The Groom pleaded with the Bride, telling her that he would not be able to face friends and neighbours if he returned without her.

While we oppose anything that could make it possible for women and men to choose their own partners (since it is against Indian culture) we seem less intolerant to outright lies, withholding of information and demands for money, during matrimonial ‘negotiations’.

Some comments expressed suspicions that the bride in this case was looking for an opportunity to marry the other man, Rampal Singh. 

Groom unwell, bride weds guest in fit of rage

The young bride, angry that her family had been kept in the dark about Kishore’s medical condition, promptly changed her mind and announced that she would happily marry at the same ceremony a guest at the wedding, a man called Harpal Singh. The latter, incidentally, turned out to be her sister’s brother-in-law.

Kishore pleaded with Indira, telling her that he would not be able to face friends and neighbours if he returned without her. His relatives, too, tried to intervene on his behalf. Where persuasion failed, violence was used — spoons, plates and dishes became weapons as wedding guests tried to force the bride to change her mind. But all in vain. The young woman stood firm.

Most of the comments wanted to know what would have happened if it was the groom refusing to marry the bride.

What do you think would have happened? 

I think, it’s possible that the groom’s family would have demanded compensation (more cash or gifts), or they would have demanded that the bride’s younger sister/cousin/niece be married to the groom. (Desi Girl blogged about one such case). 

The girl’s family here probably would have found more support if they had requested for some relief in the cash/gifts to be given. 

It’s very telling that the groom’s biggest concern here was, ‘he would not be able to face friends and neighbours’.  

Related Posts:

Four kinds of marriages in modern India. Which ones would you ban?

Bride goes on horse to groom’s house.

Rapist groom should have waited a little to satiate his lusty desires without problems which he has got into.

Love Marriages spoil the Family System of our Nation.

5 Real Reasons Why The Right Wing Hates Valentine’s Day – Arushi Kapoor

26 thoughts on “The Groom pleaded with the Bride, telling her that he would not be able to face friends and neighbours if he returned without her.

  1. – The groom did not tell the bride of his affliction; he lied

    – The bride does not care enough to overlook an affliction in the groom

    – The bride marries someone else at her wedding on the rebound

    – The groom is more concerned about what neighbours will think than that his relationship is messed

    – A random person agrees to marry the bride in spite of her shallowness

    – The groom is a violent man; tries to force a marriage on the bride

    I am glad I don’t know these people! None of them seem ready for marriage or a relationship and frankly, I find the entire scenario disgusting.

    Liked by 4 people

    • The bride does not care enough to overlook an affliction in the groom
      A random person agrees to marry the bride in spite of her shallowness

      Why is she shallow if she refuses to marry a guy who lied to her? is he entitled to her affection even if it leads to her unhappiness simply cause she agreed to marry him? Btw, her sister’s BIL is not an entirely random person.

      Liked by 1 person

    • I agree with you one hundred percent….sounds like impulsive, hot headed, shady families…what beats me is the groom not accepting his fault and reasoning it out with her but worried about society..clearly misplaced values and the bride, well what can you say about someone who on a spur of the moment decision to marry some random guy..I mean seriously, it’s a life changing decision to be so frivolous about. And the guy she married….what the hell is wrong with him….? What’s the gate tee she won’t break the marriage as quickly?(rolls eyes)

      Like

  2. Three cheers for the bride! And don’t forget her family too, for letting her go her own way, alive😛
    I have a question for the readers, what should a woman do if she finds out something as such after the marriage? Should she stick and make it work or is she still allowed to feel cheated and leave…

    Let me make this question more difficult, if this were a love marriage?

    We have seen the forwards of a veteran’s wife sticking through after his quad amputation. But what if she didn’t, does it make her a sinner? If a man or woman wants to walk out of a relationship cause the partner is disabled, bankrupt or simply no longer appealing? We stand by falling out of love with a otherwise able person, can we do the same for an able person to fall out of love with the physically-financially dependent? What I really want to know is what do people think of a person right to choose the easy way, a easy-happy life? Or do we expect love to conquer all

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    • This is an interesting question.
      Care giving can really, really drain the life out of some people. So I don’t think they should be censured for wanting to avoid that. However, there are those who choose to go through it because their love and concern for the other person outweighs any potential discomfort, and that deserves commendation.

      Honestly, I think as a society, we shouldn’t judge, not everything is black and white. And lack of judgement might make it easier for those faced with such situations to make a better decision either way.

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    • What happens when a spouse gets seriously sick or disabled after marriage?

      What ensues depends a lot on what kind of a relationship the couple shared. If the husband and wife always supported one another to pursue each other’s dreams, if there was lots of love and respect, if it was an equal marriage, if both were complete adults (mature, independent, rational), chances are very very high that the spouse will willingly stay in the marriage and take care of the other whole heartedly, no matter how rough the going is. No one should be forced to stay in a marriage or a relationship, though, they must do it willingly.

