Pretty brides who respect elders and identify themselves with their husband’s families.

What better deal can any girl look for!

A guest post by Mr GV.


A couple of months ago, you were good enough to accept a guest posting on Lallies and Venkies from me, in which I had reproduced a community member’s posting on our community forum, without naming him.

I remember what a storm that post created. The original writer has read all the outraged responses but has not chosen to reply.

He was back on the scene recently with another provocative post on our forum, titled “Cow Run on the marriage bourse is over” and he has once again given vent to his feelings about Lallies in our community.

I have once again taken his permission to share it with you on your blog and also reminded him about the possible reactions.

(To refresh your memory : Lalli and Venki are typical nick names of an unmarried girl and boy in our community)


Lalliies beware – the Shalakhas and Sonalis are replacing you !

The nineties of the last century saw a resurgent Lalli population. Thanks to the booming IT industry, and the mushrooming engineering colleges, a vast number of  qualified, empowered, assertive Lallies emerged. The resources hungry corporate sector employed them and provided the best of salaries and lofty “paper” designations leading to their hitherto unheard of economic clout and purchasing power.

The electronic media beamed day and night on so called “modern life style” casting a tremendous impact on the Lallies who got “modernized” in their lifestyles. Saris and salwar suits were discarded in favour of jeans and tops, visits to expensive beauty parlours became a sine qua non of their modernity and Lallies in general were riding on cloud nine.

This led to change on their attitudes towards marriage. Was the average, simple, shy and relatively inarticulate  Venky good enough for them? May be not. Their sights were set high. Shahrukh Khan, Aamir Khan, Salman Khan, Akshay Kumar, et al  were their idea of the male personality. Poor Venkies were left out.

A lot of Lallis asserted their independence and broke tradition. Quite a number of them married outside the community even outside the religion. The poor Venkies were left twiddling their thumbs. And Lallis in general rejected Venki after Venki who came to woo them. And not all of them could find their ideal Venkie.

So today, a huge number of Lallies remain unmarried, Lallies who will never be thirty again, waiting for the right Venki to come along.

But nature abhors vacuum. How long can any situation exist?

Increased intercity mobility saw a lot of Venkies moving to and settling in various parts of the country. Always known for their brains, their honesty, diligence and discipline, Venkies make their presence felt at the work place. And it is not just Lallies who are present at these work places. There are the Shalakhas and Sonalis of the north who are only too used to the boorish, pseudo macho attitude of their males. Their society is male dominated and is a victim of undesirable social evils like dowry, the dominance of the mother in law, etc.,

Close interaction brought them face to face with the  gentle  soft-spoken Venkies, their culture and traditions and their quiet way of life. Above all, the Venkies impressed them with their quiet dignity, honesty and sincerity. And, all said and done, unlike what the Lallies think, our Venkies are not that  bad looking after all. Thus, Venkies for the Sonalis and Shalakhas were ideal husband material. Men who would respect them, men whose mothers would be kind and cultured, whose traditions and culture  were rich and dignified and whose people were generally gentle, educated and refined.

What better deal can any girl look for! Soon, the Sonalis and Shalakahs took to Venkies like fish taking to water. And more and more Venkies are sporting pretty brides, brides without attitude, brides with respect for traditions and culture, brides who respect elders and identify themselves with their husband’s families.

And poor Lallies are kept waiting, looking for the “ideal” husband. Lallies,  the cow run on the bourse is over. Move over. The Shalakhas and Sonalis are taking over.

Related Posts:

‘Daughters growing older, their egos becoming bigger, their attitudes and behavior becoming more boorish..’

A detailed check list of conditions from modern young women of marriageable age.

Early and arranged marriages within the community prevent social ills.

Eleven questions the family elders ask women in unhappy marriages.


76 thoughts on “Pretty brides who respect elders and identify themselves with their husband’s families.

