric shocks as punishment! That shocked me almost as much as the lawyers’ words. Violence begets violence, and after that, I am not surprised at what these men did. If we in India want to stop rapes, we need to protect our children from abuse and neglect first.

        In response to your comment about Akshay’s wife. I wasn’t annoyed with her because of her defence of her husband or even that she seemed so helpless (a pet hate of mine with women), but the fact that she threatens to take it out on a child. Guess what will happen? Another Akshay will happen if that child gets abused while growing up. That’s all!

        Liked by 1 person

        • 1. But it was not meant so much for information as it was made for exploring the environment that makes violence against women so casual. I agree with you on the stats being flashed silently on the screen. I think she meant to show the police officers words on Delhi being really safe as ironic but it was too subtle and people who don’t know the real numbers wouldn’t get the irony.
          2. Yes and no. Yes for the reasons you mentioned. No because again, it was about getting into the mind of a rapist. Why no remorse is the question she was trying to answer.
          Also, we’re coming from different sides here because – I don’t live in India and haven’t been as much exposed to this case as people living in India have – it was probably discussed on several channels from various angles. I suppose if I had been given so much exposure (or over-exposure) I might look for something different in the documentary, I don’t know ….

          Like

        • Point 2. Can’t emphasize this enough. Poverty at that level is so dehumanizing. Not everyone at that level behave the way these guys does, but we can’t be surprised that this keeps happening.

          Like

    • Rape has a cascading effect. There are families who will prevent their daughters from being out late.

      I work for an American multinational.

      A few months after Nirbhaya’s rape, the company issued policy guidelines discouraging women from working beyond 8 pm.

      As a result, women leave by 8 pm, while their male colleagues continue working till late on critical projects.

      You can imagine the effects of this policy on women’s long-term career prospects.

      Yet another instance of curtailing women’s opportunities in the name of “protecting” them.

      Only the company’s India operations have an 8 pm restriction, not even their Middle-East offices have this guideline. So much for India’s image.

      Like

  13. A part of me is a teeny bit happy about the Dimapur lynching of a rapist.

    I know that it’s a terrible thing to say, but not a single conviction has happened under Nirbhaya’s law.

    Many, many rapes have taken place after December 2012, but not a single conviction under the new law.

    If mob violence will put fear in the hearts of rapists, then so be it.

    I fear for all the little girls in my family. I don’t want them to be molested at the age of 12 as I was.

    Like

  14. Although it makes me very uncomfortable, I have to agree with the OP.
    There is this common prejudice that only poor, backward lower caste men rape and harass women outside and inside of their homes and upper caste upper caste men don’t and that they don’t share these attitudes.
    When we first heard of what happened to Nirbhaya, my cousin’s husband (CH) posted on his facebook. He was outraged about an 8 year old’s rape as well and said they should be put down. His classmate kept saying that rape shouldn’t be punished by the death penalty because women lie about dowry and rape ” 80% of the cases filed for rape are bogus.” I lost it, threw up a Wikipedia link with statistics and told him I found it puzzling he needed to assert it on that post at that time. I even told him I might have agreed policy wise, but not for the reasons. He kept on going on about dowry cases and false rape how he didn’t understand why people were making such a big deal of that case. I also threw up a link about women lodging complaints on crimes. Then he started lecturing me and CH on how I didn’t know anything but he did because he came from a family of Indian lawyers, never mind that CH’s family and my mother’s family have highly placed lawyers and that he was a “good person” and a “citizen of a democracy” and he didn’t “have to say what [you] want me to say”.

    I don’t normally write Facebook essays or pull out links to prove points but I just heard story after story of prominent Indians blaming Nirbhaya for her own disembowelment gang rape.

    The kicker is that both CH & the classmate were alums at IIT. IIT-ians like to say it’s harder to get into than Harvard or MIT.

    Like

  15. Pingback: Feminism Friday: The first edition #FeminismFriday - Living my Imperfect Life

  16. Pingback: Should Lawyers ML Sharma and AP Singh be disbarred for their remarks and opinions expressed in the documentary India’s Daughter? | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  17. Pingback: “This is reply to BBC for making video on rape cases in other countries…” | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s