      It also depends on the individual. Some people are incredibly strong, naturally compassionate, and have a positive approach to challenges. Just wonderful human beings overall. Some people may run at the first sign of trouble, the kind who don’t like to “get involved” and it’s always “someone else’s problem”. And there’s a whole slew of humans who lie somewhere in between, rising up to challenges on some occasions, unable to withstand other situations.

      And there are also those who may spend their entire life without ever taking a stand, caring about any issue, leading an average, pleasant, harmless existence, happy with their daily routines, who when confronted with a life-altering situation such as a serious illness, wake up from their lethargy and indifference to life, find their hidden strength and become inspiring individuals.

      I agree with Anita that no one should be judged. We do what we can given what we’ve been given in terms of strength and character.

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      • Some people are incredibly strong, naturally compassionate, and have a positive approach to challenges. Just wonderful human beings overall. Some people may run at the first sign of trouble, the kind who don’t like to “get involved” and it’s always “someone else’s problem”.

        Does this mean that people who break up for ‘no reason’ are strong (we agreed on this last discussion) but those who choose to have a normal live are weak, horrible kids? I just think like any breakup, its easier to stay and resent than to walk out especially when it goes against the norm. ‘Be Strong and take care’ the same reason given to people to stay in abusive marriages, for men to become ATM for their natal family and for widows to stay faithful.

        PS: This is just personal opinion, not judging. I believe that one doesn’t have to stay married/ in relationship to care. Do you expect your partner to stay with you when you can no longer care for them? Personally, I would hate to be ‘dependent’ on DH ever. Then again, I am a crazy chick who practices with blindfolds for the future where I am sure I will go blind😛

        Like

        • Please read my comment again. I already said in my comment that no one should ever be forced to stay if their spouse becomes disabled. It must always be their choice. (my words – (my words -“No one should be forced to stay in a marriage or a relationship, though, they must do it willingly.”)

          The initial question from you I thought was WHY some people CHOOSE TO stay and some don’t. Not if they “should” stay or “shouldn’t”.

          Many of the breakup situations that were discussed in the previous post were relationships in which one person was clearly unhappy. I am referring here to the specific context of a relationship where the 2 partners have supported each other deeply and extensively, have a long history of absolute trust and relying on each other. Even in such a scenario, if the partner decides they cannot handle the disability and walk out, they should not be judged (my words – “I agree with Anita that no one should be judged.”)

          Not sure how you interpreted this advocating people to stay in abusive relationships. (“‘Be Strong and take care’ the same reason given to people to stay in abusive marriages.”)

          “I believe that one doesn’t have to stay married/ in relationship to care. Personally, I would hate to be ‘dependent’ on DH ever.”
          And that’s you and you have every right to that choice.

          Do you expect your partner to stay with you when you can no longer care for them? I might choose differently. And I have a right to my choice. It would depend on the kind of relationship I shared with the person prior to the challenge.

          My professor in grad school was in this situation. He was married to this warm, compassionate, smart woman (also a professor) for 15 years. One day they had a car accident and she ended up in a wheel chair and lost all her speech. This is how she was when I first met her. He would tell us what he missed most was her sense of humor. But she would continue to try and joke non-verbally. Later she learnt to type, then write. He took care of her. Willingly. He stayed in the marriage. Happily. It was a CHOICE he made. No one forced him to do it. They continued to bond and share a rich relationship using new ways to communicate. But mostly, it had a lot to do with the foundation and the history they shared.

          Like

  3. More than the man-woman question, I think this is a sad commentary on the state of marriages and the attitude towards disability & illness in India

    1. People with illnesses are “liabilities” who need to be married off, no matter how
    2. Marriages are based on EVERYTHING other than mutual love & respect.
    3. Idle gossip is the most important factor influencing every decision

    Though I have to admit, the idea of people chucking cutlery at each other due to lack of suitable weapons did make me laugh a bit..

    Liked by 4 people

    • Yes this whole approach is so dignity-eroding not just to the woman, but to the man as well and to his condition. The man needs medical help, not being “marred off” dishonestly.

      Like

  4. I can’t believe that the pandit,family elders and guests allowed the bride to marry the other man. I mean, just like that, without any kundali match? Isn’t this India?
    Agreed the bride was angry when she made this announcement, but was the pandit angry too? Shouldn’t he have refused to read the mantras ? After all, half the ceremony went on with some other man.Why didn’t the pandit spew some wisdom about it being her fate in life and to suck it, true Indian style?
    Another thing I can’t believe is that a girl did it and not a guy. Since when are women allowed anger? I thought they were allowed only sacrifice.

