But is this crime really about Semi-forced Arranged marriages or Gay rights?

It’s true that it’s not just women who are pressurised to get married,

‘Gay bank worker strangled his wife with a vacuum cleaner and burnt her body in garden incinerator after marrying her to hide his sexuality’

Link shared by Joy and Hey82

But is this crime really about Semi-forced Arranged marriages or Gay rights? 

How many men, women or children find it easier to plan, strangle and burn an innocent person (or a bird or an animal?) because it seems more convenient than the other options they feel they have?

Asked if something had been burning, Ginday allegedly told police it was “ashes” before correcting himself and saying “no, I mean leaves”.

One of the officers then lifted the lid of the metal incinerator at the side of the house and saw the remains of a skull.

Post-mortem examinations by a pathologist and a forensic anthropologist showed Varkha’s body was folded into the “small furnace” in the foetal position.

Don’t you think the circumstances are just excuses, and almost irrelevant? Anybody who can commit such a crime is dangerous to those they come across, like an unpredictable time bomb, if not this then something else would have provoked them into taking another life – they are dangerous because they are capable of committing such violence.

From what the report alleges, this man had planned a gruesome crime to claim the wife ran away and then use that as an excuse to pretend to hate women and thus avoid future marriages.

Around a month before Varkha’s death on September 12 last year, someone at the family home made an internet search for incinerators, the court heard.

Ginday initially told police his wife had walked out on him after “using” him to gain entry to the UK. But, the Crown alleges, Ginday had bought a quantity of petrol on September 12 and put his wife in the incinerator after strangling her with a metal pipe from a vacuum cleaner.

Miss Gould added: “His ultimate intention, the Crown suggests, was to play the role of victim safe in the knowledge that he could rely upon his married status as a permanent excuse for never having to have another relationship with a woman.” [link]

 

I know of a case where a male domestic helper jumped into his employer’s apartment via her balcony and tried to strangulate the sixty year old woman. Her two large dogs bit him in the legs, she fought back and escaped into her bedroom, locked it from inside, and although she was injured, she managed to call for help. When the man was arrested he claimed he wanted to teach her a lesson for not ensuring that the agent who got him the job, paid him on time. Some of her acquaintances blamed her for not being a good employer.

Don’t you think that in both the cases above, the criminal is trying to do what rapists do too, trying to put the responsibility for their own brutal and criminal actions on their victims/society?  Both the crimes required cold blooded planning and inhuman violence.

Related Posts:

Is child murder their first crime or do they have a history of violence?

All she knew was that until his arrest, he came home for dinner every night, “He was to me like any husband is to his wife,” she said.

Do you think we tend to glorify or even romanticize violence, conveying that only some kind of violence is wrong?

33 thoughts on “But is this crime really about Semi-forced Arranged marriages or Gay rights?

  1. By putting the blame for this terrible crime on the fear of societal disapproval, this person is harming and not helping gay rights.
    On hearing of this kind of thing, people who are not already clear on the issues are more likely to think – ‘Oh these depraved people – what harm they can do – they should all be ostracized’ rather than ‘Next time I should make such a person feel supported so they do not commit such a crime’.
    So you do not have the support to come out. You can still decide to not marry – why blame your criminal tendencies on social issues?

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    • Incidents like these only help homophobic bigots because they feed into the widely prevalent stereotype that gay people are psychologically damaged and unstable.

      This particular man is a dangerous psychopath. His gayness has absolutely nothing to do with his psychopathy.

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    • “By putting the blame for this terrible crime on the fear of societal disapproval, this person is harming and not helping gay rights.”

      But would you disagree that this is not a cause? Nobody is taking away the blame from the person who committed the crime. But the driving force and motivation behind WHY he committed the crime is definitely the treatment that people from the LGBT community face in India. Our actions don’t exist in a vacuum. There is always a reason behind why we do them. Recognizing the root cause of his actions is not the same as claiming him as innocent, but is rather an effort to establish a motive for his crimes.

