Sharing an email. What would you do?
I write to you about a dilemma stemming from a recent news in the family. I thought I would seek your opinion as well as that of your readers.
I have two cousins whom I have known very well since they were young. They were very bright kids growing up but something happened somewhere and as a result of their upbringing and their career choices, they chose to get fake degrees instead of studying, decided to live off of people’s money either by seeking loans from near and dear ones (and not returning them), threatening close relatives and their families who came forward to guide them. In general, they thought it was easy to live by fooling people to think highly about them.
Well, for the most part this was not fine and now that they are adults I have just been watching all this hoping that the brothers would somehow make up for what they failed to do so far and change for the better. The latest I know about them is that they have both managed to convince two girls (and the girls’ parents) that they are the right match for their daughters. It looks like the girls have real degrees and are employed which says that they are hardworking.
My dilemma is this – if it were me, I would have definitely not wanted to marry such people and would definitely not have fallen for such con artists despite their make believe gallantry and pompous display. I would have thought that in this era of networking and connectivity, the girls would have done their homework in finding out about the boys. The fact that they are both engaged to be married suggests that perhaps the girls have not done their homework. To me it feels like I should somehow tell the girls to do their homework better. I have nothing against the boys getting married, if they show some promise of working hard henceforth and/or if the girls know fully well what they are getting into. Since I don’t live in India, I have talked to some of my relatives if they could inform the parents or somehow reach the girls, but nobody wants to bell the cat. They couldn’t care less, apparently.
On the other hand, I hear this from these very same relative who chime, “who knows, perhaps all will be well henceforth”. I think I know very well that things that have not been tended to so far, will continue to remain as is and perhaps the girls will somehow suffer the consequences. I have nothing against people not studying or working. But a life of pretense and public fleecing (which is what these con brothers have been doing all this while) is something I abhor and I would like to think that the young girls would do so to.
Do you think I should somehow reach out to the girls in the next month or so (before they get married) to do a thorough background check on their fiancees? Or am I over-reacting? Should I just let them figure it out on their own post-marriage?