दुल्हन मुस्कुराई और अपने देवर का परिचय अपनी सहेलियो से करवाया…

For those who don’t understand what’s wrong with sexist jokes. 

The Bride smiled and introduced the Groom’s younger brother, “Meet my Lord’s brother, he is half my Lord and Master.”

This is being shared on facebook, and I googled to find the original here: दुल्हन मुस्कुराई और अपने देवर का परिचय अपनी सहेलियो से करवाया…

दूल्हे ने अपने दोस्तों का परिचय साथ
खड़ी अपनी साली से करवाया
” ये है मेरी साली , आधी घरवाली ”
दोस्त ठहाका मारकर हंस दिए !
दुल्हन मुस्कुराई और अपने देवर का परिचय
अपनी सहेलियो से करवाया
” ये हैं मेरे देवर ..आधे पति परमेश्वर “

…..


ये क्या हुआ ….?
अविश्वसनीय …अकल्पनीय!
भाई समान देवर के कान सुन्न हो गए!

दूल्हे , दूल्हे के दोस्तों , रिश्तेदारों सहित सबके
चेहरे से मुस्कान गायब हो गयी!
लक्ष्मन रेखा नाम का एक गमला अचानक स्टेज से
नीचे टपक कर फूट गया!
स्त्री की मर्यादा नाम की हेलोजन लाईट
भक्क से फ्यूज़ हो गयी!

 

Rough Translation:

After the wedding ceremony, the Bride and the Bride groom were both happy. Photo session started. The Groom introduced the Bride’s younger sister, “Please meet, the younger sister of the wife, she is half my wife.”

The Bride smiled and introduced the Groom’s younger brother, “Meet my Lord’s brother, he is half my Lord and Master.” 

Smiles vanished. Indian culture and patriarchy were seen as wounded.

This was seen as women crossing their Laxman Rekha by those who until moments ago were fine with a sexist joke since it was “just a joke!”

Suddenly a sound was heard from the sky. It was all the Indian women joining in laughter together.

What say?

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26 thoughts on “दुल्हन मुस्कुराई और अपने देवर का परिचय अपनी सहेलियो से करवाया…

  1. Smart bride..

    I hate sexist jokes. Because while they manage to reinstate sexist tropes and stereotypes, if you object, i.e. don’t even laugh- you are told, ‘Arre ye surf joke hai yaar.. itna seriously mat lo.’

    Sexist humour is a big big problem because it is seen as harmless. Humour actually is a weapon, a way to assert your dominance within the group. And sexism is no exception.

    What kills me is how women also tell and enjoy sexist jokes. To fit in.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I don’t find sexist jokes funny. The best way to counter a sexist joke is to take the punch line and ask: what’s so funny? It’s usually an old trope, like women can’t drive. It’s easy for the joke-teller to say the joke, but hard to explain why.

    Incidentally, there is a proverb in Tamil called ‘Akka purushan arai purushan’ (One’s elder sister’s husband is half a husband). Maybe it was made up to counter sexist jokes about the wife’s sister? 🙂

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    • It is doubtful in patriarchy that “Akka purushan arai purushan” (One’s elder sister’s husband is half a husband) would have been a counter to “saali aadhi ghar wali” (wife’s sister is equivalent to half wife) because in both the phrases message is extension of sexual favors to man related to the woman through marriage.
      DG

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  3. This joke is clearly an Indian style patriarchy inspired one. I’ve also encountered a lot of sexist jokes here in the US, and they seem to center on the “helplessness”, “indecisiveness”, “being overly emotional”, “being illogical”, “obsessed with cooking or makeup” and other mistaken notions about women. An example conversation between my friend and her husband:
    She goes out with her friends
    Husband: How did your outing go?
    Wife: Great! It was fun.
    Husband: Did you talk non-stop about recipes and makeup?
    These are the “harmless” variety.

    There are also elaborate scenario jokes that are the “clean” jokes. About what happens when a woman uses an ATM. Why women bargain over prices. And so on.
    The dirty ones are really scary and brutally objectifying.
    I suppose sexist jokes developed naturally as part of the gradual process of devaluing a certain set of human beings. After all, this is how “nigger jokes” or “Punjabi jokes” or “Jewish jokes” developed.

    A colleague once told me the best way to counter a sexist joke is to ask the joker to explain why it’s funny. Pretend you didn’t get it. So, in a recent gathering of families, I tried out this advice.

    We were talking about the wonderful food that was being served.
    One of the dads said (about the hostess) to the host, “Bet she stayed up all night planning this out, huh?. And probably drove you nuts this morning :)”
    So I said, “What do you mean?” and tried to look baffled and curious.
    He said, “Well … you know …. how women sweat it over food …. will they like this … will they like that ….”
    Me: “You think she was worried about impressing us with her cooking skills?” (looking innocent)
    He: (feeling uncomfortable now) “I just meant …. well, at least my wife …”
    Me: “And why would she drive him nuts in the morning?” (again, looking baffled)
    He: “Well, you know … all the cleaning obsession ….”
    Me: “And you think all women are obsessed with cleaning, and that includes xyz (hostess)?”
    He: “errr … no …. that’s not what I meant ….”
    While I was thoroughly enjoying him squirm, the host smiled and interjected, “Actually, my wife got a good night’s sleep. And it is I who made the amazing malai kofta – so please give me some credit here:)” (with a tiny bit of ‘watch out buddy, don’t put her down’ in his voice)
    I thought that was really smooth of the husband – he asserted himself and stood up for his wife, kept up with the joking banter, all in one smooth rejoinder🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I remember reading this ‘joke’ in a Tamil magazine as a kid. It’s stayed with me all these years.