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      • Like I said earlier, I intimately understand the pain that social exclusion and ostracisation causes because I experience it everyday.
        I understand that humans have a deep craving for societal approval and belonging. I struggle with it everyday.

        A close gay relative of mine has migrated to the US for this very reason. He knew it would be impossible to come out openly in conservative Delhi.

        But what’s the solution? We unfortunately live in a society that harshly punishes people for just being human.

        Marriages have failed for as long as the institution has existed. Most liberal societies have evolved ways of constructively dealing with marital failure.

        Indian society deals with the issue of marital failure by imposing harsh and ceaseless stigma on people who dare to divorce.

        It’s ok to live as strangers if you’re in a bad marriage. It’s not ok to publicly acknowledge that your marriage has failed.

        Similarly, a gay man is allowed to have discrete & multiple casual encounters with other men; AS LONG as he is married with children.

        So what’s one to do in a society like ours? I am honestly asking because I no longer have the ability to comprehend or understand our hypocrisy.

        What should we do?

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        • “What should we do?”

          Exactly what we have been doing all along through forums like these and platforms like these. Talk. Discuss. Think. There is such an anti-intellectual bias in Indian society about thinking deeply and questioning. Don’t let that get to you. Ask questions. Treat people kindly. Acknowledge that your marriage has failed. Live as a gay man in conservative Delhi (I’m not knocking your cousin, obviously he made the decision that was right for him, and I hope that he has found happiness). Get punished by society for being a human, but be human anyway. Face the stigma of daring to divorce, and dare to divorce anyway. Create support systems for people like these. Shame the man who is gay and married and has multiple casual encounters with men. Shame the society who won’t accept the man who is gay and married for who he is and stigmatizes his entire humanity. Accept that sometimes, the solutions are not as easy as the above, and not easy to implement, and in those cases, simply do the best you can and sleep at night knowing that you did what you could.

          In other words, do exactly what you’ve always done. It’s not big monumental things that cause change. It’s the little shifts in attitude and the way we see things that eventually snowball.

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  2. I heard many stories of men being pressured for marriage. In Western world women tend to blackmail them with pregnacy or possible pregnacy (sometimes they lie about it). Sometimes women blackmail man emotionally to get them married with them.

    In India I heard many parents blackmailing their sons to get married with someone of their choice or any other Indian girl, because ‘it’s time for marriage’, ‘you cousin got married, why not you’, ‘your grandpa is sick and wants to see you married before he passes away’, ‘your mother is sick and she needs support’ and many other reasons you can figure out yourself. So no, it looks like women are not the only people who get ‘pressured’ to get married. But I also think that the word as ‘pressure’ doesn’t exist there; blackmailing – yes, but not pressure, because in the end that one person decides whether to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ for marriage.

    As for the victim’s topic. People’s brains are wired to hypocricity. We always tend to justify bad behavior or immorality, covering with other people’s faults. The man strangled his wife with a vacuum cleaner and burnt her body in garden. It is a crime, commited with cruelty. Instead of thinking of the best punishment for this person, media pictured him as a victim ‘His marriage was motivated by a desire to please his parents and conceal his homosexuality from them’ – but how can this justify a murder of a poor woman?

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  3. “Don’t you think that in both the cases above, the criminal is trying to do what rapists do too, trying to put the responsibility for their own brutal and criminal actions on their victims/society? ”

    Yup. Once you’re a legal adult, you are legally held responsible for your actions unless you can plead criminal insanity or something (even then, you should be required to stay in a federal prison for the criminally insane). I think this applies in case 1.

    Case 2 is not so clear and cut (to me). Yes the person should be held accountable. But, I only see actions like these getting higher in frequency in a country which has a massive divide between the haves and the havenots. Without a more equal distribution of wealth and opportunities, it’s inevitable.

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  4. Ahem.. This is cold-blooded murder. He ‘married’ her with the intention of murdering her. His gayness, or this being an arranged marriage has nothing to do with this. What a sicko!