  1. Extremely judgmental :/
    Its funny how men want the best of both the worlds. Earning but not free thinking! Pretty but no attitude! attitude but not dominant! Extremely hypocritical!

    //There are the Shalakhas and Sonalis of the north who are only too used to the boorish, pseudo macho attitude of their males. Their society is male dominated and is a victim of undesirable social evils like dowry, the dominance of the mother in law, etc.,//

    To address this : Male dominance has nothing to do with northern or southern or western or eastern part of India if I may point that out! And Males dominance has nothing to do with dowry either! How can you just relate and put everything as per you convenience together?
    I think the author seems to be a victim venkie!


    • Yeah I have a problem with the stereotyping of men from North India too- this guy is really clueless if he thinks South Indian society is somehow more gender-equal.

      I am willing to bet that his darling son *finally* found himself a North Indian bride and hence, this tirade.

      Perhaps now he can get over all his feelings of inadequacies and purge himself of his insecurities that scream out not so subtly from every line. He writes well, and I would recommend channeling his creative talents into writing on more cheerful subjects.


      • Coudnt agree more on the writing well part! But he better not writing anything! He is clearly way too insecure to channelize his thots in a correct direction! Otherwise he would barely have two posts with such outrageous thot!


    • Amazing!
      I think the post was published at 11:39 am.(that’s when I received an alert)
      Your comment was posted at 11:54 am.
      In just fifteen minutes, you not only read this posting but were able to compose and publish the first valued comment ( a comment which is not trivially short either)

      Thank you very much. I look forward to more comments from IHM’s readers to relay back to the writer of this post.
      Thanks for being the first to comment and to react immediately.


      • 🙂 Thanks GV! I had to react! Its the writing. I must complement his style of writing tho!
        I humbly request you to give him the link and make him read each and every comment! Not for the fact that we practically are on the vere of hating him , but just to put some perspective to his one sided hypocritical regional and delusional thot process 🙂


    • Agreed. And this guy seems to come from a very specific background (and he seems to call everyone else a casteless Hindu) so South vs. North is such a broad concept that it doesn’t even fit into his tirade. Has he gone from speaking specifically for his Lalli-Venky community to speaking for all South Indians?


    • That was my reaction as well.

      This guy is someone to be laughed at. The fact that he’s complaining only means that society is changing for the better.


    • I now wonder if he is also laughing at all of us!
      And a louder heartier laugh too!
      Was he pulling all our legs after all!
      Read his brief response at the end of all the comments.


  2. Seriously!!!!! whom is this man trying to fool???

    \\”Increased intercity mobility saw a lot of Venkies moving to and settling in various parts of the country. Always known for their brains, their honesty, diligence and discipline, Venkies make their presence felt at the work place. And it is not just Lallies who are present at these work places. There are the Shalakhas and Sonalis of the north who are only too used to the boorish, pseudo macho attitude of their males. Their society is male dominated and is a victim of undesirable social evils like dowry, the dominance of the mother in law, etc”//

    I am a south Indian and have lots of friends from this man’s own religion/caste. I have seen and heard for myself the problems these MIL type ladies create–typical gossiping, ill treating the DIL, dominating the household and the husband. The MIL of this community is feared for her high handedness.Diamond nose-rings, Diamond ear-rings are a must and is demanded as dowry.

    \\”Close interaction brought them face to face with the gentle soft-spoken Venkies, their culture and traditions and their quiet way of life. Above all, the Venkies impressed them with their quiet dignity, honesty and sincerity. And, all said and done, unlike what the Lallies think, our Venkies are not that bad looking after all. Thus, Venkies for the Sonalis and Shalakhas were ideal husband material. Men who would respect them, men whose mothers would be kind and cultured”//

    The grass is always greener on the other side. Maybe girls fancy SRK, Akshay Kumar etc. But they are intelligent enough not to want to get married to them. The way SRK, Akshay Kumar kinda men treat their wives with respect and love–that is what the girls want.

