“Girls need to be little bit aware of the consequences. Men – will enjoy …”

Here’s a positive news. An Indian American family is taking action against a man allegedly attempting to black mail their daughter by threatening to share her nude photos online.

Daughter of Indian-American billionaire allegedly blackmailed over nude pictures TOI link shared by Rachna (who blogs at Naari, here). I would have changed the heading to ‘Billionaire takes stern action against man allegedly attempting to blackmail his daughter.’

Not everybody saw this as positive. For some it was not about a criminal being punished, but about an unmarried girl forgetting that her body belonged to her future husband. Disagree?

So a young woman, during a relationship, “voluntarily took nude photos and video,” which she shared with the man she was in relationship with.

Imagine another young woman who shared similar photos with a man she was married to.

When they break up the men decide to black mail the two women by threatening to share the pictures on the internet.

Do you think the second woman would receive more support? Why? Doesn’t that also automatically make it less likely for a married man to threaten his wife with sharing her nude photos?

This is how Patriarchy reinforces itself – by this deeply entrenched system of rewards, concessions, threats and punishments.

In India gang rapists record themselves committing a crime and threaten to ‘expose’ the proof that could lead to their conviction (Punishable with life imprisonment/capital punishment) Those who should be taking immediate action to arrest the criminals, watch rape videos (in the Assembly!) and ask women to watch how much skin they are showing. [Three BJP Ministers, including the Women and Child Welfare Minister caught watching rape videos in assembly.]

For some this comes as an opportunity to reinforce misogyny. 

Girls need to be little bit aware of the consequences. Men, no matter where they are from – will enjoy the company, moment and then also try to extract money from the wealthy… having said that this man need to be punished so no other man try to fool the ladies…

One sane voice:

“its hard for judgemental people to understand but this is a LAW and ORDER issue not a moral one, it is not hard to see from the comments why so many atrocities happen against women in India.”

Related posts:

“I blamed myself for putting myself in that situation, for being so vulnerable and so incredibly stupid to believe any of his bullshit.”

The Guwahati mob molestation video and the Gurgaon mob molestation video.

“So why do we wear clothes again??

Guwahati mob molests girl, video goes viral online.

Dev D: Practical Paro Artless Chandramukhi

Slut Walk. And how women’s bodies are different, so they need to be covered for their own safety.

“why not marry them first and then have sex ? What prevents you from doing it ? Deep within YOU WANT JUST SEX and nothing more”

Romanticizing innocence, chastity and related taboos for women.

What is this big problem with Bra Strap Showing?

Here’s why I think the society should not obsess over a woman’s virginity.

Contrast what C C Patil said about crimes against women, with what the man we met in Mewat said :

Feeling safe, learning and unlearning nothing in Mewat

25 thoughts on ““Girls need to be little bit aware of the consequences. Men – will enjoy …”

  1. Thanks for remind those idiots were BJP ministers watching rape recording on their mobile phones during the session. Guess, voters had forgotten this. Desis have a very short memory for matters related to politicians and men but a woman’s life is never forgettable open book for all to comment on.
    Peace,
    DG

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  2. Back when I was a schoolgirl taking public transportation in Chennai I yelled at a guy for repeatedly falling on me.After the guy moved away,I remember a well dressed middle aged lady telling me not to make a big fuss for such a small thing.She said it would be better if I just kept quiet and ignored such minor things.
    I believe that this culture of ignoring abuse just gives power to abusers.If you are the victim of a crime there is no reason to feel ashamed.You must speak out and shame your abuser!
    Hats off to Khosla and family for bringing the abuser to his knees.But I do wonder if this was only possible because they lived in the US?

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    • Extortion and blackmail are crimes and thus punishable by law.

      this isnt just an indian phenomen of blackmailing women with pictures. Theres this disgusting website out there called revengeporn where men can upload pictures and videos of their ex girlfriends.

      Men send naked pictures out all the time but can you imagine women threatening them with it. Nobody shames men for doing it. they are not humilated and made fun of and called derogatory names. When the kim kardashian and ray j’s sex tape was leaked it was kim k who was slut shamed and still is nothing was said about ray j. although she was smart and built an empire for herself.

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    • How insensitive of that woman to say that! Agree with you, that is how abusers get more power and with more such “let go/ignore” , “it’s okay” attitude it makes victims less likely to seek help / speak out about it.😦

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      • I think at that time the woman told me that by complaining about such things I would spoil my mood for the day. I think a short of anger is much better than the slow burn you get from passively accepting abuse.
        Coming back to the present( I am doing my MBA in a Canadian school) I posted in Facebook about some of the safety issues I had faced in India. I received a response similar to that of ‘the lady’ from some of my Indian classmates. They said that by talking about such things I was spoiling the image of India among foreigners.Another said that I am sorta to blame as I didn’t go to the police when such stuff happened.And this is from a highly educated crowd!
        I do think that one of the reasons that Indian women fear speaking about abuse is the spate of ‘victim-blaming’ that it invites. However,the cycle will never break until you speak out.

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  3. What the hell is wrong with these men who blackmail their ex after the relationship is over.

