Sharing an email.
Parental control; silencing of victims by not believing them; teenage marriages, pregnancies and motherhood; control by in laws in patriarchal joint families; Violence; emotional abuse; inability of mothers to walk out of abusive marriages; dependence of women on spouse; poverty and dowry leading to further abuse … we don’t seem to talk enough about all the harm each of the above can do and do.
And encouraging self reliance is not seen as a parental responsibility in our society. Patriarchy can’t survive without the dependence of those whose human rights it abuses.
I have been reading your blogs for quite some time and they really enlighten me so now I have decided to share my story.
I am from a typical indian family where they have every problem you discuss in your blog, well except my father never beat my mom or me or any of my sibling.
But he is a womaniser, an adulterer and a sex offender. I was his victim for 15 years when I finally got enough courage to stand against him.
My parents got married when they were in their teens and by time my mother was 18 she had two of us to take care of. My mother was not educated and belonged to a poor family with a large number of siblings. My grandmother is abusive. My mother being the only daughter in law at the time, my grand mother used to beat her, curse her, didn’t let her talk to anyone and only allowed to touch her children when she had to, and after that she had to have to bath.
My father is mostly away because of his new job. When I was a toddler my mother joined him and that’s when my abuse began. Because of all the abuse that my mother went through in her teens, she grew up to be a abusive parent, she is controlling, physically and mentally abusive. My father cheated on her from time to time and it causing her became mentally unstable.
And when I told her about his abusing me she didn’t believe me. Now here I am all alone, deprived of love of my parents. How much I wish sometimes that I was never born. Why they give birth to me so my father could have a toy to play with. Isn’t it right he given birth to me and he can use me as he wish. My mother can kill me for telling me such lies – isn’t this what our culture teaches us never disobey your parents and don’t question their decisions so who I am to question them? This is a life I can’t escape because this is not my sanskaar and even if I do try to escape I would drown in my self guilt. I can’t betray a mother who has sacrificed so much in her life to give us a better future ((which she understood) and I can’t live with a father who betrayed my trust. My mother still hopes that he will love her and respect her once she is old, so what option does it leave me? I don’t have courage. I am very tired fighting all this.