“What do you think, blogger why Sexual Violence have increased at home in a country like INDIA which has the most peaceful religion?”

Sharing this comment because some of these points highlight how awareness or knowledge of sex, women’s sexuality, sex education, desire for sex and influence of other cultures continue to be viewed as the major causes for sexual crimes in India. 

Here’s the comment by him905. My response (to just some points) in blockquotes.

Causes of RAPE UPSURGE in our society.

IHM: Upsurge is only in reporting of rape – we have traditionally dealt with rapes with silencing of victim, that’s changing. 

1) PORN CULTURE-Today’s porn is not the same as it was invented back in 1950s where voluptuous women used to walk on beaches. It now portrays WOMEN as sex slave of MEN. NO WOMEN LIKE TO BE POUND BRUTALLY AND MAN HANDEDLY as is seen in Porn films.

Who wouldn’t want to display his manly power over women after watching a HARDCORE film (except educated, cultured and chivalrous men)?

IHM: Who? Someone who has had the opportunity to learn that rape is a serious and punishable crime, that women are people, that women are sexual people, that any sexual activity without consent is rape, that porn is not sex education. And someone who was permitted to find out how sex with consent could be.

WHY PORN? Science says-amygdala controls human emotions. Watching vulgar films increase dopamine levels which is responsible for arousing lustful desires against a woman. YES, LUSTFUL MEN and WOMEN HAVE HIGHER LEVELS OF DOPAMINE.
SO OUR GOVT MOVE ON BANNING PORNOGRAPHY AND VULGAR FILMS WHICH HAVE DESTROYED HAPPY HOMES IS AT LEAST AN EFFORT TO CURB RAPE MENACE IN OUR SOCIETY.

IHM: Rape is not always about sex or lust. Rape is frequently a patriarchal crime of hate, aggression, misogyny, ‘honor’, revenge or teaching a lesson. 

2) INHERENT MANLY CHARACTER-The above mentioned reason give boost to men to display his power over women. Women being weaker to men physically also give another reason to deflower her.

IHM:  A sexual assault should never be called ‘deflowering’ or any other term that disguises it or conveys that rape is about loss of virginity or honor.

And ‘manly-character’ is a patriarchal construct that causes a lot to harm to men and to the society because it includes aggression, anger, jealousy, hate, display of power and violence. Men are made to feel their worth lies in displaying these characteristics, and not in being themselves. 

What do you think, blogger why Sexual Violence have increased at home in a country like INDIA which has the most peaceful religion?

IHMI am not sure if any religion views a sexual assault as a violent crime against the victim, most seem to view it as deflowering, or stealing of something that belonged to the husband or community.

So far as I am aware, all religions are patriarchal. 

Fist blame Islamic Invaders and Christians for uprooting our society. Now blame men who watch porn secretly and later force his wife to have sex to vent out his lustful desires. Its common in lower middle class and labor families (rickshaw wala types) where men’s mind is corrupted.

IHM: Blame the legally sanctioned patriarchal sense of entitlement. Many men assume/hear and learn, that marriage means sex on demand. 

And blame the lack of effort by the society and the law to ensure that women stay in marriages only because they really want to. 

We actually pressurise the victims to support the crime by forbidding them from walking away from circumstances that lead to the crime. There is no effort to teach from childhood about abusive relationships, controlling relationships, seeking happiness for self.  Self reliance and freedom are looked down upon. No point talking about all of this – because we have a law that permits rape. In this regard Live in relationships are safer for women, but most religions don’t approve of that either. 

 

3) NUDITY OF WOMEN- Its not applicable to every man. Illiterate men, gangsters, hooligans usually cant tolerate a women walking in semi nude dress while showing tight boobs and ass. In ancient times, Indian women would not cover her breasts (see sculptures of ancient temples) or cover with diaphanous clothes, were more voluptuous because men at that time would respect women thanks to our vedic culture at that time.

IHM: Two many factually incorrect assertions here.

 

Mr Balvinder Singh’s experience in Nagaland shows making rules about covering up a woman’s body, is the beginning of objectification of women, to ensure ‘excitement’ does not ‘turn into monotony’. [link]

 

But let me ask,  do some men rape anybody they find sexually attractive?  If we are serious about controlling sexual crimes, then shouldn’t we aim to identify and lock away such men?