    Theres nothing wrong with what she did. I sent naked pictures to an ex boyfriend and he sent me photos as well. When we broke up he never once brought up the pictures or threatened me with them. I’ve since deleted the pictures I had of him. Its been 3 years since that relationship ended and im pretty sure hes deleted all of mine too. Even if he still has them i know that he would never try and hurt me with them.

    So before people start slamming this women for sending nude pics (like last time) remember hes the bad guy in this scenario.

    She probably has pictures of him too only society doesnt punish men and humilate men if photos of them are exposed the way women are punished.

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  4. Its funny how no guy is threatened if such pictures of him come online.
    So happy such parents exist and take stern actions. Setting an example.

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  5. It is good that the family did the right thing, instead of thinking about family honor etc..
    Aside from that fact, we do have to train our kids proper netiquette, when using any kind of social media. This is becoming an increasing problem of this generation..

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  6. Yes, I read this, and my aunt and uncle who live here in the US said, “Oh my, look what is happening to our Indian girls now! They think they’re so independent, but now, it comes back to haunt them.”
    I said, “No, it comes back to haunt HIM. HE is the criminal here. Blackmail is a serious crime.”

    They said, “But what about her reputation? Who will marry her now?”
    I said, “Some guy who is not a loser who doesn’t blackmail his ex, hopefully!:-)”

    They: “But … but ….. her parents! How will they hold their heads up?”
    Me: “Actually, they are not only holding their heads up, they’re fighting back. So, I guess they’re fine. He’s the one who should be worried.”

    Did I change their minds? No. We’ve had many such futile conversations in the past🙂 But I think the more we put our views out there, the better. At least, let our voices of dissent be heard.

    Shaming is probably the most common tool used to control women. Good that these parents are fighting back. That keeps the focus on the crime and the criminal.

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  7. Glad that the blackmailer was arrested and will face consequences for his actions.
    Call me a prude, but I am somewhat squeamish about the whole idea of people sending nude pictures/videos to each other – that applies to men as well as women. I feel that no matter how close your relationship is, it is unwise to put oneself in a vulnerable position by leaving your private moments (that you would not want shared with the world) accessible to someone else at any point in life. People change, sometimes even the nicest ones- especially when faced with situations that are not going their way. Why take a chance?

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  8. “For some this comes as an opportunity to reinforce misogyny. ” – What’s so “misogynistic” about asking girls not to send nude pics ? In fact, it’s not even illegal in most US states to publish nude pics and it’s better to be safe than sorry.

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    • Misogynst because the ‘wrong’ action here is the misuse of the picture, not the picture itself. The misuse isn’t done by the young woman, no?
      Analogous to drinking alcohol , where women are told not to drink because it ‘may’ lead to unwanted situations.

      Wouldn’t a better solution be to educate young men that misusing photos like that is a punishable crime?
      And to simultaneously tell young women that misuse of photos by an ex is an increasingly common possibility, so they must take that into account when they are in an intimate relationship, and also be able to confide in someone non-judgemental if they need to?

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        • That’s the point. The misuse of the picture is not illegal per se. Blackmailing is illegal, not publishing someone’s nude pics (in most US states). I agree that it’s immoral to break someone’s trust but I am not sure if it should be illegal because

          1. You cannot legislate against douchebaggary. The guy could have very well spread some intimate details that the girl shared and that wouldn’t be illegal even in India.

          2. it has major free speech implications. eg. Anthony Wiener’s case

          This is where some of our social restrictions come into play. One can either follow the social norms (which includes not sharing naked pics) or break them, do whatever you want but also be ready to face the consequences. You cannot have your cake and eat it too.

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        • @anamica
          Well blackmail is illegal. Not sure if sharing photos of someone without their consent is legal, even in the USA? In India even the act of sharing (without blackmail) would technically be a crime, distributing pornographic material or some such.
          I agree that it isn’t ideal for some one to possess photos of you that could potentially be misused, but I think internet education works better than moralising.

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  9. The daughter wasn’t being blackmailed. The parents were. Because they were billionaires.
    In that sense,by not directly blackmailing her (and going after her parents), the situation had the right legal and moral outcome.

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  10. I personally think sending nude photos is like taking a huge risks because in India men are brought up very poorly.
    I have not seen a single young man around me,my community,…hell my father is more sane and open minded than younger man.
    Blackmailing with nude photos after the relationship over is easiest way to make money and assuage one’s ego for over smart young men today.Men in their early 20s really think they can get away with traffic violation,blackmail and other sundrys crimes in india.Morals are skewed than ever before now.
    its a good thing the billionaire has gone to police….
    How many people would go to police in India where the girl has willingly sent photos…very very few.

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  11. Girls need to be aware of the consequences. I completely agree. 100%.
    Because girls are humans.They need to be aware.That every act has a consequence.
    But guys dont need to be ‘aware’ of ‘consequences’?
    WHY?
    Aren’t they humans too?
    Dont they have any responsibility?
    Agreed woman need to have ‘morals’ and ‘character’.
    But what about guys?
    They do not need morals? WHY! Are they animals?
    I applaud the parents, the billionaires, for their decision.
    And yes, as a commenter suggested above, this is possible only because its in the USA.

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  12. Her ex is trying to blackmail her as a form on control – “I had it first”, and to downgrade her credibility, and to humiliate her. Glad they arrested him.

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