Why is it misogynistic to promise wives from Bihar to Haryana men who are not able to find wives?

Why is it misogynistic to promise wives from Bihar to Haryana men who are not able to find wives because of the skewed gender ratio in their state?

1. It implies that the biggest problem with the skewed gender ratio in Haryana is the men who are not able to find wives.

2. It implies that bringing wives from Bihar is the answer to the unwillingness of Haryana families/communities to have and to raise daughters.

3. It implies that we can continue to pretend that skewed gender ratio is caused because of Dowry demands alone and can be controlled by banning Sex Selection.

It lets us continue to not-ask –  Why don’t the people of Haryana (India) want to have and to raise daughters? Why does our society see daughters as unwanted burdens? Answers here.

4. But most of all – what about the women they are ‘bringing’?

Do these women have the option of choosing to marry men from elsewhere, or not marrying at all? Do these women feel entitled to freedom, equality, justice, reasonable safety, self reliance and equal opportunities?

How does providing single men with wives from other states help/affect the skewed gender ratio in Haryana?

Why ‘bring’ innocent women into a dangerous, misogynistic, sexist society, where, if they were born there, they would possibly have been killed in the womb or a little later?

Also, where, they would never be as powerful, entitled, self reliant, free, happy or fairly treated as the men are?

So what can be done for these young, unmarried men in Haryana? 

They are adults and they need to be informed that women are people, they are not born to be future-wives for men. That the men are not entitled to ‘wives’.

They should be encouraged to find out, question and challenge the Patriarchal norms that have lead to this unwillingness by an entire society to have girl children.

Maybe they will find out for themselves that banning sex selective abortions is not the answer because – 

But maybe they will not. Because they are being seen as victims and being ‘promised’ wives.


“…those youths in many villages who are roaming without brides will get one.”

Addressing a Kisan Mahasammelan (farmers’ meeting) at Narwana in Jind on Friday, Dhankar asked the gathering to strengthen the hands of BJP in the state, saying, “Making BJP strong also means that those youths in many villages who are roaming without brides will get one.”
Dhankar, who is BJP Kisan Morcha president and had lost the Lok Sabha polls to Congress’ Deepinder Hooda from Rohtak, said when he was touring the constituency, he used to hear tales that some youths were bringing brides from Bihar and other places.

“I told them that Sushil Modi (senior BJP leader in Bihar) is a good friend of mine. We will ensure a compatible match and do away with the practice of bringing brides from any other place,” he said.

Related Posts: 

Skewed sex ratio is not caused by sex selective abortions.

So what could make even the average, selfish, money-minded Indian family welcome baby girls?

How illegal bans on Valentine’s day and birthday parties are connected with dowry deaths and sex selection.

India leads in sexual violence, worst on gender equality: Study

Response to “Koi Baap Apni Beti Ko Kab Jaane Se Rok Paya Hai”

Can we blame everything on patriarchy?

An email: If I am around people who think that having or giving birth to sons is everything in life how should I behave?

Do you think this video can make Indian parents want to have daughters?

‘I have grown up and gotten used to the fact that my parents are considered less fortunate since they did not have a son.’

“I don’t see the point of forcing parents to give birth to unwanted girl children.”


27 thoughts on “Why is it misogynistic to promise wives from Bihar to Haryana men who are not able to find wives?

  1. Arey, yeh log polician hai ki marriage broker?

    Anyways, if it is okay to marry out of state, is it okay if the girl marries out of the community or has a love marriage to a guy from whatever state/caste, will people let it go or it becomes a matter of honour?


  2. “those youths in many villages who are roaming without brides will get one.” Will GET one??? Are they talking about things or human beings?


  3. The skewed gender ratio points to a problem that has been in the making for far too long. And still we ignore it and try and patch up the problems the men face because of it!!!


  4. From an article in the India Times/Economic Times section-
    “As far as poll slogans go, this one should take the cake. Not cash, not liquor, not even the bijli-sadak-pani troika…what voters in the hinterlands of Haryana demanded from their politicians during the last Assembly polls in 2009 were brides, pure and simple.

    “Bahu lao, vote pao,” went the slogan.”

    These people are ready to purchase brides from places as far as Nepal, but won’t mind killing girls in their own homes,” says Bimla Sangwan, a social activist from Jind.”


    The rumor here in Nepal is that a large proportion of the estimated 5,000-10,000 Nepali girls & women trafficked yearly from Nepal to India are sold as brides to men in Haryana. The going price for a Nepali virgin is rumored to be about 75,000 INR.


  5. RIGHT.. isn’t this the same state that is against Love marriages, inter caste marriages.. SO how they gonna make this work.. this sound like being hypoctires..

    Although thie problem is quiet high and now in punjab too, buying of brides and quiet dangerous because of changing genes and all tooo biological view on it ..

    and using this to get votes well I bet the person who said that WON the elections toooo .. nad many many voted for him tooo .. such are the ways of our great nation


    • “Although thie problem is quiet high and now in punjab too, buying of brides and quiet dangerous because of changing genes and all tooo biological view on it .. ” what are you referring to when you say dangerous because of changing genes?


  6. Many mad Bihari Parents will marry “off” their daughters as they are dying to get rid off this burden…demand supply matches the female “commodity”. …

    only when marriage is made as not a mandatory or only aim of life , such things will be resolved


  7. Like

  8. People want bahus so badly because they want someone to come in and manage the household. It has very little to do with finding a genuine match for the youths…

    It’s almost like advertising for a job position like the ones in western countries recruiting doctors and nurses. Except, in this situation, the position is unpaid and the job applicant has little choice in what job they get!


  9. I seem to be getting better and better at predicting the subject of your next blog post.
    When I saw this report in the paper yesterday I knew at once what you would be writing on next



  10. People in Haryana have a surplus of potatoes. However, they have a shortage of tomatoes in the state. Wise politician promises to ‘bring tomatoes’ in from Bihar to meet this shortage.

    I’m sure our honourable politician meant to talk about this problem and just replaced ‘potato’ with men and ‘tomato’ with women by mistake.


  11. “Making BJP strong also means that those youths in many villages who are roaming without brides will get one.”

    Wow, so this is why we elected the BJP as our country’s ruling party. I’m glad I didn’t vote for them.

    Roaming without brides, indeed. The men should just marry each other and be done with it. That ways they won’t even produce daughters. *being sarcastic*


  12. So in this case, of course, they want brides as things to relieve their sexual frustration with, but not to build a home or a life with. Makes total sense, going by the standards of this state.


  13. When I first heard about skewed sex ratio in India, I thought that will teach the men a good lesson…. then the news started to report more and more rapes, and other atrocities made to women. It’s like the women never win in this country… In your related post,IHM, you talk anout China, I’m reading a book by Xinran on the subject ; the difference with India, it seems, is that 120.000+ baby Chinese girls were adopted abroad since the 1980s.


    • Sorry it’s actually since the 1990’s. Meanwhile foreigners are not allowed to adopt Indian children… So you can rent an Indian woman’s womb, and buy one of her kidneys, but you cannot give love and education to the baby girl she can raise ? 😦


  14. These “molkis” (bought women) as they are called in local parlance are one of the worst example of how a socio-economic system works to trap women in a never ending process of sale and resale. This is more like legal human trafficking happening right at Delhi’s threshold.


  15. Pingback: “I am trying to make a list of soooooooo many advantages a girl can have if she is born in a Western family as compared to being born in india.” | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

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