Sharing an email – what do you think should the email writer do? How can she go about it? What would help, what do you think would not help?
I never thought I would be writing here.
I am a 29 soon to be 30 years working in IT. Single but happy. I have a lot of my hobbies and plans I do not feel left out alone or anything. I like travelling, photography. Have been to top of mountains to deep under the sea. I am not good looking and absolutely do not like make-up and all those stuff and surely not to please anyone.
My parents want me to get married and are in search for past 4 years. I saw a few boys but never got a ‘yes’ nor a ‘no’. There was no contact so we assumed that they must not be interested. I myself have not denied anyone. But I must agree I pointed out to my parents, “He did not talk much. Kept looking out of the window while parents chatted.” Or, “Why talk in English? His parents are here. They must get to know me and my point of view”. For this my mother now says, I pointed out mistakes in every person. But I surely told them if I liked anyone when he made an effort to talk to my parents or it was not only me touching his parents feet (which I do not like to do just for the sake of it) but he did the same. I felt good meeting such people. But nothing happened.
Now my mother is in panic mode. She feels all the boys are already setting age criteria which you do not fit. All marriageable age boys are getting over. And now it’s getting difficult. You are not finding one yourself. Being so firm with your points that some person will ‘run away’ feeling afraid.
I do not agree to put on a make-up and show. I would like someone to like me for what I am. Not something I have posed. Being presentable is ok. But no painting. I have a younger sister. If I taking time it will make difficult for her it seems. I have told them if she likes/finds anyone please go ahead. But “You have no idea how difficult you are making this for us or for yourself!!!”
I believe things will happen when they intend to. There are people who have found partners after 30-31-32. But ‘this does not happen with all!’ is what I get. I have now taken up studies for entrance higher studies. My parents are not at all against it. But “it can happen together also! Are you going to wait till you finish it? How much late?” I agree. If anyone is accepting it I am ok.
I am close with a person who is elder to me and married, but not happy. We both know time will come when we have to change paths and we are prepared. It will be hard but we have to. He tried getting divorce but things are complicated as he is threatened with law. But he does not ask me to wait at all. Also my parents will be broken with such a relationship if I choose. But we share a good rapport and understanding. It is not a deep madly in love. But an understanding relationship that complements each other. He has kept me in high spirit, help me look at the positive side when I was down, helped me dared when I was afraid talking to people/managers etc.
Sometimes when I think what will I do if there is no marriage? I tell myself there are many things I can. May be open a shelter for stray animals I always felt like, roam around in jungles, may be join and NGO to teach kids, sponsor education of at least 1 child up to the time he/she wants to study.
Should I be trying with all my might to find a partner putting it on first priority? Daily checking the marriage sites to see possible matches? Or go on with life and decide when time comes? Or make the time come because of the age factor? Go on looking the prospective men around?
I have also told parents that if they are so tenses of me getting married. Then I am ready to any person who says first ‘Yes’. ‘To blame us later?’ – my mother asks. Then taking the pressure of the society(?) and fretting over it will make whom happy? I see so much of issues because of me. What if I am not there?
What must I do?
– Please Help.