‘My question is, what do you do? What do you say when the majority thinks this way…’

Sharing an email. How do you react in similar situations? Do you attempt to convey that you disagree? Would you argue? If yes, then do you manage to convey why you disagree? Do you ignore, or pretend to agree or get into heated arguments?

Just wondering how do most people react to something that seems obvious to them but something that many others don’t seem to be able to see.

The email. 

Dear IHM,

I’m girl in my early twenties, raised by very liberal parents. I took it upon myself as a task to develop myself thoughtful, considerate and non-judgmental as I possibly could. I honestly never really realized how much gender inequality existed in our society until I started to notice the atmosphere around me – the girls in school, in college, the way people when they were talking about girls. Let me just share few examples with you.

For starters, I knew this girl in school (say A) who would proudly boast about her dad’s position and family wealth, and their nice big house. One day when our very close friend was leaving the country we had a get together at her house. A good time was being had, but ‘A’ showed up rather late. When asked why she was late – her dad never let her out of the house to meet friends and gave her an earful for wanting to come here, she was only allowed here because a close friend was leaving – that too with younger brother in tow. That was when I knew I she may have had a lot in terms of ‘status’, but she had close to nothing in terms of freedom. The thing that got to me most was – why is everyone so okay with it? How is it that they pretended this was and okay and acceptable?

I know another girl who left Grade 11 to return to India to get married. All was cute and lovely for a while after she married. While I kept my judgment to myself quite a few girls made it a point to congratulate her, tell her God had surely blessed her, how cute the couple looked, and how gorgeous her wedding dress was.  A year later she got divorced. Now she’s continuing her studies.

However the one that really opened my eyes something that happened very recently. The father of a friend of mine recently passed away. The family is survived by my friend, his brother, mother and his younger sister. As my friends came to hear of the news, they all showed signs of feeling sorry and having pity – but all unanimously (and disappointingly) ended their statements the same way – ‘Oh so he has a younger sister huh? Oh so he now has to work for her marriage’ *understanding tone of voice* *concerned, caring look*. While I silently nodded outside inside I was aghast.  Honestly the first time I heard it, it took a while for me to understand they were actually serious. Note that sister (the liability who needs to be married off) is doing her MBA. Also, that they are upper middle class. Note from the four people who made this statement all were ‘NRIs’.  By this I’m not emphasizing ‘NRI’ here, what I am emphasizing is that this mentality prevails among social class that has supposedly settled into a more ‘developed’ society. Two from them are girls – one of the tem is currently pursuing her Masters degree, she’s amongst the brightest in class. The other is the so-called ‘modern’ Indian girl. She drinks, she smokes, she parties. The other two were brothers but with vastly differing personalities. Yet both had the same reaction to the personal ‘burden’ he now had to carry. Also note that one of the brother’s has worked and studied in the UK for more than 5 yrs and considers himself ‘modern’.  I rarely have anything to say when I hear such things, because I never expect these things to be said in today’s world by people from my generation.

There are countless examples – a man responding to a woman in my office who just said her younger sister got engaged ‘Oh, so now your Dad can finally relax!’ (this was said inspite of there being an unmarried boy too in the house).  Some guy friends who are either married or in serious relationships find it quite okay to make jokes or share stories of times they argued/ outwitted the girl’s parents openly in front of our circle, while the girls would never retaliate in the same way, they just keep quite. Guys who make jokes on dark or ‘black’ girls. And it goes on and on. There’s a lot more to say, but it’s pointless.

My question is, what do you do? What do you say when the majority thinks this way and  anything you say to counter them will just get you looks of bewilderment in return, or blank responses of ‘but that’s our culture’, or ‘you’re trying to be too western’. How do you convince the majority that a culture that is misogynist and expects it’s people to follow strictly defined gender roles is one that needs to undergo some change at least? Especially when you’re often the only person in the group who seems to think differently.

I’m sorry this email is really long. But sometimes it feels like no one really gets it. Everyone is comfortable under the ‘traditional’ umbrella, and no one really gets why the system is unjust. I’m writing this because I know that you, IHM are one of the few people can understand my point. I also want to ask you – do you ever come across such things in social situations? And how do you tackle it?

Apologies again for the long email. I know many of your readers often email you about genuine problems, while mine is just a rant. Thanks anyway for listening.

