Response from the 25 yr old Software Engineer who wrote this email: My husband gives me the usual ‘you have not just married me, you have married my family..’ sermon
Dear Indian Homemaker,
First of all I want to thank everyone for their comments!!… I cannot tell you how much better I feel after seeing my concerns/outrage echoed in everyone’s reactions.
Yes, like a lot of you have mentioned previously my so called sweet spot is actually a very difficult one because I am getting the worst of both worlds i.e deal with the challenges of a modern working woman & be treated like a bahu of the 1950s. (It looks like a mighty sweet deal for them though L )
And although I have let my DH go scott free in most of the drama and he has taken on the role of a silent spectator, he is a different personality with me and an entirely different one in front of his folks (From what I have read on these blogs this is not an isolated case).
If I were unhappy with him even when we were alone it would be an entirely different matter, but since the problems only occur when his family meddles I was hoping that getting distance from them will help us forge a strong bond … Besides I wasn’t realistically expecting to change years of upbringing immediately.
Some of you have raised questions about why on earth would an independent person agree to such a set up in the first place… Alas, to this I don’t have any easy answers…. I guess I in my naivete imagined that people living abroad for such a long time would have changed with the times as well….. And while I wasn’t expecting a bed of roses, I never thought that inherent freedoms like when I wake up/how I dress would ever be under scrutiny. I like some of the comments about asking the right questions before getting betrothed and I guess we need to create more awareness about this… Its too late for me now, all I want now is to try my best to not ruin my marriage especially not for people who given the laws governing mortality will not factor in the rest of our lives.
I am a non confrontational person and I have no desire to change my MIL/FIL. I think that time could be better spent doing more productive things. I think the best course is to insist on staying separately and see what happens next.
Again, thanks a million for the virtual hugs!!!!