 

Rape is not always a crime of impulse or of finding someone sexually attractive  – most rapes are well planned, and more about hate or aggression than about the sexual attractiveness of the victim.

 

4) POLITICAL REASONS- Weak laws, political relations to escape imprisonment is one of the biggest cause of rape increasing in our country.

5) CONSENSUAL RELATIONSHIPS- This type of rape cases are common in rich class. Women are raped in farm houses although a sexual act is started by the mutual consent of the partners but later it becomes against a woman’s consent. She is usually given threat to disclose it in public.

IHM: Consensual relations become against woman’s consent? Rape is lack of consent. The moment there is denial of consent, a sexual act becomes rape.

Anybody who feels they can’t handle this, must inform those they wish to have sex with, so that they can be avoided, or can be locked away for public safety.

BIGGEST MYTHS REGARDING RAPE

1) INDIA HAS LARGEST NO OF RAPES. just because mainstream secular media highlights it in bold letters without knowing the facts. YOU CAN CHECK WIKIPEDIA LISTS OF TOP COUNTRIES IN RAPE. USA and other developed countries figure in top ten. India is in 20+ rank. India is still one of the safest places for women.

IHM: Denial is a common method used for ‘controlling’ crime. It has never worked.

2) DISCUSSIONS ON SEXUALITY- Indians might wonder that we don’t discuss sexuality openly which causes rape as it suppresses sexual desires. LIBERAL COUNTRIES FIGURE IN TOP TEN IN RAPE STATISTICS. WHY they are ahead of us? Discussing sexuality can teach you about a human body and sexual desires arises out of the environment in which the person is living, media effects and peer culture but it cant teach you about respecting a person as a whole including his body and emotions.

IHM: Discussion of sex could lead to sex. That’s fine. Sex is not a bad thing. We need to focus on controlling sexual assaults.

There should be no confusion – Sex is good, Sexual assault is bad.

Mixing morals, virginity, personal sexual habits/preferences/orientations of adults distracts from the issue at hand.

3) ALL RAPE CASES ARE GENUINE- one third rape cases in NCR are false ones as cited by The Hindu’s article on rape analysis and statistics. WOMEN know very well how to malign a man!

IHM: Rape needs to be defined clearly, legally. Lack of consent  or Forced sex is rape.

Consensual premarital sex is not rape. A sexual assault upon. Sex ‘with promise to marry’ is cheating, not rape.

4) WOMEN SHOULD COVER THEIR BODIES- IT will not solve the problem. Rape cases are very common in muslims countries although it arises due to pathetic treatment of women in Islam.

5) PATRIARCHY SYSTEM-Talking about ancient INDIAN society, patriarchy gave many rights and freedom to women which can even give an inferiority complex to women advocating feminism! RAPE DIDN’T EXIST. I know it because I am studying Hinduism as my hobby. Today’s patriarchy got distorted because Indian men failed to realise the glory of women in hinduism and instead went ahead like that of abrahmic religions’ patriarchy style.

IHM: Patriarchy ‘gave’ rights and freedom to women?Rape didn’t exist when forced sex was not viewed as rape.

 

‘the glory of women in hinduism’? While misogyny is common to most religions and cultures, I think Hinduism alone denies widows even the most basic human rights.

6) LAW IS THE ONLY SOLUTION TO END RAPE- USA has a well ordered and controlled LAW SYSTEM in the world but not an effective system to curb the social evils like rape. USA RANKS NO 1 IN RAPE CRIMES DESPITE BEING LIBERAL ON SEX. why? USA believes in controlling the social evils by creating a fear against that evil in criminals and general public. It can give a rapid solution but not a permanent solution in long run. It believes in controlling the derivative (by making laws) but not the root cause of rape (problem with a man’s psyche and vulgar milieu). In INDIA due to our culture, majority of men still see women as a respectful person. The culprits are the ones who see women as a sex slaves of men. INDIA is too following the path of USA to establish the stringent laws against rape and harassment but it will also fail in long run like USA.

IHM: ‘In INDIA due to our culture, majority of men still see women as a respectful person. The culprits are the ones who see women as a sex slaves of men.’

A culture that permits rape within marriage and also views marriage as the sole purpose of a woman’s life – how does it see women as respectful people and not as ‘sex slaves of men’?