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33 thoughts on “‘My question is, what do you do? What do you say when the majority thinks this way…’

  1. Dear LW,
    We’ve all been in these situations. I try to address such biases using simple statements like,
    “So what makes you think she’s a burden?”
    To which the response could be, “Well you know, she’s a girl. Girls are the father’s or brother’s responsibility.”
    I would respond, “Why do you think boys are not the mother’s or sister’s responsibility?”
    If they say, “That’s how our tradition dictates … it’s my job now since I’m the man of the family.”
    I might say, “Your sister is well educated. I’m sure she can get a good job. She’ll even be in a position to help the family. You still don’t feel she can be responsible for herself?”
    Or in the case of ‘being relieved that their daughter is getting married’, I might ask the male co-worker, “Why do you think they would be relieved?”
    and once again go down the path of logic to help them see things a bit more objectively.
    You have to keep steering them back to the path of logic. You will encounter lots of logical fallacies (quoting tradition, false presumptions, ad hominems, ambiguity, straw man arguments, etc.).
    – You point out why such a tactic makes their argument invalid.
    – You remind them to stay on topic and to avoid personal attacks.
    – You don’t lose your temper by remembering that everyone’s a product of their own nature and their environment, both of which we have little control over.

    Why bother with all this?
    Many of these people have never questioned anything in their lives. They hear and see things, and then follow. Questioning has never been encouraged, in fact it is seen as disrespectful and dangerous in some cultures. This is the first time, someone’s challenging them to not assume things as they are but to ask the most important questions of all
    – WHY IS THIS DONE THIS WAY AND DOES IT MAKE SENSE?
    – WHOM DOES IT BENEFIT AND WHOM DOES IT HURT?
    – IF SOMETHING HAS BEEN DONE FOR CENTURIES, DOES THAT MAKE IT RIGHT?
    – DO WE USE OUR OWN INTELLIGENCE TO ASSESS SOMETHING OR DO WE TAKE SOMEONE’S WORD FOR GRANTED?
    How many of these people will change and is it worth it?
    I think it does help bring about change. At least some of the people you talk to will begin to start thinking on their own, will start questioning biases.

    If we want things to change, we need to speak up. We can’t keep silent. We need more voices of reason and the more we speak, the more we outnumber the voices of fear.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think the only way to tackle these comments/situations is to call them out what they are- not angrily, but perhaps pointedly/nicely/sarcastically. Really, as an individual, what more can you do other than to give the group you’re with a moment to reflect on their attitudes?

    (Also, western clothing /drinking/smoking etc are not really markers of liberalism. Someone who is liberal in terms of personal habits or even personal sexuality can be pretty conservative when it comes to more ‘institutional’ things like marriage or having children. I’ve been caught by surprise by this before.)

    Like

    • I don’t think calling them out sarcastically helps actually. You’re right when you say, anger doesn’t help at all.
      I think wordssetmefree’s way of asking questions is better because the ultimate aim shouldn’t be to undermine them for the views they have or were brought up with but to help them question those views & make them understand that the centuries old traditions that they hold, don’t hold true now.
      Mainly because in those days, women weren’t as financially independent as they are now…
      We can never change their views & we should never enforce our views on anyone else, all we can do is help them understand…
      The worst would be that they just don’t get it, but that’s okay, if you can help at least one person understand & question what they were brought up to believe in, that itself would make all the difference in the world…

      Like

  3. Every time you challenge a convention you dent the oppressive tradition. Keep pushing the boundaries of thoughts and action, keep challenging every misogynist remark or act with dignified calm. People change the day they realize their current/conventional way of thinking and acting is no longer serving them. Often people resist change because they are unaware of available alternatives. Your challenging and pushing boundaries will give them possible alternatives.That is all you can do, don’t burden yourself with changing the world, Nanak, Kabeer, Gandhi too only made dents.
    Stay strong stay calm,
    Peace,
    Desi Girl