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  5. People always feel the need to be accepted by the people around them. Even if its not in our likeable list , we do things just to please others , which is natural. Human beings crave for social acceptance , recognition etc.,and enjoy the feeling that we “belong”. When people are cornered and pushed to the limits, or pulled way out of their comfort zones , they react in crazy and unpredictable ways. In such a state, they could hurt or kill themselves, or others just to get rid of the feeling of being left alone. Nobody wants to be a social outcast. Being a gay is taboo in many places. It is subject to ridicule as well. In India ,everyone is forced, directly or indirectly, to get married , irrespective of gender. The social and peer pressures are high.
    Most crimes, however cold-blooded ,well-thought or pre-planned, are socially driven and circumstantial, unless its a case of a born serial killer who takes pleasure in killing others, or a seriously mentally ill person. Whichever the case may be , anyone who has committed a crime is dangerous to the society. All criminals have reasons for their crimes ,which doesn`t make them any less of a criminal, and hence are subject to punishment by law.

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  6. This is obviously a very tragic story, end of the day a woman is dead and this is nothing short of premeditated murder.

    What makes me wonder if such incidents would make parents think twice before shipping off their daughter into an arranged marriage with a stranger to a foreign land? Most Indian parents just look for check list criteria like caste, religion, region, salary, living abroad and blissfully assume everything else would just work out or the daughter would simply adjust. They would just overlook or silence the daughter if she dare question anything critically because the match is too good, she is getting old, parents are old, younger sibling are getting old blah blah blah…
    I am sure some sicko Indian moral khaps must be glad she is atleast dead as a married woman, preserving family honor instead of hanging out single and bringing eternal shame on family.

    This is where actually having a real long term relationship including pre-martial sex is the only way to find out if you are compatible enough but obviously frowned upon in Indian society. Jeez, we won’t buy a car without test driving, why not same for a life partner? Sure it does not guarantee everything would be okay but atleast you made the most informed decision in light of uncertainity. Isn’t that most logical thing to do instead of throwing darts in the and hope/pray it works (i.e arranged marriages)

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      • I think this is scary period. In fact if i were the kind to ship my daughter off with a stranger i feel its much better to send her to a place where there are some laws andsafety net in place rather than some city in india where not only can he finish her off, but most likely can get off with min punishment.
        of course it’s best to know your partner but in cases where one doesn’t i thnk other countries are getting much safer than india at ensuring some safety net, or atleats help if one asks for it.

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  7. Let there be no ambivalence on this. The man committed a brutal murder and he needs to take responsibility and undergo the legal procedures and a proper justice provided to his murdered wife.

    That said, however, social pressure of this sort does often result in pushing people off the brink of sanity. The notorious serial killer John Wayne Gacy was a repressive homosexual and that was part of the problem. There are many other serial killers who have sexual-related psychological issues. I am saying serial killers because I’ve read a lot about them, but I am sure it applies to murder of this sort as well.

    Different people react in different ways to such situations, and the usual result is depression and suicide, but it can lead to incidents like this too. Of course, that is no reason to condone this particular man, or his crime but it is also necessary to look deep within the society we live in and make appropriate changes.

    And oh, I hope the parents of this man are happy. I would take perverse pleasure in their sadness and discomfort today.

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    • I get your point Fem and am not disagreeing with the general premise.

      However, one cannot ignore the role character and psychological disposition play in how people respond to personal crisis.

      For every John Wayne Gacy, we have a Harvey Milk. Adversity and tribulation bring out the best, and often the worst in people. I realise that this sounds really cliched.

      Blaming social factors for why people resort to cold-blooded violence is dangerous in my opinion.

      I am divorced, and over the years, have encountered plentiful stigma and judging due to this. On bad days when I am feeling especially cynical, I want to physically hurt people who indirectly imply that I am irresponsible, selfish, immature, emotionally unstable, yada, yada.

      A prejudiced and bigoted society is no excuse not for me to behave in non-healthy ways, no matter what the provocation, isn’t it?

