Sharing an email.
‘About ex-es (probably inspired by the most recent story)’
I would appreciate if you can put it up on your blog.
My husband had a girl friend before we married. When we had met for the first time, she had just gotten married. (Within months of breaking up with him). They were still in contact and my husband still talked affectionately with her. Old habits die hard and he, out of habit, and because they were colleagues at work, shared all minute details of his day with her. On the other side, he had started liking me a lot and I had fallen in love with him. We got engaged within months of being friends.
He did introduce me to her and I also knew they were quite good friends. I had no problem with it, naturally, until I came to know that she was his ex-gf. How I came to know was very dramatic. I was snooping through his phone (I know it is wrong but somehow, my gut told me that something was cooking) I saw the messages and that he talked so affectionately with her, almost as if he was talking to me. (There were also some love you messages from him). I also found a lot of saved chat-scripts when they exchanged the love-yous and miss-yous in the past. And to add to the drama, this was the day when she was leaving the country to go where her husband works. (Her husband had already left, very soon after the marriage)
It also hit me very hard in the belly to know that she used to talk almost all day long with my husband. She never responded to his love-yous but never stopped him. The way she talked to him, it was almost everything that a couple would talk minus the love-you. And there were a few times when he told her that he wanted to stop talking to her and be fair to a relationship he had just committed to. But she would constantly tell him “whats wrong in being friends. I am concerned for you. I want to look out for you” etc.
When I confronted him, the first thing he did was to apologise profusely. I also know he repents that time too. He does regret getting emotional with someone other than his fiancee. He never said that to me though. He told me that he regretted his act and that he knows he committed a grave blunder. He asked for a chance to show that I could trust him again. I knew his regret was genuine and gave him that chance.
He did stop it. I have never found anything else and never any suspicious behaviour. Today, I know he has moved on from his past. And that he loves me way more than I love him. He is as committed to me as he can ever be, the perfect husband and the perfect father to our child.
On the other side, she still cajoled him until about some months back when she was feigning illness to get his attention. He has never RSVPed into her drama. She has sent several mails “please be friends” “can I call you when you are in office”. When he did not respond the way she wanted, she unfriended us on facebook. Good riddance. I went ahead and blocked her. I know its lame but I only wanted to pass it on to her that we are not interested in her and were only friends outwardly because there were a lot of common friends and such unfriending etc was a childish step. But when she did it, I did it too.
A month back, I was revamping my account and unblocked her thinking its all a very distant past now. The thing is now, I can see her comments on common friends wall or can see her replies on threads and it irritates me. I am itching to go and block her again. But I seriously want to move on from all this shit.
My husband knows I sometimes get very frustrated with the thoughts of that day when she is mentioned by some common friends or her reply to some friend shows up on my facebook feed or some assh*le colleague deliberately brings her up to remind husband of his past and mister gets very apologetic every time, assuring me that he is mine and never ever do I need to doubt that for even a part of a second. That he has moved on. He gets back to that guilty mode, which is what I don’t want him to feel. I know he’s felt bad for that enough. I don’t want to torture him with that thought again and again.
Please give me some tips on how to move on from my husbands past. And to assure him that it doesn’t affect me as much now and he can let that guilt pass.
An anonymous wife.