“Molestation.. ? Then what do you call whatever he did when she was living with him for 5 years ?”

Desi Girl shared this link, Preity Zinta Files Molestation Case Against Ness Wadia

The FIR seems to have angered some people, and some of the comments seem to express some very common concerns.

1. It is being assumed that someone who has been in a relationship or marriage with a woman can not molest or assault that woman.
Why is that?
I think because sexual assaults are seen as ‘dishonour’ not assaults.
And, dishonour is only possible if you refuse to marry/be in a relationship with the woman you sexually assault.
2. Also, those in relationship/marriage are seen to have permanent rights over women’s bodies.
Please note: for many Indians, marriage and relationships make rapes right.
Mainly because we have no concept of women having the right to give or withhold consent. 
How can the law make it clear that women have the right to decide whether or not they wish to participate in a sexual activity?
3. It is being assumed, without an investigation – that the woman is lying and the accused is innocent.
4. There also seems to be some concern about ‘healthy relationships’ and marriages – which it seems can only be saved if the female partner can be assaulted with impunity.
Take a look at this comment:

This not at all acceptable for anyone in Indian community it in-secure signal for healthy relationships or for marriages, every one knows that they were together for longtime and she can’t take the advantage the criminal sections which meant real rape cases. Hopefully everyone will realize difference between real and drama with this situation. [link]

Another comment seems offended that Preity Zinta doesn’t fit into their idea of who should not be molested.

grow up aunty…behave like a 40 year old lady..your drama during IPL matches are irritable…after a successful carrier actress should marry and settle down..lot of youngsters are seeing you as a role model.changing partners marrying some one else husband, breaking some ones family theses are western culture don’t bring in to our culture.. [link]
And,

Molestation.. ? Then what do you call whatever he did when she was living with him for 5 years ? This is a clear example of a women using the weak laws of this country to put anyone whom she doesnt like, behind bars under the pretext of “molestation”. How can you allow women to use the law to their advantage and fix innocent men ? [link]

And finally a comment I agree with:

“… if she was molested she should complain. It’s the attitude in India that date rape/molestation does not exist. That just because you have dated the man is then entitled to a woman’s body forever. No man owns a woman’s body. Even married women have the right to say no. No means no. In India we seem to have forgotten we are human not animals.” [link]

 

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Rapist groom should have waited a little to satiate his lusty desires without problems which he has got into.

30 thoughts on ““Molestation.. ? Then what do you call whatever he did when she was living with him for 5 years ?”

    • Actually, we don’t believe humans have a right to protect themselves in any relation. It’s bigger than women.

      I have a guy friend who was beaten with a cane for staying up late. Most people just called the father ‘strict’ and some even admired the gentleman (pun!).
      One sunny day, when he turned *26* someone explained he was being abused. He turned around and slapped his father.

      The abuse stopped there.

      Like

  1. As long as men can file molestation cases against women too, I am game for this. Let’s say there is a couple’s spat and the other person dare to touch you or gently hug you, let’s file a molestation case. Even better, let’s have surveillance camera’s in our homes 24/7 so that it would be much easier to file cases later.

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  2. In her written complaint, Priety Zinta seems to be accusing Ness Vadiya of threatening her and publicly abusing her. Nowhere in her statement has she mentioned sexual molestation, sexual assault or disrespect for her consent. What am I missing? Or any dispute involving women should be seen in terms of sexual assault?

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  3. They broke up more than 5 years ago. The relationship is clearly over. Whatever happened between them before is in the past and isn’t valid any more. She is longer with him, they don’t have implicit consent for physical relation with each other anymore

    Liked by 1 person

    • Agree with this. Their past relationship has absolutely no connection with what happened now. If he touched her sexually without her consent, she has every right to file a case.

      Liked by 1 person

      • If it happened vice versa why the man has no right to go for molestation against women. Is it because under man hating radical feminists pressure politician passed biased one sided laws for womens vote bank, we should accept it blindly. Law should be equal for every one but now mans right is denied every recent laws. Also false promise of marriage is rape against man and why the same law is not applicable to women. Lot more women than man cheat and ditch him for another rich man and is this not rape? Why only women only get this right and why not man? is women’s body is something special than man? Unless we man get equal right we are not going to respect indian laws and we will take law in hand and fight for our right.

