An update from “another frustrated daughter-in-law married to a good son” who wrote this email two years ago: An email. Aren’t the sons supposed to have their own family lives?
It has been 2yrs since I wrote this email, I wanted to update a bit.
Situation has not changed much, in fact it has become worse. My worries for the future, and my constant bringing up this topic has caused a lot of misunderstanding between us, I talked even to my in-laws but they instead of understanding me told their son that he needs to think of his duties towards his sister and parents, they told him to keep me under check since I am acting like a selfish daughter-in-law.
I saved every penny that I earned till now, unfortunately the company shut down and I lost my job, it has been months and I still have not been able to get one more and this has worsened the situation. I begged my husband that he has to support me, we need to pool up money and think of securing our future by buying something for ourselves. Even though he seems to agree at times, a phone call from his parents his thoughts go back to the way they were.
He now blames me that I am selfish, that I am not adjusting enough to live with his parents hence bring up the topic, he says all my problems are self created.
I feel very down that my husband instead of understanding the need for securing his and my life for the future is more worried about what his parents might feel, he continues to spend on them and his sister but thinks that I should earn and get what I want since I am one of those feminists who talks about equality of women.
If I cannot expect a little support in this matter what is the marriage for I do not understand, if they think it is just about feeding me even my parents would have done it. Should I give up thinking about future just because my husband does not? Or if I do should I do it independently? Then why am I even married? Why wife takes a backseat when it comes to parents and siblings? Why is it that it is never about ‘us’ as a couple in a marriage?
I am told that I am very wrong since I think of money, but is it not an important factor here? Am I not being exploited by all of them? Is it not just money for them too? Wouldn’t they have understood the point I am trying to make otherwise?
Sorry about the rant, but just very worried and disappointed with the man I am so in love with. He despite of understanding and loving me thinks his only responsibility in life is to be a good son. 😦