Our problems appear unsolvable because we have failed to understand ourselves in our own language, on our own terms. To top the hypocrisy, on the same few square inches of lifestyle websites we have the pontification of the social scientists on how lustful desires can spice our lives and liberate society from clutches of centuries of restraint promoted on various lifestyle websites but we do not see our contradictions. We can emulate aspects of USA’s well-functioning systems of local government and law and marry it with dharma society to create a better India. But even to learn from others we must study them on our own terms. Its applicable to every country of this world.

IHM: Our problems appear unsolvable? Which problems?

 

Consensual-sex is not a problem. Lustful desires (even women’s lustful desires) are not a problem.  Premarital sex is not a problem (and nobody’s business so long there is consent, willing partners above the age of consent)

 

Our only problem is that we refuse to view Sexual Assault as a criminal assault on a person. Comparable to an acid attack, stabbing or an amputation.

 

And to answer this question again,

“What do you think, blogger why Sexual Violence have increased at home in a country like INDIA which has the most peaceful religion?”

IHM: Sexual violence at home has not increased –  it is being reported more.  Victim blaming, shaming, silencing has lesser hold on the society now, so maybe we are beginning to finally deal with an issue we can no longer pretend away.

 

Related Posts:

Justice Verma Committee is inviting solutions and ideas in regards to sexual harassment/ assault/ molestation/ rape.

How does an average Indian define Rape, Child Abuse and Consensual Sex?

So how does Delhi – NCR Police define Rape?

“If we have people of your ilk in Bharat we do not need external enemies at all!”

A response to: Why we think women activists should change their attitude of “wear what you like”

Do some of us see anything that is done purely for pleasure (no moral or monetary benefits), as wrong?

‘I’m now thoroughly convinced that the entire concept of virginity is used to control female sexuality.’

Making Marital Rape a legal offence is the fastest way to make it clear that Rape means forced sex, not lost Virginity or Honor.

Here’s why I think the society should not obsess over a woman’s virginity.

‘Rape is theft of the victim’s potential to fulfil her destiny from birth, the pivot of her existence, her marriage.’

40% of rape charges were filed by parents of girls who had eloped consensually with a boy

7 things that can make ‘Rape sometimes right’.

Forced intercourse in marriage not rape: Delhi court

“See – UNICEF has figured it out. It doesn’t take rocket science to figure out.”

Would this crime have been reported if he had mercilessly raped her but not sodomised her?

A comment- ‘Reverse the gender, and it is marital rape.’

Bikini vs Burka: The Debauchery of Women

34 thoughts on ““What do you think, blogger why Sexual Violence have increased at home in a country like INDIA which has the most peaceful religion?”

  1. “Sexual violence at home has not increased – it is being reported more. Victim blaming, shaming, silencing has lesser hold on the society now, so maybe we are beginning to finally deal with an issue we can no longer pretend away.”
    I completely agree with this.
    India’s “awareness” of sexual violence has increased, not the incidence of the crime.

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  2. There is unreported sexual crime in the west too. I don’t have data on crime in India and in the west. Neither do you. But having lived in India and in the west, I can say Peninsular India has a crime-rate that is less than in the west.

    On pornography, feminists in the west term it as objectification of women. Seems like Delhi feminists differ on this.

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  3. Good Dialogue Style.
    Quite often here, in America, we have young men who are 18 and over in consensual relationships with 16 year old girls. Much of the time the parents of the girl (if they hate that guy) will press ‘Statutory Rape’ charges against him, in court, and win because they claim the girl is a ‘child’ and cannot tell what is right from wrong. Often the couple will marry after her gets out of jail or will flee to a neighbouring state that allows younger people to marry. I think it is too simple to say it is lack of clothes or more clothes because culture plays such a role. In the Amazon Jungle or among the Omi people in Africa EVERYONE is stark raving naked. None of them care. If you are raised from birth to see things a certain way that is how you will see them. On the other hand if you were raised to ‘cover’ yourself you will be affected in the opposite way. Neither way is more good or more evil as long as people are happy with that. I am not up for going and busting someone’s culture just because I don’t agree with it. INTENT is everything. You can see a woman in a niqaab with only her eyes showing and if they are so made up and the material scented with perfume and the material light weight in a strong wind…?????? You could hang out with one of the Amazon ladies who wear no makeup and no clothes and no bras and don’t care what sags or hangs and ????? Many men would go for the make up and the perfume over the raw naked flesh…many would go for the flesh. We teach people what to be and what to expect. Holly, Bolly, Dolly and Lolly are not doing that great at sending awesome messages for men and women…