    Yes the Venkies may be soft-spoken and quiet—why because their domineering mothers have brought them up that way. Most of them are mamma’s boys and are not allowed to take any decision without “amma” approving, and if at all he does–that too after marriage, then that is the end. Wails of “oh, he got married and his wife has changed him overnight. He never used to even go to the toilet without my permission, now he wants to take all decisions by himself. She has turned my baby against me” can be heard in the house and to all and sundry who visit the house.

    MOSTt of these Venkies develop a spine/backbone only after going out of the city/abroad for studies or work, after seeing the real world—a revelation ala “Queen”.

    So maama(Uncle)–pls keep such kind of stories just to yourself. Even your own wife, daughters, nieces, nephews, grandkids will laugh at everything you have written.

    Sorry GV Sir–I do agree there are some amazing families and people in this caste. You and your family too seem to be one among them. But you yourself will agree to what I have said.

    I seriously don’t understand his hatred towards the educated and well earning Lallies. Some Lalli somewhere, sometime seems to have rejected either him/his son.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thanks IHM for publishing this!

    I will wait till late tonight and then forward the link to the original writer of the post.
    I will leave it to him to come out with his identity if he chooses to even though he has mailed me that he has no objection to his name being publicized.

    I would rather that he comes out with his true identity on his own. I don’t want to be blamed later by him or by other members of my community and told I have done something improper by discussing a community’s internal affairs in public. I also remember my painful experience with another member when, without his permission I had posted his views on this forum. Though I had not named him, or the community or the name of the forum, this member took serious exception to my taking this liberty and troubled me for weeks afterwards whining and complaining. This time I have taken due precautions.

    Like I said last time, the name of the person and the community is not important. These attitudes, prejudices and problems go beyond the community.

    I hope this post receives as many responses from outraged “Lallies”, and also Shalakhas and Sonalis too. I would really love it if some Venki somewhere reads this and chips in with his reactions too! I am forwarding this to my daughter in USA too! She had a lot to say on this writer’s previous post and I am sure I will receive a earful from her on this post too.

    I will check back later after the “female tigresses” on our forum have woken up and reacted to this post.

    Thanks once again for agreeing to host me on your blog.


  4. This man seems to have serious problems with successful women. However grudgingly, he acknowledges that Lallies are successful, but he attributes Lallies’ success to the IT industry and the engineering colleges, but somehow Venkies’ success is only attributed to their ‘brains, honesty and discipline’. Errr…snooze….


  5. I can only ROTFL or LMAO at this. May he wallow in his delusions. Lallies, meanwhile, will have a far better life being single than if they were wed to the incorrect Venkies.


  6. I read pretty much every post on this blog but rarely comment, though I have very strong opinions on many of them. This one just pushed me over the limit!!!
    This gentleman seems to be educated (I mean, he’s using Latin terms and all!), has probably traveled around the world…one would expect him to see the ridiculousness of his own ranting. Does he even read it after writing it? And he doesn’t find it horribly condescending/ maddeningly confusing/ hilariously funny?
    His earlier post was about the Lallies…I thought it was about how he despised all young women who had “Lalli-like” qualities. Sorry Sir, I now realise that you Love the girls from other states/communities/whatever as long as they swoon over your Venkies. It’s only those girls who don’t give the Venkies bhaav that you don’t like. How utterly childish!
    If Venkies marry out of their caste/community, it is a matter of pride (let’s show those Lallies!) but if the Lallies do it – Aiyaiyo, what has Indian culture come to?
    Sir, there are dominating and accommodating MILs and DILs, FILs, SILs, husbands, wives, partners, siblings IN EVERY COMMUNITY. What makes you think ALL MILs in your community are non-dominating? In fact, I think you’ve insulted the communities of Sonalis and Shalakhas (to use your own coinage) by saying that their communities are not cultured, dignified, or kind.
    In case, you still haven’t got it, Sir, people choose partners based on their preferences, not just because they belong to a particular community. You should feel happy for your Venky if he finds someone he likes, not so that you can SHOW the Lallies!
    Aargh! I need a strong cup of tea…or maybe kaapi!


