Indian parents seem to continue to believe that their children’s (only girl children’s) self reliance and happiness is less important than creating a good impression on the relatives/neighbours/peer group/colleagues.
All the news about women being harassed, abused and even killed by in laws/spouse doesn’t seem to make some Indian parents question the idea of Get Married Stay Married as the only goal for some of their children (daughters).
Such is the power of established norms.
And short temper continues to be seen as a rational reason for inexcusable behaviour – with those who can be forced to tolerate it.
I am in a fix and i thought of contacting you and your readers for help.
I am a 24 year old girl working in an IT firm in Mumbai for the past one year. My family lives in another town. I graduated In B.E and got campus selected in the same firm. Due to some issues I was given my joining date after two years. In the meantime I was working in another firm.
My father started asking me to get married when I was 22. I always wanted to work and be independent because i never wanted to be a housewife. He brought one proposal and when I said no to him, he didn’t talk to me for a while and started creating issues to his health. Some how people made him understand and he was alright after a while.
After about a few months he again brought a proposal and asked me to consider and when I said ‘No’ again, he asked me to never come back home and we didn’t talk for a month or so. I am someone who is scared of my Dad because he is a very short tempered and controlling kind of guy. I have always been a good daughter and have never had any different views from my father. So I always try to give in rather than fighting with him. I always made it clear to him that my career was the most important thing in my life and until and unless am stable, I won’t be getting married. This somehow my dad is not very comfortable with. He wants me to get married ASAP because apparently if a say no to a guy, Thats an insult to him. I have tried making him understand but he never gets it and whatever discussion or point I throw in, he ends up humiliating me and never listens to me. He is a man who you cannot win an argument with.
Now he brought a proposal again and when I said it clear that this marriage stuff is not something I want right now, he again started scolding me and told me that he will meet the guy and his parents and if i say no, he will make sure to make me resign the company am working right now. I am a career oriented girl and I would never sacrifice my job for anything, and my dad is aware of this. I told him that I want to focus of my job and be independent and then we can talk about this stuff. I just joined my company and it will take a minimum 2-3 years for me have a decent money and savings. But he did not get this and said that he will make sure I don’t work in the firm if I create a scene or say no to the guy.
I love my parents and I know my dad is short tempered but he was never this aggressive until my relatives started making him over think about my marriage. My parents will be forcibly making me meet the guy in about two weeks without my approval and the more I talk to parents about this, the more they become aggressive towards me. What do I do.. please help me.. I don’t wanna fight with my dad, I know he loves me but this marriage bullshit of him is something I cannot stand.