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    • Shannon, are you really arguing against statutory rape laws here, on a feminist forum?! Because abuse of that law in the way you suggest is neither common nor even POSSIBLE in most states in America. Romeo and Juliet laws exist in almost all states (these are laws that say it’s not statutory rape if the underage person is within 3-4 years of the age of the overage partner). Further, most states’ age of consent is 16, not 18.

      And yeah, there is a HUGE power differential and maturity differental between a 15 yr old and a 20 yr old (or a 15 yr old and a 50 yr old)… also mention political and legal differences (juvenile vs adult). A relationship between such a couple would be statutory rape, because in such cases consent is highly impaired.

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      • I was hunting men when I was 12 and I knew what I was doing. Maybe I was not supposed to know about sex but I did know.

        I still do not see myself as a victim.

        That dies not mean EVERYONE is like me…but there are more like me than you might think.

        I am 51 now and not interested in sex anymore and that is also my happy and personal choice.

        I made a choice when I was 12 and I made a choice now and I am a woman and I have that right.
        Thank you.

        (The age of consent has changed in many places over 30 years and still varies from state to state…)

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    • “On the other hand if you were raised to ‘cover’ yourself you will be affected in the opposite way. ”
      If a man comes from a country where women are forced to cover themselves, and he sees a woman who doesn’t cover as much, and then gets “affected the opposite way”, he is responsible for any crime he commits by being “affected” and not the women (victim) who can choose how she dresses and covers up less than what he’s used to expects. She is not responsible for his being “affected”.

      “Neither way is more good or more evil as long as people are happy with that.”
      Actually a lot of people are NOT HAPPY with it. In Indian culture, many people expect women to dress a certain way and a lot of Indian women are not happy with it. Some comply under pressure/threats/shaming, some don’t, but happiness is not what they feel when their fundamental choices are taken away.

      “I am not up for going and busting someone’s culture just because I don’t agree with it.”
      The word “culture” has been misused in many societies to serve the agendas of a select few at the cost of freedom and fundamental rights to many. Khaled Hosseini speaks up against the “culture” of blanketing women from head to toe and forbidding girls from attending schools and thus marginalizing them from every aspect of life. He rightly says that “we need women to re-build Afganisthan, how can we do that when 80% of them are illiterate? How can we let down half of our population and hope to make progress?” It is okay and healthy to question “culture” when it denies human rights.

      “Many men would go for the make up and the perfume over the raw naked flesh”
      What “men go for” or the sexual preferences of men should be irrelevant in the eyes of the law. The law needs to be objective and rule on the acts committed by men and not their feelings and motivations for their crimes against women. It is therefore irrelevant to ponder on what men like or prefer – that is like saying I “prefer” white skin so I will commit crimes against black people.

      Liked by 1 person

        • @Shannon, questioning ideologies and “cultural” beliefs is essentially what we do here on IHM’s blog. This group thrives on discussions, which sometimes also means that we have to admit that we are wrong about something and welcome the criticism/feedback that comes our way. The idea is to allow other people to take our ‘opinions’ apart thread-by-thread and analyse them. We all evolve in the process – and many of us believe that this exchange of ideas is the only shortcut I know to that end.

          So while you may feel that Priya (wordssetmefree) is attacking you or trying to “make you important”, I can assure you she’s not. Neither am I. Mostly, when someone addresses you directly, they are genuinely perturbed by your belief system and is only trying to reason things out with you.

          I can see that this sort of active untangling may not be everyone’s cup of tea, and I’m sure we all understand that. So if this whole discussion and questioning of beliefs is not acceptable to you, you’re free to either not get involved or ignore personal comments. Even this one.

          Liked by 1 person

  4. ‘Most peaceful religion’.. ‘women had great rights in hindu patriarchy’.. is this person serious? Have they not heard of Sati?

    Even our epics have examples like Seeta.. ‘Agni pariksha’ sounds like burning someone alive basically.. she was also abandoned pregnant in the woods.. after the second agni pariksha she conveniently seems to commit suicide.. as if there’d be much left to achieve that one you’ve walked through fire!

