Sharing a guest post by The starry eyed feminist!
Of Men, Marriages and Musings
In my bubble marriages are the stuff of feminist dreams! It is an equal partnership, with mutual respect and some good old fashioned love. And then as I sat sipping on some freshly brewed coffee, browsing through the news, I found this.
Do you see what I see?
Here are some quotes from happily married couples and how they (read she) made it work!
“First 2 years of my married life were the toughest since I came from a nuclear family and got married into the joint family. It is extremely hard to keep each and every family member happy. But after 6 months, slowly and gradually I learnt to adjust, mostly by sacrificing my own wishes. You can’t prioritise your individual needs when thinking of your family,”
Adjustments are small alterations. Sacrificing one’s wishes and ignoring your individual needs- that is abuse! Are we too dreamy eyed when we adjust and expect to be adjusted to?
“My father was in the Army. Living a disciplined life, we always ate at the dining table and had fixed timings for breakfast, lunch and dinner. The scenario was very different in his house. Believe it or not, it took me three years to change my taste and timings according to his family. It takes lot of patience to live with person who is brought up with different habits, morals and rules. But I am thankful to him, as he helped me a lot to adjust according to his family.”
And yet another “happily” married wife thanking the husband for helping her adjust “according to his family”. I wonder if the family made any adjustments to accommodate her? Is the family open to making adjustments at all? Were they passive aggressive ( as in many cases) about their morals,habits and rules or did they grow on her organically?
“After marriage, my husband went back to the US and I had to stay in India for a while to get all my documents– passport, identity cards, signatures and bank accounts– under my new name. I felt like it is my re-birth,”
We need to constantly re-invent ,rethink and revive ourselves – BY CHOICE. Re-birth is an overhaul. Did she give up on who she was? Does she still have the same interests and outlook? Or is the “adjustment” drastic enough to qualify as rebirth?