    Like

  4. Just the previous weekend I too faced an issue. When I said I dont want to talk to a particular girl due to some personal reasons, he commented ‘All girls are like this!’. I started asking him why is it that every negative thing is linked to a female and everything strong and competent is considered ‘manly’. His next statement was ‘Are you a fucking feminist? I hate feminists!!’ He added he hates male chauvinists too. I told he s one of them as I have heard all kind of sexist statements coming from him. But he says its just a joke.
    Few people you cannot change. They enjoy the perks this patriarchal society gives them.
    But there are people who are different. As wordssetmefree pointed out, we have been discouraged to question the so called traditions and hypocrisy. There are friends, who have stopped making such remarks once I pointed out that it was wrong to say that. I know it is difficult to speak out when every one else has a different point of view. But if we donot speak out, who else will?
    When it comes to kids, I try and make them analyse why it is wrong to percieve girl as a ‘pre defined thing’ (to be married off, to do the household work, to be kept at home-covered,weak, damsel-in-distress) but as a human who has thoughts and feelings. It is important for children to learn to not accept everything as it is.

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  5. Been here, felt this so many times. But while I appreciate the two suggestions above, you don’t always want to be the one giving people information on thesee topics. In my circle, I was the only person who could understand what was wrong about the Airtel ad with the lady as the boss and the wife… I have friends that actually thought this ad was romantic and funny. So most of the times, I keep quiet. When i can’t stand it any more i speak out. And so it goes on.

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  6. DO we come across such incidents, indeed! I’ll bet being Indian women living in India we ARE such incidents, me today, she tomorrow! As for your so-called ‘modern’ NRIs who party, drink, and have fun, well, thank God they do at least that! That’s due progress wouldn’t you think? – DO you think that was allowed in the generation before them?🙂 However, on a serious note, yes we live and breathe this culture of inequality here and everywhere. And yet, there are several beautiful examples of sheer dignity, equality, and equity for women that I come across now and then. The numbers are going up, I have to say. The best thing is women posting their rants – like you have done, like I did once upon a time🙂 It shows we are aware, our eyes are opened, our conscience finds certain things revolting; that we are ready to talk, raise our voices, get together on such a platform as this one (thanks IHM) and that we are less and less ready now to take things as they are. Now when was this allowed to happen?
    When I am confronted with such jokes, snide remarks, snarky asides, I dissent. Nobody can take that away from me. Yes, I might eventually find myself being less popular in certain circles but people – like-minded ones and the only ones whom I am likely to ever respect anyway – they end up coming closer. Something like separating the wheat from the chaff. It’s chaotic at times but never has the outcome been disappointing. I have never missed the circle I lost due to my thoughts and my attitude.
    Yes, family is a different matter. And I have had my trysts there as well. I am polite but outspoken, careful but forthright, and I consider it imperative to guard my priorities. It’s a work in progress, for sure.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I know this is a long, rambling response, but your question is very complicated, and I have things to say.

    I am equally appalled at the general decadence around me. Think about it – our ‘culture’ is simply chomp-chomp-chomp-chomp-glug-glug-glug-glug-khi-khi-khi-khi. Basically, people only want to eat and drink and make merry – they hate exercise of any kind – be it physical or mental.

    People just want to take traditional ‘wisdom’ and stick to it so they don’t have to make the effort of rationalizing the hand-me-down philosophy of women being inferior. This is why you will find that there is no point arguing with them. I have tried, several times, to hold conversations with people but it is an exercise in futility.

    I refuse to give up, so I focus my energies on changing the mindsets of the people that directly impact my life, such as my parents, cousins, and domestic helps. I also bring these topics up during my lunch table conversations with people in office.

    What does this change, you might wonder.
    This:
    1. I began talking to my parents about gender equality and true freedom for women three years ago. Slowly, reluctantly, they are changing. They have now started talking my language (which is probably just as bad as them talking their forefathers’ language but again at least my language is relevant in today’s world). I recently saw my mom educating her maid about how she has equal rights in her marriage and that she ought to leave her drinking-abusing-stealing-cheating husband because she deserves better. She then talked about me as an example to follow (I left my ex-husband for a lot less).
    2. One of my colleagues is finally standing up for herself in front of her MIL who wanted her to quit her job and be a stay-at-home-maid. She has refused clearly and firmly – she is continuing her job and her MIL is finally coming to terms with it.