    The situation is a movie shooting.The scene being shot is a rape scene.Director keeps having to take many takes as actress is just standing when her sari is being stripped by a guy.
    Director(to actress): Please act in this scene like you are resisting the guy who is trying to rape you.
    Actress(to Director): I’m sorry Sir.That’s very difficult for me.I am not used to resisting.

    Some of the meaning might be lost in translation from Tamil to English.The apparent joke was about how all actresses sleep with any guy.So much so that she cannot even act like she is resisting a guy.

    I’m pretty sure the magazine was either ‘Vikatan’ or ‘Kumudham’.

    Like

  5. I hate sexist jokes. There was recently a ‘garbage bin’ joke shared on facebook by my girl cousin and it made me so upset. Joke was about boys and girls in computer lab. Girls are asking the teacher – sir yeh mouse nahi chal raha, sir yeh monitor on nahi ho raha. Guys are talking amongst themselves about internet speed and torrent etc etc. And there were so many ‘likes’. And this is from people mostly working in the IT industry. I wanted to say something but didn’t want to create a ‘scene’ and be the odd one out so just left it. Wish I hadn’t though.

    Like

  6. Yes of course sexist jokes are quite scathing and hurtful if you feel strongly for gender equality.

    I, on the other hand, have a policy of not getting angry. I do believe in equality, but getting worked up shows that your fear/insecurity about your position. Anger is after all, the consequence of fear and insecurity.

    The ‘making them squirm’ technique is quite effective, but this can backfire. Sometimes, your own friends/relatives, who you are close to, call off your bluff – “Don’t pretend… okay…if you can’t take a joke at least don’t pretend it is not funny”. Then others guffaw even more. You look stupid amid an obvious bunch of fools. Your fault is in thinking they have an active conscience. Most people are not even aware of political correctness.

    We can try the ‘poker face’ technique, ‘obvious fake reaction’ technique and ‘wit hit back’ techniques. Contrary to what people think, men aren’t so thick skinned after all. They are perfectly capable of discerning facial expressions and voice tone and understanding when people mean business.

    “Why can’t women drive well?”

    “Why?”

    “Because there are so many mirrors to distract.”

    “Meh” (Poker face technique)

    “Good to know that. Interesting. Remarkable. You are so intelligent, Mulayam Singh just swooned.” (Obvious fake reaction)

    “Nice. Why do men drive well?” (Wit hit back)

    “Why?”

    “Because they’d rather move their sorry fat ass from the couch to the car seat than get up and walk.”

    “Hey…!”

    “Relax… it’s JUST A JOKE”

    Every time I tried one of these, the offenders did not repeat their act at least when I was around.

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  7. The way you put across your points and arguments never fails to impress me, You’re totally ‘bang on’ each and every time! I think you’re doing a great job here, as most of us have been regularly exposed to subtle (and not so subtle) sexism all through our lives – resulting in a general desensitization and tolerance. This needs to change.

    Like

  8. These kind of reply is best fit for these kind of jokes.
    It makes people realise what they are saying and how it is offending.

    In Love

    Like

  9. The double standards in this “joke” are just atrocious! The man can joke about “adhi gharwali” (sexual allusions, macho man etc.), but the wife’s devar is supposed to be “bhai saman”. Really? The bride, according to the patriarchy, must remain oh-so-pure and true to pati parmeshwar (no batting your eyelashes at devarji my dear, he is bhai-saman) – the same pati parmeshwar who’s looking at his saali all slant-eyed!

    Also note the use of “kan sunn” (stunned) to describe the devar’s reaction when the bride makes an improper noise. Apparently the same “kan sunn” phenomenon did not happen when the husband made the improper allusion – the saali was supposed to take it in stride?

    Like

  10. This whole concept of devar being bhai-samaan in the north and about an ‘anni’ (bhabhi) being a half mother to the husband’s brother is actually rather new. I remember reading that according to the manu smriti, the only person a widow could actually remarry was her husband’s brother. What happened to the bhai-samaan and the motherly bhabhi figure here! Not that the manu smriti’s take on it was so great, of course, but just saying.. !

    Like

  11. We also have amazing ads to project sexism. I am not sure if anyone has seen this one for instance:
    I am not sure about others – but VW will never have me as a customer – ever.

    Like

  12. Smart bride indeed! loved this. All that ‘saali aadhi gharwali’ nonsense should stop, even if people find it ‘harmless’ or say ‘just joking’.

    Like

  13. Women say what they have to say to the man openly. Straight. I do. When some men want to say somethings to a woman but don’t have the balls to say it openly, they do say it anyway and then call it a “joke”. The worst part is that they expect their women to accept the crap as a “joke”. To me it is respect walking out the door for that man – even my own.

    Like

  14. Pingback: And maybe it is too funny to even imagine the same thing ever happening to a man? | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

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