Sharing an email.
I am writing to you today, because you have fantastic group of readers who give genuine opinions. I am going through the “meeting the guys” stage in the arranged marriage process. And frankly it has been a very confusing experience for me. I said yes to go via this arranged marriage route, because I work from home, and I really do not have a life where I am meeting new people. So, this seemed like a good idea to meet someone.
First of all, I am an introvert. It takes time for me to open up to people. Even in normal life, if I meet a new person I tend to be very quiet around them, and only when I become used to them slowly I open up. This is more from a social perspective, as in I can talk and be all confident in the work setting. Because I know what I have to talk, how to present, what is the agenda. I even have no qualms about talking on sage with thousands of people, it is only when I am meeting new people on a very social level that I just need time.
I feel that arranged marriages are for extroverts, and there is no place for us introverts here. I cannot bare my soul to every tom, dick and harry I meet, I cannot be all frank and myself with everyone, but it is expected. It is expected I get all chummy with not only the guy, but his family as well, right from the moment I set my eyes on them.
Also, since it is 2015, I thought that arranged marriage is a way to meet people, get to know who they are, how they are, and then over the time if you feel comfortable you get married. Even my parents are comfortable with this. But, now that we are meeting guys, it is very apparent that a girl asking for time is somewhat shocking and really not that common.
I met a guy this Monday, and we went for coffee. Quite frankly it went ok, nothing too great, but then that is obvious, as what does one talk to a total stranger apart from work and general stuff? I just came to know that this person got engaged tuesday evening!
I really do not understand this.
If I were getting engaged on a Tuesday, I would be preparing for the engagement on the preceding day, not meeting other guys!
Now it feels that I am the only one who thinks that marrying the right person is more important than marrying at the right time.
It seems like I am stuck in a race, get the first person who seems okish and get married, you can get to know them later.
I am a bit disappointed frankly. I thought we were past this, at least the people of my generation.
So now I am left wondering, is this generation really all that different in their closed mindset about the marriage issue? When will we start valuing the person we get married to, instead of valuing marriage as an institution? Is it even possible to find someone who values me and wants to marry me because he wants to marry me as a person?