    So my advice to you would be this:
    1. Don’t turn into someone who talks about these issues at every possible opportunity. People will promptly label you ‘ideologist’ or ‘too modern’ and dismiss you. Start small. Start by focusing on one person at a time.
    2. When you have ‘the talk’ with someone, be patient and rational. Know that ideologies that have prevailed for centuries are tough to change within an hour’s time. It may take months (even years) for someone to finally see your point.
    3. Have twenty small 5-minute conversations instead of one 2 hour session. Persistence is the key. Stick to your guns. Point out good and bad examples.
    4. Be rational, and not emotional. Keep your point and language consistent. Say what you want, but say it with a dispassionate tone. It’s like conditioning a dog. Losing your temper will only hamper the progress you’ve made.
    5. This advice may seem odd – but do not have conversations in the heat of the moment. People, when agitated, do not listen to reason.

    Try this for a few months and then come back and report your progress. Maybe I’ll give you another prescription!😉

    Like

  8. I have faced more strongly worded biases than this and you will be no doubt faced with even more narrow-minded points of view as time goes on. A few of the most shocking cases I have heard have been regarding widowhood and honour killing.

    My own response in these cases is something akin to “Isn’t it sad that we in Indian women are still considered a burden? It is quite sad. I have heard that it is quite different in the west. ” or something similar. This saves the other person the embarrasement of being called narrow-minded. It stops you and the other people being in the opposite sides of the net and lashing out arguments. Mostly they may say something regarding the divorce rates of the west or about their teenage pregnancy and you can discuss the pros and cons of liberal societies and conservative ones. At the end both of you can gain insight about other points of view.

    I would not recommend the question “Why do you think women are a burden?” You may sound innocently curious but not many people will buy your innocence or curiosity. You may pull it off when you are very young, but as time goes on it just sounds like the sugar-coated version of “You really are a narrow minded what-not”.

    If you feel that the liberal vs conservative discussion is also loaded, then try the Reality vs Utopia discussion. It goes something like, “Would it not be terrific if people never thought of others as burden? No name calling, no judgementalism etc?” Basically a feminist version of John Lennon’s Imagine.

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  9. I completely agree with you. Often such statements are made in gatherings and if I bring out that these views are outdated, the people around me feel that I am playing a spoilsport. I surely sdo not want to spoil the atmosphere by bringing up statements that these statements are not right but also cannot stand them. I live in London and most of the couples I know here share the household work. But the men always joke about having to wash vessels or do laundry. They do it day in and out but still feel the need to joke about it. This truly exasperates me.

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  10. 1.I question them right away, polietly and make sure there is an opposing view point out there. they may not like it then but slowly their brains will think🙂
    2. I try and raise my kids right, without bias subtle or otherwise, with the same freedoms nad the same responsibilities and will happily accept the spouse ,career,life of their choice both the sons an ddaughters,
    3. i encourage them to take care of each other. no male female, big small etc., both are support for the other. equally and fairly.

    thats it thats all i can do – my 2 cents

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    • People are the same…I’ve a friend working well and independent who thinks that once you are married you should follow the culture of your husband as you become his caste…I sometimes think there is no point responding….!!!

      Like

  11. One of my room-mate while I was pursuing my graduation commented about dhaula kuan rape ” ladki ki zindagi barbaad hogayi” I felt like puking at that moment….just because some bad guy raped her, why her life is supposed to be finished in Indian culture? Why cant she live a normal life when she recovers out of trauma? why cant she marry, have kids like any other girl !
    why is she seen as victim all throughout her life. Why cant people move on and stop looking at her like she is some untouchable. There is lot of injustice in male-dominated society and women need to speak up.

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  12. This mindset is very strong. Even educated women don’t recognize what they are saying. One of my friends is married recently and drinks occasionally. She is working as Clinical Research Analyst and it came from her mouth that drinking will reduces her chance of pregnancy. I don’t understand drinking is part of daily life style in west but how come there reproductivity is not affected by it.

    I agree maybe excessive drinking adversely affect other body system like nervous system,reproductive system etc but the effect will be same whether its male or female. But I don’t understand why nobody questions or put restriction for male fertility.

    Why for everything women does there is caution that you will not become mother, dont go around and play. You do one thing and there is a misogynist logic which justify why it should not be done. It comes as most natural thing in brain.

    Dont know when people will realise what they are speaking and why.

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    • Well, maybe drinking will not affect her fertility, but drinking alcohol during pregnancy is very bad, even in the early stages. And there is a link between drinking and smoking fathers and some defects in babies. Alcohol abuse is bad for everybody but apparentely it is physically worse for women.

      Drinking is not a game.