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        • I hear you, Kevin…As a guy living in India, my male friends and I cannot walk on the streets without being harassed, catcalled, groped by women…Hold On! In all the many, many years I’ve lived in this country, that has exactly happened to me….let me count…zero times. For most of my other male friends, it is the same story. One of my male friends came close to being groped once…and that was by another man. On the other hand, for my female friends, the latest instance of street harassment happened last Thursday. They expect to be harassed, catcalled or groped on any day that ends in a ‘y’. I understand, my experience or my friends experiences does not represent the entirety of male experience and also does not mean that men do not get molested by women. But the male experience with female molestation and the female experience with male molestation are nowhere close…they are not even in the same ballpark. Probably that’s why women have a law to protect them while men do not . I agree with you that the law should be gender neutral…but instead of lazily blaming ‘radical’ feminists, you can probably start by blaming the thousands and thousands of men who made this law necessary in the first place. By the way, I believe men do not have a law protecting them from male molestation either…are you blaming that on ‘radical’ feminists too?

          ‘false promise of marriage’ does not legally constitute rape. Having sex by obtaining the consent of the woman under ‘false promise of marriage’ is what legally constitutes rape. While this is a dick move, I agree with you that this should not be called as rape. This is highly unjust to the men accused and this misrepresents actual rape victims. I agree that this law should be gender neutral. Having said that, your blanket statement “Lot more women than man cheat” is an eye-opener…Really? In a land where there are still plenty of men who have mistresses, men who frequent prostitutes, men who ditch their girlfriends after sex…you are going to blame women for cheating? Women do cheat, but are you seriously claiming that there are a lot of women who obtain consent for sex from men under ‘false promise of marriage’?

          “Unless we man get equal right we are not going to respect indian laws and we will take law in hand and fight for our right.” – Yeah ok…and you think feminists are radical? Good luck with this plan.

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  4. Tge comments are frustrating but understandable. The concept of women as equal partners and independent human beings goes against many millennia of conditioning. It’s inconvenient and upsets status quo. Of course people will resist.

    We’re reaching a tipping point gradually, IMO. More cases being filed, more media coverage, cases which would have been “normal” a decade ago are inciting public outrage. But it’s not going to be easy. The comments will be the last to go, though, because it’s easiest to be a bigot when you’re anonymous.

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  5. Here’s what I’ve noticed about the conservative Indian crowd (whether they’re conservative and dangerous–think people who beat women in pubs or whether they’re conservative and benign–think old sexist/racist uncle)–these people seem to think that once a woman has had a relationship that doesn’t end up in marriage, then she’s clearly a harlot of sorts and any ‘molestation’ ‘abuse’ ‘unwanted sexual advances’ etc are inevitable because she has conducted herself in such a manner that deserves and warrants all of these things. These people will say that if she didn’t want to be abused like that, then she shouldn’t have gotten into a relationship with the man in the first place.

    This is why I think it’s very important that people like us do not differentiate between the conservative/dangerous and conservative/benign crowd. Let’s stop excusing old sexist, racist friends, relatives, or even acquaintances simply because we think they’re benign.

    Something else I’ve always believed is that the people who excuse such behavior are also the ones who are capable of abusing women–the next time, in conversation, someone says ‘oh she deserved it’ or ‘well, she shouldn’t have dated him’ tell them that ‘if you’re so eager to excuse his behavior, you must be capable of doing the same thing’–see how quickly they defend themselves.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Don’t know the details about this case, but whenever there seems to be an issue/ altercation between a man and a woman, most people just assume that it is the woman’s fault and are quick to place blame, without knowing any of the facts.

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  7. “…changing partners marrying some one else husband, breaking some ones family theses are western culture don’t bring in to our culture..” So, raping women on bus, hanging them to trees, raping women and making them drink their own urine, beating them up, burning them in the name of dowry, abandoning them is perfectly acceptable in our culture? Sick people! when they don’t like something they blame western culture for influencing our ‘pious’ culture. I would say western culture is much more matured in terms of accepting or breaking relationships. Why is hanging to an abusive relationship, enduring abuse, accepting an abusive partner (be it man or woman) considered part of our culture which is worth boasting?

    I am reminded of a Telugu movie starring late Divya Bharati (heroine), Pooja Bedi, Mohan Babu (a well known hero during 80s and90s in Telugu filmdom) and others. The heroine is married to the hero much against her wishes. She is a bubbly character who just wants to enjoy life but is forced to marry hero because she just needs to get married as per our culture and the hero literally rapes her because she rejects his advances. What’s more the heroine’ father supports hero saying that he did what a husband oughts to do and it was her mistake to reject his advances. She gets pregnant and then the hero is shown as a super supportive husband and she falls for him…phew! see rapes are justified if the partners are married.