    The Mahabharata is also seriously flawed in how it treats women.. and I don’t just mean Draupadi. Dhritrashtra’s mother was a widow so the MIL called in a sage to impregnate her for an heir.. if you read the text, the women herself seems not to want this, is disgusted of the sage’s appearance and keeps her eyes shut during ‘the process’.. so he curses her son to be blind. Is this not rape? How do you impregnate someone against their wishes without rape? There are countless more examples like this of people other than the woman deciding who should ‘have sex’ with her and when.. without her consent (= rape).

    I don’t even want to go into the Manusmriti.. hopefully the OP is capable of using google!

    Honestly, I don’t understand what these ‘hindu patriarchy’ glorifiers mean by ‘respecting women’. They don’t mean treating them as autonomous individuals. They mean controlling what they wear, how they live and who they marry in exchanging for not ‘deflowering’ them as a favour. That is not respect. That word doesn’t mean what OP thinks it does.

    The next person who tells me that rapes in India are shocking ‘because culture’ gets a punch in the face.

    Liked by 5 people

    • Carvaka, your words reflect my exact feelings on (IMHO) highly overrated and glorified Indian mythological texts like the Ramayana and Mahabharata. As I raise a young child I shudder to think that he might too read this stuff someday – stuff that condones violence towards women and misogyny in the name of the great “Indian Culture”.

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    • Talking of Mahabharata/Ramayana , when I heard/read stories from these epics as a child, one thing I could never fathom was why the main characters always had sons born to them and never daughters. Did Rama have a daughter ? No. Any of the Pandavas ? No, sir. If a daughter was depicted as being born anywhere (like the Sitas and Draupadis), it was only because she grows up to marry a hero/prince somewhere, only to produce sons for this hero.

      Same goes for the hindi movies of the eighties and nineties (and maybe even now, I have stopped keeping tabs). If the hero/heroine has a child, who remains a child for the duration of the movie, it is always a boy. And the fact that the male child is desirable was shamelessly depicted in how they would talk about it in anticipation. My blood would always boil even as a child and still does now when I come across these hypocrisies. After discovering the practice of female foeticide/infanticide,when I was a child myself, I’d wonder why more empowered women wouldn’t do reverse sex selection to only give birth to girls ! A little extreme you may think, but nothing compared to the centuries of abuse in all shape and form that the females of this sick country with it’s sick culture have been subjected to. The hypocritical sayings about ‘worshipping women’ or glorifying women as the ever sacrificing mothers and sisters disgusts me. Of course you would only want her that way and never as a daughter or as a human being now, don’t you ? How very convenient.

      Technology has made the world smaller and exposed the women in this country to a lot more than the garbage fed to them by the patriarchal society in the form of literature, movies and social norms in general , brainwashing women unlucky to be born here for several centuries. Not hopeful that things will change all that much in our lifetime, in another 100-150 years, maybe.

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  5. Also this nonsense about ‘rapes are because of porn!’ is so tiring. You know what, I’ve watched porn and shockingly I didn’t rape anybody! Even my husband has watched porn and not raped anybody.. not even me! Surprising, right?

    Forget about our low conviction rate.. or the normalisation of domestic violence.. or honour based silencing of victims.. or keeping women dependant and undedicated as ‘paraya than’.. or broken gender interaction models.. no no.. all that has no bearing on rapes. Only porn. That’s it! How do these people explain female infanticide in our country? What ‘foreign influence’ tell people to kill their own daughters?

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    • Well, porn may not be the root cause of rape, but I don’t think you can generalize it saying ‘I watch porn but i don’t rape’ . You can’t completely rule out the influence it may have on an uneducated, inebriated, sex starved male in India brought up on patriarchal garbage. Probably something that exacerbates an already existing problem that has it’s roots elsewhere.

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  6. Parents need to educate their kids, Human rights values need to be enphasised. Every individual, man, women or child has a right to be free and happy and not coerced into anything and the fact that your right to happines does not mean you can harm me.
    Most important to be taught is , respect others humans, animals, treat others how you wish to be treated and no one is born inferior/superior.

    Teach kids this an draise them right. constantly tell them they have to respect others space, their thoughts, their views and again their freedom, whomever it may be.