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        • Well it’s bad for the foetus, and also it seems alcohol generally affects women more than men. In Europe it is advised for both men and women who want children to change their diet and lifestyle, but especially women of course.

          Have you read these articles claiming some medicine work differently on men and women ? I find that amazing.

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  13. Regarding losing friends in the process of speaking up –
    – You are engaging in an open ended discussion, not accusing, so you are not making enemies of people
    – If the people in the group cannot engage in a non-threatening discussion and react defensively at the slightest offering of a different point of view, is it worth staying in this group?
    – If you remain silent to keep your friends, you will still disagree with their views on the inside. You may feel frustrated over time as you watch them continue to smugly holding on to their views, never suspecting they’re wrong. This internal frustration is bound to taint your friendship anyway. It might come out in a burst at the wrong moment. Then you lose them anyway.
    – You may be able to change a couple of minds. These people may become closer to you over time. What you now have is fewer more meaningful friendships rather than a larger group where you have to nod outwardly and fume inwardly.
    – If every single person in the group is unwilling to see things differently and feels safe with their biases, then it’s time for you to re-examine the validity of even being in this group. It’s time to ask, “Where can I find more like minded/rational people?” and go and explore new avenues for friendship.
    – No matter how you look at it, you will benefit in the long run by being honest, speaking up, and being true to yourself, and not compromising on your values.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. This is a timely post considering that just today I was having an argument on Facebook about the representation of women in Happy New Year.

    I respect and agree with the advice that has been given by most, which is to speak up in a calm, rational and polite way. It’s also been comforting to read that others too feel like they’re spoiling the party or not getting the joke.

    My only gripe is that such arguments tend to get heated because the person on the other side often presents irrational and irresponsible arguments which make it impossible to keep your cool. Many people, when they find themselves arguing with a feminist, respond like you have a personal agenda to make their life miserable.

    In such cases, I question if we should be polite and calm. People may label me the angry feminist but I don’t think I should be expected to keep a lid on things when the other person applies no filter or thought to their words. Just my personal approach!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Rowdy Rani, I know what you’re talking about. Sometimes, people get highly irrational and make generalizations on all women, all feminists, all ‘modern women’, etc. Occasionally, people may even get out of hand, call you names, use swear words – basically when certain people can’t prove their point, they resort to personal attacks.

      I know staying calm is not always easy but that is exactly what the other person wants from you – they want you to get riled up – so don’t give them the satisfaction of having that reaction. That makes them feel powerful. Remember, it’s better to save our anger/disappointment for the ones we love and care about.
      Remember that this person has really no impact on your life, this person who makes personal attacks or insults you is not worthy of your anger.

      When someone is genuinely nice but has a traditional mindset, remain empathetic in your attitude and tone of voice.
      But when someone is obviously mean, and resorts to insults/name calling, use a completely neutral, dead calm, “Oh so now we’re in the insults arena now, are we? Looks like logic’s out the window. I’m done with this conversation. Goodbye and good luck.”
      People who insult/deliberately hurt other people love to be rewarded with a heated reaction. They don’t expect to be dismissed casually. It makes them look pathetic (rather than powerful).

      Like

  15. Challenging a set of ideas, which are a product of conditioning of the mind, is always tricky.The only hope we have is that if a person can be brainwashed once, then they can be brainwashed twice.
    Easier said than done, I know.I usually tiptoe,question gently, and try to make them see things from a different perspective.I never lose my patience or temper (anymore).I usually start out with the premise that they are right.Then I work my way with questions like ‘Then how come….’etc.
    So far, I have had zero success.The outcomes were :
    1.One friend quit with ‘Oh I have no time/patience for this.’
    2.Another started a speech on Indian Culture.
    3.Another laughed and said ‘Oh, you are so funny’.😦
    Btw,
    #1 was about women’s choice of dressing being controlled by society, especially married women.
    #2 was a discussion I started with a well educated, well earning female friend of mine, who was a victim to bullying by in laws, about the pitfalls of Arranged Marriage.I was saying that deciding whom to marry based on a 5 min meeting is hardly an intelligent thing to do.She whole heartedly agreed and then said ‘The alternate is a live-in relationship to determine compatibility’.And then BAM, I was suddenly being lectured on how it was the trend these days and how it is not our CULTURE.
    #3 was about sharing chores with the hubby so that their toddler doesnt grow up with a sense of entitlement.
    But I am not going to give up.Because, once upon a time, not long ago, I was exactly like them.I was a big time foot soldier of Patriarchy.
    Then I stumbled upon IHM’s blog.
    I read a couple of posts, around Sept 2011 and hated every single commenter.
    This went on for a few months.I swore to boycott this blog.But something did not feel right about my hatred.I kept coming back and reading, with a grimace of pain and a disgusted look on my face, literally.Slowly but surely, I became, ‘unconditioned'(is there such a word?).
    So , if I could, I am sure others can too.Unlearn, I mean.And relearn too.
    So please, do not lose hope dear LW.
    Just keep trying.