    • You said it all here… “Sorry Sir, I now realise that you Love the girls from other states/communities/whatever as long as they swoon over your Venkies. It’s only those girls who don’t give the Venkies bhaav that you don’t like. How utterly childish!
      If Venkies marry out of their caste/community, it is a matter of pride (let’s show those Lallies!) but if the Lallies do it – Aiyaiyo, what has Indian culture come to?”

      That is all these rants are all about.


  7. The idea that South Indians are more educated, more cultured, gentler and overall better than their northern counterparts is a myth that even many of the North Indians buy. I don’t know how it has come about but it is very widespread in the country that South Indians are, oh, so awesome, while North Indians are only fit for heavy blue collar work. Even in this very forum, I have come across people who have claimed that places like Chennai is so great but how horrible the North is! This is simply neither true nor realistic.

    My BFF (a Northie) married a South Indian and is not very happy. The restrictions she faces are far more than another friend (Southie) who married a North Indian. This depends on person to person and families to families, and not on a North South divide.

    My mother has always claimed that Kanu festival is far more feminist than Raksha Bandhan. I have never been able to see why, but it is supposed to be something to do with how awesome we are. No, we are not awesome. Tamil Nadu has a high rate of female foeticide and infanticide, high rate of forced marriages, extreme segregation of castes, extreme segregation of sexes. What is awesome about us?


  8. Is this gentelman warning the laalies that the “Soft spoken” venkies will be lured by the shalakhas and sonalis of North ??
    Well Sir I am one of the Shalakha of North….Delhi region to be precise and unlike ur perception we r not “Used” to the male dominated society infact we r rebellious and seeing our men we r worse than ur laalies…..Firecely independent !!
    Ur vekies r a joke….We dont even look at those oiled haired, mamas boys venkies.
    Sorry to be bitter but ur post deserves a strong reply (I dont mean you GV Sir :))

    Anyways dont dont worry abt laalies, Shalakhas and Sonalies we r pretty happy without ur venkies. Perhaps its time tht ur venkies grow up and move with the times. Else they can continue twiddling their thumbs


    • This was entirely uncalled for…”Ur vekies r a joke….We dont even look at those oiled haired, mamas boys venkies.” – you did exactly what the original author did in the name of defending the Sonalis and Shalakhas. Name calling and generalization is never okay. Strong replies don’t have to be bitter…just saying!


      • I m not generalising i m jst giving the gentleman taste of his own medicine.Personally I damm care abt north south east west all types of ppl exist everywhere.But the Mail writer requires an equally jostling response.He is litrally gloating abt the popularity of his venkies compared to lallies…hence the response.


        • Some how I m not able to reply u kay anywway is it racist ?? I dont think so…..Sorry I am not a softspoken person I believe in Tit for Tat….And I hav specified before I DONT CARE abt east west north south…..
          But If a person is rude I will be double rude to them…thts my POV…


  9. It seems that after reading the responses to his first rant ,this rant seems to be written to incite and vent.This man doesn’t deserve any response.He seems to be having sadistic fun,…..
    His life or opinions will not change.He will keep belittling women who don’t conform to his POV.
    IHM, your forum may actually become a way to disseminate this kind of thinking,opinion and get greater coverage.indirectly.


  10. No Lalli owes any Venky anything.

    This Venky has not considered other options a Lalli has….one is being single, and the second is going for a Peter or a Paul.

    By not marrying a Venky, a Lalli is not going to miss anything. On the contrary she need not be pretty, she need not make an exaggerated show of respect or lose her identity to her husband’s family.

    This writer has an inflated sense of self importance.


  11. The trouble with our society is that the moment it sees a woman rise, it will do every possible thing in its capacity to drag her down.


