What should you do if you are sure someone is in an abusive relationship but they believe you can’t understand or they don’t need your help, though they do talk about how unhappy they are?
When do attempts to help and support become interference, and what would you view as indifference?
What prevents domestic/intimate partner (or any) abuse victims from seeing even the most obvious abuse?
I think, one could share this link with them: Is your relationship healthy?
And then try not to judge them for not doing what we think they ought to do. (Like take control of their lives)
And then we could try and be there for them – not easy but I don’t think there is anything anybody can do without this – because trying to force them to act is not too different from what the abuser is doing – and the abuser does not just use force. Also, they often have time, inclination, self-interest, social permission to control the victim.
And how do we know we are right? I think there are some obvious non negotiables – but beyond that how do we know what would be the right thing to do?
I think the victim has to be the one to decide. All we can do is let them know we are there for them when they need us.
What do you think?
Sharing an email.
One of my very close relatives is in an abusive relationship.
She is a very smart educated woman, she has great presence of mind.
She also has a one year old son.
She also has a good well – paying job for the moment.
She has a husband who keeps leaving his job and will not stick to any of them.
She believes that her husband has got into job troubles since marrying her (because he repeatedly tells her this) and that she has been unlucky for their entire family.
She supports the family now but believes that she is the reason for their troubles in the first place.
Both of them have fearful tempers and talk abusively during fights. He hits her, he has kicked her a couple of times that I know of.
She believes that she provokes him into hitting her – this is also reinforced by his family – her mother in law and sisters in law keep repeating this.
When I talk to her and ask her to come out of the relationship, she says I have a happy marriage and I will never be able to understand what is going on in theirs.
She always wants to give him another chance.
What can I do for her???
Any practical inputs from you or the blog readers would be very much welcome.
Closing that chapter – just as if nothing happened – Careless Chronicles