    p.s.-Thank you IHM.

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  16. YES, you must speak up. Speak up to challenge these mindsets and also feel a freedom for getting your opinions off your chest. The best that can happen – is that it will challenge the person’s attitudes and force them to think of things from a different perspective. The worst that can happen is that they ignore you, or they bully you.
    Nobody ever made a difference by being silent.

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  17. LW,

    You want to know how to speak up about gender inequality related issues. It is so obvious to you that some things are wrong, but others are just not able to see it. Often you are the only one in a group who sees thing in a certain way.

    Let’s say there is a person who is an atheist. Faith and belief seem openly wrong to this person. Should she ask her woman friends how can they go through a kanyadaan ceremony even just in name?

    You can be the change you think the world needs. Live a life where you make choices based on your thinking. Help when someone seeks your help. Other than that, take heart – things are much better than they were decades ago, and will be much better decades from now.

    The rich girl not allowed to go to farewell party – you don’t know the whole story of why the restrictions. The girl who got married in Grade 11 and other girls wished her – it is a wedding, to wish is customary.

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    • I agree with this. Arguing only changes the mind of people who are ready to change. But living and giving example, that is what make people stop in their track and think. And stopping to help others whatever your beliefs is also a good one. In my opinion.

      Like

  18. I can totally understand where the letter writer is coming from! I am tired of receiving/reading so called sexist jokes.

    Recently a friend posted a picture of her son with a make up of bruised eyes, a bandage with a red paint on it, a picture of belan (the rolling pin used to make chapatis) and with placard around his neck “I argued with my wife”. A similar pic was making rounds on FB for a while now and seems like my friend was inspired by it. I did not like the pic. I saw comments such as ‘so cute’, ‘wow, be careful boy’ , ‘this is the fate of husbands’ etc etc. What are we teaching our children? That arguing with a spouse might lead to beating.

    And no. living abroad does not necessarily change the mindsets of people. I live in Singapore and have come across people who have lived here for decades but still take pride in holding on to so-called traditions. All the ‘girls should get married and give birth at the right age’, ‘boys shouldn’t cry’ ‘ you are a girl, behave like one’ etc are still prevalent. I was taken aback when a friend, who was pregnant for the second time told that if she gave birth to a girl again, she would try for the third one! (read I want a boy). And to think she is an engineer by training and has lived in European countries!!

    I questioned a friend who said she had to pass on a thali filled with goodies to a mother who has only sons. I asked her what made mothers with daughters not eligible for this tradition. She said she didn’t know and was following her mother’s instruction. I still hear few mothers stopping their sons from doing house work while girls are taught to clean up, wash vessels etc. When I question people about their beliefs, they look at me in dismay. Some think I am not in the right frame of mind and some think I am too rebellious. I still speak because I want my children (daughter and son) to know there is no discrimination when it comes to genders. Both should have careers, they should handle household chores and not grow up with a sense of entitlement.

    Like

    • Yeah I completely agree. Sometimes indians living abroad get even more defensive and say things like “don’t follow their culture” and bla bla bla indian culture, as if culture isn’t constantly evolving and changing.

      Like

  19. The suggestions are really cool.. One problem that I have faced when I reply in a calm way to such discussions among my friends is –
    when their sexist points fail to be logical and they have no answer to my logical questions, what they come up with it is – ‘You and I might think in such progressive ways but not the whole society. Most of the people think like this so we have no option but to tolerate it..’

    Like

  20. Pingback: We still need feminism because… | Rowdy Rani

  21. Pingback: “I am trying to make a list of soooooooo many advantages a girl can have if she is born in a Western family as compared to being born in india.” | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

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