    • For the benefit of those who don’t know Tamil, “kochinda mapillai” means brooding/sulking son in law (or रूठा हुआ दामाद)


  12. Good so venky is happy, lalli is happy and the shahruks and sonalis are happy too. win win for all i would guess. Maybe cross country marriages are better eh??? next we should aim for cross border and go internation, imagine the pool opening up. imagine the mingling of cultures and the buffet available.
    both lallis and venky’s will have a cornucopia of choices and useless traditions and the docile bendable bride hunt will die a natural death. Of course that means mummys boys and papa’s girls will have to develop a spine and bored MILS and FILS will have no one to impose their will and rigidity couched under traditions.
    Like i said win win. as for stereotyping, personally i want both – sometimes gentle, sometimes shocking, sometimes sensitive sometimes macho… hmmm I’m already married and seem to have got a mix but in future if we are defining exact stereotypes then maybe i need one of each, 1 venky + 1 shahrukh please 🙂


  13. let me guess..a guy in the letter writers immediate or extended family married a north Indian girl…..his conscience bound by the ‘tradition’ of not marrying out of the clan is trying to justify the action by trying to convince that the guy had to marry a north Indian because all south Indian girls were outrageous and rude! While young people marrying irrespective of cast/region/religion is a good change, this guy managed to project it in such a negative light


  14. As a ‘Venky’, I have problems at many levels with this rant from Ambi Mama (sorry I had to give you a name!). The most irksome statement is <> So a ‘Lalli’ who did not marry one of your ‘well cultured’ Venki boys and settle into a life of domestic grind is a loser because she is umarried entering her thirties? This seems straight out of a manosphere blog!
    My cousin sister gave up a promising career in consulting post MBA to get married to a ‘Venky’ (via Ambi Mama’s favourite arranged marriage route) only to have the most horrendous marital life with an oppressive husband (when they went for counseling, the shrink concluded he was beyond treatment). After she got out of this nightmare of a relationship, it took her years to get back to a normal life. She is happily married now but what she lost in terms of happiness and career may never be regained! And the fact that more Venkies marry non-Lallies these days (including yours truly) can in no way be interpreted as a victory for the Venky. Lallies marrying non-Venkies and other way round is just a consequence of better awareness, more opportunities to mingle with people from other parts of the nation/world and women in general understanding the world much better.
    I have been outside India for a while so not really sure how the arranged marriage scenario looks today but back then people used a term ‘homely girl’ which frankly the readers of this blog would find disgusting and disturbing. The way you have painted Venkies, we sadly look like ‘homely men’ now and I can assure you our generation of Venkies can hardly be stereotyped this way.


  15. I dont know what is more judgemental and disgusting in this mail. The lalli/venky divide or the north-south divide…. Now even the guys in north will be up against the writer…

    Until the writer stands down from his pedestal, and also write as a father of a ‘lalli’, his words remain empty, meaningless and a relic of an ancient time


    • To give him credit, he has managed to insult all four groups in question, South/North Indian men and women- in some way or the other. His kind is either extinct or soon will be, so no worries 🙂


  16. I am curious as to why the letter writer is so concerned with the state of lallies in the first place.
    Dear letter writer,
    1. Why are you concerned with what a woman/man decides to do with their life? It’s none of anyone’s business but theirs. It seems to be a pastime of yours to concern yourself with the situation of todays women. Again, their lives, THEIR choices. So what’s the use in worrying or concerning yourself with things that are out of your control and none of your business?
    2. I think you should focus on keeping your mind busy to avoid having nothing better to do than trashing people who choose to live their lives on their own terms. You wrote about what people are wearing and you reference that girls today spend their time thinking about movie stars? Your pastime of concerning yourself with the lives & clothing of others is just as nonsensical.
    3. As for the insults towards North Indian men, of which I know many personally through friends, work and family, your depiction of them is untrue. All of the ones I know are very nice, gentle and caring. You sound very prejudiced.
    4. Another reason why I or anyone else shouldn’t take you seriously is because your opinions are voiced in a negative destructive manner rather in a positive constructive one.