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      • “Blaming social factors for why people resort to cold-blooded violence is dangerous in my opinion.”

        All of our actions are motivated by social factors. Yes, we are responsible for them, but no, we don’t come up with the idea to perform them from a vacuum. Our motivation for any action comes from some place. Establishing the reason why someone performs a murder is not the same as absolving them from all blame. There is a difference. One of the REASONS he committed this crime was because he saw no other way to exist in a society that routinely rejects people like him. Does that mean that he is not to blame, or that he is not wrong? No, of course not. Nobody is defending the way he dealt with his sexuality or the solutions he came up with. But pointing to a source for his actions is not wrong and is in fact very much needed if we are to figure out how to stop future crimes that could stem from the same reasons.

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        • So if one is gay and feels persecuted, one is morally justified to commit an act of cold-blooded violence?
          I have trouble believing that any law court will see merit in such a defence

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        • “So if one is gay and feels persecuted, one is morally justified to commit an act of cold-blooded violence?”

          Kindly point out where I said that being gay and persecuted is justification for an act of violence. I’ll wait.

          Again–it is a reason. Is it a justifiable reason? Of course not. Apart from very few reasons for committing murder, there is nothing that makes it justifiable. But pointing to the fact that he is gay and persecuted as a cause and motivation for his actions? That is not wrong. If you think that this motivation is justifiable for him committing a murder, that is wrong. But to say that it is a motivation is not incorrect.

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  8. The headline should read “psychopathic bank worker strangled his wife with a vacuum cleaner and burnt her body in garden incinerator after marrying her to hide his sexuality” – His being Gay is neither here nor there.

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    • Super agree.

      This is sensationalism yet again. We’re moving towards a world where it’s unfashionable to make a person completely responsible for their own actions. media would want us to believe that homophobia caused this murder and poverty caused the gang rapes. I’m Sorry. No. It was the work of very deranged individuals. There might be precipitating factors but ultimately, that’s not a license to kill.

      Stories like these do a horrible disservice to society.

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  9. There is absolutely nothing in the world that excuses such a brutal murder, but I’m not quite sure why people are discounting the fact that he is gay? Obviously, homosexuality itself is not the reason for why he killed his wife. However, the hatred and rejection people like him face from society was most definitely a driving factor. Again, this doesn’t excuse the crime he has committed. I’m sure there are plenty of gay and lesbian people in India who were forced into arranged marriages who dealt with it in a constructive, humane way, in spite of the rejection, the hatred and the inevitable depression. But it definitely was a factor, and if anything, the reason people resort to such desperate measures (murder, suicide, self-harm, etc.) needs to be examined and acknowledged.

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    • Facing hatred and rejection is hard, but it is not a reasonable excuse for losing your humanity.

      This psychopath needs to be locked up in an institution for the rest of his life.

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    • If he was fearing rejection for being gay, an extreme response would be killing himself. Why kill someone else, an innocent person? And the way he killed her – so brutally – that seems psychopathic, which is the larger issue here than his gayness. He could be non-gay for example and facing a different problem/societal pressure. He could’ve still resorted to extreme violence because he is capable of it.

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      • “an extreme response would be killing himself.”

        Different people manifest violence in different ways. And it’s important to know that people who resort to suicide are often suffering from depression. I doubt that this man had any such mental illness at all.

        “He could be non-gay for example and facing a different problem/societal pressure.”

        True. You’re right, the exacting nature of the way he killed her definitely means that there is a larger problem here as well, and yes, that’s something that people need to look at. Why would someone believe that such violence is permissible at all? But I think that in the rush to not appear homophobic, people are attempting to completely remove any links this has to the fact that he is gay, and I don’t think that’s completely right. Ultimately, he murdered his wife because he thought her disappearance would provide him with a good excuse to not have to get married or be with women anymore. And that’s also something that people need to acknowledge and look at as well, instead of completely putting to the wayside.

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  10. Wow, this is just awful….they both would have been saved had he just came out and accepted that he was gay, and did not get married. Needless death….😦

    Like

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