    I dont see anything being a greater influence than parents who live ,raise and mold a child for decades. I agree other media,schools,law,govt have social responsibility towards raising a good generation but nothng like learning it at home.

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  7. I too agree the biggest change which happened ost Nirbhaya was increase in reporting. There is increase in awareness among women that they can report crime.

    1. Porn Culture: I don’t support porn but I can’t agree that its the reason behind rape.Most of the men I guess 98% of them watch porn but all of them are not aggressive or think women are object because of porn. They think they are superior to women because they earn and feed them so they are responsible for upkeep of women. This mentality I have seen in my B.Tech and MBA college.

    2. Manly Character: With this I will agree. It was clearly portrayed in Satyamev Jayate.

    3. Nudity: I don’t agree. If we agree on nudity as a reason then somewhere for some random men womens cloth will not be enough. In day to day living in India 98% women wear Kurta and Salwar Kameej.

    4.Political Reason: I agree. In our country politicians call for a rape revenge against opposition.

    5.Consensual relationship: Why it is difficult for men to understand that women can give and withdraw consent. They think that woman’s consent is based on place and position. if she is wife then consent is default. If she is working outside then she has already consented otherwise why she would have been outside. however if we analyse women have no consent anywhere in any situation.

    6.Discussion Sexuality: What’s the harm in discussion. Otherwise how we will learn about one of the basic life function i.e sexuaql consent and relationship.Its not going to come in our head on the day or marriage itself.

    7.All rape cases are genuine: Here I agree with you.

    8. Patriarchy: Here I completely agree with IHM. Even I never thought that in hinduism windows are not given basic right. I always thought it as social problem.

    9. Law is only solution: Law enforcement is solution.

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  8. Oh jeez, what a load of garbage. I applaud your patience in dealing with this nonsense, IHM. I gave up on engaging such idiots long ago; these days I mainly point, laugh, and ignore. People like you doing this dirty work make this luxury possible for me!

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  9. All good points IHM.
    With regards to “in a country like INDIA which has the most peaceful religion?” – I feel that people don’t necessarily believe that what they practice in their religion must also extend to their lives outside the temple. Those who worship Kali, Durga, Lakshmi, Santoshi maa and so on look down upon women in their own homes. Because doing Santoshi maa ka vrat every Friday has nothing to do with the fact that you’re also praying everyday that your daughter-in-law give birth to a son and not daughter. Or the fact that right outside those temples after you’ve received your tikka and prasad, you’ll join a group of friends in cat-calling after women…

    Liked by 1 person

  10. “Science says-amygdala controls human emotions.”

    Bullshit. As human beings, we have a massive neocortex that regulates our instinctual responses. That is the defining characteristic of the human brain! The author of this letter is confused between humans and animals. And with that confusion, it’s easy to see why he thinks the way he does.

    I am a man. And I’m offended by the notion that I cannot control my knee-jerk reactions. Porn or not, even if a naked woman is standing in front of me and she says “no”, I will have no problems at all in “controlling” myself.

    You know why men rape? Because they are not afraid of getting caught. Why are only vulnerable women raped? Those who are not in a position to fight back? When did you hear of a sexual assault on a woman with bodyguards? But..but…if the men “lost control”, then it shouldn’t matter what the woman’s circumstances were yes?

    Rape is a careful, deliberate crime. It’s not “spur of the moment” stuff. Trust me when I say that EVERYONE has control over their actions. Rapists choose to rape. It’s as simple as that.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. “What do you think, blogger why Sexual Violence have increased at home in a country like INDIA which has the most peaceful religion?”

    I want whatever this dude is smoking.
    A good number of members of the “most peaceful religion” including some of my relatives still practice untouchability and treat women like chattel.

    http://www.thehindu.com/data/just-5-per-cent-of-indian-marriages-are-intercaste/article6591502.ece

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  12. Rape happens everywhere in the world and has happened for centuries. Anyone who claims to know what causes a rapist to rape is a fraud, because if we knew, we could stop it. Just like we could stop murder and torture.

    Alcohol, by lowering one’s self-control, is often linked to cases of violence, including rapes.
    Rage, because of economic or emotional issues, also lowers self-control.
    And sexual frustation caused by the skewed sex ratio in India is certainly a threat for women, as we hear everyday stories of abducted teenagers.

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