    Times change and times will always continue changing, such is life. It is futile to believe or desire that things stay the same because time changes everything and there is no escaping it because it suits your fancy. And will it always be smooth sailing? No because there will always be bumps along the way as there always has and always will be. So to you letter writer, let go of what you cannot change and what doesn’t concern you and focus your time on being positive and building people up rather than attempting to take them down.
    Your comments are angry and negative. I wish you to see the light and start accepting that things change and that people are free to live life on their own terms. You are fighting a losing futile battle, one you shouldn’t be concerning yourself with in the first place.


  17. Why would any women who has options in life marry a good for nothing entitled spoiled mamma’s boy venky? Just to be “married” ? Hell no, any educated, working and financially independent woman is better off single than marrying such venky losers and being stuck as a dutiful wife/dil who is respectful to the elder – aka a slave in her own house. No thanks, single life is better than such a suffocating marriage. My comment applies to all entitled and spoiled Indian men regardless of whether they are from north/south/east/west.


  18. (In Kamal Hassan’s Balram Naidu persona)

    GRE ku prepare panre engineer maadhri peter vidareengale, unge per enne Sheshappa Iyer-aa?

    PS: Your “write-up” still lacks reason, and won’t pass muster in a debate. Logic over Vocab is a good rule of thumb. 😛


  19. Looks like LW believes that ’empowered Lalli’ must accept any Venky she meets.In the arranged marriage market( isn’t it one?) when girls were not working(or non-IT), a portly Venky and his entitled Dad bossed around poor Lalli and her parents.Now that Lalli has developed confidence and independence she no longer takes crap from any random Venky or his parents.Lalli’s parents also subscribe to the belief that they no longer need to be subservient to Venky’s parents. It’s hilarious that LW believes that just because Lalli rejected his very own darling Venky that they lost out on a great deal. Sorry,Uncle. Lalli is enjoying her ‘modern lifestyle’ being independent and identifying with herself 🙂
    The stereotype of North/South is also ridiculous.As a south indian who’s also lived in the North,I think good people exist everywhere.Just like bad ones can exist anywhere.Not all Venky’s are soft spoken nor all SRK’s domineering and unkind.Frankly the power of domineering indian families dimnishes when a Lalli marries a SRK or a Venky marries a Sonali against their wishes! Let the newly grown spines and spirits of Venky’s and Lalli’s flourish.


  20. @the doofus, racist old Venky who’s written this–“Was the average, simple, shy and relatively inarticulate Venky good enough for them?”

    Since you’ve brought up the North vs. South divide (btw, what about West, East, North East?), have you started speaking for all South Indians now? I’m married to a South Indian man and guess what? He’s not simple, shy, and inarticulate–in fact, he’s quite the opposite. I’m not a Lalli, but I can imagine why anyone wouldn’t want to date a simple, shy, inarticulate person with no personality apart from being a mommy’s boy. I think you’re doing Venkys a terrible disservice here by stereotyping them this way.

    I think you’re speaking for yourself here–you’re a simple, shy, inarticulate man who’s had a unsatisfactory life and you’re taking your bitterness out on the Lallis who have a far better lives than the one you lived. Get over it.


  21. This post has done one good thing for me .,.. It has just prompted me once again to be grateful to God for a great husband and a FIL (and not this Venky-LW combo) … By the way ,we are from the south. (though not from the specific community as the LW) … Have realised that progressive people (Like my in-laws, who keep away from their child’s married life ) can come from any part of the country as does regressive ones (like Venkies and their dads / moms) .. Literacy and educational qualifications in India unfortunately don’t translate into awareness and being a better human being. For that one needs to be open-minded and willing to learn and step out of the well that one has created around oneself .

