Sharing the response from the email writer who wrote, “This is the worst emotional crisis of my life… My question is, why didn’t it hurt him so much?”
I am aware that this was the best possible outcome of the whole episode–it’s just that I find the humiliation overwhelming.
Thank you for publishing my mail. It has generated a lot of comments, and I have been going through them very closely. Thanks to all commenters who took the time to comment. I would, in particular, like to thank Anna, Carvaka, Nandini and Ash for their helpful responses.
I do realize that what I did was wrong. It was a terrible lapse of judgement. In my defense, I can only plead momentary insanity. Like a commenter put it, it really was my first time parrying in that grey zone where logic and feelings don’t exist. I did have a crush on him but I would never in my wildest dream have initiated anything romantic with him. I, very unfortunately, got carried away only because he confessed to his desire. It suddenly became too tempting to resist.
I was completely blinded to the repercussions this could have. I now shudder to think of them.
I realize only too well that whatever happened was very unfair to my husband.
Yes, I do want to stay in this marriage. Nobody is perfect in this world, and it follows that no marriage is perfect either. Most are a mix of the good and the bad, and I am grateful that mine is more good than bad. Right now, my family, my husband and kids are the absolute focus of all my attention– but for them, I think I would have gone crazy.
The fact that this happened to me of all people can only mean that it can happen to anybody at all. I’d never thought I would ever find myself in such a godawful mess.
I am aware that this was the best possible outcome of the whole episode–it’s just that I find the humilaition overwhelming. I regret, from the bottom of my heart, that this ever happened. I do also mourn the loss of a great friend, but I suppose that is for the best too. I only hope time will heal me, as many of you have said it would.