    Like

  5. Lying about illness, False pride, Saving face, Love thrown in , marrying on the spur of the moment. all the melodrama of a happy indian wedding i suppose.
    guess everyone got their auto fare’s worth of entertainment and went home happy happy.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I to believe this is not a complete story and half-truth or half-lie. Cant say.
    Even if an iota of this is truth, then this is one in million. Who gets to see such courage/haste in Indian woman. She made the right decision to marry the guy who lied to her about his medical condition but made the wrong decision to marry another guy in haste. However if she knew the other guy (sister’s BIL) well and if she knew that he is a nice guy, then the decision is right.
    But overall, marry someone in haste and sudden change of heart looks doubtful to me. There is more to this news than just a medical condition of the groom.

    Like

  7. I cheered the girl and her family heartily! Obviously she did know groom-2 at least reasonably well. as did her family, given that everyone agreed to the swap.
    But since arranged marriages aren’t going anywhere, the more that girls and their families refuse to put up with cheating grooms on the arranged marriage market, the better. I’m waiting for blood tests to become common.

    Like

  8. I don’t wana judge since I don’t know what was the real situation. Maybe girl knew her sister’s brother inlaw already maybe not. Maybe her parents said who will marry the girl if once the baraat is sent back since the guy is sick, that’s why they pressured the girl to marry another man. Maybe the groom was just nervous and fell down due to stress. Maybe it was his first epilepsy attack, since it can start happening at any age, so maybe the groom’s family was unaware too.

    If she already liked sister’s brother inlaw, I wonder why her family arranged another match for her. If they already dint had any liking for each other, then how she pointed out to marry him and he said yes without knowing each other. Bit confusing situation coz not much information.

    I just wish them a happy married life. God bless them.

    Like

  9. If the groom would’ve refused to marry the bride due to a medical condition that wasn’t revealed, everyone would’ve just expressed outrage at the bride’s family (perhaps only fair, if that had been the case) and left, with or without drama. The article would’ve stated a few more examples of where innocent men were cheated by women for good measure. Because you see, a man being wronged by a woman is not something we tolerate in our society as easily as we do the other way around.
    I know of a case where a man with a condition he was dying from wanted to marry our family friend’s daughter (the girl and her family were unaware), presumably because it was his dying wish to marry so that his widowed wife could look after his parents after he was gone. It was an arranged marriage, the wedding was fixed and everything was in place, when by pure luck, their friend, who is a doctor, came across his medical information, and let the bride’s father know mere weeks before the wedding. The wedding was cancelled and the man died a month later. For a society where that takes ‘paap’ and ‘punya’ so seriously, this kind of unethical behavior particularly towards women can be seen everywhere…

    Like

    • Something similar happened a couple of decades back, with a distant relative of mine.But the law of Karma prevailed.
      He was an alcoholic. They concealed it.
      She was not mentally normal. They concealed it.
      Horoscopes were matched and the stars had no objection.
      A perfunctuary “girl seeing” ceremony was arranged and both sides were eager to palm of their respective liablities on to the other side. A quick marriage settlement took place.

      The marriage was duly held on the earliest available muhoortham.
      The secrets of both sides were out in a few days after the marriage
      Neither side could point a finger at the other.
      A quiet divorce took place later and the girl went back to her family.
      The boy died a few years later from excessive drinking.

      Regards
      GV

      Like

  10. My family has lied about my cousin brother’s financial status, educational qualifications and even temperament just to get him married off. My poor sister in law today is stuck in the marriage but is braving it all, even going so far as to lying to her parents about his low paying job just to stay with him. It’s not worth overlooking such things in an arranged alliance. When you’re in love, you are prepared to embrace your partners weaknesses but in an arranged marriage, treat the alliance as the legal contract that it is and make sure everyone’s kept up their side of the bargain.

    Like

  11. Loved reading the comments!
    Echo Fem’s views.
    The whole thing is simply bizarre!

    Am leaving Bangalore this evening for California for a long stay of 6 months.
    Will be packing up my laptop shortly.
    Will be off the net for at least two or three days.
    See you all again when I reach California and settle down.
    Not before Feb 23 at least.

    Incidentally…
    Remember my guest post about the Mumbai Cat a few weeks ago?
    It has arrived. By First Class Coupe in the train.
    Was on its best behaviour all along and has settled down here very well.
    All my fears were baseless.
    Regards
    GV

    Like

  12. Does anyone know the WHOLE story..

    or have we again taken some snippets and gone heads on with half the info ..

    I find this very shady.. the Brother in law agreeing immediately , the groom being unwell coming to light on the day of the marriage..

    Famous pass time of us .. listen to half the story and start making up rest … what was the guy unwell with .. what condition ???????????

    Like

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