    Hope all these comments above provide atleast a stir of thoughts in the mind of LW, then it would be an achievement.


  22. Thanks to all the “female tigresses” who responded.
    (Yes, I know that is grammatically imperfect)

    Thanks to the few Venkies too who responded.
    If there had been any “Lallus” or “Pappus” from the North, I would have loved to hear from them too!

    I warmly congratulate all of you for giving a fitting reply.
    Many of my thoughts are reflected in your comments but you have been more articulate than I would have been.
    Your blood is hot, Mine is cold.
    I would have been willing to strike but afraid to wound.
    I would would have been too concerned with niceties, and put forth my views mildly, always afraid of causing offence. Moreover I know this person and have regard for him, even when I don’t share his views. I am happy I left it you folks to reply.

    By the way, this letter writer is a wonderful person, otherwise.
    I have known him for several years on line.
    I will not name him. He will decide if he wishes to come out of the shadows.

    He represents an earlier generation. He is a decade older than I am.
    I am not surprised at his thinking. Many of the elders in my own immediate family have aired views like this.

    I don’t agree with his extremist views but always enjoy reading his postings on our community forum. Many of his posts are positive and hard hitting , and he has dealt with some of the social ills in our community, without mincing any words in his post. Only on the subject of Inter-caste marriages I am unable to see eye to eye with him.

    I must compliment him for agreeing to my posting his views here. Last time, he could not have known what the reactions would be. This time, he knew and yet he agreed.

    I sent the link last night to him for him to follow.
    This morning (Tuesday, 11:30 am) I received his brief reply to my email.
    I am appending both mails.
    Thanks once again to all of you for responding and specially to IHM for agreeing to host me once again.

    Dear Sri *****,

    With your permission I sent your write up “Cow run on the marriage bourse” to a blogger friend.
    She has published it.
    You can follow the proceedings at


    Thanks GV
    Read the responses. Equally fantastic, bold and no holds barred. They are an eye opener to the larger current social trends and are a great indicator of an emerging open Indian identity sans region, caste and language. The ultimate idea is the emergence of a strong united India without the various social fetters binding it



  23. I’m a little lost.

    First of all, this man seems to think that being an unmarried woman getting on in age is some kind of grand curse and that we should seriously be worried about the fact that all of these wonderful, good natured men are being led away from us because we’re simply too picky.

    Which brings me to my second point.

    In which universe does this gentleman exist, where South Indian men are any less boorish, mean-spirited, and misogynistic?

    I mean–my grandmother says the same thing as well. “Up north, they still practice dowry and bride burning.” Never mind the fact that the last cousin who got married in my family (that I knew well), whose in-laws seemed nice at the very beginning, wound up making outrageous demands as the marriage neared. These things were called “gifts”, and my family still insists that it’s “different” because her family “gave them out of their free will”. Right. Of course.

    Perceptions are admittedly hard to shake. I still sometimes fall back on that belief myself (usually in desperation). But the facts remain that the standard wedding blessing for a bride is, “May your husband live long.” while no such blessing is given to the men. And the fact still remains that my grandmother couldn’t go to university because her father thought, “she’d wind up far too educated to make an affordable match”. And there’s still the fact that my sister is being given unwarranted and unneeded advice about how she needs to change her behaviour to be “acceptable” after she gets married.

    I would much rather take an obviously aggressive display of misogyny any day of the week than this weak, milque-toast brand that is marketed where I’m from. Obvious misogyny, everyone knows is wrong. But try explaining to someone why you hate having to pray for your as-yet-to-be found husband’s long life, and they’ll give you a long laundry list of “merits” that I should be grateful for instead.


  24. I had sent the link to my daughter in USA.
    Here is her brief comment which she emailed me.

    This is a hilarious about-face. Grapes are sour! So his son probably defected to marry outside the community and he therefore turns around and writes this. Entertaining gentleman!


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