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  8. Hypothetically :- Just a quick question here.. What happens if Both of them Patch up their differences.. and Zinta takes back her complaint.. What should happen then .. Knowing pretty well how the law works , I am 50% sure that this will end up in a compromise of some sort..
    as the guy in question is rich and knows few powerful people..

    I am asking as I have a REAL, example that we are dealing with, So just want to know for sure what then and how will people react to that..

    I STRONGLY believe that NO is a NO .. be it whoever..

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  9. I see nothing wrong in what she did. If he molested her he is guilty. His relationship, status, present, past future etc, her morals, her life story ….nothing means anything.

    We are yet to learn this basic concept or teach it to kids in many places but mostly in india…

    Its simple teally…
    Dont molest anyone, Dont get pulled to court and live happy happy !!!!!

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  10. EXCELLENT POST.
    Ness Wadia should have learnt his lesson from 2009 when a woman (who happened to be the daughter of an extremely rich industrialist) from South Africa had alleged molestation against him and he had to literally save his ass that time coz’ the woman in question was very powerful. Seems like Wadia is spoilt brat. SHAME!

    Like

  11. Last night, this topic was being discussed on NDTV…the panelists were Tavleen Singh, Shobha De and Madhu Mehra (lawyer)…I was amazed that Tavleen Singh insinuated that since Preity Zinta was an actress she was lying…She also argued that the actress was wasting the police’s time when she should have sorted this problem out privately…What? Isn’t it the job of the police and the courts to figure out if a person is guilty or not? Haven’t women always been told to keep shut?Also, Zinta’s lawyer has clarified that she never said she was sexually molested…

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  12. Whatever they did when they both parties consented is a whole different deal from what this guy has allegedly done without her consent.
    Just because she was in a relationship with the guy does not make it alright for him to abuse her now.
    She was extremely brave and poised during her break up and never ever said one bad thing about their relationship even after it was over (unlike so many others who place blame and point fingers) , which is a very mature stand to take, and she dealt with the whole breakup with grace and dignity.
    She has every right to complain against someone who has molested her, immaterial of whether the person is someone she used to be in a relationship with.

    I’m of course not at all surprised at the judgmental nature of the comments. What else can you expect from a society as regressive and repressed as ours is.
    I’ve lost all hope really.

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  13. Whatever happened between them is history, even if it was not, there should be no place in a society for harrasment or abuse like that. It doesnt make it right if the guy is a street hawker with $1 or a heir with (money and political clout, being Jinnahs greatgrandson or wahtever).
    Women need to realize, that unless we stand up, these misogynistic veiews wont change.

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    • Women need to understand that even if they try to stand up against misogynistic views then also it will not change…nobody has the capability to change anyones view unless they are ready to argue logically in a healthy manner and willing to change their views if proved wrong. Misogynists generally have a very rigid mindset which is based on their personal belief and
      Experiance.

      Women need to understand that they should mind their own business and stay away as far as possible from a misogynist once they have been identified.

      Like

  14. Perspective from a woman’s end … defining thoughts of the cattle crowd of India .. Well, everyone has the right draw through his/her perspective .. however .. the comments mentioned below delight me that at least perspectives of others are also highlighted.
    Stereo Type urban woman thought process falls in the very category of being a fanatic. To whatever happens between a man and a woman .. showing men as the villain born to subdue the very existence of women is a one sided perspective .. May be few .. but there are also women who have ‘misused’ law of the land. None of us knows what actually may have happened between the couple but we love being judgmental and drawing our share of conclusions as per our convenience .. typical sub-continental hypocrisy.
    the comment was not to hurt the author’s sentiments just to draw attention to the fact that without knowing things in their entirety if we draw our share of conclusion in favour or against a man or a woman .. it gives a wrong message to the already mentally-crippled narrow minded Indian society.

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  15. It is not surprising when marital rape is not even as considered a crime, that people are thinking like this. It’s crazy that they are accusing her of “taking advantage of the law” – WTF?!?! How about accusing HIM of taking advantage of HER!! The law is supposed to protect us!!!
    No means no, no matter the relationship status. Period.

    Like

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